James Faraci The Last Of The Americans

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and it’s…. (James slams his fists and a green and red hypnowheel pops up and James’ head is in the center as Christmas based imagery is around the border of the screen and a metal instrumental version of “Jingle Bells” play in the background.)

TLOTA (Singing to the tune of “Jingle Bells”): CHRISTMAS TIME! CHRISTMAS TIME! CHRISTMAS TIME AGAIN! LOTS OF FUN FOR EVERYONE FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED TEN! CHRISTMAS TIME! CHRISTMAS TIME! IT’S TIME TO MAKE THE ROOM! FOR THE MOVIES, SPECIALS AND EVERYTHING ELSE UNTIL WE GO KA-BOOM! (An explosion occurs as it cuts to James’ office door and Eliza Dushku opens the door)

Eliza Dushku: WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS PLACE?! (Cut to James sitting back up with his hair looking like Georgio A. Tsoukalos with red and green stripes in it.)

TLOTA: Well it’s the holidays and in a few hours my family and friends in the Reviewerverse are gonna be here and I figured I’d get my review in before the party gets into full swing. (Cut to Eliza Dushku at the door.)

Eliza Dushku: Well have you looked at yourself in a mirror recently? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: No. Why? (Cut to Eliza)

Eliza Dushku: Take a look! (Eliza grabs a mirror and shows James his new hairdo)

TLOTA: YOWZA! (James shakes his head until his hair looks normal except for the red and green) Better? (Cut to Eliza)

Eliza Dushku: The Red and Green look wicked festive on you! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Thanks. So how about you come and sit with me and help me on this? (Cut to Eliza)

Eliza Dushku: Uh, No, I’ve got to help everyone else get ready, but you know it’s kind of wicked easy seeing as how 95 % of the work was done already, all we have to do is reheat the food and set up the buffet. You do a lot for us. Thanks James. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: No problem. So while you’re finalizing the little bits and pieces for the party, I’m gonna celebrate by watching the Muppets’ version of “It’s a Wonderful Life” (James turns his head to the left in confusion then to the right in confusion before looking at the audience.)

TLOTA: Wait! What?!

A Muppet version of “It’s a Wonderful Life”! What could go wrong? Find out here

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2014 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James getting hit with an uppercut by Trina Mason to James punching Dr. Plotsz, to Paulo Fonseca & Rebecca Yaun saying Groovy, to James and Rowdy running into the Happy Madison crowd, to James’ eyes turning white with blue streaks of lightning coming out of them, to James taking on the wicked then culminating in the moment when Lea Michele reveals herself to be a vampire and zooming into James’ screaming mouth until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James right hand comes out of the dark holding a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo Fonseca, John Santos & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca Yaun, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Well… this is embarrassing. You see, I made a wager with Linkara as to whether or not he could get his movie finished and out for people to watch by the end of the year and since he has done so. I now have to honor the wager. Either review his attempt at making cinema or be forced to carry Comicron-One on my back whilst singing the opening theme song TO “Atop The Fourth Wall” down every street in Minnesota and seeing as how I’m not singing Vincent E.L.’s theme for “Atop The Fourth Wall”, I’m not in Minnesota and Comicron-One is NOT behind me. Well then you know what I’m doing.

Will Linkara’s first solo outing in films be the best or will it suck like one of the comics he reviews? Find Out here

I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours and welcome to another edition of “In Defense Of…” (Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right hand thumbs up and the words “In Defense Of…” before cutting to clips from the trailers of “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” and the other Star Wars movies while James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): This December “Star Wars” will return to theaters under the direction of J.J. Abrams and I do wish”Star Wars: The Force Awakens” all the luck in the world because it has a lot to live up to and a lot of people hope that it will be better than what a lot of the Prequels had to offer especially when it came to who they tried to push to the forefront especially Anakin & Jar-Jar. But here’s the thing… With Anakin he was necessary, he becomes Darth Vader. Jar-Jar was pretty much useless after Episode one. In fact had he not been in Episode Two The Clone Wars wouldn’t have happened, Palpatine wouldn’t have been given a permanent seat of power and everything wouldn’t have gone straight to hell on an intergalactic level. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA: But here’s the thing Jar-Jar maybe considered the most annoying thing now but back in the days of the original three of “Star Wars”, “The Empire Strikes Back” & “Return Of The Jedi” there was something that annoyed everyone that to be honest is not as annoying as it is now. That of course being “The Ewoks”.

Will the Fandom Menace attack me for liking The Ewoks? Find out here

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2014 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James getting hit with an uppercut by Trina Mason to James punching Dr. Plotsz, to Paulo Fonseca & Rebecca Yaun saying Groovy, to James and Rowdy running into the Happy Madison crowd, to James’ eyes turning white with blue streaks of lightning coming out of them, to James taking on the wicked then culminating in the moment when Lea Michele reveals herself to be a vampire and zooming into James’ screaming mouth until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James right hand comes out of the dark holding a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo Fonseca, John Santos & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca Yaun, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours and welcome to another edition of “The Different Cuts” (Show James, Paulo & Rebecca dressed as butchers grabbing the same reel of film and a diagram of the reel of film. James Paulo & Rebecca look at both the three go to a meat slicer, all three slice different thicknesses with Paulo’s cut saying “The” James’s cut saying “Different” and Rebecca’s cut saying “Cuts” before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA: While I maybe in the Minority in liking “Superman: Man Of Steel”, I hope I am a part of the Majority in thinking that the first two Christopher Reeve “Superman” movies are awesome. (Cut to Clips from The Christopher Reeve “Superman” franchise while the John Williams “Superman” theme from “Superman IV: The Quest For Peace” used in the end credits plays in the background and James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): It goes without saying that outside of the Original Christopher Reeve Superman movie, Superman II is a great successor in the franchise during Christopher Reeve’s tenure. Superman III & IV are guilty pleasures as is “Supergirl”. But I give these movies praise for in a way beginning the renaissance of The Man of Steel as he was either made to be the butt of a lot of jokes involving Fire Island and San Francisco by the others in the “Superfriends” animated series or shown as being too incompetent to help the team in a way they don’t give Superman the time of day. But I thank Alexander and his son Ilya Salkind for producing these Iconic movies. But from what has been documented production of these movies, The Salkinds and the Director who was assigned to these movies Richard Donner were clashing a lot, that’s because they were working on the first two movies at the same time. Eventually focusing their time on finishing the first one and hoping for the best and it happened, partly due to good timing to the fact that in 1975 “Jaws” was an horror/ action adventure film and was a success as was the big movie of 1976 “Rocky” which told a great tale of the average human spirit rising to a greatness it didn’t believe it could obtain and the movie of 1977 being “Star Wars” which helped make movies fun to watch again helped the first Christopher Reeve movie succeed in 1978 and with that success you would’ve thought smoothed things out long enough for Donner & The Salkinds to finish Superman II but sadly it did not. Donner was fired & Richard Lester was hired to finish the second movie. But it wasn’t until 2006, the same year the movie “Superman Returns” another great “Superman” Movie was did Richard Donner finish his cut of Superman II made with footage that was thought to be lost forever and test footage. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: But which of the two is the better one. The one we’ve known for decades or the one that’s been around as long as “Superman Returns”? That’s what we’ll decide as we look at the Lester & Donner cuts of “Superman II”.

Which cut of Superman II is the better one? Find out here

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours and it’s Halloween so guess what we’ve got our usual deluge of Halloween special episodes, Sci-Fi and Horror based series and movie marathons around this time and even when I was on my first run on Myspace I got a few hundred questions asking the following “What is it you recommend either watch, read, or suggest I check out around this time of year?” Which is why I’m doing this now. A series of mini reviews of TV Shows, Books and movies and I’ll try to keep the spoilers down to a minimum, If I can and I’m going to start off with both books and movies. Believe it or not yes I read books and the ones I like the most just happen to be Dracula, Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, Frankenstein and The Legend of Sleepy Hollow just to name a few of the books I’ve read and those books have been made into movies. So where should I start?

Which shows and movies do I check out every year on Halloween? Find out here

Taylor:
We really want to thank you for bringing us to the Con and sacrificing your usual plans for Halloween.

TLOTA:
Well, I’m a man of my word and I promised Alex to get you and Marcella to the Con and I plan on getting you there.

Marcella:
It means a lot to us and if you ever need anything, let us know.

TLOTA:
Well, just keep making great episodes of “Life As A Mermaid” and we’re square.

(Cut to 20 minutes later as The Van is hauled away after breaking down at the far end of the Neversink Reservoir Dam and James, Marcella and Taylor are left on the side of the road.)

Taylor:
Well James have we thanked you for picking us up in a lemon?

TLOTA:
It’s not my fault, any way where is your luggage? (Taylor and Marcella look at each other and realize “Oops! We Left them in the Van” as they try to run after the Tow Truck!) Guys! Forget it, I told them what Hotel we’re going to be staying at when they get it fixed and don’t bother trying to use your smartphones this is a dead zone for cellular calls and there’s no Uber or Lyft or rideshare or anything like that around here. (Taylor and Marcella catch up with James.)

Marcella:
So now what?

TLOTA:
We hoof it until we get to Neversink, then I can call the Garage tell them where we’re staying until the Van is fixed and they can drop it off there also the less time complaining and more time walking will do us some good. What will James, Taylor and Marcella discover on their path? Find out here

(Scene starts on a still image of Hell as groans of pain and despair are heard as is demonic bells and demonic chants and subtitled on the still is “The Opposite of Heaven” for one second before cutting to see the backside of the Prince Of Darkness himself dressed like the demonic smooth pimp daddy himself played by Paulo Fonseca as he turns to his minion played by Paul “Paw” Schuler to whom we only see his mouth and the rest of him is enrobed in a black mask and cloak turn on a device to signal all of the televisions so all who are damned and willing servants in hell of Lucifer are watching.)

The Minion (Sounding raspy): Minions of hell and all who are damned and doomed our time on the surface world comes near and to help in our mission I give to you the one whom we serve for all time! I give you, Lucifer! (The Minion walks off screen and Lucifer takes his place on screen)

Lucifer (Sounding deep and bass baritone): My trembling subjects! (Cut to all of the damned, the doomed and willing servants of hell played in different ways by Traci Hines in multiple costumes looking at the monitors)

Lucifer (off screen, sounding deep and bass baritone): The time of my greatest creation’s time as ruler of the free world will be at its end by this time next year! (Cut to Lucifer onscreen)

Lucifer (Sounding deep and bass baritone): But it makes no never mind to me, for this year will be the biggest year of recruitment of those who are young and innocent to our side and to lead you into glory on this campaign in the human world will be my daughter….Evileena! (Coughs) I said “To lead you into glory on this campaign in the human world will be my daughter…Evileena!” What in the name that is dark and unholy that isn’t me is going on?! (Lucifer grumbles as he gets up and looks around his room as the scene cuts to the damned, the doomed and willing servants of hell look at each other and wonder what’s causing this mess when Lucifer says off screen “A minor problem has arose.” Before cutting to Lucifer on the monitor)

Lucifer (Sounding deep and bass baritone): Be right back! (Static interrupts the feed as the scene cuts to Lucifer going into Evileena’s room.)

Lucifer (Sounding deep and bass baritone): Evileena?! Evileena, My Sweet little creation of Chaos and Destruction where are you? (A little girl played by Eliza Dushku cries in the corner as the camera cuts to a first person perspective and Lucifer comes to her)

Lucifer (Sounding deep and bass baritone): Sweetie, what’s so wrong?

Evileena (Sounding sweet and young): Daddy, I did a bad thing a long time ago.

Lucifer (Sounding deep and bass baritone): You didn’t bring about world peace now did you?

Evileena (Sounding sweet and young): No I did something way worse than that, remember the vault of bad ideas even you don’t like.

Lucifer (Sounding deep and bass baritone): Yes? Why? (Cut to a kitchen in which a female played by Rebecca Yaun tries to use a meat mallet to cut open an apple when her phone goes off and she answers it.)

Kourtney Kardashian (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Like Hello, Kourtney Kardashian. (Cut to Lucifer in Evileena’s room)

Lucifer (Sounding deep and bass baritone): WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS DARK AND UNHOLY WERE YOU THINKING?! YOU LET STEPHANIE MEYER INTO THE VAULT OF IDEAS EVEN I THINK SHOULD NEVER BE TOUCHED!?!!?

What unholy creation came from this unholy group? Find out here

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. (Cut to pics of Steven Spielberg and movies from both Marvel & DC entertainment while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Recently mega movie making icon Steven Spielberg made a comment in an article stating Quote “The Superhero movie genre will eventually go the way of the Western” End quote. Which could be interpreted in two ways. One, he meant that the Superhero movies that were made starting in the 2000’s up until it does end will end up going the way of the Dodo. Or two, that when the smoke clears from all the overhyped and oversaturation that those that stand out will be remembered for all time as one of the best Genres of movies that was ever put out for people to watch and pass on to another generation because I remember watching and liking westerns like “The Searchers”, “True Grit” (Both versions), it’s sequel “Rooster Cogburn”, “Big Jake”, “The Frisco Kid”, “Blazing Saddles”, “The Apple Dumpling Gang”, it’s sequel “The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again”, “Tombstone” as a matter of fact a lot of my all time favorite movies are westerns. But I also like what’s been going on in movies as well. “Avengers: Age Of Ultron” was a great movie I saw in theaters this year. But a lot of other comic book properties were not looked well upon recently. From what I’ve heard Marvel’s “Ant-Man” is one of their lesser well movies in their Cinematic Universe and Fox’s attempt to reboot Marvel’s property of “The Fantastic 4” flopped. So could Steven Spielberg be right?

Here me out and give me a chance

I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours and welcome to another edition of “In Defense Of…” (Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right hand thumbs up and the words “In Defense Of…” (Cut to James in his office)

TLOTA: This year an Icon of Americana was attacked and the people who knew it defended it as I am doing now, The SJWs decided to side with the idiots You know where I’m going with this one!

Will James make the South Rise again? Find out here

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2014 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James getting hit with an uppercut by Trina Mason to James punching Dr. Plotsz, to Paulo & Rebecca Fonseca saying Groovy, to James and Rowdy running into the Happy Madison crowd, to James’ eyes turning white with blue streaks of lightning coming out of them, to James taking on the wicked then culminating in the moment when Lea Michele reveals herself to be a vampire and zooming into James’ screaming mouth until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James takes a flying leap from the darkness then cuts to every actor who played a Power Ranger looking at the front until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo Fonseca, John & Mike Santos and Rebecca Fonseca, Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play as the camera moves to the overhead view with the words “The Last Of The Americans” are seen before cutting to James running into the main lobby of his office building grabbing everything that isn’t nailed down to barricade the front door and windows before James bends over and takes several heavy breaths before regaining his composure)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express…(A loud earth shaking thud shakes everything including James off balance for a half a second) MIGHT BE MY LAST! (Another Ground shaking thud shakes everything again before cutting to the outside of James’ Office Building to see it is being dwarfed by the Dragonzord before Zooming to the top of The Head to see Jason David Frank)

Jason David Frank: Dragonzord! Attack again!

Can I survive the wrath of the Power Rangers and appease them with this Top 10? Find out here

TLOTA (Voiceover): Yes, I’ll be the first to admit it, as much as Power Rangers is a part of my life, however there are a few seasons that were less than Morphinominal and we’re gonna look at the seasons where you hoped the bad guys won against the Rangers.(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: One phrase you’ll hear me say throughout some of these seasons except for the Number one season is the following “It’s not a bad season. I just didn’t like it.” in different variations. With that said, let’s count down the Top Ten WORST seasons of Power Rangers.

Which seasons of the Power Rangers do I consider the worst? Find out here

TLOTA: Normally I’d have to take something so strong that I’d be so out my mind so incredibly, I couldn’t possibly consider this real at all, WHAT IN THE NAME OF ZEUS’S BUTTHOLE IS GOING ON?! (Cut to everyone else in the office)

Paulo: You haven’t heard about what’s happening in North Korea! (Cut to James standing in the door way)

TLOTA: What’s Kim Jong-Un up to?

Rebecca: It’s big

TLOTA (Slowly getting upset): What’s Kim Jong-Un up to? (Cut to everyone else in the office)

John Santos: It is bad news that is so bad well, Mike answer him.

Mike Santos: He’s really gonna kill people over this. (Cut to James standing in the door way)

TLOTA (Getting angrier quickly): What’s Kim Jong-Un up to? (Cut to everyone else in the office)

Renee Miller: Oh James he is pissed beyond pissed. (Cut to James standing in the door way)

TLOTA (Angered beyond recognition): FOR THE FREAKING LOVE OF PEAT MOSS WHAT IN THE NAME OF HELL AND ALL THAT IS DARK AND UNHOLY ON THIS STINKING ROCK IS KIM JONG-UN UP TO?! (Cut to everyone else in the office)

Eric Kurtzke: Kim Jong-Un wants the rights to “Duck Dynasty” (Cut to James standing in the door way)

TLOTA (Incredulous sounding): What?

The Last Of The Americans vs Kim Jong-Un! The battle is on!