James Faraci The Last Of The Americans

Gen. Nux: Lord Bet, I believe these are the two you called upon.

Highlo Bet: Yes, do you have their weapons?

Gen. Nux: Yes, my lord.

Highlo Bet: So the two of you are the last to see “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” and you (Cuts to James being forcibly flung to Highlo Bet and then made to kneel.) From what intelligence has gathered you are an Internet Reviewer, so tell me honestly, what did you think of “The Force Awakens”? And What Is your Associate saying?

TLOTA (Grunting while talking): You want to know? Simple DELTA… (Cut to the Sonic Screwdrivers powering up before cutting to Eliza Dushku)

Eliza Dushku: LEVEL… (Cut to the bottom of James’ boots as he clicks to reveal repulsar jet exhaust vents before cutting to James)

TLOTA (Grunting while talking): DEFENSE! (The Sonic Screwdrivers emit an electrical pulse that knock out everyone save for James who blast jumps off of Highlo Bet and Eliza Dushku who kicks out of the grasp of the new World order Stormtrooper and rolls out of the way. The Song “Up The Shard” from the 0:00 through the 1:31 mark by Murray Gold plays in the background as James grabs the Sonic Screwdrivers as he and Eliza run throughout the Super Star Destroyer eventually meeting up with Jol Methadone played by John Santos & Tenn played by Nicholas Markin over a large vent over the hangar bay.)

TLOTA & Eliza Dushku: Howdy!

Jol & Tenn: Hello. (The four try to shake hands but are interrupted as a laser blast hits the wall as they cut to a first person perspective to see that they’re surrounded by troopers of the new World order.)

TLOTA (Audio only): Great! Surrounded by Bowling pins who can’t shoot worth a damn and our only way out is down. (Cut to the four back to back)

TLOTA: Anybody got an idea or a reasonable facsimile of one thereof?

Eliza Dushku: I do! (Eliza Dushku pulls out her Sonic Screwdriver and aims it at the corners of the panel.) Everyone get ready to fall! (The four fall out of frame as it cuts to see the four fall through a vent as James notices that the other vent opening is closed and pulls out his Sonic Screwdriver to remedy the situation. As the scene cuts to the four slam falling into the hangar bay.)

Tenn: This way. (The four find a TIE fighter and James looks to the left of the TIE fighter)

TLOTA: Never thought I’d be glad to see this. (The two groups run as the scene cuts to James’ Time Space Device going with a TIE Fighter as Tenn & Jol in the cockpit of the stolen TIE Fighter contacts James and Eliza)

Jol Methadone: Hey Guys…! (Cut to James and Eliza in James’ Time Space device trying to outfly the enemy TIE Fighter)

TLOTA & Eliza: WE SEE IT! WE SEE IT! (Scene cuts to the TIE Fighter taking down Tenn’s fighter which knocks James Time Space Device into a spinning crash into a planet and the audio of James and Eliza scream as they crash land onto a desert and in a distance we see Tenn’s fighter land far away from them as the scene cuts to inside of James’ time space device which has fallen into disrepair)

Trapped in a Galaxy Far Far Away, What can happen to James as he deals with “The Force Awakens”

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then cutting to The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Larry David is a friggin’ comedic GENIUS! (“Frolic” by Luciano Michelini plays as images of Larry David are shown and James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And it feels like it’s been that way forever from his days on the short lived “Fridays” to his work on Saturday Night Live as of late. But what is it about him that makes him entertaining? (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Well we’ll get to the bottom of the that as we countdown ten of Larry David’s best performances. So kick back and think long and hard about the humor of the mundane. This is the Top 10 Funniest Larry David performances.

What are ten moments that made me laugh with Larry David? Find out here

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2015 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James landing on Linkara, to James getting his nards smashed, To Josie & The Pussycats running into James’ office, to James and Paulo dressed as the Mario Brothers on a snow sled, to Everyone at team TLOTA running out of James’ office, to James leading the charge against the Cullens and the vampires of The Twilight Saga, to Rowdy turning his head to Paulo with a demented smile on his face as everyone save for James looks scared as James has his right hand with defeat on his face until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver towards the Power Rangers then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo Fonseca, John Santos, Eliza Dushku & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Traci Hines, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James as he stands in the lobby over a Bingo table for the caller.)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Hey everybody, ready to play a game? (Audio of people shouting “YEAH!”) Well then, let’s play Nicolas Cage BINGO! (Cut to a still image of Nicolas Cage smiling zooming towards the center of the screen in which the words Nicolas Cage is above the image and the word Bingo under the image as old school Hollywood premiere music plays in the background before cutting to a montage of images and clips of Nicolas Cage being “Out There” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Yep Good ol’ Nicolas Cage! So nutty he can’t be committed but so enjoyable, you don’t want to see him shipped off to the nut hut. I mean yeah, the guy is a good actor and has an Oscar but so does Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Mel Gibson, Christopher Walken and Leonardo DiCaprio so he’s not exactly in unique territory. But as of lately he’s become a one-man Internet Trope & Meme factory! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Which is why I’ve come up with this fun game to play while you watch one of his movies. All you do is make sure his crazy smiling face is in the center, then when either a Trope or meme of his comes up place a chip on it. Five in a row either diagonally or horizontally or even on a corner to corner angled line and you win so let’s play with one of Nicolas’ better performances which given his IMDB is saying volumes about how crazy this game is gonna be!

How far down the crazy hole will Nicholas Cage take me? Find out here

TLOTA: So do I hate the Superfriends for making Superman and Aquaman look pathetic when really they’re not or for how they misrepresented The Justice League or for the side characters that actually weren’t in The Justice League or anything that people have against this series? NO!

Hear me out before you grab the pitchforks and torches!

C.N. Batman: BANE!

C.N. Bane: Let us not stand on ceremony here, Mr. Wayne!

TLOTA: FOR THE LOVE OF PEAT MOSS! DIDN’T I DECAPITATE YOU! AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOUR HEAD IS OVER THE DOOR IN MY PRIVATE OFFICE!

C.N. Bane: Oh James Faraci The Last Of The Americans! I survive because of the ideals my character has thanks to Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight Rises”, the greatest Batman movie of all times! Thanks to me!

C.N. Batman: It’s the greatest because it ends my saga with a glorious victory!

TLOTA: And guess what you’re both wrong! Because guess what for all its attempt to be this amazing cinematic masterpiece “The Dark Knight Rises” does everything in its power to be worse than Joel Schumacher’s “Batman & Robin” and trust me when we get to the ending, I’m going to let you know, why your movies FAILED!

A Batman movie worse than Joel Schumacher’s Batman & Robin? Find out here

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted “Doctor Who” series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words “Reality Checkout” while the theme from “Welcome Freshmen” plays in the background before cutting back to James.)

TLOTA: Ah February, So many things happen in this short yet cold month. We’re hit with heavy snow every which way from Sunday thanks to the most hated Groundhog on the second of this month, The Super Bowl which disappointed me and of course the one day every person who is single has to roll their eyes and decide to crawl into a bottle and not come out until the 21st of March. That’s right, VALENTINE’S DAY! And with it comes not only a glut of bad Romantic movies on The Hallmark Channel and on certain other channels but a glut of one form of reality show that gets my blood so hot with anger I could boil a pot of water with my forehead!

Brace yourself as I go Chernobyl

(Opening credits from “Batman Beyond” play as it puts in place of the word “Apathy” the word “Movies” at the 0:08 mark of the Opening credits before continuing on with the on to the word replacing the word “Greed” with the word Television before cutting to the Batman Beyond opening credits until James’ dad’s disappointing face appears and at the 0:13 mark of the credits is James smiling mug before seeing James in all the places of Terry McGinnis’ Batman as the words “Batman Beyond” is replaced with the word Americans in the back and up front is The Last Of The before the opening credits continue until it ends and the words “The Different Cuts” is seen then cut to clips of the series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): In 1999 Warner Brothers Animation after finishing their Batman & Superman animated series wanted Bruce Timm to produce the series “Batman Beyond” set in the year 2039 the series showed an aged Bruce Wayne performed again by Kevin Conroy having retired from being Batman pass on his mantle of being Batman to Terry McGinnis voiced by Will Friedle. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Will Friedle? Hmm, where have I heard that name before? (Cut to a clip of “Boy Meets World” in which Eric sets Cory’s dorm room on fire! Before cutting to clips of Batman Beyond while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): That’s right the guy who played the lovable goofball known as “Eric Matthews” on the series “Boy Meets World” voiced a futuristic Dark Knight! I wonder what else he did after “Batman Beyond”. (Cut to clips of both Kim Possible as Ron Stoppable and “Thundercats” 2011 as Lion-O before cutting back to clips of Batman Beyond while James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Oh yeah, forgot about those. The show was incredible. The animation style mixed Cyberpunk, Anime with Bruce Timm’s character design to give Kids WB a standout series in what seemed to be a decent line-up of animated series. (Cut to promo image of “Pinky, Elmyra and The Brain”)

TLOTA (Voiceover): That series was terrible, Watch Rowdy’s review of it on “TV Trash”! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: But believe it or not, there was a straight to DVD movie that for me what served as a bit of a connecting moment between the Batman Animated Series and Batman Beyond and ended the DC Universe’s run on Kids WB. That of course being “Batman Beyond: Return Of The Joker” (Cut to the title of “Batman Beyond: Return Of The Joker”

Which cut of “Return Of The Joker” is the better one? Find out here

TLOTA:
Well, I appreciate your hopes. But for now, I’m focusing on the month to month workload and speaking of what I have planned, guess what, I found an underappreciated Thanksgiving movie! It’s perfect! (Cut to Paulo and Brenda Fonseca)

Paulo Fonseca:
So… should we guess or wait until after the intro. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
You just answered the question, HIT IT!

(Cut to a laser hitting a slab of Titanium as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As the three run out of frame moving forward, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left and Olivia Horvath appear in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written and directed by James Faraci, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark the word “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down and James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Fade cut to James in his room at his house)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and after an exhausting search, I found a thanksgiving movie whose time has come! (Cut to opening credit of “Dutch”. Cut to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Produced and written by John Hughes and having the director of “Crocodile Dundee” Peter Faiman, on board. This is one of those movies that should’ve been seen as much a classic holiday film like another of Hughes’ movies “Planes, Trains & Automobiles” but as that movie has gone on to be a classic, this one has faded into obscurity, but why is that? It’s not as bad as the series one of the actor’s in this movie says it is. (Cut to the clip from “Married With Children” as Al Bundy complains about the movie “Dutch”, Cut to clips of the movie “Dutch” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
So today, Dutch Dooley and the misadventures he has with Doyle, A snobby little sheltered brat who doesn’t care for anyone but finally gets his eyes opened as to how the world he lives in is not the same as the real world gets it’s just dues!

Is this movie a Turkey? Or is it a Thanksgiving Classic that has earned it’s spot on the Thanksgiving table? Find Out Here

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. As I sat through all the Batman movies for research on which movies I planned on reviewing I knew I’d have to talk about Joel Schumacher’s “Batman & Robin” (Cut to opening credit of “Batman & Robin” before cutting to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And believe it or not this was THE first Batman movie I saw in theaters and I enjoyed it as a matter of fact I thought it was one of the better movies outside of Titanic & Men In Black but apparently it got one hell of a lambasting from the critics but it did make it’s money back so obviously people watched it. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: So if people watched it and the movie made it’s money back for Warner Brothers though technically it was in the foreign market and in the then burgeoning DVD market why is it considered bad?

Is Joel Schumacher’s Batman & Robin better than we give it credit for? Find out here

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Guess what happened to me during my Christmas Break? (Cut to a nighttime shot of James locking up the Studio when he feels something hit his ankle and looks down to see a Cybermat. James locks up as he grabs his Sonic Screwdriver and the climbing music from the 1960’s Batman TV series plays as he walks a few steps) Okay, that music is kind of creepy yet silly at the same time. (The Climbing music continues as James follows the Cybermat to an alleyway in which James short circuits the thing in which the music reaches a crescendo and the light from the Sonic Screwdriver shows the message “Look down”)

TLOTA (Audio only): “Look Down” (Cut to James holding the Sonic Screwdriver)

TLOTA: What does that mean? (James looks down to see a rope circling his ankles and closing in around him.) Uh-oh! (James screams as he’s being flung upside down and going up several stories only to be grabbed by Christopher Nolan’s Batman played by Paulo Fonseca)

C.N. Batman: WHY ARE YOU GIVING BEN AFFLECK THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT TO BE ME? (Cut to James being held upside down)

TLOTA: BATMAN?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! (Cut to Christopher Nolan’s Batman)

C.N. Batman: THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUE BATMAN! THE BATMAN GROWLS AT EVILDOERS AND PUTS THE FEAR OF DARKNESS INTO THEM! (Cut to James being held upside down)

TLOTA: WHILE SOUNDING LIKE WOLVERINE WITH LARYNGYTIS? (Cut to Christopher Nolan’s Batman)

C.N. Batman: THE BATMAN THAT USES FEAR TO KEEP CRIMINALS AT BAY AND I BROOD TO WATCH OVER MY CITY! (Cut to James being held upside down)

TLOTA: WHILE ACTING MORE RIDICULOUS THAN THE SCHUMACHER BATMAN EVEN THOUGH SCHUMACHER’S BATMAN HAD BAT-NIPPLES! (Cut to Christopher Nolan’s Batman)

C.N. Batman: I DO THINGS WITH INTELLIGENCE! (Cut to James being held upside down)

TLOTA: WHILE SHOVING THE MAN WHO BOTH SAVED AND TAINTED THE BATMAN FRANCHISE BY SHOVING HIS POLITICAL VIEWS ON THINGS! (Cut to Christopher Nolan’s Batman)

C.N. Batman: WHY DO KEEP COMING UP WITH FUNNY COMEBACKS?! HUMOR IS THE LAST THING MOVIE GOERS WANT WHEN IT COMES TO MOVIES STARRING COMIC BOOK HEROES ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO THE GREATEST SUPERHERO OF ALL TIME! (Cut to James being held upside down)

TLOTA: OKAY FIRST OFF, YOU’RE NOT THE GREATEST SUPERHERO OF ALL TIME! OKAY, THAT MANTLE BELONGS TO SUPERMAN AND SECONDLY HAVE YOU NOT SEEN WHAT THEY’RE DOING AT MARVEL WITH THEIR MOVIES? THEY’RE ABLE TO BE A LITTLE SILLY BUT STILL KEEP THINGS HEAVY ENOUGH TO MAKE A POINT! (Cut to Christopher Nolan’s Batman)

C.N. Batman: HUMOR IS THE LAST THING PEOPLE NEED IN A COMIC BOOK MOVIE! THEY NEED TO BE REMINDED OF THE NEWS OF THE DAY! KNOWING THAT WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A FEW, EVERY POLITICIAN, RELIGIOUS FIGURE AND OFFICER OF THE LAW IS ON THE TAKE! JUSTICE MUST HAPPEN WHEN A FEW DECIDE TO TAKE MATTERS INTO THEIR OWN HANDS! AND NEVER CALL THAT PUSSY THAT DARES TO SHOW ITSELF INTO THE LIGHT THE GREATEST SUPERHERO EVER! THAT MANTLE BELONGS TO ME BECAUSE I BROOD IN THE SHADOWS TO KEEP AN EYE ON EVERYTHING NO ONE ELSE SEES! (Cut to James being held upside down)

TLOTA: OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT? I’VE HAD IT, I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU THINKING YOU’RE THE ALPHA AND OMEGA WHEN IT COMES TO COMIC BOOK SUPERHEROES AND SUPERHERO MOVIES ESPECIALLY IN THE DC UNIVERSE. SO GUESS WHAT? COME JANUARY YOUR ASS BELONGS TO ME FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS BECAUSE I’M GOING AFTER YOU IN MY REVIEWS! (Cut to Christopher Nolan’s Batman)

C.N. Batman: YOU THINK I WON’T BE WATCHING TO SEE IF YOU BE RIGHT IN YOUR THOUGHTS! I’LL BE WATCHING AND WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT, I WILL STRIKE AGAINST YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR! (James gets launched down into the alleyway, screaming all the way until he lands)

TLOTA: BATMAN YOU FREAKING PSYCHOPATH! YOUR ASS IS MINE COME JANUARY! I’LL SHOW YOU HOW FAR YOU’VE FALLEN FROM BEING THE GREATEST! DO YOU HEAR ME! I’LL…SHOW…YOU! (Cut to James in his office quarters.)

TLOTA: Yeah, you could say I had a rough night that night, but my statement still stands. For the next three months I am going to knock Batman down a few bat-pegs! (Cut to clips of Batman from different times in different forms of Media as the Danny Elfman theme plays in the background and James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Now don’t get me wrong, I still like the Batman and I’m gonna do him right by talking about three different versions of Batman. One from the past, one from the current time and one of the future. However, I’m going to do things in nonlinear way. We’re starting in the past, jumping into the future and end in the current time. (Cut to James physically in his office quarters)

TLOTA: So let’s start with the first Batman who got well known for being Batman the Adam West version.

Holy Nostalgic trip! What can James say about the classic Adam West Batman? Find out here

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Well 2015 is all but done and I’ve got the five moments you liked and the five moments I liked and now… (James pulls out his Megaforce Morpher and takes out his statistic card created by Stevie Swigart and becomes James Faraci)

James Faraci: It’s time to countdown the ten moments everyone liked in 2015 about James Faraci The Last Of The Americans!The 10 best moments from 2015 of The Last Of The Americans! What moments made the list? Find out here