@jbfny428
The Top 10 Ridiculous “Rocky” moments
September 28, 2020 in The Last of the Americans
TLOTA: Oh man, am I late. I overshot the Fourth of July but then again I was Uber-busy. Let’s see if I can do something really on the fly. (Silently scatting then saying silently Eeny Meeny Miney Moe & Bingo as James finds in a box set of DVDs of the “Rocky” franchise.) Let’s see what inspiration I can get out of this!
(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James taking on all of popular culture until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it.)
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. When it comes to the Fourth Of July a few things immediately come to my mind are as follows: Bar-B-Ques, Small town Fairs, Fireworks, and two movie franchises in particular “Jaws” and the one I’m going to talk about “Rocky” (Scene cuts to footage of the “Rocky” movie franchise and James doing a voice over.)
TLOTA (Voice over): And there is a reason for it around this time last year I did an editorial on the “Rocky” Franchise and how for Sylvester Stallone the character of Rocky Balboa represents his American Dream of watching someone from the bottom rise to the top! (Cut to clips from the Broadway show of “Rocky” while James continues a voice over) and as I speak now there is a musical adaptation of the first “Rocky” movie that’s hit on Broadway and most people like it but there are those who find it ridiculous. But I ask those who find the Musical Ridiculous,(Cut back to the Rocky movie footage.) Look at all six movies, there were plenty of Ridiculous moments in there and I’m counting down the ten most Ridiculous moments of the “Rocky” movie franchise.
Which moments in the Rocky franchise were so dumb that they deserve to be knocked out? Find out here
One year older, One year “Dumberer”
September 27, 2020 in The Last of the Americans
(Scene starts in a room of a castle filled with knights played by many of the male actors from “GLEE” when one of the knights who look like Chris Colfer runs in.)
Knight 1: My fellow knights, the Armory has been raided someone has taken the King’s sword and the Gem of Eternal power!
(The knights rush to the Armory when the Stable Clerk who looks like Naya Rivera gets the Knights attention.)
Stable Clerk: My lords, the king’s horse has been taken from the Stable. (The knights rush to the stable where they find an empty stall, the lead knight who looks like Matthew Morrison turns to address his fellow knights.)
Lead Knight: The tracks look fresh, all knights take ride and find this person alive. I shall inform Lord Tharagan. (The knights salute and mount up to find the person while the lead knight walks out of the stable and walks to the Castle and as he does he says aloud “What fool takes our king’s sword, gem and Horse?” as Camera Zooms out to reveal Caliverti as musical cues from the opening of “The Name Of The Doctor” plays including the regal theme of Gallifrey as a title card reads “Caliverti, Before the revolution” as scene cuts to a zooming horse running then scene cuts to the woods where Treayco Malocote preparing for a night which will never happen as a horse neighs as it stops and Treayco turns to see the Kings horse and the rider is revealed to be a maiden for Tharagan’s pleasure who looks like Lea Michele.)
Treayco Malocote: I know of you, you are a maiden of Tharagan, why are you here?
Tharagan’s Maiden: I’m sorry Treayco but I’m afraid you must do something against our new Lord and Master. (Scene changes to Lea Michele’s eyes opening to reflect flames.)
Lea Michele (Voice over): I don’t know where I am! (Scene changes to see Lea Michele falling into a tunnel of fire & wind) I feel like I’m shattering into a million pieces, living a million different lives but one thought remains! (Scene changes to Linkara’s old house as Lea looks on as Mechakara turns Linkara into ground hamburger from a rail top)I have to help those who review on the Internet. (Lea grabs a phone shouting for 90’s kid, Ninja Style Dancer & Harvey Finevoice to help Linkara defeat Mechakara from “Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers” episode of “Atop The Fourth Wall”. Then show clip a woman fully disguised in black behind the Irate Gamer fiddling around with a rifle trying to talk to James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and putting a bullet through The Irate Gamer and unmasking herself to be Lea Michele) Especially the first man who fell for me because who I am inside, James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans. But no matter how they differentiate they all in some way influence one another. (Show clip of Nostalgia Critic “Scooby Doo” episode in which Lea’s hands throw lightning into The Nostalgia Critic’s head and he comes to the conclusion.) I feel like I’m running every second just to help all of them. (Show clip of the Angry Video Game Nerd apparently dead as Lea Michele places her hand over the right side of his face and whispers “These games are more than just your burden, they are what you can show what people must avoid. Return and embrace the games, not just play them.) All that time, just to help them! (Scene cuts to Cinema Snob running and Lea shouts “CINEMA SNOB!” then proceeds to run to the Cinema Snob just to Jump to James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans as he opens up a can of whoop ass on those from Channel Awesome during the “Kickassia” invasion as it appears Film Brain comes charging up to James when Lea clocks him with a Cricket Bat knocking him unconscious.) James I think rarely sees what I do. (Scene cuts to James drowning while Emmalina in Mermaid form looks around when Lea as a mermaid points Emmalina to James’ direction then Scene cuts to James and “Karen” from TMZ.) But sometimes I think James does see. (Scene cuts back to Lea falling through the tunnel of flame and wind) My life began on a leaf! (Scene cuts to Lea Michele’s parents who are expecting their daughter when a leaf blows off a tree and onto Lea Michele’s mom initiating the labor process then cuts to Lea’s father as he holds their daughter for the first time.) I’m still riding the breeze that sent the leaf on its way and I don’t think it’ll ever stop. (Scene cuts to Lea Michele falling through the tunnel of flame & wind.) The world knows me as Lea Michele. But I am The Impossible and I’m going to save those who review on the internet, especially….
In Defense Of “Batfleck”
September 26, 2020 in The Last of the Americans
(Scene changes to James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans fiddling around with a sonic screwdriver to see if he can put the color back into the world and five seconds later, The color is back)
Oh hey, it worked. The color is back(looks at watch) and just in time! I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours and welcome to a new editorial segment entitled “In Defense Of…” (Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right hand thumbs up and the words “In Defense Of…” appear to the left of James. Then cuts back to James physically.)This is where I will take a look something that everyone for one reason either in the past or present dislike and see if I can change your opinions on it. If you think I’m wrong comment below. If you think I’m on to something and think I should give a second look at something, like I said comment below. With that said, let’s talk about “Superman: The Man Of Steel”
What does “Batfleck” have to do with Man Of Steel? Find out here!
Studying a “Squeakquel”
September 25, 2020 in The Last of the Americans
(James shuts off Skype and notices something under the package. James picks up the thing which is a copy of “Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel!)
TLOTA: Well, I knew this one was coming.
(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James taking on all of popular culture until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it.)
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours. (Show clips of early days of Alvin & The Chipmunks while James does a voice over) In 1958 Ross Bagdasarian Senior created a novelty gold mine by adjusting the speed of the recording to sound like chipmunks. So much so he created Alvin, Simon & Theodore “The Chipmunks” and their fictional father Dave Seville. In 1961 Alvin & The Chipmunks made their Animated Debut in “The Alvin Show” then in 1983 Ross Jr. was able to convince NBC 11 years after Ross Sr.’s death created “Alvin & The Chipmunks” with Ross Jr taking the reins and Playing Dave and all three Chipmunks and his wife Janice playing three new characters for that series “The Chipettes” female counterparts to the Chipmunks. Then in 2007 Ross Bagdasarian Jr. helped produce a live action movie starring Jason Lee as Dave & Justin Long, Mathew Gray Gubler, Jesse McCartney pointlessly voicing Alvin & The Chipmunks. (Cut back to James in the Green room) I mean it’s as pointless as hiring John Laurinitis to actually run a pro-wrestling company properly (Skype ring) Excuse me! (James opens Skype and sees “The Wrestling Mark”)
The Wrestling Mark: NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT ASSHOLE AGAIN! HE DROVE RAW & SMACKDOWN INTO THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL! (Skype shuts off and James has a look on his face of honesty.)
TLOTA: I’ll give him that, he’s been taking things hard since Schlock Lesnar beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. (Show clips from 2007 “Alvin & The Chipmunks” movie while James does a voice over) The movie wasn’t bad we had a good parody of what it’s like to be a young entertainer in this century thanks mainly to Jon Vitti of The Simpsons fame being the primary writer. (Cut back to James in the Green room) I don’t however think it was worthy of a sequel but apparently it was made so here we go! (Show “Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel” title card and clips from the movie while James does a voice over) I wish I could review this chunk of chipmunk crap properly but it has been reviewed, skewered, sliced, diced, chopped, minced, julienned, shredded and slammed every which way & day from Sunday. (Cut back to James in the Green room) So instead of reviewing this as usual, I am going to in fact study this movie and see if I come to the same conclusion that all my internet brethren have come up with. So let us study “Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel”.
What can I discover in my study on a “Squeakquel”? Find out her
A whole lot of rotten “Fish”
September 24, 2020 in The Last of the Americans
TLOTA (Inner Monologue): My god, this was the movie is the one that broke me. How can I review this? It is one of the worst movies ever made! Worse than a “Happy Madison” movie! Worse than “The Room”, “Food fight” & every single little Uwe Boll movie ever made! Alki David’s “Fish Tales”
Which movie is so bad that it left me catatonic? Find out about this rotten pile of smelt here
How The “Muppets” are back for “Now”
September 23, 2020 in The Last of the Americans
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and Yeah still at home, and in Quarantine but guess what, thanks to my family we now have Disney+ and one of the first things that I saw was something my niece wanted to see. (Cut to live action Mulan title credit. Cut to James) NO! Something that she and I could both enjoy!
What Disney+ Original is a must watch/re-watch? Find out here
Is “The Passion Of The Christ” a religious experience?
September 22, 2020 in Blogs, The Last of the Americans
I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours. With Easter around the corner I figured I would talk about movies based on the Bible and yes I am aware of the title of the editorial. Movies like “Noah” “Son Of God” “God’s not dead” making news everyone has been talking about religion in movies and for me that started ten years ago with the movie “The Passion Of The Christ” (Show scene of the movie’s title and clips as James does a voice over.) Co-Written, Produced and directed by the mad Anti-Semitic Mel Gibson before he torpedoed his career. The movie was a description of the last 12 hours and was completely spoken in Aramaic & Latin both were dead tongues and surprisingly a lot of people were saying that “The Passion Of The Christ” was an amazing experience religiously speaking. (Cut back to James physically) Now I saw this a few years back after it came to DVD and to be honest, I thought it was the best art-house movie I’ve ever seen something Oancitizen should review. But was I religiously moved?
Did Mel Gibson’s Cinematic Masterpiece help me find religion? Find out here
Far from “Bogus” but not that great
September 21, 2020 in Blogs, The Last of the Americans
(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James taking on all of popular culture until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it.)
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. (Show clips of “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” while James does a voice-over) In 1989 a little movie called “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” starring two little known actors named Alex Winter & Keanu Reeves and legendary comedian George Carlin became a monstrous hit at the box office. The story was simple. Teens go back in time. (Cut to audience saying “BACK TO THE FUTURE” and James visually appears) I know! (Cut back to clips of “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure”) As I was saying Teens go back in time to pass their history exam in a time machine that looks like a phone booth (Cut to audience saying “DOCTOR WHO” and James visually appears) NO KIDDING! (Cut back to clips of “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure”) Needless to say chaos in the Space Time Continuum ensued as the two passed their exam and won the heart of two princesses from Medieval Times and because “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” was a success a sequel was quickly made. (Cut back to James visually) Was it good or was it truly bogus. Well, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want to know.
Will this be EEXCELLENT? Or as Bogus as the title? Find out here.
The Final bite from the “Spider”
September 20, 2020 in Blogs
ORAC (Audio Only): Previously on James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans.
(Show scene of James grabbing Spider-Man 3 and extreme pain courses through him)
Lea Michele: ORAC, what’s going on?
TLOTA (Sounding dark & demonic with his eyes glowing with black flames): Spider-Man 3 (Dark Spider-Man theme from Spider-Man 3 play in the background and James smiles a wicked grin.)
ORAC (Audio Only): And now the conclusion!
James’ journey comes to an end but will it end with a new beginning or not? Find out here
Should the Romantic Comedy genre die?
September 19, 2020 in Blogs
ORAC: Disclaimer: The Following was pre-written prior to the current events involving James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. By the time this gets posted it’ll be February and as such I’ll have to deal with the WORST holiday on the planet “Valentine’s Day” & as a guy I can say there are no words in the English language or any real or fictional language to express the disdain towards this Holiday I have!
Another “Spider” Bite
September 18, 2020 in Blogs
ORAC (Audio only):Previously on James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans.
Rowdy: Well it looks like you’re on your way back. (Rowdy’s phone goes off) One second. Hello (Muted horn play representing other person talking like in a “Peanuts” Special.) Dang it, I got to go, all the pre-recorded episodes I did when I heard about what happened to you are all posted and I got to get back to do my reviews down where I live in the Dallas/Fort Worth/Arlington area of Texas. Good luck and Stay Rowdy My Friend. (Rowdy pops out as James & Lea sit there in surprise)
Lea Michele: Wow, how did he do that?
TLOTA: He has a genie. How did I know that? (Lea Michele grabs Tri-corder, scans James)
Lea Michele ORAC, what’s the latest findings?
ORAC: According to the scanner some of his memories are beginning to return and his brain is integrating the data from the returning memories to what he’s been though for the past six years. He must watch the next movie in Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man movie series to continue the progress.
TLOTA: So what am I waiting for? (James walks over to Spider-Man 2 & grabs it and it hurts him even worse than grabbing the first Spider-Man and he drops it only for Lea Michele to grab it and see the cover.)
ORAC(Audio): And now the continuation.
The journey continues here. What will happen next? Find out here
Was “Demo Reel” that bad?
September 17, 2020 in Blogs
ORAC: Disclaimer: The Following was pre-written prior to the current events involving James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. In 2012 Doug Walker alias The Nostalgia Critic decided to retire his well known persona in the fourth anniversary special “To Boldly Flee” with that came a moment where everyone wondered “What was going to happen next?” what happened was “Demo Reel” & I am saying it was not worse than Melvin: Brother Of The Joker & The Nostalgia Critic’s Let’s Play. I ‘m saying if people on your site are making jokes about how bad it is, I decided not adding salt & lemon juice into the open wound. But not everything about it was horrendous, it was just not what people were used to when it came from Channel Awesome and Doug Walker. But with that in mind I think I can break into three columns “Demo Reel” & those columns are where it did work, where it didn’t & how it could’ve been better.
