James Faraci The Last Of The Americans

(Scene starts as two people from the back stare at James’ studio for two seconds before walking in and as the one on the right prepare to knock on the door. Eliza Dushku opens the door.)

Eliza Dushku: Hey guys, come on in!

(Camera pans around to see Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Boreanaz looking at each other and saying Awesome! The two walk in as they see Nick Yaun, Paulo Fonseca & Eric Kurtzke working on a booth, Rebecca Yaun, John & Mike Santos ready a jump shock before coming across Renee Miller, Traci Hines & Olivia Horvath preparing the make up and appliances for the rest of the team before the two come across a door to the utility closet which David opens and The Boogeyman from WWE sits in a black room as the two look in shock.)

The Boogeyman: Simple Simon met a pie man going to the Fair! Simple Simon said to the Pie man (Laughs Maniacally) I’M THE BOOGEYMAN! AND I’M COMING TO GET YOU! (The Boogeyman continues to laugh maniacally as a puff of multiple colored smoke surrounds the room as he tries to disappear before David Boreanaz closes the door shut quickly and walks back to Sarah with a disturbed look on his face.)

David Boreanaz: Yikes! Just Yikes!

Sarah Michelle Gellar: Yeah, do you think he’s cognizant as to how he’s forever linked to that character?

TLOTA (Off Screen): I think so, the poor schmuck! (David and Sarah turn as the camera zoom pans to James)

TLOTA: Hey there, a pleasure to meet you both. Come into the Kitchen, I’m making Warm mulled Apple Cider! (Cut to Eliza sitting across from David and Sarah as James makes four mugs of warm Mulled Apple Cider and places it on the table where they’re sitting!)

TLOTA: Drink up! It’s good! (Everyone takes a sip of the cider.)

Sarah Michelle Gellar: Tasty!

David Boreanaz: So what is up with those guys out there doing all that construction?

Eliza Dushku: We’re working on making this place a haunted house for the family throughout the morning but Halloween night, we’re throwing a one hell of a party for the adults.

Sarah Michelle Gellar: Well, I’ll bring the kids over Halloween morning. So let’s get down to business. Why are we here?

TLOTA: Well Sarah, I was hoping Joss would be here because I need his blessing on this as well. Last year I did two Top tens on a subject I am a fan of as much as I am a fan of both “Buffy” & “Angel”. The “Power Rangers” but I made a mistake by not getting ANY of the Rangers’ blessings and I nearly got this place incinerated. Which is why I need to ask for your blessing for me to do a top thirteen on Buffy and Angel combined.

David Boreanaz: Why 13?

TLOTA: To go two steps beyond the Nostalgia Critic’s eleven.

Sarah Michelle Gellar: The Nostalgia Critic is…?

Eliza Dushku: An Internet Reviewer, like James. So come on does he have your okays on this?

(Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Boreanaz look at each other and say “Sure” & “Why Not?” before James & Eliza look at each other and nod to one another.)

Eliza Dushku: Time to get to work

TLOTA: Yep

Which are some of my favorite episodes of “Buffy” & “Angel”? Find out here

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. (Cut to clips of MST3K as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): If you are an internet reviewer like me you MUST have seen Mystery Science Theater 3000. Their ability to riff on bad movies is incredible and since it has been announced that the Satellite Of Love next go around is being streamed on Netflix after a successful Crowdfunding campaign, I wish the new host and the bots a lot of luck because it’ll be needed for it to succeed in a world filled of characters that riff on movies for lunch it’ll have to take down some pretty big turkeys and if they do succeed you know there’ll be another season. I’ve already talked about the movie with The Nostalgia Kid and Rowdy and The Nostalgia Kid already said all that can be said about MST3K both positively and negatively so there’s nothing I can add. (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA: Except maybe list 10 movies I want to see them if the show continues. Now some of them I’ve reviewed already, Some I WILL review eventually and some I won’t . This is the Top 10 movies I want them to see get riffed!

What movies do I want to see get riffed? Find out here

(Scene starts with James working around the studio as he whistles “Combine Harvester” by The Wurtzels and as he takes a five-minute break he turns on the TV only to be surprised by the appearance of Synergy played by Traci Hines.)

TLOTA: What the…? Synergy?! (Cut to Synergy)

Synergy: That is correct James and I am in need of your assistance. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: What do you need me to do? (Cut to Synergy)

Synergy: I need you to review something for me. It should be on the coffee table in a package left from your party in mid-July of this year. (James opens the package and his face shows a look of total abject fear before cutting to A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2015 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James landing on Linkara, to James getting his nards smashed, To Josie & The Pussycats running into James’ office, to James and Paulo dressed as the Mario Brothers on a snow sled, to Everyone at team TLOTA running out of James’ office, to James leading the charge against the Cullens and the vampires of The Twilight Saga, to Rowdy turning his head to Paulo with a demented smile on his face as everyone save for James looks scared as James has his right hand with defeat on his face until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver towards the Power Rangers then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Rowdy, Paulo Fonseca, John Santos, Eliza Dushku & Eric Kurtzke on his right and The Nostalgia Kid, Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Traci Hines, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James heavily strapped down in different ways and James struggling to escape.)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The Views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. (James grunts and tries to get out of the chair) Yeah I’m in trouble. Possibly one of if not THE worst movie of 2015.

Why am I tied up for my own protection? How bad is this movie? Find out here

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then cutting to James in his chair)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours and welcome to another edition of “In Defense Of…”(Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right hand thumbs up and the words “In Defense Of…” before cutting to scenes from “Star Trek: Beyond” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): This year marks the 50th year in the history of one of the best Space themed Sci-fi series of all time “Star Trek” and to commemorate it Paramount released “Star Trek: Beyond” the third in the Kelvin timeline version of the franchise and I can’t talk about this unless I talk about the recent tragedies with the passing of both Leonard Nimoy and sadly Anton Yelchin and while Leonard’s was sad and Anton’s came out of nowhere and obviously there had to be changes to…The THIRTEENTH movie?! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: OH MY GOD! IT’S AN ODD NUMBERED “STAR TREK” MOVIE! RED ALERT! (Alarm Blares as James looks as it cuts to everyone panicking as Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun start looting the vaults and then cutting to Paulo Fonseca as he holds a book with the title “To Serve Man” bumps into Rowdy)

Paulo: IT’S A COOKBOOK! IT’S A COOKBOOK! (Cut to James looking at the chaos)

TLOTA: Yeah, it seems that everyone has that reaction to odd numbered Star Trek movies.

Will I somehow find a way to Live Long and Prosper with the Odd numbered Star Trek movies? Find out here

(Scene starts in a theater lobby where a man is walking down throwing Michael Bay produced movies before cutting to a photo shopped cut image of Michael Bay’s head on James’ body walks down before a red circle with a diagonal line lands right him making the Ghost from the “Ghostbusters” portion of the insignia of the “Ghostbusters” before a crowd shouts “MOVIEBUSTERS!” before cutting to the Main Lobby of James’ Studio as James is taking it easy in his Ghostbusters outfit before cutting to The Receptionist played by Brenda Zamora-Fonseca as she picks up the phone and the earphone becomes the size of her head. She soon presses the “Easy” button from “Staples” which sets off the alarm Klaxon which makes James fall over cartoonish-like before cutting to Eric, Paulo, Rebecca & Mike working on something when they hear the alarm before cutting to Nick, John, Renee, Eliza and Traci in the kitchen trying to take a bite to eat when they drop their food on the table when they hear the alarm before heading to A Van and before Paulo enters he gives his wife a kiss on the lips before James’ hand pulls him into the van as the Ecto-1 klaxons blare before cutting to the Theater Lobby as posters from bad movies and every actor Hollywood hates is seen trampling around before cutting to Team TLOTA prep their proton packs then cutting to Shia LaBeouf Screaming like his usual annoying self before seeing Proton Streams come from Team TLOTA’s Proton Packs capture all of them before cutting to a trap vacuuming up all of them then cutting to James picking up the trap and giving the team the thumbs up before swish cutting to the Moviebusters as a sparkle of white light comes up under the logo and pops out the word “And…” all while Phelous sings with the instrumental of The Real Ghostbusters.)

Phelous (Singing): If there’s Something strange in the theater, who are you going to call?

Team TLOTA: MOVIEBUSTERS!

Phelous (Singing): If it’s something so bad that it ain’t no good, who are you going to call?

Team TLOTA: MOVIEBUSTERS!

Phelous (Singing): I ain’t afraid of no Bay! I ain’t afraid of no Bay!

Phelous (Singing): Who are you going to call?

Team TLOTA: MOVIEBUSTERS!

Phelous (Singing): Who are you going to call?

Team TLOTA: MOVIEBUSTERS!

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2015 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James landing on Linkara, to James getting his nards smashed, To Josie & The Pussycats running into James’ office, to James and Paulo dressed as the Mario Brothers on a snow sled, to Everyone at team TLOTA running out of James’ office, to James leading the charge against the Cullens and the vampires of The Twilight Saga, to Rowdy turning his head to Paulo with a demented smile on his face as everyone save for James looks scared as James has his right hand with defeat on his face until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver towards the Power Rangers then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo Fonseca, John Santos, Eliza Dushku & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Traci Hines, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James dressed as a Ghostbuster in his office)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Guys, I’ve always believed that certain rules must be kept in order to keep balance in this nutty world of ours and then there are times when the rules must be broken. This is one of the times when the rules must break as I talk about a movie which as of this moment is still in theaters.

Which movie was the one that made me want to review it while it was in theaters? Find out here

My name is James Faraci and I am an Internet Reviewer and no, I’m not doing this as “The Last Of The Americans”. I am doing this as myself because it NEEDS to be done this way. Earlier this year a movie came out that DARED to call itself “Superman v Batman: Dawn Of Justice” and while the Extended cut is slightly better the fact is it split the Critics & the fans. However I found five things that I disliked and things I did like in the movie.

What could make me break character to rip “Superman V Batman: Dawn Of Justice” find out here.

Jack Perkins: Hello, I’m Jack Perkins and I would like to introduce you to this fabulous review of the movie “Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie” as done by Gus Webb “The Nostalgia Kid”, Chris Lee Moore “The Rowdy Reviewer” Grrr the guy is crazy (Jack chuckles) and finally….

TLOTA (Audio only): Bar’s fully stocked

Jack Perkins: Oh Goodie! Goodie! I think I’ll make my usual five o’clock cocktail. (Camera turns to James)

TLOTA: Some people…. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. As you can tell, I’m having a little celebration. Rowdy’s on his way, everyone else is back from sabbatical and I have certain family members whose birthday is around the corner and as an added bonus I’m celebrating the return of The Satellite Of Love as Mystery Science Theater 3000 returns to the airwaves. As a matter of fact, I asked everyone to come with a bad movie they all like to riff on for fun as a party game. (The Nostalgia Kid and Rowdy pop in from out of nowhere via Jeannie blink)

The Nostalgia Kid: I brought The 1990’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie for us to riff.

Rowdy: And I brought The godawful insult to the 80s that is the Jem & the Holograms movie. (turns to camera) Which just might be the subject of a three-way crossover review with Writrzblok and Cartoon Hero coming this Labor Day and viewed at rowdyc.com…

TLOTA: This isn’t a DX promo dude, cut it out! Anyway, sure those are good choices. But it’s not a bad movie riffing party without “Fishtales” (Rowdy groans as The Nostalgia Kid goes ooh!)

Rowdy: Not that movie again!

The Nostalgia Kid: Well I have yet to see it, this might be a fun one to riff on.

ORAC (Audio only): ALERT! A signal is trying to make contact to us.

TLOTA: Patch it through! (Static breaks to see Professor Hiram Stupidiot laughing maniacally before cutting to the three looking)

Rowdy & TLOTA (In Unison): STUPIDIOT!

Nostalgia Kid: Who?

TLOTA: A Continual pain in the tuchus for Rowdy. (Cut to Stupidiot.)

Professor Stupidiot: That is right James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and Rowdy and friend! (Cut to James, Rowdy & Nostalgia Kid)

The Nostalgia Kid: Actually I’m The Nostalgia Kid. (Cut to Stupidiot)

Professor Hiram Stupidiot: Well whoever you are you are about to join them in here this satellite that’ll stay in Geosynchronistic orbit for the next fifty years or when I take over the entire Tri County Metroplex and you’ll have nothing but bad movies and TV Shows to watch while you stay up there. (Professor Stupidiot laughs maniacally until a voice off screen yells at Stupidiot to shut up when Dr. Plotsz played by Paulo Fonseca appears from Stage Left)

Dr. Plostz: Ach Du Lieber! I AM TRYING TO VORK HERE! (Cut to James, Rowdy & The Nostalgia Kid)

TLOTA: DR. PLOTSZ?! What are you doing there? (Cut to Stupidiot & Plotsz)

Dr. Plotsz: Vell Herr Faraci, I vas given quite a bit of money to build Ze Satellite and I developed quite a few movies and TV show ideas.

Stupidiot: I loved the one in which there was a scientist who sent a low level employee into outer space who made robots to keep him sane as he watches bad movies that once repeated over & over again which will reduce the mind to the consistency of rotten vegetables so the Mad Scientist can take over the WORLD! (Cut to James, Rowdy & The Nostalgia Kid)

TLOTA: Do you two want to join me or…? (Rowdy & The Nostalgia Kid nod yes.)

TLOTA, Nostalgia Kid & Rowdy (In unison): THAT’S MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000! (Cut to Stupidiot & Plotsz)

Stupidiot: Well speak of the devil and he will appear because before I launch the three of you into space, I’ve got something for the three of you to watch. (Stupidiot cackles as he pulls out the Mystery Science Theater 3000 the Movie DVD before cutting to James, Rowdy & The Nostalgia Kid)

Nostalgia Kid: Wait a second? (Cut to Stupidiot’s hand holding the case for Mystery Science Theater 3000 the movie)

Nostalgia Kid (Audio only): Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie?! (Cut to James, Rowdy & The Nostalgia Kid physically)

Nostalgia Kid: HOLY CRAP! Let’s do this!

Three friends coming together to watch a MST3K movie, Will they like it or will it be as bad a turkey as “Castle Of Fu Manchu”? Find out here

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then cutting to The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. May 29th, my blood brother and best friend reviewed “The Day After” (Cut to the opening credit of “The Day After” before cutting to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And when I looked as he was talking about how this is gonna happen, I was left with mixed emotions. Leaning more towards sadness and deep thought. But the best deep thought I had was one that stayed with me was the lingering thought wondering if The Day After is Avoidable. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And believe it or not for a long time I truly thought we were all screwed and that yes we were all doomed! That is until I remembered someone who had been in a situation not that different. But not just in a greater scale. (Cut to current Doctor Who opening credits before cutting to clips of the Classic and Current Doctor Who series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Throughout the majority of the Cold War The Doctor throughout his classic regenerations was there to show us not only that lives outside of our own kind mattered but we mattered to the lives outside of our own and when he came back 16 years after the cancellation with Russell T. Davis and Julie Gardner acting as head writers and showrunner until Steven Moffatt took those titles the Doctor became a veteran from something called “The Time War” in which The Daleks and The Gallifreyans and the Time Lords were at war and by the end of the Time War it appeared the only end was to destroy Gallifrey and it appeared The Doctor was the one who pressed the Button that was until it was revealed in The Day Of The Doctor that The Doctor did NOT press the button. Why? Because he realized there was another way! And it was with that in mind that the writers of the most recent season two part episode The Zygon Invasion and The Zygon Inversion decided to go further into what happened afterwards because sometimes the smallest problem can cause the biggest fight in the history of humanity & Zygella played by Jenna Coleman was that small problem that wanted to set it off wipe every human off the face of the map believing after that The Zygons would rule as they were meant to but in order to do that, they had to become the dominant force and to do so they had to wipe the humans off the face of the earth. It wasn’t until The Doctor gave this speech that reminded me that you may think you are the big man because you can pull the trigger. But the better one knows it’s best NOT to pull the trigger!

What could the Doctor say that could stop “The Day After”? Find out here

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and it’s my third anniversary! (Cut to a firework display as the words “The Last Of The Americans’ Third Anniversary” is shown over it and “Ode To Joy” is heard in the background before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: And as you can tell from the end of Last month’s review the only person celebrating is… me! Yeah, Kinda sucks! (Eliza coughs off screen before cutting to her in the backroom doorway)

Eliza Dushku: Excuse me but what am I? Fricking Chopped Liver? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: No, but you’re working on my last nerve with this whole “Trying to find out the secret behind the legend of James Faraci” when really, there’s nothing to me! But you are not as bad as what I have to deal with. (Cut to scenes from the first three Michael Bay “Transformers” movies as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA(Voiceover): When it was announced that “Transformers” was hitting the Big Screen in a live action adaptation in 2006, I thought it would be interesting then came the news that A) Michael Bay was directing and B) Shia LaBeouf would be starring in them and quickly my hope for these movies being good died! Why you ask? Simple because between the time Michael Bay made one of my favorite guilty pleasures “Armageddon” & the time he made the “Transformers” he went straight to FUBAR and didn’t come back and of course Shia LaBeouf became the Bane of humanity and the second coming of Pauly Shore yet no one noticed because everyone except the smart people because I’ve discovered idiots run the world and watch bad movies. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: But having nothing to live off but Liquid I.Q. just to watch all three of Shia LaBeouf’s “Transformers” movies, I somehow found ten things that were surprisingly good, not saying I liked or even thought these movies were good, I wish someone else had wrote, directed and casted these movies but for the sake of argument and discussion these are the Top 10 Good things that came from Michael Bay’s “Transformers” Heaven help me…

Can I find ten moments or things that Michael Bay’s Transformers movies? Find out here

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and Yeah still at home, and quarantined. But thankfully I still have my MST3K Turkey Day Marathon! (Cut to host clips from MST3K as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And I am glad, it’s one of the few good things that I have been anticipating this year! Ever since last year when Netflix gave this series the ax, I have taken any time I could to enjoy any classic episode and believe it or not after Netflix killed the series IFC gave every single episode a chance to be seen for a whole new Generation and after seeing a lot of them, I can say they have taken on some big as hell turkeys or truly bad movies. And today just before Thanksgiving I’m going to talk about the ten biggest turkeys in the history of MST3K. Here’s how I’m breaking this list down, One) Jonah will get the number 10 spot and the number 5 spot, the rest will belong to Mike & Joel, Two) Some movies you know that have been on lists like this before like “Manos”, “Hobgoblins”, “Monster A Go-Go” & “Castle Of Fu Manchu” will be on this list and finally, expect a surprise entry here and there but be ready for the usual suspects on a list on MST3K and the worst movies they’ve had to deal with. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
With the usual formalities out of the way, let’s dive into The Ten biggest Turkeys on MST3K!

What are the worst movies Joel, Mike and Jonah faced? Find out here

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. A while back I took my nieces to see “The Peanuts Movie” and while my nieces thought it was okay. For me I thought this was one of the best movies of 2015! (Cut to clips of “The Peanuts Movie” and Posters from the movies he mentions as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA: I mean it, for the first time in Blue Sky’s History they were able to make a quality movie and it is as far as I’m concerned it was one of the best of 2015 easily, It is up there with “The Force Awakens”, “Avengers: Age Of Ultron”, “Furious 7”, “Ant-Man”, “Jurassic World”, “Mad Max: Fury Road”, “The Martian”, “Creed” & “The Revenant”.(Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA: And as I was checking out the best movies of 2015 I found a couple of other great movies that were Family friendly and I was checking out that there are more family friendly films that are coming that I feel will be great and after all of that I asked myself “Are We on the verge of the Revival of The successful Family Friendly movie?” Well Sort of…

Hear me out and find out how kids films are with great characters and great stories and intelligence are making a comeback!

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2015 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James landing on Linkara, to James getting his nards smashed, To Josie & The Pussycats running into James’ office, to James and Paulo dressed as the Mario Brothers on a snow sled, to Everyone at team TLOTA running out of James’ office, to James leading the charge against the Cullens and the vampires of The Twilight Saga, to Rowdy turning his head to Paulo with a demented smile on his face as everyone save for James looks scared as James has his right hand with defeat on his face until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver towards the Power Rangers then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo Fonseca, John Santos, Eliza Dushku & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Traci Hines, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James sitting in his chair laughing outrageously before James takes a deep calm breath!)

TLOTA: I’m (James continues to laugh uncontrollably before Nick Yaun picks him up by his shirt’s collar)
Nick Yaun: PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN! IT’S A SHAYMALAN MOVIE!
TLOTA (laughing while talking): I’m trying for crying out loud! (Nick Yaun shakes James around.)
Nick Yaun: YOU HAVE TO CALM DOWN! IT’S NOT WORTH ACTING LIKE THIS! (Paulo walks into frame behind Nick)
Paulo Fonseca: Nick, Let me at it! (Paulo starts shaking James even harder) CALM DOWN JAMES! FOCUS ON HOW BAD THIS MOVIE IS! YOU HAVE TO CALM (Paulo smacks James upside his face) DOWN! (Rebecca Yaun walks into frame and talks to Paulo)
Rebecca Yaun: Hey Paulo, your fiancée is on the Phone!
Paulo Fonseca: Thanks. (Paulo walks away and Rebecca shakes James even harder than Paulo)
Rebecca Yaun (Shaking James while smacking him around): CALM DOWN JAMES! CALM! (Rebecca Smacks James) DOWN! (Rebecca Smacks James) PLEASE! (Sounds of Rebecca Yaun yelling at James to calm down and James continues to laugh as the camera pans down the line to see John Ross Santos with a Double Boiler pan, Mike Santos with a pipe, Eric Neil Kurtzke with a set of Brass Knuckles, Renee Miller with a 2×4, Rowdy with a Baseball bat, The Nostalgia Critic with his handgun, The Blockbuster Buster with “Lucille”, Linkara with his Magic gun, Jeff Jarrett with his guitar, Eliza Dushku brandishing a pair of Boxing Gloves, Traci Hines with a set of Shark Jaws taped to a club, then The Angry Video Game Nerd with an empty beer bottle and shattering the bottom of the bottle on the side of the wall then Film Brain with a noose)

UH-OH! What have I brought forth for a review of “The Happening”? Find out here