James Faraci The Last Of The Americans

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours (Sighs) 2014 can BURN IN HELL! But I had some great moments and in order to be objective. (Pulls out Megaforce Morpher and pulls out the card of “The Last Of The Americans” made by Stevie Swigart and reverts to being James Faraci)

James Faraci: I have decided to step out of character. Take five moments I liked and five moments YOU liked from “The Last Of The Americans” and compile the top ten moments everyone liked in 2014 about “The Last Of The Americans”

Which moments were the best for everyone in 2014 for the Last Of The Americans? Find Out here

(Music from the last seasons of the Original Run of American Gladiators play as a Speedy shot of James Faraci riding with Santa on his sleigh is seen, then throwing snowballs, then singing Christmas Carols with The Muppets, then baking cookies, then Waxing Rudolph’s red nose to add to the brightness and pal around with Frosty before fading away to see a picture of the North Pole Santa Workshop appears in the background as Jesus Christ, Santa Claus and Santa Christ appear in the foreground as all three stand as a Christmas Tree land over them and James Faraci stands alongside the Christmas tree with a smile on his face and in Holiday text the words of The Last Of The Americans stand by his side as Jingling Bells and snow falls in the intro)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. (James holds onto his chair and the ground begins to shake as he lets go of the chair James is rocketed into the upper atmosphere over the world.) CHRISTMAS! (Cut to footage of Christmas scenes from Public Domain animated cartoons and a big band instrumental version of “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” while James does a voice over.)

TLOTA (Voice over): Yep, it’s that time of year again filled with joy, merriment and all that we want to see that is good in the world come out of us and of course we once again get our binge of Christmas Specials and movies. (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA: And two of my favorite movies during this time is Home Alone & Home Alone 2!

Which moments from the first two Home Alone movies were the ones that made me think of the Holidays the most? Find out here

TLOTA (Shouting): I’M JAMES FARACI THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS AND THE VIEWS I’M ABOUT TO EXPRESS ARE THAT OF MY OWN AND SOME OF YOURS! (Hand signals to everyone to wait one moment.) HEY DOC! TURN DOWN THE NOISE! (The Mad Scientist walks over to his MP3 Player to turn down the volume on it.) Sorry, but I was behind the scenes of “GLEE” recently and overheard that the people in charge of the show were working on either another series for Lea Michele or a spinoff for her character Rachel Berry. So to help them I got the best guy in the Entertainment industry a hundred dollars could get to either get a spinoff or a new series for Lea Michele. Say hello to Doctor Plotsz! Doctor! Introduce yourself to my audience.

Dr. Plotsz: Guten tag!

TLOTA: So doc, what have you got for me so far?

Dr. Plotsz: Well Herr Faraci, I’ve got some doozies of plots! Einen Plot I have is for a spinoff in vhich ze Character Rachel to find her way to Hollywood and vork for einen private envestigator who is a Nosferatu!

TLOTA: You just described “Angel” and at least half of the Private Investigator who happens to be a vampire series you schisse head.

Dr. Plotsz: Okay, Vell, Another plot I have is wunderbar, Rachel tries to make einen comeback on Broadway but in ze meanwhile she vorks at a restaurant in vhich she befriends einen fraulein who wants to start einen bakery!

TLOTA: That’s “2 Broke Girls” you cuckoo kraut!

Dr. Plotsz: All right then, enough here’s einen original one. Lea plays multiple roles un vhich she is twins and after her sister is executed… sorry I mean she passes avay, Ze Fraulein takes over taking care of ze family while ze Vater is einen uber-failure at his job as einen Private envestigator und it is up to those surrounded by ze Private envestigator who is not einen Nosferatu! (James looks at Dr. Plotsz as if he had done a do it yourself lobotomy)

TLOTA: YOU DUMKOPF, THAT’S DUCKMAN!

WHAT THE HELL IS JAMES STARING AT? Find out here

TLOTA (Voice over): Doctor Who has become a definition of Science Fiction as a whole. It may have started out as an educational show that used sci-fi as a tool to further it’s educational goals but since the show’s inception The Doctor has become possibly one of the most well known characters in all of media. But it did have it’s ups and downs. If you haven’t checked out SF Debris’ video on the cancellation of Doctor Who then I suggest you check that out before going any further in reading my editorial on this subject.

When I step in the TARDIS, who do I defend? Find out here

(Opening credits of “Tales From The Crypt” play as it reaches the casket of the Crypt keeper and the lid pops open to reveal James Faraci The Last Of The Americans kicking back in the casket)

TLOTA: What, did you expect the Crypt keeper? (Then Opening credits resume as Slime covers the whole scene and the Crypt keeper says “The Last Of The Americans” then cuts to James at his office.)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views…Actually the Tips I’m about to give come from a WHOLE lot of personal experience. Now brace yourself for a long, long time up until 2001 I trick or treated and I was born in 1982, think about that. I went as E.T., Sylvester the Cat from “Looney Tunes”, A pumpkin, A Ghostbuster, A hunter, An agent for the FBI, A Football Coach, The Riddler, the list is endless. So to say I have experience is an understatement and with that I want to give you guys some tips on how to have a Happy & Safe Halloween and have fun along the way. (Show a whole lot of images involved with Halloween and the “Silver Shamrock” jingle from “Halloween 3: Season Of The Witch” play then cuts to James in the middle of his living room.)

How can you have a Safe and Happy Halloween? Find out here

Maven Of The Eventide (Sounding like a female Bela Lugosi): Good evening, I am The Maven Of The Eventide and it is time once again for me to punish James Faraci The Last Of The Americans for liking “The Twilight Saga”. (Cut to everyone on the couch looking at James.)

TLOTA: What? (Cut to footage from the movies from “The Twilight Saga” while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (V.O.): Okay, let me clarify something. The fact that I like “The Twilight Saga” doesn’t mean I think it’s bulletproof nor do I think it’s the best set of Vampire movies ever. (Cut to James & everyone else on the couch.)

TLOTA: As a matter of fact, I can name 13 vampire movies that are without question better than “The Twilight Saga”. (Cut to The Maven Of The Eventide)

Maven Of The Eventide: You mean to tell me that you’re counting down and reviewing thirteen vampire movies better “The Twilight Saga”? “Dark Shadows” by Tim Burton is a better movie than all five of “The Twilight Saga”. (Cut to James & everyone else on the couch.)

TLOTA: I get it but that movie isn’t on the list.

Others on the Couch: What list?

TLOTA: The top thirteen Vampire films better than “The Twilight Saga”

Rebecca: Why thirteen?

Rowdy: Because while The Nostalgia Critic will go one step from the normal countdown list. James is going to go two steps beyond The Nostalgia Critic’s one in order to appease The Maven Of The Eventide.

Lea Michele: Time out, this Maven Of The Eventide, where is she now?

Rowdy: Looking at us. Don’t ask how it works.

TLOTA: So let’s check out the Thirteen Vampire movies better than “The Twilight Saga”

Which 13 Vampire movies are better than “The Twilight Saga”? Find them out here

I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours. Currently I am in the midst of moving into my new office space to work on sketches, reviews and editorials while I was getting stuff in one day an interdimentional portal opened up and a copy of Nicholas Cage’s “The Wicker Man” came zooming out and I took one in the mid-section when it came my way as I took the time to sit and watch it. I liked it but not enough to review it nor did I hate it so much I wanted both Nicholas Cage and Neil LaBute burn in a pit of Lava. It for me is a guilty pleasure as much as watching Power Rangers or watching “Batman & Robin”. But why do people feel guilty watching something that other people don’t like?

Why do we feel bad about liking something no one else does?

Rowdy: Tell me again why we’re evacuating our bowels and not flushing.

TLOTA: New York has the highest concentration of “Happy Madison” audience in the United States with California being second by getting the largest pile of deuce in one place we can collect the biggest amount of that idiot fringe and we can be rid of them once and for all. Good luck in there. (Rowdy goes in and a muffled scream of “YEOW! THAT IS THE WORST SMELLING CRAP I’VE EVER SMELLED! THIS GUY SHOULDN’T BE CALLING HIMSELF “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” HE SHOULD BE CALLING HIMSELF “BIOLOGICAL WARFARE” while diuretic sounds are heard and Rowdy steps out of the bathroom and James waits at the door.)

TLOTA: I overheard what you yelled in there and before I forget, this is my future brother in law (James shows a picture of his future brother in law Adam with a knit frog hat and looking goofy) If he is in there, we’re going to have to go in and save him otherwise my sister will string me up by my man marbles and whack me like a piñata then mount my head on her mantelpiece. So open the door and invite them in. (Rowdy walks to the door and puts a bullhorn into his mouth.)

Rowdy: Attention “Happy Madison” audience there is poop in the toilet at the residence of James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans. (Camera cuts to the POV from the inside view of the front door only showing the cars parked and an empty street before cutting to James and Rowdy looking out the front door.)

TLOTA: Hmm, that’s odd, they should be here like gangbusters.

Rowdy: Wonder what’s keeping them?

What is keeping the Happy Madison audience from their main source of existence? Find out here

I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours and welcome to another edition of “In Defense Of…” (Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right hand thumbs up and the words “In Defense Of…” appear to the left of James. Then cuts back to James doing a voice over Michael Bay’s produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.)

TLOTA (Voice over): By the time this editorial is out Michael Bay’s abomination of a movie calling itself Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will have been released and if it has bombed miserably it would be a sign that film making in America is rapidly making a comeback. If it has succeeded then Congratulations you have helped perpetuate bad movie making AND killed another local movie theater because before Michael Bay’s movies were in my hometown of Sullivan County New York there were three theaters that were in good local driving distances. Now all three are dead and I have to drive an hour and a half to either Middletown or elsewhere in Orange County New York just to see a movie. THANK YOU MICHAEL BAY VERY FUCKING LITTLE FOR MAKING IT EVEN HARDER TO WATCH A MOVIE! (Cut to James Physically taking a deep cleansing breath in and out.) But outside of my inability to travel to a decent location, my sense of taste in cinema and my willingness rather spend my money on a copy of Quest Seekers: The Wyrmstone for my Kindle Fire. I know why a lot of people wouldn’t either, Megan Fox. (Cut to photos from different movies Megan Fox was in while James does a voice over)

TLOTA(voice over): Trust me, Megan Fox that VD carrying, hack actor marrying loathsome she devil of a witch who can’t out act a drug fueled Lindsay Lohan in “Confessions of A Teenage Drama Queen” is a bad casting choice but then again when I looked at who they casted in the Original three Live Action films I watched when I was younger a lot of decisions weren’t good by today’s standards. I mean if you recasted the actress from the first movie with another in today’s world the internet would be asking for the casting director’s hide on a stick. (Cut to James Physically) But one casting choice back then that would make people go Bat Shit Crazy today is hiring Vanilla Ice to be in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.

Go Ninja Go Ninja Go Ninja Go check out why Vanilla Ice in “The Secret Of The Ooze” was a highlight worth seeing the movie here!

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James taking on all of popular culture until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it.)

(Show drawn photo of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with the Power Rangers in the cockpit of the Megazord by Eugenia Joyuen for ten seconds while intro notes of “Go Go Power Rangers” play. Then cut to James on a couch)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours. (Show clips of Power Rangers from across the board and “Go Go Power Rangers” instrumental while James does the voice over.)

TLOTA (Voice over): As someone who came of age in the 1990’s I grew up watching and loving the Power Rangers as much as I loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and every good kids show in the 1990’s. But the fact that Power Rangers have gone on as long as they have has had its critics who despise this series currently going nuts that the series has survived as it has. (Show James physically.) I remembering seeing the first Power Rangers movie at a Drive-In Theater and I loved it for all of its cheesy goodness. The second one “Turbo: A Power Rangers movie” which was connected to the series that premiered a few months later, I didn’t see until it was on TV and it had its bad moments but I liked it and thought it wasn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be. After that there were rumors that after Disney bought the franchise there would be a reboot of the movie portion of the franchise but that never occurred in fact in 2009 they ended the original 17 year run of the Power Rangers. It wasn’t until 2010 after Saban Brands reclaimed the Power Rangers that hope came for new series and the possibility of new movies. So far Power Rangers Samurai/Super Samurai wasn’t as bad as people made it out to be and the new series Power Rangers Megaforce/ Super Megaforce is doing very fine in my opinion. But recently Lionsgate & Saban Brands have teamed up to bring the Power Rangers back to the big screen and with that comes who fans want to see as their favorite characters and with a warning and a blessing from The Blockbuster Buster, I as a fan of Power Rangers give you who I want to see in the suits of the multi colored superhero team. This is MY Casting Couch for the Power Rangers movie reboot.

Who did I want in the most recent Power Rangers Movie? Find out here

I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours. We’ve all seen “The Terminator” & “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” (Show the intros to both “The Terminator” & “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” then cut to clips of both movies with James doing a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice over): Now for the moment push out of your mind Terminator 3 & Terminator Salvation and the supposed “Reboot” that’s coming up out of your mind for a while and remember how innovative the first two were. It had great practical & digital effects, The stories were self contained and told well, the acting was for the most part solid and James Cameron pushed the potential that cinema could have at that point. But let’s look at the endings and what the meaning behind them were. Because this does also mean an analysis of the movies on their own merit and combined. (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA: I know that everyone knows these movies backwards and forwards but here is where they differ is at the endings and I will be talking about those only, it goes without saying that there will be spoilers & I will be talking about the last moments after the villain have been well lack of a better term. (Cut to T2 Clip where Arnold says “Terminated” then cut back to James physically.) Thanks Arnie

What makes us come back to these two movies and their endings? Find out here