James Faraci The Last Of The Americans

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then cutting to James in his chair)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours and welcome to another edition of “In Defense Of…”(Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right hand thumbs up and the words “In Defense Of…” before cutting to Fan4Stic as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA(Voiceover): Oh yeah Fan4Stic! A movie so horrendous in it execution that it surprised me that it lasted as long as it did in the theaters and it reminded me of one thing I never thought possible but for me is true!

Does the two movies starring Jessica Alba, Michael Chiklis, Ioan Gruffudd and Chris Evans deserve such ridicule? Find out here

Watch as Steve Kidd and I Riff on the infamous Public Domain Dover Boys Cartoon

Watch as Steve Kidd and I riff on the Public Domain Superman Short “The Mechanical Monster”

What happens when Steve Kidd and I decide to riff on The infamous Star Wars Holiday Special and if you wish to try to join in on the video here when you hear the loud click eight seconds in

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans 2020, how do I despise thee, LET ME COUNT EVERY SINGLE WAY! (Cut to clips of everything that happened in 2020 as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Between Manic Expression being forced to close down though it was temporary, My father passing away when I posted my “Different Cuts Of Peter Jackson’s Lord Of The Rings Trilogy” and that was on the same fricking day, Me losing the woman I love and forcing my friends to return home, shutting down my studio, having to go bare-bones with my reviews and Oh, before I forget a project I had planned for this year, I may get done next year but that’s gonna happen because things WILL work out for me next year one way or another, even if I make more enemies than friends and speaking of enemies, I haven’t forgotten the vitriolic disdain you hit me with, now it will be used to fuel me towards success in the next year which I will get to later on. But for now, let’s send this year off with the Molotov Cocktail we need to burn it to cinders, piss and crap on it after it has burned to said cinders!

In spite of how much of a Yakov Smirnoff opening for the Spin Doctors at the Iowa State Fair Shit Show of a year are there ten good moments that happened to me this year? Find out here

TLOTA: I WON’T LET YOUR BLIND HATRED DESTROY THIS MOVIE E-ROD!

The Blockbuster Buster: I’d rather have every single theater play the MCU for all eternity than let one more movie from this dark and desaturated universe.

The Last Of The Americans vs The Blockbuster Buster whoever wins The DCEU will still be the same. Find out who the victor will be right here

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. So, Mystery Science Theater 3000 has returned with new episodes on Netflix with a new host and a new set of MADS. My thoughts after watching the first episode? (Cut to host clips and clips of the MADS from “The Beast Of Hollow Mountain” episode of MST3K: The Return and clips of Classic MST3K as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA(Voiceover): I WANT SEASON TWO! YESTERDAY! They did it, they got everything right about the series. I mean it didn’t hurt that Joel Hodgson is now the showrunner, but the fact remains the series is continuing it’s great ability to riff bad movies and everyone laughing with the host, Tom Servo and Crow. But this is where the show has shined the most. From the past 10 seasons on Television or the countless reruns that air either on Comet TV or even on the streaming services that are around I think that the series continues to be successful and revered because it still remains true and unlike the people who worked on “Attack Of The Eye Creatures” EVERYONE on the new show CARES to honor the past and take care to make sure the future is solid! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And for me to honor the past and make sure MST3K’s future fans know about the show, I am going to share with you my 10 favorite episodes of the original series! (Cut to clips of the classic series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And for this list there will be a few rules. One, I am going with the ten seasons that aired on Network TV. The New MST3K just ended it’s first season and I am gonna give it a few seasons before I give it it’s own list. Two, For every Joel Episode there will be a Mike Episode. Three, The reason for the episode appearing on the list will either be the riff was great, the host segment was good or even the highlight of the episode or for that matter the story involving the host in the episode makes it worthy of being on this list and Four, The MST3K movie is disqualified because I already talked about it in July of Last Year! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Now with that said, these are my Top 10 Favorite MST3K Episodes!

What ten episodes of a man trapped in a satellite with Robots and bad movies are the best of them? Find out here

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and…. (James Opens the Door to his office to the hallway outside) IT’S THE FOURTH ANNIVERSARY! (The Camera pans back to see the entire team with party streamers, Confetti before cutting to a fireworks and Ode To Joy play in the background before cutting to James and everyone in the hallway)

TLOTA: And guess what, It’s our first full original content for our new bosses at Manic Expression! So, this time we’ll let our audience choose the movie we should review. Should we… (Cut to an image of the team dressed as characters of a movie currently in theaters as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): A) Recreate a movie while doing a review! (Sparse clapping is heard before cutting to an image of the team dressed as characters of a movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): B) Do a review of a movie everyone likes and I could recommend watching. (Less Sparse clapping is heard before cutting to an image of the team dressed as characters of a movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): C) Do a review of a movie no one likes and I like. (Even less Sparse clapping is heard before cutting to an image of the team dressed as characters of a movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Or D) Something involving Shia LaBeouf! (Wild applause and clapping is heard before cutting to James as he looks through the video library)

Five good performances from Shia LaBeouf? Have I gone mad? Find out here

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. (Cut to classic South Park intro then clips of the 20th season as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): The recent season of “South Park” got me back into watching the series after they had attacked people with Autism and Aspergers’ having been diagnosed with it when I was a teen and had a few good storylines going for it to bring me back to the series, one of them being Kyle’s dad being a troll and what I had hoped that for his character would be to suffer all the indignities that would befall being a troll. But sadly apparently Donald Trump’s victory over Hillary Clinton changed every storyline and forced the writers to apparently say being a Troll is okay. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA: Uhhhhhhh NO! NO IT IS NOT ALRIGHT TO BE A TROLL! A troll is the lowest form of scum on the Internet! They should NOT get away with trying to force their thoughts and opinions and basically live off of hatred! I should know, I used to be one.

Can my story on how I evolved from a pathetic Internet Troll to something better save others from being a troll? Find out here

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2016 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James morphing into his new suit for the first time, James getting slapped by Paulo, Mr. B Natural pop jump cutting into frame as James grabs Rowdy & The Nostalgia Kid as they scream in terror, Traci Hines shooting the Double Barreled handgun, Everyone trying to stop Eliza Dushku from using her switchblade knife on an unconscious Spoony, James blast jumps and Eliza rolls out of the way as an electrical pulse knocks out everyone else before cutting to the clip of The Moviebusters pulling out their Proton Pack blasters until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows the team line-up of the majority of 2015 walking towards the screen as the camera rises over to see the American Flag and James’ signal in the sky as before cutting to James as he jumps and pulls out a sonic screwdriver before cutting over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach, John Santos & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Ed Champion, Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James looking at the title before looking at the audience)

TLOTA: Really? Are you guys sure? I mean, You guys do realize that for me this is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I mean it is not one of the best movies ever made! The only good thing I CAN say is that they put Effort into their endeavor and I mean this with all my heart, they tried! They tried so hard to do something good but HOOOOO BOY! I feel so bad ripping into this one! I Really do as a matter of fact… (Cut to James walking to the main lobby)

TLOTA: Hey guys if you want to…. (Cut to an empty main lobby) ORAC! Where did everybody go?

ORAC (Audio only): The rest of the team left a message for you on your tablet. (James gets his tablet before cutting to the screen of the tablet where Brenda is talking to James but in the background Paulo is grabbing fishing gear, Nick Yaun is grabbing his Golf Clubs, Rebecca Yaun is grabbing things she can get her hands on, John & Mike Santos are grabbing Gym Gear, Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach are grabbing weapons and Renee Miller is just doing goofy things until Brenda ends her message)

Brenda Fonseca: Hey James, listen if you’re wondering where we are we decided to take some time off. We’ll be back in time for the Anniversary review next month but for now we need some time away. We’re not ungrateful, far from it, it’s just that well… knowing how bad this Pila de mierda is, we figure you’re better off handling this on your own.

The rest (Off Screen): HURRY UP HE’S COMING!

Brenda Fonseca: ¡Nos vemos luego gilipollas! (Cut to James sitting on the couch in the main lobby)

TLOTA: So, I’m on my own this time! Unless…

Can anything better on the internet save me from reviewing a bad movie? Find out here

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and those of the people I consider my friends, colleagues, comrades in arms, partners and most importantly people I call Blood Brothers & Soul Sisters. Around this time last year I was made aware of something that I was partly aware of. When I do a review, I am aware I will be in the crosshairs of the people who worked on the movie or series whether they be the directors, the writers, the producers, the actors, EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO WORKED ON THE SUBJECT OF EITHER MY VENOM OR PRAISE! But here’s the thing the subject of my review I always try to be as fair as I can towards the subject of my review especially when certain things or performances in the movie are involved. No matter how bad or good the subject of my review! But when a moviemaker attacks the reviewer are different than what the person who made the movie and decides to go so far as to cause the reviewer to no longer be able to do a review that is an attack on freedom of speech as well as the livelihood of not just the one reviewer but ALL OF US! So what did we do, we made a hashtag that stands for “Where’s The Fair Use?” and while a lot of us in the Internet Reviewerverse, myself included were realistic in our beliefs of what would happen, some people thought once this hashtag trended it would make news, it would let Hollywood know that we’re here to stay, it would tell those in Washington DC that we had rights, that in some way it would legitimize us as a Viable source of thoughts on the world. Well let me say this, a trend on the internet lasts (Snaps fingers) that long if at all! And since it has been a year since the “Where’s The Fair Use?” hashtag happened has anything that happened that the dreamers thought would have happened?

What happened after the “WTFU” revolution? Find out here

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, still at home, but thanks to a certain Government Official, I will be forced to reopen the Studio or face financial ruin. But hopefully, I can give you a reason to celebrate the Holidays this year, and once again, I am stepping out of the reviewer’s stance and give you a guide for gifts for this year. It’s “The Last Of The Americans Holiday Gift Guide.”

(Cut to James and Team TLOTA in their Pajamas as they come rushing to the Christmas Tree and see different items they wanted and cleaning up as the camera turns to see in the Wrapping Paper shrapnel “The Last Of The Americans Holiday Gift Guide” slide wipe to James in his house as he walks to his Kitchen.)

Which gifts will be the best from this year? Find out here