TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. I know I have talked about magicians in the past, but there’s a duo who uses magic to expose the BS in our lives, and that duo is known as Penn Jillette and his often silent partner, Teller! (Cut to clips of the duo in various shows, including their own.)
TLOTA (V.O.): And to be honest, these two have had quite a career as a duo. Starting in 1975, these two mix magic, logic, comedy, and fantasy violence in a uniquely entertaining brew. While their relationship on stage may look like Penn is always out to have one trick go south to see Teller buy the farm. The two have mutual respect for each other professionally, and while having a few interests outside of magic, they’re good enough friends to have Teller considered a part of Penn’s Family. While they sometimes disagree, they lead to better material from the two. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: So when it comes to the two making a movie, even though they’ve got good chemistry, is their act powerful enough to succeed, or will they wind up conjuring a Dark Comedy Cult Classic?
Find out how or if Penn & Teller’s magic can make a movie work.
TLOTA: Yeah, I just got the mail Rowdy. Oh, you heard about her through the Reviewerverse chatter; I will give it a watch and see if she’ll like it. (A voice out of frame says, “Who is she?” as James turns and sees Chad Narducci.)
TLOTA: Oh, it’s you. (Phone makes talking noises) I was talking briefly to the son of a bitch that has tanked my reputation! No, Chad Narducci! Yep, that’s him, same guy. Yeah, he made the internet daytime talk show, made that pilot that you sat at, and mentioned that you’d rather watch that show from across the pond again about you know who. Uh-huh, uh-huh, see you in October. Stay Rowdy, dude. Chad, do me a favor and come up with the idea that would say, “Oh, those who were wronged by the “AWESOME” were butt hurt and completely unprofessional and deserves hatred while the “AWESOME” were so innocent!”. Seriously, why are you out to end my career? (Cut to Chad Narducci)
Chad Narducci: Okay, I admit my ideas aren’t panning out, but eventually, I’ll come up with a great idea to get us going. (Cut to James as he sorts out the mail and gives Chad his mail)
TLOTA: Here’s your mail, and I’m betting a lot of it is rejected ideas that I have to foot the bill to get done. And with most of my budget going to bail you out of your messes, I can only pay for two of the team members at a time, and I told you why I couldn’t do Patreon or any of these crowdfunding things without a partnership. (Chad blows James off by going, “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!”) Alex, your residuals from your photo tutorials, along with bills. Eric, here’s your latest editor’s guide, and Olivia, your packages. Oh, and here it is, Baby Kinsleigh’s present from Rowdy.
What has Rowdy given the newest member of my family? And will it lead me to remember something I forgot 25 years ago? Find out here
(Scene begins in the depths of space as we see The Orville flying in the depths of space. We soon find Lt. Cmdr. John LaMarr, Lt. Cmdr. Bortus, Isaac, Lt. Cmdr. Talla Keyali, Cmdr. Grayson & Capt. Ed Mercer as they discover a bunch of devices, one being a Sonic Screwdriver and ORAC inside a room for scientific research)
ISAAC:According to scientists, these artifacts were found in what was once known as Sullivan County, New York. During the twentieth century, specifically a heyday in The 1920s until the 1960s, it was part of what was known as “The Borscht Belt.” It was when residents known as Hotels were used to finding talent for television, movies, and theater, both local and national. And Borscht is a soup made from beetroot and topped with Sour Cream. It is also served cold.
Lt. Cmdr. John LaMarr:According to what I’ve read in the research, this is a Screwdriver. Though I thought it was for personal stimulation because of the sonic frequencies.
Lt. Cmdr. Talla Keyali:And according to what I’ve read, This is a supercomputer. It has an activation key that runs on a rechargeable battery. A few ounces of self-sustaining energy from the Quantum Core will suffice in reactivating it. With your permission, Captain.
Captain Ed Mercer:Let’s see if it can work. (Talla puts the activation key in, and the ship shuts down)
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson (Audio only):John, find the backup generators and get them going! (The ship restarts, and ORAC activates)
ORAC:All systems and functions are at one hundred percent. (Everyone except Isaac jumps back in surprise.)
ISAAC:I am Isaac. You are… (Cut to ORAC)
ORAC:ORAC! A supercomputer created for the British Broadcasting Corporation’s Science Fiction series known as “Blake’s 7,” I was revived by one James Faraci to assist him in his reviews as his Internet Reviewing persona known as “The Last Of The Americans,” and if I am given access to an area where I can create a holographic connection to him and his time. I shall show you what he was like. I am also aware of all the people on board the Planetary Union Starship USS ORVILLE Service number ECV-197. Status: Active in service as a Mid-level exploratory ship however, from interspace chatter, it is becoming a flagship for the Planetary Union. (Cut to Captain Ed Mercer)
Captain Ed Mercer:Impressive. John take… (Cut to ORAC)
ORAC:ORAC! (Cut to Captain Ed Mercer)Captain Ed Mercer:Right! ORAC to an environmental simulator. Bortus, Talla, run a security sweep to make sure ORAC won’t take us into the heart of a sun. (Cut to ORAC)
ORAC:I observe Asimov’s rules of robotics. One) I may not injure or harm a human being through any action or inaction or allow a human to be harmed. Two) I will obey any order unless it comes into conflict with the first rule. Finally, I must protect myself as long as it does not conflict with the first and second laws. Besides, It would be a waste of time and energy best used as assistance in any way, shape, or form for your Planetary Union for any passing idea of intergalactic conquest. Think of all the religious and sociological differences that would cause me to suffer a catastrophic malfunction that would reduce the galaxies to dust. But to alleviate your discomfort, I have run the security checks myself. No foreign virus or program has infected either myself or your ship.
Captain Ed Mercer:I appreciate it. Place ORAC in an environmental simulator; we’ll run this by the Admiralty. (Cut to an exterior shot of the Orville as it flies in the depths of space as Admiral Halsey appears on board the ship with the others in the environmental simulator with ORAC.)
Admiral Halsey:Fascinating. So ORAC’s priority is to act as an assistant for information or as a one-device assistant when a complete crew is incapacitated.
ORAC (Audio only):Indeed, Admiral Halsey, And I am preparing the necessary connections to show you my former owner, James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, at his office.
(Cut to Captain Ed Mercer)Captain Ed Mercer:When will it be… (The environmental simulator changes to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans’ Lobby) ready?
ORAC (Audio only):Currently, you are still in your environmental simulator. The temporal connection point I made with the studio would be synchronized with James at the current point of the year 2022.Lt. Gordon Malloy:Wow, so this was what it was like in 2022. Reminds me of that one simulation. (The sound of walking is heard as James walks in, sees the crew of The Orville, smiles, and looks over his workload for the next few months.)
TLOTA:Make yourself comfortable; I am just about to finish my August workload. Of course, it will be a little awkward because it’s about you guys. (Cut to Lt. Cmdr. Bortus and Lt. Cmdr. John Lamarr.)Lt. Cmdr. Bortus:It can see us. I thought it was a Hologram.Lt. Cmdr. John Lamarr:I did a scan; this is more than just a recorded hologram from the past. According to the results, ORAC has turned this environmental simulator into a holographic imaging chamber and connected itself to a version of itself from 2022. How that is possible?TLOTA:I will tell you during the intro. (The scene fades to black as it cuts to the depths of space as a sound-alike to both the theme song of The Orville and the 1994 American Gladiators theme as we see the depths of space before cutting to James’ Space-Time Device as it zooms through the sky as the title of “The Last Of The Americans” in the same font of The Orville’s title card. James and his team are credited, and the guest stars are credited as the cast of “The Orville.” Cut to the Space-Time Device as it flies through the depths of space with grace as it credits James as the writer and director of the episode. Cut to the crew of The Orville.)
Captain Ed Mercer:Incredible, even though in our time we’re real, in your time we’re a tv series, and everything that is happening to you now, we’re viewing you in the present time of your time. While not affecting anything here, you are a hologram to us, and we are holograms to you. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:Exactly and I am about to talk about your adventures while you learn how your adventures are being thought of in my time. You check out the monitor; I will check out the camera above it so I can talk to the audience. I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. If you love Sci-Fi at its best, then you HAVE to watch The Orville. (Cut to the Title card of The Orville, then clips of the series as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):Created by Seth MacFarland, the same one who created Family Guy, Ted, A Million Ways To Die In The West, and helped create American Dad. The Orville started as an idea by MacFarland’s attempt to bring Star Trek back to the small screen. When Paramount told Seth to hit the bricks, he took his idea, refined it, and has since turned what could’ve been a bad parody attempt at Star Trek and turned it into the purest Sci-Fi series I have ever seen. The series stars MacFarland as Captain Ed Mercer as he travels into the depths of space on board the mid-level exploratory ship known as The Orville in the Planetary Union set in the 2420s. His crew consists of Lt. Gordon Malloy, played by Scott Grimes, The captain’s best friend, and is possibly the best pilot in the Union.
Lt. Gordon Malloy (Audio only):Thanks for the compliment
TLOTA (V.O.):Next up is Isaac, played by Mark Jackson; Isaac is a Kaylon whose mission is to understand human behavior; throughout the first one and a half seasons, Isaac was a diplomat for his people. Of course, his people are robots, and comparisons were made to the character of Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation. While yes, on the surface, he could be considered a clone or a cheap knock-off of Data. His development led to love and being more than what his people were which according to Captain Ed Mercer, they’re a bunch of racist robots. His development ties in with Dr. Claire Finn, played by the ever lovely and distinguished Penny Johnson Jerald, who you may also remember from shows like 24 and, of course, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine as Kasady Yates, Benjamin Sisko’s love interest and eventual wife towards the end of the series run. Dr. Finn is a single mom of two boys, Ty & Marcus, she is the ship’s doctor and often the counselor for everyone on board. Her development is intertwined with Isaac’s because both Isaac and Claire start to develop a romantic relationship, and the culmination of said development is on this list.
Isaac (Audio only):A fascinating description of the relationship you have between Claire and myself.
Dr. Claire Finn (Audio only):A little brief, but something tells me you know what you are doing.
TLOTA (V.O.):Next up is Lt. Cmdr. Talla Keyali, played by Jessica Szohr. She’s the chief security officer and a Xelayan. A Xeleyan is lighter and stronger than a normal human under the differences of gravitational levels between earth and that of the Xelayan home world. Initially considered by fans as a knockoff of the previous chief security officer Lt. Alara Kitan, played by Halston Sage, we see that Talla is as good as her predecessor and quickly won the fans over by bringing her own shoes to the role of the chief security officer and won me over by showing empathy and true strength by using her head and her heart more than her fists.
Lt. Cmdr. Talla Keyali (Audio only):Uh… Thank you?
TLOTA (V.O.):You’re most welcome. Up next is Lt. Cmdr. Bortus, played by Peter Macon. He’s the second officer and is a Moclan. The Moclans were the primary weapons manufacturers for the Union until an incident involving Bortus’ offspring Topa convinced the Union to tell the Moclans to get the hell out. More details about it later: they pee only once a year in a celebration called Ja’Loja and are supposed to be one gender only. We’ll talk more about it as the countdown goes on. But he winds up with quite a bit of development, and I will talk about what happens to him when I talk about the episodes about him on the list.
Lt. Cmdr. Bortus (Audio Only):Interesting, you know all about me.
TLOTA (V.O.): Finally, we have Commander Kelly Grayson, played by Adrienne Palicki, Her infidelities led Ed to suffer a year-long slump in his career, and she has since been seeking atonement for her actions. One of the actions of atonement was helping Ed get the Captain’s chair of The Orville. The show started off in a rough patch but quickly found itself in the highest echelons of sci-fi and became a hit series. However, after two solid seasons, Fox promised the third season, but soon due to the usual chicanery that goes on with a series that everyone likes EXCEPT the network. Fox dropped the series. However, HULU granted the series a stay of execution and picked the series up for the third season. And after watching that season, it’s clear that there’s more greatness in the future, and at the time of this post, it is also now on Disney+. While I will discuss my thoughts on the series at the end of the top ten list. I will say, YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT! But for now, to celebrate its success so far, I am going to count down ten of the best episodes from one of the best Sci-Fi Series ever made. And so everyone knows, there will be spoilers. However, I will do my best to keep it to a minimum. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:So let us praise Avis, engage The Quantum Drive and countdown the top ten best episodes of The Orville So Far!What episodes are the best so far from one of the best Sci-Fi series since the advent of Sci-Fi? Find out here
Chad Narducci: As a matter of fact, I would. (Mumbles to himself for a few seconds) “I had more fun sitting and watching a pilot based on the movie “Clerks” which was nothing like the movie” (Mumbles for a few seconds) “Would’ve had more fun watching a sitcom in which Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun lived next to Jewish neighbors?” (Chad tosses the notes to the table) Do you know something? I think I know what the problem is. It’s you; where’s your enthusiasm for trying new things? (Cut to James as Chad continues to tell James that he is not creative or lacks the drive to succeed then it echoes as Chad says how much he made James and how much Chad has done and how much James owes Chad which becomes the straw that breaks James’ back and finally, after everything Chad has put James through, James drops the F-Bomb as it cuts to the First Presbyterian Church in Liberty NY as the clock tower bell rings then it cuts to downtown then to The Yaun house.)
Mr. & Mrs. Yaun (In unison): My word that was the loudest profanity I ever heard!
Brace Yourselves The Punishment is about to begin Click here to find out what happened
TLOTA: There is a movie that forces Superman and Batman to work together to clear their names after a corrupt President Luthor declares them public enemies No. 1 & 2. I’ll let you figure out which is which. (Cut to Title Card for Superman/Batman Public Enemies, then to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.): Superman/Batman Public Enemies is based on the comic book storyline series at the time involving the two and Lex Luthor as the President of our country. And given the Presidents we’ve been dealing with, He may just be the least evil choice in the history of Presidential Electorates, which is saying something impossible. But what is it that forces Superman and Batman to team up and find out what in the Samuel Langford Hell is going on! And how without question, they have to defy a Government to protect a planet.
So yeah, Luthor decides to hold a press conference to see if Superman will help. And it’s here Batman voiced by Kevin Conroy, verifies that this Kryptonite asteroid is massive and not even with enough Lead from every Nuclear power plant, Hospital, and every ounce mined out of the earth wouldn’t help Superman. So it is with great reluctance that Superman meets with Luthor and his bodyguard Metallo as played by… (Show a pic of John C. McGinley from Scrubs. Cut to James physically)
Wow, this is actually going to give me the ability to use at least nine years worth of accumulated backlogged hours of Dr. Cox clips.
How many Doctor Cox from “SCRUBS” moments can I fit into a review about Superman and Batman working together to stop President Lex Luthor? Find out here
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. And hey-yo! It’s time for The Different Cuts! (Whistling version of “The Lumberjack Song” is heard as Team TLOTA dressed as Lumberjacks see a gigantic piece of film celluloid and James chops it down and the other members cut it to different lengths and on the ends sticking out of the back of the truck the words “The Different Cuts” are seen in differing syllables. Cut to clips from the ROCKY/CREED movies as “Eye Of The Tiger” by Survivor plays in the foreground and James does voiceovers.)
TLOTA (V.O.): The ROCKY movies and its continuation movie series CREED have been quite a solidly entertaining story. With the ROCKY movies it told the tale of an underdog boxer named Rocky Balboa played by Sylvester Stallone as he was given a chance to go for the World Heavyweight Championship against Apollo Creed played by Carl Weathers and the sequels in real-time showed Rocky’s Rise, Fall, and Redemption with who he is and, in the interim, becomes a champion, celebrity, and ultimately Robert “Rocky” Balboa. The continuation movie series CREED tells the tale of Adonis Johnson, a child born of wedlock to Apollo Creed, and his tale of trying to discover who he is by going into the ring and seeing if he is his father’s son or if Adonis is his own man as he should be. The Sequel to Creed sees him dealing with demons of his dad’s and Rocky’s past in the form of the son of Ivan Drago, Viktor played by Florian Munteanu. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: And Ivan was the challenge that sealed the fates of so many in ROCKY IV! (Cut to the title card from the trailer of Rocky IV then to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.): While critically it did not do as well as the first three, Rocky IV remains to this day the most commercially successful movie in the entire Rocky franchise. And to celebrate the success of Creed II, Sylvester Stallone decided to release a director’s cut of the film. Interesting choice seeing as how Stallone was the Writer and Director of Rocky IV. But after both the pandemic and other delays in 2021 Rocky IV: Rocky vs Drago was released on digital and it is one of the best directors’ cut of a movie I have seen since The Lord Of The Rings Special Editions. And that is a statement I don’t make lightly. (Cut to James physically) TLOTA: And today, we’re going to decide which movie is the better cut in the four rounds.
The Sylvester Stallone Classic Rocky IV vs The Director’s cut. See who goes the distance here
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. We’re all aware of the movie Galaxy Quest. (Cut to the title card of Galaxy Quest, then to the movie clips as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.): It is considered the definitive spoof of the Star Trek franchise; however, I think it is more of a semi-autobiographical look at the cast members of the original series! It surprises me every time how much I feel for the actors playing these actors who have to make a living dressed up as their characters just to make ends meet and when things get real, yeah, you could tell that they were fish out of water when real aliens ask them to play the characters for real. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Galaxy Quest, it’s funny, but it is also where I discovered something that became more prevalent in Star Trek and many long-running series that have gained both infamy and an eternal fan base. I call this phenomenon Star Trek Syndrome.
What is Star Trek Syndrome? Click here to find out
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Nine Years! Nine years I have waited for this moment! Nine years I have waited for this exact moment! I am going to review for my ninth-year anniversary, Superman IV: The Quest For Peace! (Static cuts James’ feed as it cuts to Linkara.)
Linkara: Okay James, let’s do this! Now the people who produced this movie were not the Salkinds even though they were credited as the creators, that was it. As you said best in your Jay & Silent Bob Reboot review I have more involvement in the Power Rangers Franchise than Saban does and Alexander and Ilya Salkind had about as much to do with Superman IV The Quest For Peace! (Cut to James)
TLOTA: Linkara.(Cut to Linkara)
Linkara: And Christopher Reeve’s involvement had to come with an assurance that Golan-Globus’ Cannon films, the people who actually made this movie, would finance a project he wanted to do which was called Street Smart which was Morgan Freeman’s big break! The only reason Margot Kidder and the rest of the cast returned including Gene Hackman was because the relationship was so bitter and contentious between the cast and the Salkinds over the firing of Richard Donner during Superman II’s Production that they’d rather have done a Superman movie produced by Uwe Boll than with the Salkinds again! (Cut to James)
TLOTA: Linkara! (Cut to Linkara)
Linkara: And after the disappointments that happened with Superman III and Supergirl The Movie Alexander and Ilya Salkind were tired and sold the movie rights for an option to Cannon Films who slashed the budget from Thirty-Seven Million Dollars to about half of it and most of what was left went into settling lawsuits and the other half went into making the Masters Of The Universe movie. (Cut to James)
TLOTA: LINKARA! (Cut to a surprised Linkara)
Linkara: What?! (Cut to James)
TLOTA: What are you doing? (Cut to Linkara) Linkara: I’m giving the pertinent information about Superman IV: The Quest For Peace! I have been the go-to guy for this type of information! I have been the go-to guy for a team-up review on Superman IV: The Quest For Peace for a long time! So, with that in mind, let me do what I need to do before we talk about this turkey! (Cut to James)
TLOTA: I appreciate the help, I truly do! However, I already know every single detail about this movie! I did not say I was doing this as a team-up review! I am going to take Superman IV: The Quest For Peace on as a movie that I know a lot about! I am going to talk about this movie on my own! Besides who asked you to come on and review this movie with me. (Cut to Linkara) Linkara: Well, I got an E-Mail from Chad Narducci who had seen me and Allison Pregler review this movie for her series Movie Nights and my Atop The Fourth Wall episode on the Comic Book Adaptation and told me to come on board! (Cut to James) TLOTA: Oy, I have avoided telling anyone this but it’s backstory time. Last year, after the fallout from the events at the end of my Wonder Woman 1984 review, Chad took majority ownership of my production company, First Choice Productions as retribution for the years he lost! This explains the God-awful Daytime Internet Talk Show idea which died a quick and painful death on YouTube. And he has more that he wants to do and I cannot stop him. I can run my series no problem, however, anything I want to do has to be approved by him! Meaning the planned event, I had with you and your associates formerly from that site, is now on hold, indefinitely! (Cut to Linkara) Linkara: So this means I don’t have to work with you or go to your little Pissant Podunk county? Well then, SCREW YOU! I’M FREE! I’M FREE! (Linkara runs off-screen as clothes are tossed onto the futon!) Linkara (O.S.): I’M FREE! I’M FREE! I’M FREE! I AM NUDE AND BEAUTIFUL AND I AM FREE!
Jon Cryer: Hi, who is this and how can I be of assistance! (Cut to a very surprised James)
TLOTA: Ladies and gentlemen, the man himself, Jon Cryer! (Cut to Jon Cryer as he accepts applause from everyone. Cut to James)
TLOTA: Glad you could be here, I am an internet reviewer, James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and I am reviewing a movie that features you and the first publicly known usage of a Nintendo Entertainment System on film. (Cut to Jon Cryer)
Jon Cryer: I am in a movie that has the first known usage of a Nintendo on film! How about that? Which movie of mine was that? (Cut to a very nervous James)
TLOTA: You know! That movie! (Cut to a slowly getting angry Jon Cryer.)
Jon Cryer: Which movie, James? (Cut to the nervous James who is sweating Kryptonite Bullets)
TLOTA: You remember (James blubs the title of the movie. Cut to a confused Jon Cryer.)
Jon Cryer: What did you say the movie’s title was? (Cut to James as he prepares to crap Kryptonite Bricks and blubs the title.)
TLOTA: You remember, the movie where (James blubs and speaks in tongues trying to avoid saying the movie’s plot and characters, and tosses in him doing the Bundy “Honk-Honk”, “Caa-Caa, Doo-Doo, Poo-Poo!” & “PEE-PEE!” and chuckling idiotically. Cut to a very confused Jon Cryer)
Jon Cryer: Okay, I am according to the signal tracker app on my phone I am near where you are, I will be there momentarily, and maybe you will be able to tell me what it is you’re reviewing. (Jon Cryer walks away. Cut to a very relieved James)
TLOTA: Phew! If he knew I was reviewing Superman IV: The Quest For Peace… (Cut to Jon Cryer who overheard James say the movie’s title.)
Jon Cryer (Angered): HA! I knew you’d slip up! God FUCKING DAMN IT! Every single time I think it’s dead, Boom! Another one of you internet reviewers is harping on my performance as Lenny! Always making me the butt of the joke! ALWAYS MAKING ME SUFFER THE SLINGS AND ARROWS OF YOUR VENOM! I HAVE HAD MORE OF A CAREER THAN ANY OF YOU NUMBNUTS EVER HAD! I CARRIED CHARLIE SHEEN AND ASHTON FRICKING KUTCHER FOR A TOTAL OF TWELVE YEARS ON TWO AND A HALF MEN! I’VE BEEN IN SO MANY MOVIES AND TV SHOWS! I WAS LEX GOD DAMNED LUTHOR ON Melissa Benoist’s SUPERGIRL SERIES. BUT WHAT DOES EVERYONE GO BACK TO? EITHER DUCKIE FROM PRETTY IN PINK, which I don’t mind. OR THE ETERNALLY FLAMING TURD THAT CAN NEVER GO AWAY THAT YOU AND EVERYONE OF YOUR BRETHREN SEEM TO JUST NEVER WANT TO FORGET! And if that is the case, I am going to find you, and as Lenny said best “YOU’RE GONNA GET IT!”
Linkara goes crazy and takes off everything and Jon Cryer is out to hurt me! Find how that happened here!
May 24, 2022 in The Last of the Americans
Terribly sorry, but I must leave while I have my winnings. (Cut to a beautiful woman played by Julia Alexa Miller as she takes a drink.)
The Beautiful Woman:
A shame, I won’t be able to reclaim what I lost from you, Mister…. (Cut to James Faraci dressed as James Bond)
The Name’s Faraci…(James drinks the drink in one gulp) James Faraci The Last Of The Americans (James slams the glass on the table as it cuts to a James Bond-esque opening at the 0:35-2:42 mark of “The Name Is Bond…James Bond”. Cut to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans and heads to his office as “The Name is Bond…James Bond” finishes.)
I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours, the fact that the James Bond movies have been around for 60 years has surprised me! (Cut to various James Bond movies as James does a voiceover.)
But the fact he has endured so much, including being re-casted five times since Sean Connery was cast by Albert “Cubby” Broccoli’s ION Productions, and that’s not counting all the different other actors in the likes of Audio Dramas and Other Media, this character has become a group of characters that everyone on the planet knows about. His movies through the decades have been hit and miss and that seems to be a weird thing for a Spy with a license to kill to have. But today, I am celebrating him by counting down 10 of my favorite movies featuring OO7. (Cut to James physically)
Now Spoilers will be at a minimum, I will not be going in chronological order and all of these are my choices. So enjoy your favorite drink, Shaken Not Stirred. These are my Top Ten favorite James Bond Movies.
May 17, 2022 in The Last of the Americans
(The scene begins with a laser beam in the sky as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as four shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Kent Lilly and Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving towards the camera, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear, and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left, and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward moving towards the camera, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left, and Olivia Horvath appears in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written by James Faraci with assistance from Steve Kidd, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions, Directed by James Faraci” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the laser beam cut out the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark, the term “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down, and James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into the frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with James and half of team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans.” Cut to Steve Kidd as he hums “Yum-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Hua-Hua!” as he prepares to check in on James as there is audio coming from Studio’s break room with James’s shouting of “EENIE, MEENIE, MINEY DIE!” and the break room breaking out into angry cross-talking. Steve walks in to see James, Julia Alexa Miller with Team TLOTA dressed in Neo-Classical/Napoleonic era high society wear except for Chad Narducci as the others try to shove Chad towards James and Alex trying to keep the two away. Cut to Steve as he looks very confused and he knocks on the door as it cuts to James turning and putting down the Bowie Knife.)
Steve? Hey, what’s up with you dude? (Cut to Steve Kidd)
I was about to ask you the same thing! (Cut to everyone else)
Julia Alexa Miller:
Well, Steve, it’s a bit complicated and crazy! (Cut to Steve Kidd)
I’m all ears. (Cut to Team TLOTA)
Well Firstly, James thought he wanted to do something a little classier than the usual fare around here.
So he figured on reviewing a movie on the works and life of one Ludwig Von Beethoven
And for research’s sake unlike JFK or Amadeus, James decided that we were to go to the time of Ludwig Von Beethoven and listen to his work and story in case the movie decided to skip over crucial details.
So we find ourselves heading to the Neo-Classical/Napoleonic Era of music, the 1810’s when from out of nowhere, boom, creatures from God only knows wherever they came from find themselves trying to kill Beethoven!
James hits the notes for Beethoven’s Fifth thus inspiring the Maestro to compose the piece.
We’re soon run out of there with our asses nearly getting slaughtered because Eric called Napoleon’s plans crazy.
And Renee may have made a reference to Napoleon’s height which really set the dude off. (Cut to James and Julia Alexa Miller)
And just when I think the worst is behind us, Chad didn’t even get us the right movie! (Cut to Steve Kidd)
Well to my knowledge, there was never a movie about the classic composer. (Cut to James)
EXACTLY! HE HAD TO GET ME THE ONE WITH THE OBNOXIOUS CREATURE and A Saint Bernard!
April 26, 2022 in The Last of the Americans
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours, and welcome to another edition of “Connect The Plots” (Cut to a scene of James trying to connect certain things together like the theatrical version of “Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers” & “Halloween: H20”, All the movie adaptations of Stephen King, Superman Returns to the original Salkind Superman movies, the first three X-Men movies to the newer ones and the “Wolverine” & “Deadpool” movies before cutting to James strapped down in a straight jacket all the while a kid sings “Connect The Plots La-La-La!” before panning down to see anything that might have a minor connection spell the words “Connect The Plots” before cutting to clips of The Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Netflix Marvel Series, and the Disney+ Marvel Series as James does a voiceover.)
At the time of this post, The Marvel Cinematic Universe has become the most successful cinematic franchise BAR NONE! Since the inception of the MCU has made a whopping twenty-three BILLION dollars! And has gone on to make more revenue through their Disney+ series, “Agent Carter”, “Agents Of SHIELD” and something that has been questioned since both the “Hawkeye” series and “Spider-Man: No Way Home” is something that had been dismissed by fans as cannon is the Netflix series Starring Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Iron Fist and The Punisher. (Cut to James physically)
Why is that? Well, at the time the series was on Netflix, The MCU was in its second phase which ended with Avengers: Age Of Ultron. When they were forcibly ended some were in the middle of good storylines or baiting for more seasons. So as the MCU continued these series fell into obscurity and not helping was the failures of “Marvel’s Inhumans” and I wholly understand. But after watching the Disney+ Marvel Series with the exception of Moon Knight which I’m in starting to watch, the Netflix Marvel series, and the MCU. I think I can clear up the canonicity problem with…(James pulls out a fully loaded Infinity Gauntlet) A snap! (The sound of Thor shouting “NO!” is heard as the snap takes place)