@jbfny428
“The End” has just begun
February 18, 2023 in The Last of the Americans
(Camera turns on and James grabs the title card and hums “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It & I Feel Fine” for five seconds as James shows his handmade title card of a Nuclear explosion and the words “The End Of The World” and James puts it on the desk.)
TLOTA:
I’m The Last Of The Americans, and the views I’m about to express, whatever. A lot of people, when they saw my review of “The Day After,” were upset that somehow, I would be against my Christian beliefs that this is a sign that Jesus will heal us after we’ve been hurt, and the Nuclear Blast was the way the rapture began. For those wondering, The Rapture was the belief that those who truly believed in God and Jesus would be saved and go to heaven. Those who were left would await the return of Jesus and join him in his final seven-year battle against the Anti-Christ. When Jesus won, it’d be up to us to rebuild society with him ruling over us. So, let’s have Hollywood take and turn the concept into a 420 comedy! Oy Gevalt!
See the “Wacky” post apocalypse misadventures according to Seth Rogen here
The broken “Threads” and “The Day After”
January 24, 2023 in The Last of the Americans
I am putting this instead of the editorial onto the page to save some energy.
Weeks “After” The End
January 17, 2023 in The Last of the Americans
(Scene begins as flickers of light are seen as we see members of Team TLOTA in Nuclear decontamination suits as they scrub off a guy with his back to the camera. The guy goes to grab a shirt and jeans. We soon find the guy setting up a camera, and we discover the guy is, in fact, James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, as we see from inside his room.)
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views I’m about to express might be some of the last. So not long after the bombs hit certain states that were smart enough to see this coming hit a heal pulse to repair some of the bigger parts of the technological infrastructure. Wi-Fi and the internet have been spotty, and most sites have been decimated. I’m barely using enough for the day to…to… I honestly don’t know what it is I’m doing anymore! Maybe it’s (Snaps fingers) Reviews! And it’s Armageddon! (James quickly draws a title card and hums, “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It & I Feel Fine” for five seconds as James shows his handmade title card of a Nuclear explosion and the words “The End Of The World” and James puts it on the desk.) So I guess we will go over some post-apocalyptic movies for the next few weeks or months or however long it takes. In case you weren’t as orientated, what must you do to survive now. But this is for those who may not have known when I was a kid, there was this event called “The Cold War” between the United States and the Soviet Union and a little event in which a television network called ABC decided to create a TV Movie that was supposed to warn us about our stupidity. It gave us forty years to hopefully avoid what happened; fat lot of good it did us! (James sets up a portable Blu-Ray/DVD player as he gets it to the main menu) “The Day After” was released just as someone named Stanislav Petrov was able to correctly guess that there were too few blips on his radar, and it was then that we would get a chance to see this. It had a message that resonated so much that people were trying to stop what eventually happened. But now as the end has happened, does this still have any impact? We’ll find out as we go over “The Day After” (James puts the camera on the screen. James hits the play button.)
TLOTA (V.O.): The movie opens at SAC Airborne Command in Omaha, Nebraska. From what I gathered, the footage of the B-52 and the crew that represents our armed forces came from a documentary called “First Strike” because some governmental jackass wanted it to make the soviets look like the bad guy. But director Nicholas Meyer, who had just come from “Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan” to direct this movie, said that the governments weren’t the bad guys; it was the nuclear weapons themselves. (James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA: Spoilers Nick, if you’re still here, they were as much the bad guy as the nuclear weapons were, asshole! (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.): After a jaunty tune with our opening credits that are supposed to quell our fears about what we saw, the first bit of dialogue of what’s going on comes from inside a Kansas City trade building. It lets us know that things have severely deteriorated. Not long after that, we’re introduced to Dr. Oakes at Memorial General Hospital in Kansas City as he is giving a lecture and has some other issues. Then we are introduced to airman McCoy as he’s interested in what goes on as he prepares for a 30-day furlough with his family to New Orleans, The Dahlberg Farm, where Farmer Dahlberg and his family await a happy couple for their rehearsal wedding. (James pulls the camera away to him) TLOTA: If they were to toss a football around in an alleyway in tuxedos, which by the way, neither exist now, then we’d be in for a fun wedding, which doesn’t exist either. (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.): Airman McCoy reaches his destination, which is outside of the Hendry farm, where we see them trying to live a normal life, as normal as one can have to know they’re close to the people in charge of the weapons of the apocalypse. We soon cut to Oakes as he and his daughter have a heart-to-heart conversation and find themselves in a museum where Oakes’ daughter tries to help him understand perspective as she tells her father that she’s going to Boston. Oakes thinks she’s following her love interest which we never see in this film. We soon hear in TV and Radio transmissions that things are breaking down quickly. As Oakes and his wife and everyone have more serious conversations about the possibilities of what will eventually happen while East and West Berlin borders shut down. The fears are so strong that Farmer Dahlberg can’t worry about the Premarital sex his daughter and her fiancée are having. Oakes’ wife compares it to the Cuban Missile Crisis. McCoy’s wife is super worried because, again, he’s the guy closest to the missiles! With everything going straight to the bottom of the barrel, students at the college, including Steven and others, hear about what’s happening, and people try to understand things. Steven hitchhikes to his home. Meanwhile, Dahlberg’s Daughter’s Fiancée is at a barber shop where a professor tells us that there is nowhere as there are nuclear missiles all around Missouri the Hendrys use this to have sex. Farmer Dahlberg forcibly drags his wife, kicking and screaming to the basement. Suddenly the emergency broadcast systems start playing; everything breaks down as we finally see… (The Nuclear Missiles launch) and as that happens, everyone who sees this can see this is the end of it all! When that happens, McCoy decides to bolt from the base, and others continue to fear; the panic hits its hardest just perfectly as… (Air raids sirens blare, then everything with a power source is shut down, and nuclear bombs detonate. James pauses the movie and pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA: So yeah, thanks for reminding me of what happened a few weeks ago. And when this aired on TV, from this moment forward in this movie’s timeline, there is no more commercial breaks, no shilling of Coca-Cola, Atari, or anything like that to take anyone out of what I’ve been seeing. (Power starts to flicker) Son of a… Yeah, even though there are no commercials for me to use because everyone has everything to survive for the next few decades, I must step away and hope I can get back on this frequency. (A blank screen stands for thirty seconds. James clicks the camera back on.) Okay, Power has been restored, I got back on this frequency, and let me reset where we were when the power started to flicker, and here we go! So yeah, everything that happened in that moment was stock footage from other disaster movies and test footage of ICBMs that helped destroy things to help the reality and intensity of the moment. (James puts the camera on the screen. James hits the play button.)
TLOTA (V.O.): As we come back, we see the destruction from the bombs as we find the Dahlbergs trying to survive, and Oakes makes his way back to the hospital to help where he can, and with no power, there’s not much they can do. At the university, Professor Huxley is trying to get a radio to find any news. His students are trying to measure the roentgen of radiation that is still out there because Power is kaput! Meanwhile, Airman McCoy found a metal box to hide in until the blasts were over and tried to make his way home. Oakes and the hospital staff try to do whatever it takes to restore power and water; however, the EMP has pretty much fried all their options. In one of the few moments where stories cross, Steven comes upon the Dahlbergs as he tells them that every place with a nuclear silo was hit. And Steven also tells Denise, the eldest daughter, that it’s likely her fiancée is a radioactive corpse. We soon hear discussions as to how bad things are going to get. Professor Huxley contacts the Hospital; he tells us that the rads have stabilized and aren’t going down and tells Oakes that if and when the rads go down to two rads, then it will be safe, which isn’t anytime soon. (James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA: And according to what I’ve read on the meters on my devices, it won’t go anywhere for (blows raspberry) Eff it, if I know! (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.): We soon find ourselves back at the Dahlberg farm as the eldest daughter who had the fiancée who died, finally goes around the bend. Steven grabs her from the basement and tells her that the radiation is invading her body, and when they make it back, Steven knows it’s too late to help her out of the madness. Meanwhile, back with McCoy, he hears that the town he was living in outside of the base is now a nuclear dump site. Back in the hospital, the bodies keep rising, and the madness continues to grow as people die every second, every minute, and every hour. McCoy makes a friend on his travels, trying to make his way to Lawrence. We soon discover that people realize how bad everything has become. (The pregnant lady tells Doctor Oakes the score and how they could’ve handled it forty years ago and did nothing. James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA: And adding on the forty years I’ve been around, that incompetence has become even worse. (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.): With the situation officially as bad as it can get, Denise now goes after Steven thinking he’s her fiancée because, again, she’s nuts. As that happens, we see McCoy now suffering from radiation sickness. Meanwhile, the radiation levels have now become marginally safe. But it’s too little too late; at a church service, Denise shows signs of radiation poisoning, meaning that the words of the bible are now worthless. Steven takes Farmer Dahlberg’s daughter and son to Lawrence to hopefully find help at the hospital. Back at the hospital, the situation has become impossible to handle. With roughly thirty minutes left in the run time, we finally hear from one of the four horsemen that brought this disaster. (The President Of The United States give his bullshit speech. James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA: And that was how the movie showed this president; our president said this as well, but his speech ended differently. His speech ended with, “I drew this picture of a blue sky and green grass! Everybody happy!” It’s the god damned mother fucking apocalypse; I don’t care if I insult him; the bastard brought about the world’s end! Him, Kim Jong-Un, Putin, and the terrorists in the Middle East. (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.): With the bodies continuing to rise, Oakes finally collapses under the strain of everything. As he alluded to when he was talking to someone else when he fell asleep, he soon remembers his family and the bombs that took that from him. As we see the death count rise, which includes McCoy and Farmer Dahlberg, after rejecting the FEMA stand-in and their claims that they just scrape off the top layer of soil and start farming again and is shot on site by someone trying to survive on his land, and rioters are killed for trying to get more food for themselves. Oakes knows his death will be as painful as all fuck; he hitches a ride to his home in the very thin hope that someone from his family will be there to comfort him. As he leaves, the last scene in Lawrence is inside a famed college sports arena, now littered with those who are dying and dead, and it’s here we realize those who were vaporized at the midway point; they were the lucky ones. Oakes makes it back to Kansas City, and a memorial whose inscription now means nothing then comes to the crater that was his home and comes upon squatters. As Oakes dies, we hear a message from Huxley that he will never get a response and a message that the movie underplayed it! (James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA: NO SHIT SHERLOCK! THANK YOU FOR THE OBVIOUS! (James starts to cry for five seconds) “The Day After” was the most important TV Movie ever made. This movie was dark and disturbing and had no happy ending. Because after everything we have been through, there shouldn’t be a happy ending. This depressed everyone, and it should depress you because we could’ve avoided this, but we chose to ignore the events that happened in this movie; we chose not to disarm ourselves of the nuclear nightmare, even though we had treaties made after this movie and all that, we ignored it and chose to become blissfully ignorant of everything that happened. If you haven’t seen it, it is better to watch it now or not at all because this nuclear nightmare could’ve been avoided if we had watched it more! And (Power Flickers again), Now I must go; it looks like I’m gonna be busy before I continue. See everyone soon. I’m James, Last Of The Americans, signing off! (Camera shuts off)
The Top 10 moments of The Last Of The Americans in 2022
December 21, 2022 in Blogs, The Last of the Americans
TLOTA:I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. 2022, felt like the unofficial sequel year to 2020! (Cut to moments from The Last Of The Americans in 2022 as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA(V.O.):Between dwindling numbers in audience views and Chad coming up with bad ideas that have slowed my evolution to the next step to a point where my professional reputation took a massive hit to the point where my fuse is shorter than a Tiktok video. And now, we talk about the project that has been a fight to get off the ground which IS my next evolutionary step on the path to more success in my profession. On the plus side, I finally got that rat bastard Doug Walker out of my life in terms of competition, met a fan, and had all sorts of good times, and Ten of them are coming your way! (Cut to James physically. That’s right, five from you and five of my own! (Cut to James as he turns into James Faraci)
James Faraci:So it’s time for the Top Ten Moments of The Last Of The Americans in 2022.
Find out which were some of the best moments from The Last Of The Americans Here
The Last Of The Americans 2022 Holiday Gift Guide
December 12, 2022 in Blogs, The Last of the Americans
TLOTA:I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours, and it’s December, I got my Santa hat on, and my list of gifts is budgeted at $100.00, which will be stretching every last penny. The is “The Last Of The Americans Holiday Gift Guide” for 2022.
With the holidays around the corner, what gifts has The Last Of The Americans have in store for last minute shoppers? Find Out Here
Top 10 moments of Joel Hodgson (Robinson) on Mystery Science Theater 3000
November 17, 2022 in Blogs, The Last of the Americans
TLOTA (V.O.): The “Gamera vs. Jiger” episode has one of the most hilarious endings to an episode; there have been some really great riffs. However, I have had a couple of Vietnam Flashbacks. “The Million Eyes of Sumuru” was produced by the same people who made “Castle Of Fu Manchu” and if I were to have done a “Top ten worst movies on MST3K” revised list, I would put “Munchie” in the number 2 spot, bump “Hobgoblins” down to third and keep “Fu Manchu” at the number one spot. But I also liked the secondary host of Emily and the return of a man to reclaim his crown and throne as the king of MST3K… Joel Hodgson, AKA Joel Robinson! And today, I am celebrating his return to the Satellite Of Love and ten of his best moments. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: So let’s send Joel the Movie sign salute and celebrate the best moments of Joel Hodgson, AKA Joel Robinson of Mystery Science Theater 3000!
(Static interrupts James as he says, “What’s Going on here?” then the static breaks through to see Joel Hodgson)
Joel Hodgson: Hi James! (Cut to James)
TLOTA: JOEL HODGSON?! (Cut to Joel Hodgson) Joel Hodgson: The one and only, and I was hoping e that I could chime in before you went into what I was hoping would be the number one moment of mine on MST3K. (Cut to James)
TLOTA: I’ll send you my list right now, Joel!
Will Joel Hodgson like my list of ten moments featuring him? Find out here
Alton Brown’s “Good” Thanksgiving
November 10, 2022 in Blogs, The Last of the Americans
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. It’s November, you know what that means… THANKSGIVING! (Cut to images of Thanksgiving Diners from Thanksgiving pasts as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.): And I love cooking for it as much as I love watching movies. And seeing as Thanksgiving is around the corner, it’s time to cook. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: And who else can help than the one, the only, ALTON BROWN! (Cut to images of Alton Brown as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.): And honestly, he is, to me, the reason I understand both cooking and science on the same level. And in 1999, Alton Brown crafted two episodes of his cooking show centered around Thanksgiving. While yes, there are other episodes and a recipe from an episode that never got made that I will get to further down the line but for now, we are focusing on two episodes. (Cut to James physically) TLOTA: And the first one is what put Alton on the map, and the sequel shows what to do with the sequels. (Cut to the title cards of “Romancing The Bird” & “Behind The Bird: The Remains Of The Bird” then to clips of both as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.): Released in 1999, “Romancing The Bird” and its sequel “Behind The Bird: The Remains Of The Bird” put Alton Brown on the map, in terms of Pop Culture status. The episodes are well written, the recipes are iconic, as is a statement made in this episode and today, I will be reviewing the episode and because this is a cooking show… (Cut to James physically) TLOTA: I will be cooking along with the episode and with some help. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller in cooking gear)
Julia Alexa Miller: I purchased all the ingredients, and I thought that would be the most I would be involved in this event.
TLOTA: As the old proverb goes, “Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll eat forever.” (James looks behind him to see Rowdy and Kent Lilly talking about Content Creation. James pops in while the two talk.)
TLOTA: Kent! Rowdy! (The two jump back in fear!)
Rowdy: I guess that’s payback for me scaring the crap out of you last month.
Kent Lilly: Best not to ask?
Rowdy: Bingo!
TLOTA: Look I am glad you’re here. Why are you here?
Rowdy: Well, I discovered that Kent is going to my Alma Matter, and I went back to talk about being an online content creator/internet reviewer, that sort of thing, and I figured I’d show what success was like and when we got here Kent let me know he had been here a few months ago when you jumped us mid-conversation.
TLOTA: Okay, listen, how’d you like to help me cook a thanksgiving meal.
Kent Lilly: Allez Cuisine!
Rowdy: Last time I tried that, I nearly burned my old house in the Dallas/Fort Worth area down to the ground, lousy Deep Fat Turkey Fryers.
Watch us three Stooges cook here.
The “Extreme” end of “Ghostbusters”
October 18, 2022 in Blogs, The Last of the Americans
(A still image of the handle of a PKE meter is seen as the words “The Last Of The Americans” in the Ghostbusters style font slide from left to right and a guitar theme combining the 1994 American Gladiators theme with the Extreme Ghostbusters theme song as a voice sings as horrible movies come from every direction as it cuts to a Studio.)
TLOTA (Singing Audio only): If there’s something bad on the movie screen, who do you call? If there’s something weird and no it ain’t no good, who do you call?
TLOTA (Audio Only): That’s right! (Scene cuts to the letters “M,”” O,”” V,”” I,” ”E,” ”B,” ”U,” ”S,” ”T,” ”E,” ”R,” ”S!” in typewriter font and then cuts to a vehicle driving down the road before a demonically possessed image of the “Scales: Mermaids Are Real” poster and James singing “I ain’t afraid of no cheese!” as it cuts to the vehicle driving down the road and then equipment being put together as another voice takes over for one lyric and then joins James in singing)
Rowdy (Singing Audio Only): If see a dud running through your Head! Who do you call?
TLOTA (Singing Audio Only): Moviebusters!
(The Scene changes to James pulling out a proton pack as James sings “I ain’t afraid of no cheese!” then it cuts to Rowdy as he pulls out a Proton Pack singing “We don’t like bad movies or TV Shows for that matter.” We then cut to the rest of team TLOTA as they pull out proton packs with Chad going for the ghost trap and sucking all the demonic media into the trap as Chad stands in the middle with a grin on his face as if to say “Yeah, it was all me, James had nothing to do with this!” James shoves him to the back as he takes his place where Chad was as it cuts to a slime covered version of “The Last Of The Americans” Logo as slimy font pulls up “Produced by First Choice Productions.”, Then the words “Edited by Eric Kurtzke” and “Written by Chris Lee Moore and James Faraci” and “Directed by James Faraci” as it cuts to James and Rowdy in the main lobby on the Horseshoe couch as James looks at Rowdy.)
TLOTA: So Rowdy, you know I did a crossover earlier this year. Rowdy: With a contest winner, it doesn’t count. So, guess what? We’re talking about something people have been wanting me to do on “TV Trash” since I talked about The Filmation version of The Ghostbusters, both the live-action and animated versions of both series. I have been waiting for the right time when I heard you were going to talk about the series THIS year. It was just the right time, so what do you say? A real crossover with a fellow reviewer. TLOTA: Alright, let’s do it! (Cut to clips and stills of “The Real Ghostbusters” as James and Rowdy do voiceovers) Rowdy (V.O.): As was previously explained by both Phelous and James in their own reviews or mentioning of “The Real Ghostbusters” after ABC got their hands on it, the series was put into the hands of Q-5. This consulting firm looked more at Graphs, Charts and listened to Test Audiences than common sense and the series suffered for several years until it was put out of its misery in 1991. TLOTA(V.O.): But a few years after this series got axed, Execs at SONY were interested in reviving the property partially due to the success of the first “Men In Black” movie and the subsequent animated series that aired on Kids WB! (Cut to James and Rowdy Physically) TLOTA & Rowdy (In Unison): The results…
Find out what happens The Last Of The Americans and Rowdy see the Ghostbusters go to the Extreme here
Ghostbusters have an “Afterlife” of five hundred years
October 13, 2022 in Blogs, The Last of the Americans
TLOTA (Singing Audio only):
If there’s something bad on the movie screen, who do you call? If there’s something weird and no it ain’t no good, who do you call?
TLOTA (Audio Only):
That’s right! (Scene cuts to the letters “M,”” O,”” V,”” I,”” E,”” B,””U,” ”S,” ”T,” ”E,” ”R,” ”S!” in typewriter font and then cuts to a vehicle driving down the road before a demonically possessed image of the “Scales: Mermaids Are Real” poster and James singing “I ain’t afraid of no cheese!” as it cuts to the vehicle driving down the road and then equipment being put together as another voice takes over for one lyric and then joins James in singing)
Rowdy (Singing Audio Only):
If see a dud running through your Head! Who do you call?
TLOTA (Singing Audio Only):
Moviebusters! (The Scene changes to James pulling out a proton pack as James sings “I ain’t afraid of no cheese!” then it cuts to Rowdy as he pulls out a Proton Pack singing “We don’t like bad movies or TV Shows for that matter.” We then cut to the rest of team TLOTA as they pull out proton packs with Chad going for the ghost trap and sucking all the demonic media into the trap as Chad stands in the middle with a grin on his face as if to say “Yeah, it was all me, James had nothing to do with this!” James shoves him to the back as he takes his place where Chad was as it cuts to a slime-covered version of “The Last Of The Americans” Logo as slimy font pulls up “Produced by First Choice Productions.”, Then the words “Edited by Eric Kurtzke” and “Written and Directed by James Faraci” as it cuts to James in his office, in his Halloween mode and says off camera “At least Phelous and Chad promised to keep their distance as I try to review this one as James sits in his office”.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. And the views of my 2016 “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” review remain the same! (Audio of gasps is heard) Oh, trust me a movie reviewer still likes a movie that people are still mixed on (Sarcastic): How Scandalous! (Cut to stills of “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
I mean, yeah, the final battle at the end with the Girls busting the ghosts and Rowan is still awesome, and the fact the team defies the odds to beat the negativity of the press was incredible, as was the acting. But as time has passed, I saw how grating Melissa McCarthy’s character was and how awesome “Holtzmann” was in small doses, and DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON CHRIS HEMSWORTH OR KRISTEN WIIG! But still, it is a movie that I enjoy when I am in the right frame of mind. However, the responses from the Ghostbusters fandom on one subject or another about this movie still annoy me while I am just trying to enjoy this different version. Regardless, The Tepid Box Office returns didn’t justify anything further. (Cut to stills of Jason Reitman as James continues his voiceover) Enter Jason Reitman, the son of the man who directed the first two Ghostbusters movies. Before anyone calls out nepotism, Jason has done some great character-based movies like “Juno”, “Up In The Air” and others films. He knew what his dad’s legacy, the late Harold Ramis, Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray, Ernie Hudson, Annie Potts, and Sigourney Weaver, means to fans. So, he stepped up and said, “I will get the surviving cast members together to make the real third movie happen! I will honor the legacy and bring what they did together back to prominence!” (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
A good thing he waited five years because for fans who hated the last one was able to wash out the bad sensations they had with this one!
Holding @Phelous & @AllisonPregler at bay while trying to see if there is Afterlife for The Ghostbusters. Can I see what this legacy sequel holds for me? Find out here
The “Penn & Teller” is mightier than the sword
September 22, 2022 in Blogs, The Last of the Americans
TLOTA (V.O.): And to be honest, these two have had quite a career as a duo. Starting in 1975, these two mix magic, logic, comedy, and fantasy violence in a uniquely entertaining brew. While their relationship on stage may look like Penn is always out to have one trick go south to see Teller buy the farm. The two have mutual respect for each other professionally, and while having a few interests outside of magic, they’re good enough friends to have Teller considered a part of Penn’s Family. While they sometimes disagree, they lead to better material from the two. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: So when it comes to the two making a movie, even though they’ve got good chemistry, is their act powerful enough to succeed, or will they wind up conjuring a Dark Comedy Cult Classic?
Find out how or if Penn & Teller’s magic can make a movie work.
A taste of the “Rainbow”
September 16, 2022 in Blogs, The Last of the Americans
TLOTA: Oh, it’s you. (Phone makes talking noises) I was talking briefly to the son of a bitch that has tanked my reputation! No, Chad Narducci! Yep, that’s him, same guy. Yeah, he made the internet daytime talk show, made that pilot that you sat at, and mentioned that you’d rather watch that show from across the pond again about you know who. Uh-huh, uh-huh, see you in October. Stay Rowdy, dude. Chad, do me a favor and come up with the idea that would say, “Oh, those who were wronged by the “AWESOME” were butt hurt and completely unprofessional and deserves hatred while the “AWESOME” were so innocent!”. Seriously, why are you out to end my career? (Cut to Chad Narducci)
Chad Narducci: Okay, I admit my ideas aren’t panning out, but eventually, I’ll come up with a great idea to get us going. (Cut to James as he sorts out the mail and gives Chad his mail)
TLOTA: Here’s your mail, and I’m betting a lot of it is rejected ideas that I have to foot the bill to get done. And with most of my budget going to bail you out of your messes, I can only pay for two of the team members at a time, and I told you why I couldn’t do Patreon or any of these crowdfunding things without a partnership. (Chad blows James off by going, “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!”) Alex, your residuals from your photo tutorials, along with bills. Eric, here’s your latest editor’s guide, and Olivia, your packages. Oh, and here it is, Baby Kinsleigh’s present from Rowdy.
What has Rowdy given the newest member of my family? And will it lead me to remember something I forgot 25 years ago? Find out here
Top 10 Episodes of THE ORVILLE So Far
August 23, 2022 in Blogs, The Last of the Americans
ISAAC:According to scientists, these artifacts were found in what was once known as Sullivan County, New York. During the twentieth century, specifically a heyday in The 1920s until the 1960s, it was part of what was known as “The Borscht Belt.” It was when residents known as Hotels were used to finding talent for television, movies, and theater, both local and national. And Borscht is a soup made from beetroot and topped with Sour Cream. It is also served cold.
Lt. Cmdr. John LaMarr:According to what I’ve read in the research, this is a Screwdriver. Though I thought it was for personal stimulation because of the sonic frequencies.
Lt. Cmdr. Talla Keyali:And according to what I’ve read, This is a supercomputer. It has an activation key that runs on a rechargeable battery. A few ounces of self-sustaining energy from the Quantum Core will suffice in reactivating it. With your permission, Captain.
Captain Ed Mercer:Let’s see if it can work. (Talla puts the activation key in, and the ship shuts down)
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson (Audio only):John, find the backup generators and get them going! (The ship restarts, and ORAC activates)
ORAC:All systems and functions are at one hundred percent. (Everyone except Isaac jumps back in surprise.)
ISAAC:I am Isaac. You are… (Cut to ORAC)
ORAC:ORAC! A supercomputer created for the British Broadcasting Corporation’s Science Fiction series known as “Blake’s 7,” I was revived by one James Faraci to assist him in his reviews as his Internet Reviewing persona known as “The Last Of The Americans,” and if I am given access to an area where I can create a holographic connection to him and his time. I shall show you what he was like. I am also aware of all the people on board the Planetary Union Starship USS ORVILLE Service number ECV-197. Status: Active in service as a Mid-level exploratory ship however, from interspace chatter, it is becoming a flagship for the Planetary Union. (Cut to Captain Ed Mercer)
Captain Ed Mercer:Impressive. John take… (Cut to ORAC)
ORAC:ORAC! (Cut to Captain Ed Mercer)Captain Ed Mercer:Right! ORAC to an environmental simulator. Bortus, Talla, run a security sweep to make sure ORAC won’t take us into the heart of a sun. (Cut to ORAC)
ORAC:I observe Asimov’s rules of robotics. One) I may not injure or harm a human being through any action or inaction or allow a human to be harmed. Two) I will obey any order unless it comes into conflict with the first rule. Finally, I must protect myself as long as it does not conflict with the first and second laws. Besides, It would be a waste of time and energy best used as assistance in any way, shape, or form for your Planetary Union for any passing idea of intergalactic conquest. Think of all the religious and sociological differences that would cause me to suffer a catastrophic malfunction that would reduce the galaxies to dust. But to alleviate your discomfort, I have run the security checks myself. No foreign virus or program has infected either myself or your ship.
Captain Ed Mercer:I appreciate it. Place ORAC in an environmental simulator; we’ll run this by the Admiralty. (Cut to an exterior shot of the Orville as it flies in the depths of space as Admiral Halsey appears on board the ship with the others in the environmental simulator with ORAC.)
Admiral Halsey:Fascinating. So ORAC’s priority is to act as an assistant for information or as a one-device assistant when a complete crew is incapacitated.
ORAC (Audio only):Indeed, Admiral Halsey, And I am preparing the necessary connections to show you my former owner, James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, at his office.
(Cut to Captain Ed Mercer)Captain Ed Mercer:When will it be… (The environmental simulator changes to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans’ Lobby) ready?
ORAC (Audio only):Currently, you are still in your environmental simulator. The temporal connection point I made with the studio would be synchronized with James at the current point of the year 2022.Lt. Gordon Malloy:Wow, so this was what it was like in 2022. Reminds me of that one simulation. (The sound of walking is heard as James walks in, sees the crew of The Orville, smiles, and looks over his workload for the next few months.)
TLOTA:Make yourself comfortable; I am just about to finish my August workload. Of course, it will be a little awkward because it’s about you guys. (Cut to Lt. Cmdr. Bortus and Lt. Cmdr. John Lamarr.)Lt. Cmdr. Bortus:It can see us. I thought it was a Hologram.Lt. Cmdr. John Lamarr:I did a scan; this is more than just a recorded hologram from the past. According to the results, ORAC has turned this environmental simulator into a holographic imaging chamber and connected itself to a version of itself from 2022. How that is possible?TLOTA:I will tell you during the intro. (The scene fades to black as it cuts to the depths of space as a sound-alike to both the theme song of The Orville and the 1994 American Gladiators theme as we see the depths of space before cutting to James’ Space-Time Device as it zooms through the sky as the title of “The Last Of The Americans” in the same font of The Orville’s title card. James and his team are credited, and the guest stars are credited as the cast of “The Orville.” Cut to the Space-Time Device as it flies through the depths of space with grace as it credits James as the writer and director of the episode. Cut to the crew of The Orville.)
Captain Ed Mercer:Incredible, even though in our time we’re real, in your time we’re a tv series, and everything that is happening to you now, we’re viewing you in the present time of your time. While not affecting anything here, you are a hologram to us, and we are holograms to you. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:Exactly and I am about to talk about your adventures while you learn how your adventures are being thought of in my time. You check out the monitor; I will check out the camera above it so I can talk to the audience. I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. If you love Sci-Fi at its best, then you HAVE to watch The Orville. (Cut to the Title card of The Orville, then clips of the series as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):Created by Seth MacFarland, the same one who created Family Guy, Ted, A Million Ways To Die In The West, and helped create American Dad. The Orville started as an idea by MacFarland’s attempt to bring Star Trek back to the small screen. When Paramount told Seth to hit the bricks, he took his idea, refined it, and has since turned what could’ve been a bad parody attempt at Star Trek and turned it into the purest Sci-Fi series I have ever seen. The series stars MacFarland as Captain Ed Mercer as he travels into the depths of space on board the mid-level exploratory ship known as The Orville in the Planetary Union set in the 2420s. His crew consists of Lt. Gordon Malloy, played by Scott Grimes, The captain’s best friend, and is possibly the best pilot in the Union.
Lt. Gordon Malloy (Audio only):Thanks for the compliment
TLOTA (V.O.):Next up is Isaac, played by Mark Jackson; Isaac is a Kaylon whose mission is to understand human behavior; throughout the first one and a half seasons, Isaac was a diplomat for his people. Of course, his people are robots, and comparisons were made to the character of Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation. While yes, on the surface, he could be considered a clone or a cheap knock-off of Data. His development led to love and being more than what his people were which according to Captain Ed Mercer, they’re a bunch of racist robots. His development ties in with Dr. Claire Finn, played by the ever lovely and distinguished Penny Johnson Jerald, who you may also remember from shows like 24 and, of course, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine as Kasady Yates, Benjamin Sisko’s love interest and eventual wife towards the end of the series run. Dr. Finn is a single mom of two boys, Ty & Marcus, she is the ship’s doctor and often the counselor for everyone on board. Her development is intertwined with Isaac’s because both Isaac and Claire start to develop a romantic relationship, and the culmination of said development is on this list.
Isaac (Audio only):A fascinating description of the relationship you have between Claire and myself.
Dr. Claire Finn (Audio only):A little brief, but something tells me you know what you are doing.
TLOTA (V.O.):Next up is Lt. Cmdr. Talla Keyali, played by Jessica Szohr. She’s the chief security officer and a Xelayan. A Xeleyan is lighter and stronger than a normal human under the differences of gravitational levels between earth and that of the Xelayan home world. Initially considered by fans as a knockoff of the previous chief security officer Lt. Alara Kitan, played by Halston Sage, we see that Talla is as good as her predecessor and quickly won the fans over by bringing her own shoes to the role of the chief security officer and won me over by showing empathy and true strength by using her head and her heart more than her fists.
Lt. Cmdr. Talla Keyali (Audio only):Uh… Thank you?
TLOTA (V.O.):You’re most welcome. Up next is Lt. Cmdr. Bortus, played by Peter Macon. He’s the second officer and is a Moclan. The Moclans were the primary weapons manufacturers for the Union until an incident involving Bortus’ offspring Topa convinced the Union to tell the Moclans to get the hell out. More details about it later: they pee only once a year in a celebration called Ja’Loja and are supposed to be one gender only. We’ll talk more about it as the countdown goes on. But he winds up with quite a bit of development, and I will talk about what happens to him when I talk about the episodes about him on the list.
Lt. Cmdr. Bortus (Audio Only):Interesting, you know all about me.
TLOTA (V.O.): Finally, we have Commander Kelly Grayson, played by Adrienne Palicki, Her infidelities led Ed to suffer a year-long slump in his career, and she has since been seeking atonement for her actions. One of the actions of atonement was helping Ed get the Captain’s chair of The Orville. The show started off in a rough patch but quickly found itself in the highest echelons of sci-fi and became a hit series. However, after two solid seasons, Fox promised the third season, but soon due to the usual chicanery that goes on with a series that everyone likes EXCEPT the network. Fox dropped the series. However, HULU granted the series a stay of execution and picked the series up for the third season. And after watching that season, it’s clear that there’s more greatness in the future, and at the time of this post, it is also now on Disney+. While I will discuss my thoughts on the series at the end of the top ten list. I will say, YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT! But for now, to celebrate its success so far, I am going to count down ten of the best episodes from one of the best Sci-Fi Series ever made. And so everyone knows, there will be spoilers. However, I will do my best to keep it to a minimum. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:So let us praise Avis, engage The Quantum Drive and countdown the top ten best episodes of The Orville So Far!What episodes are the best so far from one of the best Sci-Fi series since the advent of Sci-Fi? Find out here
