(James shuts off Skype and notices something under the package. James picks up the thing which is a copy of “Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel!)
TLOTA: Well, I knew this one was coming.
(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James taking on all of popular culture until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it.)
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours. (Show clips of early days of Alvin & The Chipmunks while James does a voice over) In 1958 Ross Bagdasarian Senior created a novelty gold mine by adjusting the speed of the recording to sound like chipmunks. So much so he created Alvin, Simon & Theodore “The Chipmunks” and their fictional father Dave Seville. In 1961 Alvin & The Chipmunks made their Animated Debut in “The Alvin Show” then in 1983 Ross Jr. was able to convince NBC 11 years after Ross Sr.’s death created “Alvin & The Chipmunks” with Ross Jr taking the reins and Playing Dave and all three Chipmunks and his wife Janice playing three new characters for that series “The Chipettes” female counterparts to the Chipmunks. Then in 2007 Ross Bagdasarian Jr. helped produce a live action movie starring Jason Lee as Dave & Justin Long, Mathew Gray Gubler, Jesse McCartney pointlessly voicing Alvin & The Chipmunks. (Cut back to James in the Green room) I mean it’s as pointless as hiring John Laurinitis to actually run a pro-wrestling company properly (Skype ring) Excuse me! (James opens Skype and sees “The Wrestling Mark”)
The Wrestling Mark: NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT ASSHOLE AGAIN! HE DROVE RAW & SMACKDOWN INTO THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL! (Skype shuts off and James has a look on his face of honesty.)
TLOTA: I’ll give him that, he’s been taking things hard since Schlock Lesnar beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. (Show clips from 2007 “Alvin & The Chipmunks” movie while James does a voice over) The movie wasn’t bad we had a good parody of what it’s like to be a young entertainer in this century thanks mainly to Jon Vitti of The Simpsons fame being the primary writer. (Cut back to James in the Green room) I don’t however think it was worthy of a sequel but apparently it was made so here we go! (Show “Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel” title card and clips from the movie while James does a voice over) I wish I could review this chunk of chipmunk crap properly but it has been reviewed, skewered, sliced, diced, chopped, minced, julienned, shredded and slammed every which way & day from Sunday. (Cut back to James in the Green room) So instead of reviewing this as usual, I am going to in fact study this movie and see if I come to the same conclusion that all my internet brethren have come up with. So let us study “Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel”.