James Faraci The Last Of The Americans

(Scene begins with a smartwatch screen and a finger as it taps the screen and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone as it opens a portal.)

(It cuts to James and the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans’” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun and the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces. The credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun” are shown then slides away to different images of Doug Yaun and Crosslyn Castillo, Nick Lopez and Jessica Lopez-Barkl and the characters they’ve played, until it cuts to their faces.)

(After that, the credits “Doug Yaun and Crosslyn Castillo, Nick Lopez and Jessica Lopez-Barkl” are shown, as it then slides away to different images of Andrew Beach Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath. Following this, the credits of “Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” are shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays.)

(Everything becomes a swirl of reds, whites, and blues, as the credits “Produced by First Choice Entertainment Productions in association with Manic-Expression.com”; “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath”; “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci”; “Written and Directed by James Faraci” are shown, as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays.)

(We then see an image of James as he jumps through the portal and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a black background. Finally, the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays.)

(Cut to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, and the views I’m about to express are that of my own, and some of yours. Mystery Science Theater 3000! (Cut to clips of “MST3K” Shorts as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
While its future is uncertain for now, its legacy still speaks volumes. And to be honest, it’s a feat that they are able to get us laughing and make our own jokes for ninety minutes! That’s right, ninety minutes! That’s if you take out the commercial breaks, and sometimes, there is a challenge; sometimes, they need something to help with the run time, and that’s where shorts come in. In the first couple of seasons, they had serialized shorts featuring Commander Cody, Bela Lugosi in “The Phantom Creeps,” and the “Undersea Kingdom,” until they found shorts that were Public Domain and able to be shown even if they were able to syndicate and put the show on the home market. And Today, I am counting down the Top Ten Shorts from MST3K. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So let’s get the biggest laughs from the shortest portions of MST3K. These are the top ten shorts featured on MST3K!
TLOTA:
This is a guitar! Oh no! (The Camera zooms to James’ face) OH NO! (Cut to the clip of Mr. B Natural popping up, and the MST3K team jumps back in fear as the first thirty seconds of “Night on Bald Mountain” by Modest Mussorgsky play in the foreground. Cut to James as he screams! Cut to the clip of Mr. B Natural as it comes to the kid, and it says, “Fun! Fun! Fun!” And Crow shouts, “Uh, that’s nice, MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” Cut to James as he tosses his guitar into the air and screams in fear! Cut to the clip of Mr. B Natural as he shouts for “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” as Mr. B Natural jump cuts to holding instruments. Cut to James as he screams again, only to be clocked in the head with the guitar and collapses.)

Which shorts from MST3K were the best riffed? Find out here

(The Scene begins as James is dressed as Bob Ross, permed afro and all, in an exact recreation of the set of “The Joy Of Painting,” and Nick Lopez is at one canvas and James at the one on the left)

Ross (TLOTA):
Hi, I’m glad that you came, and welcome to another edition of “The Joy Of Painting.” I have a surprise: I have two pre-stretched canvases, both of which have been covered with a good coat of liquid white and a clear coat. I love me some liquid white and liquid clear, and I made one happy little accident by forgetting to introduce my friend Nick. Now I love a challenge, and I thought it would be fun to show if Nick here can keep up with me

Nick Lopez:
I am ready to keep up.

Ross (TLOTA):
Alright, now let’s have them run all the colors we’re going to be using [The colors’ names are shown as James paints, and a secondary message saying, “What Nick doesn’t know is that Bob is painting another painting altogether!”] We’ll be painting with today, and we will be starting off with a touch of Phthalo Blue, and we’re going to mix in some Prussian Blue, and that will be great to make a beautiful fall blue sky! (Cut to James as he mixes and then paints the sky on the canvas on the left. Cut to Nick as he paints the sky. Cut to James.) How are you doing? (Cut to Nick as he just finished painting the sky.)

Nick Lopez:
It is coming along well; if you’d like to clean the brushes. (Cut to the two as they wash their brushes.)

Ross (TLOTA) [Voiceover]:
Absolutely, let’s clean them with the odorless remover! (Cut to the two as James laughs)

Ross (TLOTA):
(Chuckles) And just beat the devil out of it! Now let’s mix some Sap Green with some Cad Yellow and some alizarin crimson, and Van Dyke Brown for the happy trees, and of course, mighty mountains made from Prussian Blue, Midnight black, and Dark Sienna. And of course, for the right mix of Titanium White and a little bit of light red for that bit of snow to go on the mountains. (Cut to the two as they paint) Now you’re wondering why I’m mixing ahead of time, it’s well because we need the time to compare. (Cut to Nick as he paints.)

Nick Lopez:
It looks like it is coming together. Should we mix a little bit of Titanium White and Dark Sienna and a touch of Van Dyke Brown… (Cut to James)

Ross (TLOTA):
For a nice little Barn or Cabin? I like that! (James cleans off the brush, and Nick Lopez jumps back.)

Nick Lopez:
Let me know when you’re cleaning up your brush; otherwise, you will have a “Happy Little Accident!” (Cut to James)

Ross (TLOTA):
(Chuckles) Sorry about that. At least you know what the crew goes through when I clean it. That’s why I pay for rain slickers! Remember, this painting is your world and every decision changes it. (Cut to Nick as he completes a beautiful Bob Ross outdoor painting.)

Nick Lopez:
What do you think? (Cut to James as he turns his painting over.)

Ross (TLOTA):
It looks fantastic, so does mine! (Cut to Nick Lopez and is shocked to see a happy family having Thanksgiving together.)

Nick Lopez:
DUDE?! WHAT THE…? (Cut to James as he addresses the audience.)

Ross (TLOTA):
Well, it was a double challenge. (In the background, Nick Lopez drops his painter’s palette and tools in anger, removes the painting he did, and folds up the easel.) I wanted to see if I could do more than just the happy little clouds, the beautiful mountains, and the happy little trees I’ve been known for, and to see if someone like you could keep pace. (In the background, Nick Lopez begins to run up to “Ross”) So from all of us I wish you all happy paintings and God Bless my Frie…. (The Scene ends with a “THWACK!” Onomatopoeia and multiple colors of red, brown, orange, and green are seen for two seconds. The scene cuts to a smartwatch screen and a finger as it taps the screen, and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone it opening a portal.)

(It cuts to James and the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans’” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun and the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces. The credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun” are shown then slides away to different images of Doug Yaun and Crosslyn Castillo, Nick Lopez and Jessica Lopez-Barkl and the characters they’ve played, until it cuts to their faces.)

(After that, the credits “Doug Yaun and Crosslyn Castillo, Nick Lopez and Jessica Lopez-Barkl” are shown, as it then slides away to different images of Andrew Beach Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath. Following this, the credits of “Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” are shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays.)

(Everything becomes a swirl of reds, whites, and blues, as the credits “Produced by First Choice Entertainment Productions in association with Manic-Expression.com”; “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath”; “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci”; “Written and Directed by James Faraci” are shown, as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays.)

(We then see an image of James as he jumps through the portal and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a black background. Finally, the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays.)

(Cut to James hours later as he recovers from the attack and Steve Kidd is there to chide James)

Steve Kidd:
Dude, I told you not to do the “Joy Of Painting: Bob Ross sketch” or at least have someone who could do it better than yourself and what about this month’s Thanksgiving cooking review!

TLOTA:
I needed to inject some humor back into the reviews. Besides, I haven’t been in the new Kitchen since the move. Having just signed the lease at the end of August for the place, I then had to complete the September workload in three days, and then returned days ago from my adventure in Triple Crest.

Steve Kidd:
Then let’s go in and check it out! A new kitchen, A Bob Ross Sketch and enough Alton Brown to stuff a Turkey. Find out how this will fare?

(The Scene begins with a woodpecker; it then cuts to a sawmill as we see blades being sharpened; then to the outskirts of a town with the sign “Welcome to Triple Crest, Minnesota.” and over the triple crests that sm to meet in harmony with the background and the words “The Last Of ee The Americans presents: Monstertober 2025.” appear in the foreground in the same text style as “Twin Peaks.”)

(With the scenes mirroring the introduction to “Twin Peaks” as it shows the cast which includes “James Faraci,” “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca,” “Rebecca and Nick Yaun,” “Renee Miller,” “Andrew Beach,” Doug Yaun,” “Olivia Horvath,” “Eric Kurtzke,” “Crosslyn Castillo,” “Nick Lopez,” “Jessica Lopez-Barkl,” “Angelina Morelli,” “Phil Leviste,” ”Joe Colon,” “And Allysia Watts as Sgt Nicolette Angelinas,” “Special Guest Star Lewis Lovhaug as Linkara” and “And Chris Lee Moore as Rowdy” )

(The introduction scenes continue to mirror the “Twin Peaks” intro which shows the crew which includes “Produced by First Choice Entertainment Productions and Manic-Expression.com” “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath”; “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci”; “Written and Directed by James Faraci”. The intro ends with James, Rowdy, Sgt Nicolette Angelinas inside Comicron-One.)

TLOTA:
Okay, Linkara, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? First you can’t stay on a schedule because you have livestreams, your merch store, and the fact that you’re lazy, but for you to be a part of the people who killed Tara Lovhaug?! I’d use the “Is this the human condition of madness, Supreme Leader?” and the Supreme Leader replying “It is!” clip from “Doctor Who,” but this is beyond that! It’s closer to the clip of Crow T. Robot shouting “Madness! AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! IT’S MADNESS! IT’S MADNESS! IT’S AHH! AHH! AHHHHH!” At the same time, Servo has a meltdown, and Mike is crying and getting ready to hang himself on the Satellite Of Love! From the MST3K episode “The Girl In Gold Boots!” (Cut to Linkara at the panel on Comicron-One pressing buttons on a panel.)

Linkara:
[Beat] Look I told you that there were extenuating circumstances, Tara Lovhaug and her death at Triple Crest has to remain unsolved!

Sgt. Nicolette Angelinas:
Why? Did Tara have anything on you or your family?

Linkara:
[Beat] No!

Rowdy:
Did those nuts of the TWA threaten to take the ship?

Linkara:
[Beat] NO!

TLOTA:
Well your ass better have a damned good explanation for why Triple Crest has you by the short hairs because if you don’t, I will contact Allen and let Trump take the ship! (Linkara slams the panel.)

Linkara (Pissed Off):
OKAY, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I’M LETTING TRIPLE CREST GET AWAY WITH THE CRAP THEY DID?! BECAUSE MY PARENTS HAD TOLD ME THAT MY AUNT DIED FROM DRUGS THAT WERE SOLD TO HER PARENTS IN TRIPLE CREST! (Takes a deep breath) Okay, When I was younger, I did some research on the town and then I got the call to kill the investigation, otherwise what happened to Tara would happen to my family and they’d claim it to be work of the devil!

TLOTA:
Okay, so let me get this straight, Tara Lovhaug was your aunt, and she was murdered for what reason? (Linkara angrily tosses the research he found to James, Rowdy and Sgt. Angelinas)

Linkara:
Here! It’s everything I found about it. (James, Rowdy and Sgt. Angelinas reads the research.)

TLOTA:
So she knew that there were drugs in the pie and hot drinks, and your aunt was going to expose the town to the feds.

Rowdy:
That explains her being at the Casino across the border; she got the evidence, had to disguise herself as an employee at the Casino, and wait for the agent. [Beat]

TLOTA:
However, things went south when the Chief and Schiller decided to go that casino the same night Tara was there. Why didn’t you take what your aunt did to Allen and have him take care of the town?

Linkara:
[Beat] He doesn’t know about it, and I’d like to keep it that way!

Rowdy (In a Sotto Voice):
Too Late

TLOTA:
Then we do it together! We can stop them, avenge your aunt’s death and then find a way to keep the ship from Government control!

Linkara:
Forget it James, it’s Triple Crest. I’ve got Harvey ready to get you out of Minnesota. All your bags are packed and ready to go! Nimue, three to teleport down to the border of Triple Crest. [Beat] (Cut to James, Rowdy and Sgt. Nicolette Angelinas.)

TLOTA:
Well I guess we can add one more adjective to you. Besides Lazy, De-Motivated and that one is Coward! You have become the biggest disappointment to every one of your old friends and to your fans! (The teleportation effect cuts to the outskirts of Triple Crest as Harvey Finevoice waits in a car. Cut to James and Rowdy in the backseat, and Sgt. Angelinas next to Harvey as he drives them out of town. Cut to a gas station.)

Harvey Finevoice:
Okay you guys, there’s a ten-minute break as you guys can get whatever it is you need and then we can get you guys to safety, the kid’s orders. (Cut to the three as they look around as they see something that gives them the same look in their eyes as they see something that gives them the same intensity as they grab a pair of mirrored sunglasses. Cut to Harvey Finevoice in the car as the door opens and a whopper of a fist clocks him. Fade to black. Fade to a small farm in the border of “Triple Crest” and the Car Harvey was driving as a farmer, played by Joe Vargas, looks and wonders as the car comes full throttle towards the farmer and jumps out of the way and James lands on the farmer as his mom comes barreling into the scene and Rowdy lands knocking the daylights out of her. Fade to black.)

The final battle of The Last Of The Americans and his team against the town of Triple Crest begins and on top of that a review of “The Day The Earth Blew Up” How chaotic is this going to be? Just click here and find out

(The Scene begins with a woodpecker; it then cuts to a sawmill as we see blades being sharpened; then to the outskirts of a town with the sign “Welcome to Triple Crest, Minnesota.” and over the triple crests that seem to meet in harmony with the background and the words “The Last Of The Americans presents: Monstertober 2025.” appear in the foreground in the same text style as “Twin Peaks.”)

(With the scenes mirroring the introduction to “Twin Peaks” as it shows the cast which includes “James Faraci,” “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca,” “Rebecca and Nick Yaun,” “Renee Miller,” “Andrew Beach,” Doug Yaun,” “Olivia Horvath,” “Eric Kurtzke,” “Crosslyn Castillo,” “Nick Lopez,” “Jessica Lopez-Barkl,” “Angelina Morelli,” “Phil Leviste,” ”Joe Colon,” “And Allysia Watts as Sgt Nicolette Angelinas,” “Special Guest Star Lewis Lovhaug as Linkara” and “And Chris Lee Moore as Rowdy”)

(The introduction scenes continue to mirror the “Twin Peaks” intro which shows the crew which includes “Produced by First Choice Entertainment Productions and Manic-Expression.com” “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath”; “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci”; “Written and Directed by James Faraci”. The intro ends with James walking in the red room and finding a seat as Rowdy comes in dancing weirdly.)

TLOTA:
What the hell? (Rowdy sits in front of James, looking at him.)

Rowdy (talking weirdly and subtitled):
You’re on the right course, but you need time. (Cut to James as he raises his right eyebrow and it cuts back to Rowdy.) Murders must happen to solve the case of Tara! (Cut to James sitting there confused.) We are going to go wild! (James walks away, confused and scared, as James begins to run in the red room, and he hits a gigantic man as he says, “The TWA is not what it seems!” James gets back up and runs around, finding himself trapped in the red room as a squad of Linkaras run toward him, screaming “GET OUT OF HERE!” repeatedly, cut to James as he screams. Cut to James waking up in his cabin room as he looks around in a cold sweat.)

TLOTA:
Wow, what a nightmare. (Rowdy says, “You’re not whistling Dixie on that one!” as James turns and screams, and then Rowdy screams multiple times over a three-second period as Sgt. Angelinas walks in and sees James in his underwear, and Rowdy then screams. All three scream for five more seconds.) Time out on the screaming! Nicolette Angelinas, this is my associate Rowdy. One second! (James grabs his watch morpher and morphs into his Halloween mode.) Sorry about seeing me in my boxer briefs and tee shirt. Rowdy, this is Sgt. Nicolette Angelinas and What are you doing here?

Rowdy:
Well I had heard you were coming here and I told Linkara, he was not happy!

TLOTA:
Linkara can kiss our collective asses! We’re going to solve this murder whether he likes it or not! (Cut to Sgt. Nicolette Angelinas)

Sgt. Nicolette Angelinas:
Actually, there are two more unsolved deaths to deal with, remember the couple that played “Romeo” and “Juliet”? They just died. Let’s get to the scene. (Cut to the heads of the two as the car is over the embankment.)

TLOTA:
So the official details on this are that they were speeding, hit this branch, and the car went over. Well, I would believe that if the cut marks around the necks weren’t so clean as if their heads were cut off by a sword marked, “Property of Connor MacLeod.” So the two…

A Woman (Off-Screen):
[Beat] Annie Scraper and Michael Bomber

TLOTA:
That’s their names? Who just said that? (Cut to Sgt. Angelinas and Ladybird Johnson played by Angelina Morelli)

Sgt. Nicolette Angelinas:
Remember the inebriate from last night, this is her. Officer Ladybird Johnson.

Ladybird Johnson:
A pleasure to meet you both. I know the people here, the one-eyed hotel owner? Her name is Brenda and she’s a third cousin of the Hayseed family three times removed. The greaser gang that helps the police consists of cousins from another side of one family. The Log-Lady shop owner is a cousin’s brother’s nephew’s former roommate. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Okay, I get the picture, Chief! (Cut to Chief Johnson as he looks at James. Cut back to James.) I suggest we establish a cordon, open one lane of traffic, and then get the remains for examination. (Cut to Sgt. Angelinas and Officer Johnson.)

Officer Johnson:
Well according to what was commented on by James to Ted Messager is that we are not to comment on the situation. (Cut to a car as it is driven by Steven Schiller)

Steven:
“For never was there a story of more woe of Juliet and her Romeo!” Isn’t that how the play ended? Such a tragedy, two of our finest taken in the prime of their lives. No comment on the accident. (Cut to Sgt. Angelinas)

Sgt. Nicolette Angelinas:
That is the official statement we have given to the local press. (Cut to Steven Schiller as he drives off as “Romeo Had Juliette” by Lou Reed plays. Cut to James and Rowdy as they examine the remains.)

Rowdy:
There were certain things that I never thought I would have to do working with you all these years, James. Playing Medical Examiner and CSI was on the very long list of things I thought I wouldn’t have to do.

TLOTA:
Whatever we must do to solve Tara Lovhaug’s death.

Monstertober 2025 continues as Rowdy joins James in solving the death of Tara Lovhaug. As that goes on the mystery continues to unravel and James reviews “Late Night With The Devil.” Find out what happens next, here!

(The Scene begins with a woodpecker; it then cuts to a sawmill as we see blades being sharpened; then to the outskirts of a town with the sign “Welcome to Triple Crest, Minnesota.” and over the triple crests that seem to meet in harmony with the background and the words “The Last Of The Americans presents: Monstertober 2025.” appear in the foreground in the same text style as “Twin Peaks.”)

(With the scenes mirroring the introduction to “Twin Peaks” as it shows the cast which includes “James Faraci,” “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca,” “Rebecca and Nick Yaun,” “Renee Miller,” “Andrew Beach,” Doug Yaun,” “Olivia Horvath,” “Eric Kurtzke,” “Crosslyn Castillo,” “Nick Lopez,” “Jessica Lopez-Barkl,” “Angelina Morelli,” “Phil Leviste,” ”Joe Colon,” “And Allysia Watts as Sgt Nicolette Angelinas,” “Special Guest Star Lewis Lovhaug as Linkara)

(The introduction scenes continue to mirror the “Twin Peaks” intro which shows the crew which includes “Produced by First Choice Entertainment Productions and Manic-Expression.com” “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath”; “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci”; “Written and Directed by James Faraci”. The Intro ends with James dressed in “Halloween Mode” on a bus, looking over a file, then James’s phone starts ringing.)

TLOTA:
Hello, James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans. (Cut to Linkara in his basement)

Linkara:
Hey James, so you’re going to be in my neck of the woods. (Cut to James on the bus)

TLOTA:
Yeah, I’m going to Triple Crest, Minnesota, to solve the long unsolved murder of Tara Lovhaug. (Cut to Linkara)

Linkara:
Wait, Triple Crest? Tara Lovhaug? (Cut to James on the bus)

TLOTA:
Yeah, I mean if you want to be a part of it, I’ll make sure you get credit for the discovery, but no crossovers! (Cut to Linkara.)

Linkara:
How far away are you from Triple Crest? (Cut to James on the bus)

TLOTA:
I just crossed the border now! Linkara? Linkara? Damnit! (A voice behind him says, “Something wrong?” and James turns back to see in the seat behind him a woman looking at some files. Cut to James looking over the chair.)

TLOTA:
Let me guess, you’re trying to solve the murder of Tara Lovhaug as well? (Cut to the woman)

The Woman:
What’s it to you? (Cut to James looking over the chair)

TLOTA:
I’m an internet reviewer with a passion to solve a mystery. I’m James… (Cut to the woman)

The Woman:
[Interrupting] James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, currently residing in Liberty, NY, studying at SUNY Sullivan Community College for a Computer Graphics/Graphic Arts degree, graduated in 2025 from SUNY Sullivan in the Media Arts Department with High Honors, and graduated from Sullivan County BOCES with a Presidential Academic Achievement Award. (Cut to James looking over the chair.)

TLOTA:
Okay, so you know about me? Who are you? (Cut to the inside of the J. Edgar Hoover FBI Building as a shadow of a female agent walks in as “Goody Two-Shoes” from Adam Ant plays, which then cuts to events about who the woman is in a montage of events as explained by her.)

The Woman (Voiceover):
My Name is Nicolette Angelinas, Born and Schooled in West Virginia. Graduated from West Virgina University 1999 with a master’s in criminal justice, psychology, politics and sociology, and having passed the bar to perform as an attorney, I took several years at the Police Academy in West Virginia, passing all necessary courses to graduate with honorable distinction and accepted into the Federal Bureau of Investigations of the United States in 2003 with a record five hundred thousand unsubs captured, established myself as a popular law enforcement officer in the Quantico community and the residing neighborhoods. Continuing to improve the FBI’s efficiency in chases on foot and in a car. Received multiple awards for my work in the field and in the office with impressive success. Though I have sustained numerous injuries in the line of duty, most recently a shot through the leg by a madman dressed as a combination of Trump and Uncle Sam! (Cut to James as Nicolette Angelinas moves next to James with her files matching James’.)

TLOTA:
So what brings you out here?

Nicolette Angelinas:
An assignment, Former agent Dane Crooper was last seen in the town trying to solve the Murder thirty-five years ago. Apparently, he went mad, lost himself, and didn’t solve the case. Now, I am to be integrated as a sergeant in the town’s police force. These are some of the people I will be working with… (Cut to moments of introducing the other characters as Nicolette Angelinas does a voiceover.)

Nicolette Angelinas (V.O.):
Officers Donna Snatcher, Bill Runner, The Randys (Detective Randy Brendan and Detective Randi Cartmel), Desk Sergeants Carter (Fraternal Twins), Chic Oxnard, Jessie Hewlitt & Packard, Officer Ladybird Johnson and her father, and their Chief Lyndon B Johnson. (Cut to James and Nicolette on the bus.)

TLOTA:
[Beat] So basically, they make Rosco P. Coltraine, Elroy P. Lobo, and every other incompetent lawman from a series look like Einstein gave The Three Stooges intelligence boosters.

Nicolette Angelinas:
Yeah. (Cut to the bus as it stops in town. James and Nicolette stand on the ground as James’ phone rings.)

TLOTA:
Hello James Faraci, The… (Cut to James’ team)

Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
James, we got this call from someone named Linkara, and he seemed less than happy to hear you’re in his neck of the woods. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Look, I just got off the bus. If he wants to help, then he can drag his lazy tuchus from that basement of his and get it here to help me. I am going to settle into the nearby hotel with my newly assigned associate, Sgt. Angelinas, and according to certain sites, the hotel is adjacent to the restaurant, which has great apple pie and the best damned cup of hot cocoa, coffee, and tea!

Having just arrived at Triple Crest, Minnesota, why is Linkara upset by The Last Of The Americans being there while he reviews “Sinners”?

(Scene begins with a smartwatch screen and a finger as it taps the screen and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone as it opens a portal.)

(It cuts to James and the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans’” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun and the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces. The credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun” are shown then slides away to different images of Doug Yaun and Crosslyn Castillo, Nick Lopez and Jessica Lopez-Barkl and the characters they’ve played, until it cuts to their faces.)

(After that, the credits “Doug Yaun and Crosslyn Castillo, Nick Lopez and Jessica Lopez-Barkl” are shown, as it then slides away to different images of Andrew Beach Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath. Following this, the credits of “Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” are shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays.)

(Everything becomes a swirl of reds, whites, and blues, as the credits “Produced by First Choice Entertainment Productions in association with Manic-Expression.com”; “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath”; “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci”; “Written and Directed by James Faraci” are shown, as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays.)

(We then see an image of James as he jumps through the portal and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a black background. Finally, the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays.)

(The Scene changes to James outside the studio as he holds OR-HAC and put the last of his stuff in the Time Space Device.)

TLOTA:
Well, OR-HAC, it’s the end of an era, and I’m glad that it’s over. It started with her and me hoping that we could have a future together, only for the two of us ending with broken hearts. Mine is on the mend, and at this point it’s either move towards the future or stay in the mausoleum of my failures.

OR-HAC:
I for one shall not miss this place.

TLOTA:
Neither will I, and according to the landlord, the last storm destroyed the infrastructure, so the others have gotten not just a little studio or a two-story studio on a second floor with a part of the loading dock, but an entire studio building! Goodbye hell hole! (James walks into the Time Space Device, and it dissolves from the Parking lot. Cut to everyone as they’ve finished putting together The Horseshoe Couch, and Jams comes in through the elevator doors with OR-HAC in hand.) Hey guys! (Cut to the others as they say “Hi” or “Hey” to James. Cut to James.) So, we’re ready to go? Is the movie choice ready for judgment? (Cut to Nick Lopez and Jessica Lopez-Barkl.)

Nick Lopez:
We saw it for the sake of our family and… well….

Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
James, speaking on behalf of me and Nick, as your friends, managers and teammates, I say hard pass. I know you have a movie review and a top ten on your friend’s internet review series “TV Trash” but, maybe you can find something else? (Cut to James as he thinks)

TLOTA:
[Beat] You know something, I do have something like the movie I had planned for the review, trust me! (James does a finger snap and finger cheek roll and goes “NYUK, NYUK, NYUK!” and walks away. Cut to everyone in James’ team. Cut to James entering again.) Almost forgot OR-HAC! (Cut to everyone in James’ team)

Nick Lopez:
I take that this is going to be the norm for us now?

Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
Looks like it! (Cut to James as he looks over his new office which includes several pictures and awards then taking his seat.)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, The views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. So earlier this year, the mouse eared kingdom decided to release a live action version of “Snow White” that wowed NO ONE! (Cut to stills of the “Snow White” 2025 movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
And to be honest, I was unimpressed as well; it just looked too cartoonish for its own sake, and I will not review it. It is not worth the time and effort. (Cut to the Lindsay Naegel esque executive.)

Lindsay Naegel esque executive (Played by Olivia Horvath):
But this movie was so well received by the charts and graphs, and Disney Plus gave it high praise! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Do I look like a chart or graph or Disney Plus? Give me a break! Besides, there are other live-action versions that are better than the one you guys put out, like one you tried to bury in the depths of the Disney Vault because it was made by 20th Century Fox DECADES before the Disney Buyout! (Cut to the Lindsay Naegel esque executive)

Lindsay Naegel esque executive:
Just what on earth could that we selected not to include on our streaming service? (Cut to the title card of “Snow White and The Three Stooges” as the Lindsay Naegel esque screams.)

Lindsay Naegel esque executive:
I’ll make you pay for this, if it’s the last thing I ever do!

To Combat The current Disney Debacle, The Last Of The Americans is going to review a classic live action version with The Three Stooges! NYUK, NYUK, NYUK!

(Scene begins with a smartwatch screen and a finger as it taps the screen and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone as it opens a portal.)

(It cuts to James and the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans’” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun and the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces. The credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun” are shown then slides away to different images of Doug Yaun, Kyra Lee and Crosslyn Castillo and the characters they’ve played, until it cuts to their faces.)

(After that, the credits “Doug Yaun, Kyra Lee, and Crosslyn Castillo” are shown, as it then slides away to different images of Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, and Olivia Horvath. Following this, the credits of “Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” are shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays.)

(Everything becomes a swirl of reds, whites, and blues, as the credits “Produced by First Choice Entertainment Productions in association with Manic-Expression.com”; “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath”; “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci”; “Written and Directed by James Faraci” are shown, as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays.)

(We then see an image of James as he jumps through the portal and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a black background. Finally, the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays.)

(The Scene begins with James walking around in the darkness.)

TLOTA:
Oh great, alone again in a dark void where there is nothing out there and no one else to help! (The word “Help!” echoes for three seconds.) Hello? (The word “Hello?” echoes for three seconds.) (Singing): Hi on the hill, lives a lonely goatherd! (James listens for the echoes as it goes into the yodeling from the song “The Lonely Goatherd,” and James has a Moe Howard-esque groan of fear and a whisper of “You are here!” as James bumps into someone who is supposed to be dead!) Dante?! (Cut to the semi-demonized corpse of Dante Hicks as played by Brian O’Halloran.)

Dante:
What, you thought that my death would end with me in heaven?! HA! The human part of my soul went there, and you know, that little pussy part of me may be with Becky and the daughter that should’ve been mine, but that day when Hell erupts onto the earth or when Randal Graves dies! I will be there to grab him before any part of him reaches heaven, and I WILL torment Randall Graves for what he made happen to me! (Sounding less human as he continues) I WILL FORCE HIS SOUL TO BURN, AND HE WILL BE TORMENTED BY RELIVING LIFE THROUGH ALL THE HELL HE CAUSED TO ME AS ME! AND I WILL BE THERE AS RANDAL TRIES TO SCAM HIMSELF INTO HIS BELIEFS AND I WILL EAT ON HIM FOR EVERY LIE HE EVER SAID AND I WILL FINALLY DO WHAT “GOD” COULDN’T DO! MAKE RANDAL GRAVES FEEL EVERY SINGLE PAIN HE CAUSED THE WORLD! (Dante begins to laugh monstrously! Cut to James with a scared look on his face as he looks for something to use against the Semi-Demonic corpse of Dante Hicks, only to come up empty and swing away, to wind up taking a few steps as Dante disappears.)

TLOTA:
What the hell was that? (A motorized wheelchair is heard as it comes up to James.) Oh no not you! (Cut to James in the wheelchair, aged as old as his father but in worse shape.)

TLOTA (Older Self):
You don’t think that you could’ve avoided this! YOU NEARLY DID! BUT YOU WASTED YOUR LIFE AGAIN! That was always the problem: you wanted the goals you knew were impossible, but you went for it anyway, and look at where it got you! RIGHT HERE, WHERE WE WILL SPEND WHAT LITTLE TIME WE HAVE LEFT! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?! (The Older self begins to laugh, cough, and wheeze as he runs over James, and James begins to fall and lands right in his office. Cut to James at the door.)

TLOTA:
At least I can finally escape and…. (James’ hand swipes over the doorknob several times and he misses every time.) What the hell is going on?! (A voice echoes “This is where you belong!” as James cautiously returns to his chair and looks forward.) So, it appears I am stuck here, for now! (A voice echoes “forever!”) SHUT UP! So, until the others can get me out of here, let’s see what it is I can review! (James finds a physical copy of “Thunderbolts*: The New Avengers”) Let’s do it!

Trapped in a void, can James survive it and Thunderbolts: The New Avengers? Find out here

(Scene begins with a smartwatch screen and a finger as it taps the screen, and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone, as it opens a portal.)

(It cuts to James and the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans’” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun and the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces. The credits of “ Paulo and Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun” are shown then slides away to different images of Doug Yaun, Kyra Lee and Crosslyn Castillo and the characters they’ve played, until it cuts to their faces.)

(After that, the credits “Doug Yaun, Kyra Lee and Crosslyn Castillo” are shown, as it then slides away to different images of Andrew Beach Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath. Following this, the credits of “Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” are shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays.)

(Everything becomes a swirl of reds, whites, and blues, as the credits “Produced by First Choice Entertainment Productions in association with Manic-Expression.com”; “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath”; “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci”; “Written and Directed by James Faraci” are shown, as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays.)

(We then see an image of James as he jumps through the portal and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a black background. Finally, the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays.)

(The Scene changes to James as he does some work around the office, as lightning strikes the set, and ERod the Blockbuster Buster lands, ready to test James.)

Erod The Blockbuster Buster:
James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, the time has come for you to see if your heart is still in this business, it’s time to take the challenge for the Hammer of The Blockbuster Buster!

TLOTA (Calmly):
Hey ERod!

ERod The Blockbuster Buster:
James, didn’t you hear me? I said; The time has come for you to see your heart is still in what you love and to see if you are truly worthy of The Hammer and the title of ‘The Blockbuster Buster.”

TLOTA (Calmly):
Can you take a seat on the couch? I just need to do some dusting and vacuuming, and we’ll do this final test in an hour. (Cut to an hour later as James puts up the Swiffer for the kitchen and walks to the main lobby where ERod The Blockbuster Buster.)

ERod The Blockbuster Buster (Semi-Angry):
Okay, is there anything else you need to do before you get tested, do a workout, make your dinner, ANYTHING BESIDES WHAT MAYBE THE MOST IMPORTANT TEST OF YOUR CHARACTER AND CAREER AS AN INTERNET REVIEWER?

TLOTA:
ERod, I have watched the entire Michael Bay Transformers movies and the ones without him in it, I have seen Bay’s Ninja Turtles movies, One piece of advice, do not go onto the basement bathroom, it has been declared a biohazard site from all the radioactive vomit, I’ve seen all the “Twilight Saga” movies… (Cut to ERod The Blockbuster Buster)

ERod The Blockbuster Buster:
Yeah, I still call bullshit on the fact that “Twilight” was an aphrodisiac. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
I had to watch all the Snyder DC movies; I found enough material to get my thirteenth and fourteenth anniversaries. I watched “Howard the Duck,” “Episode…” You know, all those Spider-Man less Spider-Man side character movies, all the non-MCU Marvel and DC Comics based movies that have been claimed the worst, whatever it is you have planned for, I AM READY! Hell, I even got through “Son Of The Mask” and “CATS” for good measure. So, whatever you have planned, I am ready!

ERod The Blockbuster Buster:
(Beat) OKAY, you sat through all of that, and you think that you are ready, and before we begin, let me do what it is I must do since you mentioned it, EPISODE ONE! (EROD stands up, screams, and raises the hammer, and lightning explodes all over the studio, then sits down.) I’m sorry for the reaction; it was immature and inappropriate. Back to the business at hand, you sat through so much crap, but that doesn’t mean you are ready for what you must face.

Can The Blockbuster Buster reignite the fire back into The Last Of The Americans? Find out in the review of Indiana Jones and The Dial Of Destiny

(Scene begins with a smartwatch screen and a finger as it taps the screen and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone as it opens a portal.)

(It cuts to James and the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans’” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun and the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces. The credits of “ Paulo and Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun” are shown, then slide away to different images of Doug Yaun, Kyra Lee, and Crosslyn Castillo and the characters they’ve played, until it cuts to their faces.)

(After that, the credits “Doug Yaun, Kyra Lee, and Crosslyn Castillo” are shown, as it then slides away to different images of Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, and Olivia Horvath. Following this, the credits of “Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” are shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays.)

(Everything becomes a swirl of reds, whites, and blues, as the credits “Produced by First Choice Entertainment Productions in association with Manic-Expression.com”; “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath”; “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci”; “Written and Directed by James Faraci” are shown, as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays.)

(We then see an image of James as he jumps through the portal and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a black background. Finally, the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays.)

(The Scene changes to Paulo Fonseca as Zack Snyder and Doug Yaun as David Zaslav in the lobby of James’ office, and they are arguing with Zack saying “Bro” at the start and end of every sentence as James comes walking in casually.)

TLOTA:
Okay, OKAY OOKAAAY! (The arguing ends, and it cuts to David and Zack looking at James for a beat as it then cuts back to James.) Now what in the name of Marco Polo is going on around here? (Cut to Zack Snyder and David Zaslav.)

Zack Snyder:
I’ll tell you what happened, bro. This mook here thought that James Gunn was going to finally finish off the DC Movies and give David here a reason to cancel them, the DC Comics division, and vault everything about DC Comics for a good tax write-off, bro.

David Zaslav:
I can explain why it’s a good tax write-off. If people aren’t going to buy it, then there’s no reason to put it out there and for me to lose money because that’s the deal of the business, which is to make money. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Okay, so all the filmmakers who love film and want to have their films released they’re what, idiots who think 2+2=4 instead of Happy Marshmallow Wainbow Flying Giblets? Look, if something is a success, then I say enjoy it, and if there’s a risk it fails, then that’s when you start to look for ways to write off the losses by, say, having you and your cronies take a smaller paycheck, sell the movie on digital distributors for quarters on the dollar, and then if it makes the profit on that market. You can say what happened with the movie. (Cut to David Zaslav)

David Zaslav:
Well, it’d be easier because I still make money by writing off the movie. After all, there’s no audience for movies anymore. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Well, I think the box office for the new Superman says otherwise.

Is the 2025 “Superman” the movie of the year?! Find out here!

(Scene begins with a smartwatch screen and a finger as it taps the screen and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone as it opens a portal.)

(It cuts to James and the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans’” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun and the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces. The credits of “ Paulo and Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun” are shown, then slide away to different images of Doug Yaun, Kyra Lee, and Crosslyn Castillo and the characters they’ve played, until it cuts to their faces.)

(After that, the credits “Doug Yaun, Kyra Lee, and Crosslyn Castillo” are shown, as it then slides away to different images of Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, and Olivia Horvath. Following this, the credits of “Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” are shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays.)

(Everything becomes a swirl of reds, whites, and blues, as the credits “Produced by First Choice Entertainment Productions in association with Manic-Expression.com”; “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath”; “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci”; “Written and Directed by James Faraci” are shown, as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays.)

(We then see an image of James as he jumps through the portal and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a black background. Finally, the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays.)

(The scene changes to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans as James Daniel Walsh, Rowdy, DukeCT, and other members of “Manic-Expresssion.Com” and the other reviewers formerly from the now dead “Site” as they celebrate a successful rehearsal for their episode of “Celebrity Family Feud” before they go for the real deal as James gets the food and drinks for celebrating.)

DukeCT:
Thanks for letting me host the game.

TLOTA:
Well, when it comes to someone as likable and comedically awesome as Steve Harvey, you’re the best!

DukeCT:
Thanks for the compliment. (Cut to Rowdy and Kyra Lee Of The Lacustrian Pod.)

Kyra Lee Of The Lacustrian Pod:
These survey answers are meant to be completed for the points, yet most of the time, the answers are handled with humorous levity, reflecting the lack of intelligent thought that often comes out of someone. For example, when you answered the survey question of “Name something that your better half that you’d like to improve.” You replied, “Her clothing,” and James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, stood there not reacting with the arbitrary “Good Answer!” and cheering.

Rowdy:
James’s response to dumb answers is different than others. He doesn’t give them the time of day as he thinks if it’s a dumb answer, he will look at you and give you a look of “What were you thinking?” and then just move on. (Cut to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans as he sits in the corner and James Daniel Walsh walks to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.)

James Daniel Walsh:
James, why aren’t you mingling with everyone more?

TLOTA:
After the past few years, I have been mingling…

James Daniel Walsh:
Don’t give me that, get out there and hang out with somebody.

TLOTA:
Okay, Okay, Okay! (James Faraci gets up and walks around and then grabs a bite of food as he and Crosslyn Castillo touch hands and connect through the eyes; however, James walks away as Crosslyn looks sad at how quickly James walked away, as Doug Yaun walks up to Crosslyn.)

Doug Yaun:
Don’t take it personally, he’s still struggling to recover from his loss.

Crosslyn Castillo:
Well, how long will it take for him to get over it?

Doug Yaun:
How long have you been a mermaid since you became one? (Cut to Linkara and Diamanda Hagen.)

Diamanda Hagen:
Did you see the look in James Faraci The Last Of The Americans’ eyes when he had to stare at me?

Linkara:
He must have heard about what you did at Scarsdale Manor.

Diamanda Hagen:
Well, let’s face it, we all showed our true colors there. (Cut to Kyle Kallgren and Antoni Matteo Garcia.)

Kyle Kallgren:
So James had asked me for assistance in his college courses during the past few years, and knowing he’s going back to college for another degree makes it sound like he is suffering from a mental disturbance!

Antoni Matteo Garcia:
I guess with everything he’s been through, he thinks that College is the third act in his life and that there is nothing else after that.

Kyle Kallgren:
You know, just because there is a three-act structure to a movie and other forms of entertainment, it does not apply to the real world, sometimes. (Cut to James Daniel Walsh as he asks for everyone’s attention, and everyone gives it. Cut to James Daniel Walsh)

James Daniel Walsh:
In two weeks, we’re heading to California for filming our episode. The episode will air a few weeks later, sometime in August. I would like to thank James for allowing us to rehearse for everything related to our episode, and I look forward to seeing everyone in two weeks.

TLOTA:
Thanks, everyone, for dropping by. Now I’ve got work to do. (Cut to everyone as they thank James Daniel Walsh and James Faraci The Last Of The Americans for everything during that day. Cut to an hour later as James sighs and cleans up and Crosslyn helps.)

TLOTA:
You know, you don’t have to stick around. I could’ve handled it myself.

Crosslyn Castillo:
That’s the thing, you may be “The Last Of The Americans” but you’re not alone, no matter how much you think your fate is sealed.

TLOTA:
However, I can tell you now that the experience reminded me why I love “Family Feud.” (Cut to clips of Classic Family Feud and the current series run as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
And it is because it, alongside “The Price Is Right”, “Wheel Of Fortune,” & “Jeopardy.” “Family Feud” was one of those shows that once you see it no matter who your first host was, whether it was Richard Dawson, Ray Combs, Richard Dawson (AGAIN), Louie Anderson, Richard Karn, John O’Hurley or the man currently in the hosting position and the single longest running host of the “Feud” Steve Harvey, it is one of those game shows that you still laugh at and thank that you’re not on unless you are winning at the game or you’re recognized for the myriad of quote unquote “Good Answers.” (Cut to James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, physically in his office.)

TLOTA:
And today, I am celebrating this series for all its crazy family actions. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours, and this is my tribute to one of the most hilarious game shows ever, “Family Feud!”

The Survey Says today The Last Of The Americans celebrates “Family Feud”

(Scene begins with a smartwatch screen and a finger as it taps the screen and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone as it opens a portal.)

(It cuts to James and the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans’” current iteration then slides away to different images of , Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun and the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces. The credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun” are shown then slides away to different images of Doug Yaun, Kyra Lee and Crosslyn Castillo and the characters they’ve played, until it cuts to their faces.)

(After that, the credits “Doug Yaun, Kyra Lee and Crosslyn Castillo” are shown, as it then slides away to different images of Andrew Beach Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath. Following this, the credits of “Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” are shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays.)

(Everything becomes a swirl of reds, whites, and blues, as the credits “Produced by First Choice Productions in association with Manic-Expression.com”; “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath”; “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci”; “Written and “Directed by James Faraci” are shown, as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays.)

(We then see an image of James as he jumps through the portal and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a black background. Finally, the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays.)

(The scene changes to James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, in his office.)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. And it is time once again for “Reality Checkout. (Cut to James as he walks around and comes to the TV in the lobby, as he turns it on and sees more Reality TV on every network than he can deal with. )

(James decides to look through his library for anything else and sees a portion of it, filled with so much reality TV that would make a Network Executive who enjoys Reality TV Splooge. He tosses all of the Reality TV Series on DVD and the TV into the most disgusting trash can. James tosses in large amounts of Flammable liquids and throws a bomb, which explodes, releasing the slime and remnants of the DVDs and TV, spelling out “Reality Checkout” as the theme from “Welcome Freshmen” plays in the foreground. Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Fifty seasons! FIFTY SEASONS OVER A TWENTY-FIVE-YEAR PERIOD! HOLY SHIT! (Cut to the different intros and clips of “Survivor” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
“Survivor”! This is a series whose time has come to be checked out! What keeps bringing people back to this series, which should have lasted at least several years, if that? Today, we’re going to explore what motivates people to travel to foreign lands with nothing but the clothes on their backs and minimal possessions. However, we must delve into the backstory of this series and discover how everything changed when it premiered in the summer of 2000.

Will the tribe speak for me as I do a Reality Checkout as I review “Survivor”?