@chris-lang
by Chris Lang
My favorite WWE Event theme songs
July 31, 2022 in Blogs, Chris Lang's Commentaries, Lists
Well, I suppose I might as well admit that I used to watch the WWE a lot back in the the 80s and the 90s. I don’t watch it as much anymore, due to the product going stale because of bad booking decisions. (And don’t get me started on Vince McMahon and his insistent terminology, his yelling in the commentators’ earpieces, and his overall control freak tendencies. As I write this, he has been forced to retire as WWE CEO and chairman due to a scandal, and if he never comes back from this, it’s probably for the best). I’ve kept up with the news occasionally, though.
Recent developments have made me look up some old WWE music and themes. And as I did so, I realized there were a lot of theme songs to the WWE big events (such as Wrestlemania, Summerslam, and so on) that I loved. I’ll list them here.
Summerslam 1998: Highway to Hell (AC/DC)
I’m not the biggest AC/DC fan, but this song certainly is catchy. Summerslam 1998’s main event featured Stone Cold Steve Austin facing off against the Undertaker. So we have a guy known for being a rebellious, feisty, ‘hell raising’ anti-hero facing off against a guy whose gimmick is being in touch with supernatural forces from worlds beyond this one and beyond life and death (and is sometimes known as ‘The Dead Man’). What better song to get people pumped and ready for this clash than ‘Highway to Hell’? It played constantly during promos for the event, so much that when it came time for the event itself, there was a segment where the crowd (what in more recent years has been called ‘the WWE Universe’) was invited to sing along.
Wrestlemania 21 (2005): “Bigtime (We’re All Partners in Crime)” by the Soundtrack of Our Lives
Another really catchy song that gets stuck in your head, it’s the perfect soundtrack for ‘Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood’. It’s a fast-paced rock song about people waiting for their opportunity. Honestly, I can’t do justice to this one. You have to hear it for yourself.
Wrestlemania 22 (2006): “Big Time” by Peter Gabriel
Peter Gabriel’s song of the same name might not be as fast paced as the song by Soundtrack of Our Lives, but it certainly helps set the atmosphere. Wrestlemania is considered to be THE event of the WWE calendar. It’s sort of the big ‘season finale’, where old feuds and angles are resolved, and new ones started. It’s where most of the main titles are defended, and usually two or more titles change hands. It’s considered one of the biggest showcases for the WWE’s biggest superstars.
In short, Wrestlemania is ‘big time’. So songs about making it to the big time are certainly appropriate.
Wrestlemania 17: “My Way or the Highway” by Limp Bizkit
Full disclosure: I’m not a big Limp Bizkit fan, either. But I have to admit this song definitely fits in great with the WWE and its feuds. Especially with Wrestlemania 17, which featured Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Rock (yes, Dwayne Johnson). Both of whom had WWE personas of people who wanted to do things THEIR way – much like the song. The song haunted me while WWE was running promos for the event, and it haunted me afterward, too.
However, as far as music that haunts me goes, it has NOTHING on the next item on the list.
Judgement Day 2003: “The End” by Jim Johnston and WWE music
This is an ominous, dark, haunting track. It sure sounds like the sort of song that would play when the world is about to end. Shorter than most of the other songs on this list, clocking in at under a minute and 40 seconds, it doesn’t have to be very long for its point to be made. The simple but dark, ominous chorus of “The End is Here” stays with one for quite some time afterward.
Indeed, this song gives the sense that something is going to come to an end soon. Maybe not the world, but something. This is a setup for a final showdown, and this music certainly brings an air of finality to the occasion. One way or another, a situation will change, and things will never be the same afterward.
Survivor Series 1998: “Deadly Game” by Jim Johnston and WWE Music
Now this is another one that WWE music composer Jim Johnston wrote, and it’s a personal favorite. It’s a dark, ominous song with lyrics involving seriously high-stakes gambling. It’d be right at home in a gangster movie about the underworld and the deadly games those involved in organized crime play. Or maybe in a political thriller or a ‘court intrigue’ drama. Any sort of situation where the main characters are involved in a very dangerous game trying to get the better of dangerous people, and the stakes are life and death.
The song’s been covered by Theory of a Deadman, but its version lacks the ominousness of Johnston’s original, which conveys the unsettling theme much better. The last verse, especially, is a chilling one. “Judgement day calls in all markers. Hounds of hell, it’s getting darker. As they carry you away, you wonder what went wrong…”
In any case, these are my favorite WWE event themes. Give them a listen. It’s well worth it.
Are there any WWE event theme songs I missed that are your favorite? Let me know in the comments.
What Manic Expression Is, and What It Isn’t
July 14, 2022 in Blogs, Rules, Site Policy
To whom it may concern. I’d like to explain what this site is, and what it is not. First off, what IS Manic Expression?
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What this site is:
This site, Manic Expression, is intended for people to share their views and reviews of movies, television, comic books, anime, and other products of popular culture. Here, we may offer opinions on everything from superheroes to satire.
The site was started by James Daniel Walsh, who used to post his STOP THE HATE blogs on the blog portion of the That Guy With The Glasses site. Around a decade or so ago, James and a bunch of like-minded bloggers got tired of the lack of exposure and neglect they were getting there (long story, and not really mine to tell – James can tell it better than I can. I didn’t start blogging until Manic Expression started), and decided to start a site of their own.
Hence, Manic Expression was born. Here, we see regular contributors such as James himself with James’ Corner, where he discusses movies, cultural trends, and current events.
There’s A Look At Disney, where Moviefan12 talks about various Disney movies, TV shows, theme parks, and related subjects.
There’s Decker Shado, the Internet personality with the best hair, and his video reviews of movies from the past few decades.
There’s Toongrin with Whyboy and reviews of several animated features.
Rowdy C Moore hosts TV Trash, where he reviews lots of old shows. Some live on in infamy, and some have been forgotten. And maybe some of the stuff he reviews isn’t as bad as others.
Antoni Matteo Garcia posts a wide variety of things, from reviews of stage performances to fan artwork.
Curiosity Inc.’s Movie Curiosities is devoted to reviewing recent movies that many of us have heard about and might be curious about.
My own column, Chris Lang’s Commentaries, is all about whatever I feel like talking about in a column at the time. I have several sub-columns, such as Why It Just Doesn’t Work (where I explain why certain scenes in fictional works just don’t work), Fanfic Subgenres (where I describe common fanfic subgenres and tropes, and discuss how they’re used in professionally produced fiction as well as fanfic), and Enough Already, where I just rant about things we need a break from.
There’s also James Faraci’s reviews of movies and even Internet shows, Madhog Thy Master, 2 Guys Who Watch Movies, FunkyMonkey, Jim Bevan, Jamietud, Hedonistic Actor, and many more valued contributors who offer their pop culture commentary.
We don’t see Fanfic Critic, Big Black Hat Man, and jashykins as much as we used to, but when they or other long-absent Manic Expressionists make their return, we’re glad to see them again.
All in all, this is a place for people to share their creativity. And as long as people are doing that, then we don’t have a problem.
However, I need to address the elephant in the room. Lately, there’s been an increase in posts that are NOT in the spirit of this site. Those posts have been sent to the Trash when seen, but it’s still upsetting to see them.
So now that I’ve explained what Manic Expression IS, let me now explain what this site is NOT.
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What this site is NOT:
This site is NOT a site for spam, unsolicited advertising of ANY products (including, but not limited to, any sort of medications or pills). This is Manic Expression, not Spammic Expression, so if you’re here to push dietary supplements or boner pills, then please don’t do that. Any spam posts will be trashed on sight.
It’s also not a site for rudeness, bigotry, or acting like a jerk. If you are in any way offended by tolerance for non-whites, LGBTQ people, people who aren’t rich, or religions other than your own, then this is not the site for you. We here at Manic Expression are accepting of all races, sexualities, and so on.
It’s not a site for toxic fandom. James Daniel Walsh has already devoted several STOP THE HATE blogs to combatting disproportionate hatred of Star Wars characters and actors, for example.
We accept criticism, but only if it’s constructive.
Also, if you wish to be a contributor to this site, please be kind and only post one blog/video per day.
All in all, the more you use this site the way it was intended – as a means of reading and/or sharing fun reviews and views of various aspects of popular culture – then the more you will get out of it.
I hope this explains a few things.
by Chris Lang
My Top Seven Villain Songs That Aren’t From Musicals
July 7, 2022 in Blogs, Chris Lang's Commentaries, Lists
Admit it. For many of us, Villain Songs are a guilty pleasure.
Villain Songs are, of course, songs sung by the villain of a musical, be it a stage musical, an animated feature, or whatever. There the villain sings about their goals, their feelings about themselves, their feelings about the people whose lives they’re about to ruin (via scamming them, stealing from them, or worse), and/or about their motives. Villain songs can be funny, over-the-top, dramatic, or even frightening. Whatever the mood of the song is, Villain Songs usually tend to be among the most memorable songs of a musical.
Of course, not all Villain Songs actually come from musicals. There are some songs that certainly qualify as Villain Songs, but which aren’t from works that we can truly call a musical. This can be because either
A. The work in question has only one song, and the Villain Song happens to be it.
B. The song isn’t from a work. It’s a song inspired by a villain or villains sung from the point of view of a villain. You’re likely to find this song at live concerts or CDs by singers who sing songs themed around fantasy, sci-fi, fairy tales, horror, and myths and legends.
So without further ado, here’s my Top Seven Villain Songs That Aren’t From Musicals. Why Top Seven? Because I like to go TWO steps beyond.
by Chris Lang
Enough Already: Surprise midroll ads in Youtube videos
June 10, 2022 in Blogs, Chris Lang's Commentaries
Hello and welcome to Enough Already, where I discuss trends, tropes, and behavior that we really need a break from.
This time, I’d like to discuss surprise midroll advertisements. Especially the sort you find on YouTube in just about any video lasting ten minutes or longer.
You see this happen when you’re watching a Stephen Colbert monologue, or maybe a news/opinion commentary on recent news events. You’re paying close attention, and then suddenly the video is interrupted by an ad selling you insurance, or cars, or some diet milkshake. You do not have ANY control over where the interruption happens or when. It just happens — often at times when you’re least expecting it.
With regular television, we’re prepared for commercials. In scripted dramas, there’s an ‘act break’, possibly with some sort of plot twist or revelation that the audience can dwell on while they’re getting snacks from the refrigerator or seeing the commercials and local news promos. Late night talk shows have the host announce when they’re taking a break, and tell the audience what to look forward to when the show returns. News programs (be they local news programs or cable news programs) have similar natural break points.
But with YouTube, there’s no such thing. A serious discussion on climate change, gun violence, wars or terrorist actions, or a public health crisis could be suddenly interrupted by a lighthearted Geico advertisement with a silly pop culture reference joke. Similarly, a lighthearted video making fun of pop culture trends, celebrities, politicians, or incompetent lawyers could be interrupted by a deadly serious ad for a petition to address climate change, gun violence, economic inequity, or some serious debilitating, life-threatening disease. It results in the worst kind of Mood Whiplash – the sort that tosses you from one mood straight to a complete different mood without any warning whatsoever.
I’m not a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or any sort of professional therapist, but I know that can’t be good for people’s mental health. The human mind is just not designed to go that quickly from one extreme to another.
Another trick YouTube does with its midroll ads that is especially jarring is when a news/commentary show like The Young Turks states they’re about to roll a clip of whatever controversial political figure or evangelist said and then, where the clip should play, we get an advertisement before we actually get to the clip.
The hosts did NOT say ‘We’ll play this clip after these messages’ or anything like that. They said they were going to play the clip NOW. But YouTube’s ad interruptions turn the clip announcements into a sort of bait-and-switch.
And as I say this, I know that this decision by YouTube to just place ads wherever it wants is not designed to please me. It’s clearly designed to please the very few people on this planet who see the natural commercial breaks on television and scream in rage. It’s designed to please those who believe commercials should actually interrupt programs as God clearly intended, and that all those scripted ad breaks in dramas or the ‘When we return, our guests will be (insert celebrity name here)’ speeches are painfully forced.
I’m sure there must be some people out there like that who prefer YouTube’s “sudden interruption at inappropriate moments” approach to ads to regular TV’s “ease viewers into the break” approach to commercial breaks. But I can’t imagine that these people are the majority.
I’m sure most people, like me, would prefer the “ease viewers into the break” approach. I honestly don’t think I’ll be changing many peoples’ minds with this rant. I doubt those who handle the advertisements on YouTube will read this, or even care what I have to say if they did read this. I just had to vent about something that’s been bothering me greatly the past few years.
In any case, my guideline for advertisements in videos is like this: If the ad isn’t where a commercial break would logically go in a regular television show, don’t place it there.
Let me know what you think in the comments.
by Chris Lang
Enough Already: Asexual/non-sexual erasure
June 5, 2022 in Blogs, Chris Lang's Commentaries
Hello and welcome to Enough Already, where I discuss trends, tropes, and behavior that we really need a break from.
This time, I’m reposting and revising a blog from 2012. Some things have changed since then, but not enough.
I’m taking a break from my usual discussions of illogical or nonsensical scenes in media to discuss a typical response geeks get from non-geeks (or even some geeks, in an Even Nerds Have Standards way).
Namely the line “you need to get laid”, or some variation of it.
You see it all the time. You see it in comment sections. You see it on message boards and forums. You see it in TV and movies (in shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or The Big Bang Theory) where some character makes a geeky reference and another person rolls his/her eyes at the statement and says something like “You’ve never had even the tiniest bit of sex, have you?”
First off, why is there an assumption that if someone has a wealth of knowledge about comic books, anime/manga, or fantasy/sci-fi movies, TV shows, or literature, then that someone does not have a sex life or is a virgin? For all the person making these remarks knows, the geek might actually have a “significant other”. They might have indeed had sex. And having a sex life and having a vast (if not encyclopediac) knowledge of geek culture are not mutually exclusive concepts.
Secondly, even if the geek in question IS a virgin or at least hasn’t ‘done it’ in a long time, why is it anyone else’s business?
There are many reasons why the geek might not be “getting any”. Maybe they want their first time to be reserved for that “special someone”, and they haven’t found that “special someone” yet. Maybe they’re not sure about their sexual preference yet. Maybe they’d rather not deal with possible negative consequences (sexual disease, unwanted pregnancies, arguments, and other messes I won’t go into here). Or maybe they’re just plain not interested in sex.
Not everyone considers sex to be a priority. Not everyone is just waiting to hop in the sack with someone as soon as they’re old enough to drink, or vote, or drive. Some have other interests, other desires, and other priorities. Some have decided “Sex? Not for me.”
Just to be clear, I am not hating on sex. I’m sure it’s VERY pleasurable and enjoyable for those who participate in it. I don’t have a problem with sex itself at all. In fact, I owe my life to sex, and most likely so do you. It’s just that I’m not in any hurry to have it myself, and I’m just fine with it.
So, why are people so hard on those who aren’t having sex? As I write this, there are billions of humans on the planet Earth, so it’s not like every guy has a duty to knock up a girl and every girl has a duty to become pregnant to keep the species going. The human race is not at this time facing an under-population problem.
So what’s the reason for the hate people like me, who don’t consider sex a priority, get? There are probably many reasons, but I think one of them has to be people’s beliefs that THEIR way of getting enjoyment out of life – i.e. sex – is better than others’ means of having a good time.
And to that I say, I believe greatly in individuality. People should be free to do whatever they enjoy, as long as it’s not hurting themselves or others. So why force your way onto others? Let them decide for themselves if your idea of having fun is right for them.
This also goes for aromantics – people who aren’t romantically attracted to anyone. We shouldn’t be too hard on them, either. Also, it’s important to not confuse sex with romance. Some people can be romantic without having a great interest in sex, and vice versa.
Asexuality and aromantic are just as valid identities as heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, and all the other sexualities on the spectrum, and shouldn’t be ignored or be the butt of jokes. I believe in treating asexuals, heterosexuals, cisgenders, romantics, aromantics, and LGBTQ+ people with decency and respect.
And to go back to what triggered this rant in the first place, I find it perfectly acceptable for non-geeks to tell geeks “You have waay too much time on your hands.” That’s all right, because it’s true in a way. But when someone says “Sleep with something” or “you need to get laid”, then there’s a problem. Our sex lives or lack thereof are quite frankly none of their business.
I think I’ve said all I need to say on this subject. I originally posted this back in 2012, but the points, I feel, bear repeating today even though I’d like to think asexuals and aromantics (often called ‘aces’ and ‘aros’) are a lot more visible today than they were back in 2012. In any case, let me know your thoughts in the comments.
by Chris Lang
Enough Already: Season-ending cliffhangers
May 26, 2022 in Blogs, Chris Lang's Commentaries
Hello and welcome to ‘Enough Already’, where I talk about certain tropes, trends, attitudes, and other things that, at the very least, we need a break from because these things are just not good for us, for the people involved, or both.
Today, I’ll discuss Season Ending Cliffhangers, and why TV shows really, really need to stop doing them unless they’ve already been renewed.
Season ending cliffhangers go back a ways in television as a way to keep fans wondering what’s going to happen next, and to ensure they’ll be back so they know the fates of their favorite characters. One of the earliest instances of a show ending a season on a cliffhanger was Soap in 1978, which ended with two characters having an affair.
Dallas, which premiered that same year, was known for its season ending-cliffhangers. The most famous of which – the one that really gave attention to the concept – was ‘Who Shot J.R’. The very phrase became a catchphrase designed to promote the show after its third season ended with a murder attempt on J.R. Ewing, the show’s best-known character who was so unpleasant to most of the rest of the cast that almost everyone else on the show had a motive for it. It was an example of the classic whodunnit trope of the A-Hole Victim.
Even people who never watched Dallas knew about it, and everyone wanted to know just who the guilty party was. They’d have to wait until the fourth season episode “Who Done It” for the mystery to finally be solved and the culprit revealed.
Season ending cliffhangers have enjoyed quite a life since then. They’ve been featured in dozens of prime-time drama shows, and even more recently on shows that premiere on streaming services. Star Trek: The Next Generation had some good ones, one of the best being ‘The Best of Both Worlds’ in the third season where Captain Picard had been assimilated by the Borg and the cliffhanger was whether or not the rest of the crew would be able to both stop the Borg and save their captain.
Other Star Trek series, such as Star Trek: Voyager, used them as well (my favorite being ‘Scorpion’ where Captain Janeway has to risk a dangerous alliance with the Borg against a common enemy even though she knows she can’t entirely trust the Borg and has been advised to be extremely cautious).
The ‘One Chicago’ shared series universe of Chicago Fire, Chicago Med, and Chicago P.D. frequently end their seasons on cliffhangers. In Chicago Fire, these cliffhangers can range from the personal (Matt Casey in danger from a criminal organization, or Kelly Severide and Stella Kidd being stalked by Stella’s ex-husband) to most of the cast being endangered in a building collapse or factory fire. Chicago Med‘s cliffhangers sometimes involve characters being in danger physically from attacks or accidents, and sometimes it’s just the characters’ careers that are in jeopardy. Chicago P.D. has gone the physical danger route sometimes, but more often has had characters get themselves into situations where they’ve done something morally questionable that could threaten their positions at the Intelligence Unit.
However, not all popular series have embraced season-ending cliffhangers. Buffy the Vampire Slayer ended every season with that season’s Big Bad (the main villain of the season’s story arc) being defeated, with only minimal cliff-hangery elements in a few of them (such as Season 2, whose bittersweet conclusion has Buffy leaving town, Season 6, where Spike’s subplot results in a big turning point for his character, and Season 5, where Buffy has apparently died in the process of saving the world). In fact, most seasons ended in such a way that if the series wasn’t renewed and it turned out that it was the final season, the series could end on at least a fairly satisfactory note. We’ll get back to that in a bit.
Of course parodies of the season-ending cliffhanger abound, from Saturday Night Live to The Simpsons (which has only done one season-ending cliffhanger, a ‘Who Shot J.R’ parody, namely ‘Who Shot Mr. Burns’). Despite parodies and notable aversions, however, the season-ending cliffhanger still is very prevalent in television today.
However, season ending-cliffhangers have a number of problems associated with them. Let me list what I feel are the most serious ones.
1. Relying on cliffhangers too much leads to ‘cheap’ cliffhangers that annoy the audience.
Sometimes showrunners feel like they need to end a season on a cliffhanger, no matter what. The ‘Arrowverse’ series The Flash (which has aired on The CW since 2015) has sometimes ended on cliffhangers even after the Big Bad has been defeated, with some of those cliffhangers feeling more forced than others. Some of them (at least to me, anyway) didn’t feel like natural consequences of what had happened, but instead felt more like last-minute out of nowhere twists to tack on a cliffhanger because the showrunners were worried audiences wouldn’t tune in next season otherwise.
This sort of reliance on cliffhangers, however, tends to annoy the audience rather than make them enthusiastic for the next season. Good cliffhangers make the audience go “Oh no! How are they going to get out of this one? It so frustrates me I have to wait several months to find out!”. Bad cliffhangers just annoy the audience with how tacked-on they are.
2. The audience can’t enjoy any nice things that happen to the characters as the end of the episode nears
The problem when you’re expecting a season-ending cliffhanger is that you take nothing at face value. You’re waiting for every happy moment the characters have in the finale to suddenly be ruined by a nasty twist, like someone being kidnapped, injured, or put in mortal danger.
Did the heroes just defeat the Big Bad, are in a good mood, and everything seems to be going their way? We’re not expecting it to last until the credits. No, we’re expecting some Post-Climax Confrontation or some Diabolus Ex Machina (the evil opposite of a Deus Ex Machina) to turn up and tack on a cliffhanger, such as the time The Flash defeated a version of Savitar that was an evil version of himself, only for the Speed Force to decide it wants to trap him.
Shortly after I posted this article, I saw the finale of season 10 of Chicago Fire, and was constantly guessing what the cliffhanger was going to be. I was so worried about what dark twist might come out of nowhere any second during the last ten minutes that I couldn’t properly enjoy all the happy moments during Kelly Severide and Stella Kidd’s wedding. I actually sighed with relief when both the wedding and the reception went off without a hitch, and everyone left the proceedings happy. It turned out the episode ended with only the slightest hint that the two newlyweds might have an uninvited guest on their honeymoon.
And I was thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have worried. Maybe I should have just enjoyed the moments for what they were. Shortly thereafter, I rewatched the episode and was able to do just that. For all Chicago Fire fans out there who may be reading this, I thought it was a great episode overall. It’s just that the whole ‘guess the cliffhanger’ game I was playing throughout the proceedings made me a little too nervous to enjoy it the first time around.
But that’s what expecting a cliffhanger can do to the audience.
3. Sometimes actors won’t return for the next season
This sometimes happens when a character is put in a situation that needs to be resolved, but the actor (for one reason or another) doesn’t return for the next season. When that happens, the season premiere that resolves the cliffhanger has to resolve the plot thread somehow without having the actor’s character appear onscreen.
If the character is in immediate physical danger, the character could die instantly. We’d lack the poignant death scene with last words and previously unseen flashbacks, but we’d still get closure.
If, however, the character is in less immediate danger but still facing a worrying problem, that character’s story has to be resolved through dialogue (and perhaps a body double). When Jon Seda left Chicago P.D. after his character Antonio Dawson was last seen relapsing into drug addiction, the next season had to establish that Sergeant Hank Voight got him the help he needed at a rehabilitation clinic, and later have Antonio (still offscreen) leave Chicago to join his sister Gabriela Dawson (who had left Chicago Fire a season earlier) in Puerto Rico.
Meanwhile, in The Flash, Ralph Dibny had to be written out abruptly due to his actor being fired from the show (to make a long story short, some old tweets of his with sexist jokes resurfaced, and he was considered too toxic). He was written out by having his face disfigured while seeking out the Big Bad, and only appeared in two scenes in the Season 7 premiere. The first of these had the stand-in for the actor hiding his face in a manner similar to Bela Lugosi’s stand-in from the infamous Plan 9 From Outer Space. The second scene at the end, where he leaves town (and the show), has him wearing a Daft Punk like helmet the entire scene.
So, sometimes plans for shows have to be changed due to actors not being available for one reason or another.
4. Sometimes a network will cancel a show regardless of how a season ends
This is the big one, and it cannot be ignored. Cliffhangers do not guarantee that a show will be renewed. Sometimes changes happen at networks. Network executives who loved and/or supported the show will leave, and be replaced by other executives who don’t think nearly as highly of the show. They might think the show has run its course despite the showrunners and the fans thinking it still has one or two more good seasons left in it, they might not understand the appeal of the show in the first place, or there might be a lot of major restructuring at the network and the executives might just decide to ‘clean house’ and drop a bunch of shows.
I originally wrote this on May 26th, 2022. A month previously, The CW announced it was canceling a number of shows as the network is being sold by its owners (WarnerMedia and ViacomCBS). Among them, DC’s Legends of Tomorrow, a popular ‘Arrowverse’ show featuring a quirky band of time-traveling heroes and their crazy adventures as they attempt to fix the timeline from aberrations, anachronisms, and various magical creatures and aliens causing trouble in various eras.
The show tended to end many of its seasons with bizarre cliffhangers. For example, Season 2 ended with the Legends successfully defeating the Legion of Doom at the end of Season 2, but their actions in doing so resulted in the side effect of creating time anachronisms like dinosaurs in modern times, and famous historical figures showing up in the wrong eras. Season 5 ended with Sara Lance being abruptly beamed aboard an alien spaceship. Season 6 ended with the Legends stopping an alien invasion only to end up stranded in 1925 due to a bizarre turn of events no one could have seen coming. And Season 7, the most recent season, ended with the Legends reclaiming the Waverider from a gang of evil robot doubles, but being arrested by a group of time authorities shortly after being introduced to a potential new member of the group, Booster Gold.
Unfortunately, it appears there will not be a Season 8. The cancellation notice is a frustrating turn of events for all fans who believe Legends of Tomorrow deserves better than to end up as an item for clickbait list articles listing shows that ended on a cliffhanger.
On Twitter, showrunner Keto Shimizu accepted full responsibility for the problem.
“The cliffhanger isn’t the CW’s fault. It’s mine. I played chicken with the pickup, and lost. Hopefully the story can continue in another form. TV movie? Comic book? Radio play?”
You can tell the desperation in the tone of that message. The showrunner wants the show to continue and the cliffhanger to be resolved somehow, but it appears Season 8 is out of the question.
Perhaps this is not the last we will see of Sara Lance and the rest of the crew of the Waverider. There is still the possibility that the characters might reappear on The Flash, which is set in the same universe and HAS been renewed for another season. Though writers on other sites (such as CBR and Screenrant) note that The Flash is likely living on borrowed time (as it appears on the verge of wrapping up naturally due to the departure of many original cast members) and deserves to have its final season devoted to Barry, Iris, and the rest of its cast rather than wrapping up storylines from other series. Instead, they suggest maybe there should be wrapup miniseries or movies on HBO Max (also owned by WarnerMedia) for Legends of Tomorrow and Batwoman. Whether any of the above happens (as of this edit on May 26, 2022) remains to be seen.
But in any case, the showrunner is right to take full responsibility for the problem. The showrunner chose to end the season on a cliffhanger without knowing whether or not the show would be renewed.
By contrast, the showrunners of Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD knew the show might not be renewed after Season 5, so they ended Season 5 with a finale that could serve as a good finale for the show as a whole. Phil Coulson sacrifices the cure for the condition that is killing him so that Daisy can save the Earth, the Earth is saved, Coulson goes to Tahiti to live out his last days, and the rest of the team flies off in their plane to new adventures.
As it turned out, Agents of SHIELD was lucky – they DID get renewed for another season. Two more seasons, in fact, though both shorter than the previous five seasons. Season 6 picked up the one remaining plot thread (the search for the one MIA member of the team) and made it an important part of the first six episodes, and Season 7 was basically a ‘victory lap’ season for the show, as the team faced off against enemies both old and new in a time travel arc featuring callbacks to many of the show’s previous storylines.
But if the series had not been renewed, Season 5’s finale still would have been a good sendoff for the show. It had action, drama, laughs, tears, and a moving farewell to one of its main characters.
And as stated above, Buffy the Vampire Slayer also had several season finales that could have served as finales for the show overall had the show not been renewed. From Season 1’s defeat of the Master to Season 3’s ‘Graduation Day’ to Season 5’s tearjerker, there’s plenty of possible series finales that were only season finales in the long run.
All in all, I’d say that it’s best to avoid season ending cliffhangers if you don’t know if the show’s going to be renewed. That’s taking the risk that the show will abruptly end with a lack of closure. Neither a triumphant riding off into the sunset like Agents of SHIELD (both Seasons 5 and Season 7) nor a bittersweet one where the main character ties up loose ends before dying (like Breaking Bad). Just an abrupt end, with nothing being resolved and people not knowing whether or not their favorite characters find the happiness or whatever they’re looking for.
If, however, the show you run already HAS been renewed for another season prior to the filming of the season finale, then feel free to end the season on a cliffhanger. Just make sure the cliffhanger fits in with the story, the setting, and the characters and doesn’t feel too tacked on. The Chicago shows (Chicago Fire, Chicago Med, and Chicago P.D.) have done a fairly good job of it over the years, with cliffhangers that don’t feel shoehorned in at all.
But in any case, I feel that the season ending cliffhanger is a trope in television that has been overused, and showrunners should think carefully if they are to end a season on a cliffhanger. And if they don’t know if the show is going to be renewed, or if a cliffhanger would feel too ‘forced’, my advice overall is not to do it.
But in any case, that’s just me. Do you agree? Disagree? Feel free to discuss the pros and cons of season ending cliffhangers in the comments.
by Chris Lang
WIJDW: Harold Crick’s Stranger Than Fiction meeting with Karen Eiffel
March 11, 2022 in Blogs, Chris Lang's Commentaries
WIJDW: Harold Crick meets Karen Eiffel
Posted by Chris Lang on November 14, 2012 at 11:30 AM
Revised March 11, 2022, at 11:04 PM
Hello and welcome to another installment of Why It Just Doesn’t Work (WIJDW). Here, I analyze scenes and elements of movies, comic books, and other entertainments and explain why they are illogical, nonsensical, and/or otherwise just … don’t work.
This time, I’ll be discussing the 2006 movie Stranger Than Fiction. Don’t get me wrong – I liked the movie. It had lots of good moments and great performances. However, not all of it worked for me. So here, I’ll be discussing a certain part of it that threw me out of the story, so to speak.
The film concerns Harold Crick (Will Ferrell), an IRS agent who lives a lonely life, with very little going for him outside of his job. Every morning, he brushes his teeth and counts brushstrokes, he then counts his steps on the way to the bus, and so forth. In short, his life’s pretty dull. And then one day, he hears a woman’s voice narrating his daily routine.
by Chris Lang
Top Seven Not So Great Villain Songs (2021 edition)
November 23, 2021 in Blogs, Chris Lang's Commentaries, Lists
Top Seven Not So Great Villain Songs
August 3, 2015/3 Comments/in Basic: Movies & TV, Basic: Top Number Lists, BLOGS, Chris Langs Commentaries /by Chris Lang
Villain Songs are fun. They’re where the villain gets to sing about their modus operandi or their villainous schemes. Or maybe they sing about their feelings about the world, the protagonists, and the various people they wish to screw over in order to achieve their goals.
Villain Songs can be darkly comedic (“A Little Priest” from Sweeney Todd, “Hello Little Girl” from Into the Woods, “The World’s Greatest Criminal Mind” from The Great Mouse Detective, to name a few), dark and threatening (“Hellfire” from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, “In the Dark of the Night” from Anastasia, or “Epiphany” from Sweeney Todd, to name a few), or subtly menacing and/or unsettling (“My Friends” from Sweeney Todd, “Lonely Room” from Oklahoma). They’re generally one of the highlights of any musical, and often help to make the villains even more memorable.
Sadly, however, not every villain song is a good one. The ones I’m about to discuss don’t really deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as the songs I mentioned in the previous paragraph. These are the ones that are ineptly done and are likely to be ones people laugh AT rather than with, if they don’t just make one cringe for the wrong reasons. I’m not going to say these songs are ‘the worst’ (though the top two on this list are indeed on the wrong side of the line that separates ‘not very good’ from ‘really bad’), but by comparison to many of the great Villain songs, they’re just not that good. So, here we go.
(Oh, and since links can change a lot over the course of time, I’m not providing any video links to any of the songs. You can look for them yourselves if you want to, just to see whether or not you agree with the assessments below. Though a few might be harder to find than others).
7. “Marry the Mole” from Thumbelina
This song actually won a Razzie for Worst Original Song. And yes, it qualifies as a Villain Song because it’s basically Mrs. Fieldmouse trying to convince Thumbelina to marry the rich Mole for his money. “Love won’t pay the mortgage or put porridge in your bowl. Dearie, Marry the Mole.”
The song gets pretty weird even in context, with lines such as “True it’s a fact that he’s not exactly witty. He’s blinder than a bat but at least his eyes are blue. His breath may be alarming, but he’s charming for a troll. Dearie, marry the mole.” But at least his eyes are blue? What is THAT supposed to mean?
Then we come to this bridge.
“Romeo and Juliet were very much in love when they were wed
They honored every vow, so where are they now?
They’re dead! Dead! Very, very dead!”
Talk about taking the wrong message from one of Shakespeare’s classics. Marrying for love isn’t what killed them. It was a series of bad or hasty decisions and one or two things going wrong (the letter going astray), as well as their families being at war, that caused the tragedy.
Anyway, Mrs. Fieldmouse continues to belittle Thumbelina while advising her. She says “Poor Thumbelina, your brain’s so itty-bitty”, and telling her to “think of all the ways that you can decorate a hole”. Yeah, this is one song that we tend to laugh AT rather than with, since the words are just so strange. However, there are worse songs out there, so this only earns a space on the bottom of the countdown.
6. “The Queen of Mean” from A Troll in Central Park
“A Troll in Central Park” is, well, not a good animated movie. It’s an ineptly done kid’s film that’s basically about one kind-hearted good troll who likes flowers and trees, and a bunch of bad trolls who are ugly and bad just for the sake of it. The bad trolls are led by Gnorga, the self-professed Queen of Mean. She explains herself in song, like this:
“It feels delicious to be so vicious
I’m Gnorga, the Queen of Mean
It’s so delightful to be so spiteful
I’m Gnorga, the Queen of Mean”
Granted, there IS a slight bit of cleverness in the one verse (but that isn’t saying much):
“If I choose I’ll destroy and demolish
Arrest and abolish every troll I’ve known
Stand in my way and you’ll stand there forever
Because I’ll turn you into stone!”
However, she blows it in the next verse when she says
“Get in my way and I’ll get you forever
Because I’ll turn you into stone!”
“Get you forever”? (shakes head and sighs). Anyway, she proclaims in the chorus that
“I’m the Queen of Mean
I’m the meanest queen you’ve ever seen.
You should have no doubt about my clout
I’m the Queen of Mean.”
All in all, this song’s kind of lazily written. It’s admittedly catchy, but the words are just uninspired at best. The line that really earned it a spot on this list is the “get you forever” line. Really? Is THAT the best they could come up with? Why couldn’t they just repeat the “Stand in my way and you’ll stand still forever” line from the previous verse? Oh, well. On to the next one.
5. “Money is Such a Beautiful Word” from Tom and Jerry: The Movie
Now, many of you are probably more familiar with the Nostalgia Critic’s review of the Tom and Jerry movie than you are with this movie itself. But just to reiterate, the film ends up having very little to do with Tom and Jerry, who are reduced to being the sidekicks of a little girl trying to find her lost father, while trying to escape from the wicked Aunt Figg and her butler Lickboot. There’s not much to say about Aunt Figg and Lickboot — they’re pretty much your average greedy money-obsessed villains. So what do they sing about when it’s their turn to do a Villain Song? About how they’re obsessed with money, of course.
However, the song runs into problems from the very first line. “Money is Such a Beautiful Word”. Yeah, but it’s just a word, you know? Aunt Figg goes on to say money’s a wonderful thing, and admittedly it does get a tad better when Lickboot actually sings a verse (as opposed to just saying “I know, I know”), but it’s just not very clever or imaginative. It’s just your standard cliched lines about loving money from your standard cliched money-grubbing villains. (And yes, it was pretty cliched when the movie came out).
4. “Mean, Sour, Crafty and Cruel” from Yogi’s First Christmas, Oliver and the Artful Dodger, and The Smurfs
This song is listed as being from three works, all of which were produced by Hanna-Barbera. Yes, Hanna-Barbera basically recycled a song and used it in at least three works that I’m aware of.
One would be the animated movie Oliver and the Artful Dodger, released in 1972. The film was presumably made to cash in on the popularity of the movie musical Oliver! , but the story and tone are a lot more cartoonish than either the musical or the original Oliver Twist written by Charles Dickens. After Oliver’s guardian Mr. Brownlow passes away, Oliver seeks to recover Mr. Brownlow’s missing will with the assistance of a now-reformed Artful Dodger. They are pursued by Brownlow’s crooked nephew, Sam Sniperly (aka ‘Snipes) who has arranged for the will’s disappearance in the first place (being thieving, Brownlow had disinherited Sniperly and left his fortune to Oliver). What follows is a lot of cartoonish slapstick that would be out of place in any Dickens work, and Sniperly singing this villain song as he dances with two vultures.
Sam Sniperly/Snipe: I’m mean, sour, crafty and cruel
I get my pleasure making a fool
of people who go by the Golden RuleSnipe: (spoken) They don’t have a chance! Ha!
Snipe: (sing) I does it legal
Everything according to the law
I’m the slyest, thorniest, downright ornriest bloke you ever saw!I’m mean, sour, crafty and cruel
I’ll grab those kids before they can think
And throw them in the workhouse as quick as a wink!
Oliver and the Artful Dodger is overall rather forgettable (though I’m tempted to do another blog entry on it), but the song resurfaced in Yogi’s First Christmas, released in 1980. There, it’s sung by Herman the Hermit, a miserable sourpuss who hates Christmas. He encounters a bratty young boy named Snively who also hates Christmas, and sings another version of the same song.
Herman the Hermit: (singing) I’m mean, sour, nasty and cruel
I get my pleasure as a general rule
Out of scaring them folks with their carnival yulesI do it sneaky
I operate a bit outside the law
I’m the slyest, thorniest, downright orneriest hermit you ever saw!I’m sour, bad, nasty and mean
I’ll ruin Christmas, scare Santa away
Chase off them reindeer and burn up the sleighHerman: (spoken) Ha ha ha ha! We’ll get em good, won’t we Snively?
Snively: Right you mean old hermit!
It THEN resurfaced just two or three years later in an episode of The Smurfs, titled ‘Blue Plague’. There, Gargamel sings of how he’s going to make the Smurfs ill with his latest experiment.
Gargamel: (Singing) We’re mean, sour, crafty, and cruel
We get our pleasure making up gold of Smurfs who live by the Golden Rule.Gargamel: (Spoken) They won’t have a chance, Azrael.
Gargamel: (Singing) We’ll do them in
with a potion that sticks in their craw;
I’m the sliest, thorniest, down-right orneriest wizard you ever saw.
I’m mean, sour, crafty, and cruel
I’ll make them sick in the wink of an eye.
They’ll sneeze and they’ll cough and they’ll nearly cry. He he ha ha ha!
So thanks to the magic of recycling, it goes from being about throwing kids in a workhouse to being about ruining Christmas to being about poisoning Smurfs.
But in all its incarnations, it’s not really much more than the sum of its parts, at best. It’s not all that catchy, the words aren’t very clever, and there’s very little to it other than a guy boasting about how mean he is and straight out telling just what he’s going to do to the heroes. The fact that it’s been used three times in three different works is far more interesting than the song itself is. All in all, it won’t be giving Disney villains any sleepless nights worrying about if their song’s good enough.
3. “Ruber’s Song” from Quest for Camelot
Quest for Camelot is a frustrating movie. It’s one that really could have been good, if only it wasn’t forced to try to imitate the 90’s Disney formula, and its heroine had actually BEEN a strong female character instead of having to be rescued more often than she did any actual heroics. Nonetheless, there are a few good songs in it. “I Stand Alone” and “The Prayer” are both highlights of the film, and ones I’d pick for a countdown of good songs from not-so-good movies.
“Ruber’s Song”, however, not so much. It’s this high on the list because it barely even qualifies as a song. Granted, there’s dramatic music, but the words are just so awkward.
“I have a plan. It includes you
You, Juliana will lead me to … Camelot!”
And he goes on in this vein, as if he’s making up the words and the rhymes as he goes along. It reminds me of bad villain songs I made up when I was eleven years old. Now, some say his awkward delivery and the awkward words are supposed to be symptoms of Ruber’s madness: he’s not just power-mad, he IS insane.
But still, this song is half-sung, half spoken, and generally jarring. It’s hard to tell where the spoken parts end and the singing begins, and vice versa. “Fie on Goodness” or “The Seven Deadly Virtues”, this song is not (and that’s a deliberate reference to an overall better musical about Camelot).
Okay, let’s brace ourselves. Now we’re getting into the REALLY bad stuff. So, here’s the top two.
2. “We’re the Titans” from the animated Hercules and Xena: Battle for Mount Olympus movie
Hercules and Xena: Battle for Mount Olympus is an animated spinoff movie of the then-popular first-run syndicated adventure shows of the 90’s. It was also clearly intended to cash in on the craze generated by the recent Disney animated Hercules movie. In this film, Hera (as part of her war against Zeus) unleashes the Titans and they take over Olympus, and Hercules and Xena have to stop them. There are only three songs in this film, and Xena’s ballad about courage and heroism isn’t so bad. However, the song that immediately precedes it is one of the worst villain songs I’ve ever heard anywhere.
We cut to the Titans partying as they’ve taken over Olympus and had the Greek gods rendered helpless. They sing their song, and it’s dull, delivered in a low monotone, and its lyrics make me cringe. Especially the portion quoted below:
“We’re the Titans, we’re the worst
We’re meaner and we’re so much more perversed
Zeus had all the luck but now he’s cursed
Cause we’re the Titans. We’re the worst.”
You can look it up if you’re brave enough. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
However, the Titans are wrong about one thing. They’re NOT the worst — at least not on this countdown. What could be worse than cartoonish Titans singing badly written lyrics in a low monotone? How about this one from someone I’ve talked about in previous articles.
1. “Shark Rap” from Tentacolino
Now here we come to a song that’s from one of those movies that make you wonder why it even exists. It’s from Tentacalino, aka Search For the Titanic, which is a sequel to the infamous The Legend of the Titanic (which I’ve covered in my Titanic Turkeys series of columns). Now, as I’ve gone into in replies to comments, we KNOW why The Legend of the Titanic exists: It exists to jump on the Titanic bandwagon inspired by the popularity of the James Cameron Titanic film. The main question is why it was written the way it was written. However, another question is why it would spawn any sort of spinoff or sequel. Did the film REALLY do so well in Italy that people wanted to see more of Top Connors, Ronnie, and the octopus Tentacles?
I don’t know. What I DO know is that early on in the film, we get our first glimpse of the shark leader, who I think is supposed to be the same Mr. Ice (aka Icy Incisors) from the previous movie. Only here, it seems he’s really gleeful about sinking ships, and is mockingly dressed in an outfit similar to the Titanic captain’s outfit. Even crazier than that is the bizarre rap song he sings, with a chorus of clams that, in fear of him, sing his praises.
Move over, rapping dog! Here’s a rapping shark!
However, I had a hard time transcribing the lyrics to this one. Some of the shark’s words are hard to make out, but that’s NOTHING compared to the clams’ fast-paced chorus later in the song. Nonetheless, I’ll try to share with you a few words to get an idea of this song…
Shark: Totally an assassin, terror of the sea
Yeah the terror, see that was me
You all know why and that’s no lie!Clams: Oh, you you
There’s no one meaner than you
Oh, you you
There’s no one meaner than youShark: Everyone here they’ll need to know
The world is ready and the ocean will flow
I’m the great terror on the coral reef
They can sing about the great Ice Teeth
And then the clams go with a bunch of words that are sung so quick I can’t make most of them out.
“No one (something something) meaner than you
(something) shark, what can we do? (even more stuff I can’t make out all the words to”.
And then the shark sings another verse about how he likes sinking ships. “Look at my empire, and all you’ll see are sunken ships in my cemetary.” Then the clams sing another fast-paced chorus which goes something like this… “No one (sure sure?) meaner than you. Evil mad and wicked, too. (long stuff about how mean the shark is which I can’t understand all of, ending with). You’re ferocious, we’re all hopeless without you, our king.”
This song might be considered So Bad It’s Good by many. It’s hilariously bad in some of its lyrical content, and is just plain weird. However, the reason it earns a number one spot on this countdown is because it’s so incoherent in spots, in addition to the quality of the lyrics. Honestly, unless I get the official lyrics from the makers of this film, there’s no way I’ll understand the clams “No one (sure sure?) meaner than you” verses, other than the general gist that they’re singing about how evil the shark is. All in all, this song was poorly put together.
And guess what? As weird as the song is, the movie gets even MORE insane from that point on. I’m STILL not sure whether I want to even try to review it (though others, including Whyboy, have tried).
Anyway, a good Villain Song, be it serious or darkly comical, has clever lyrics that give us insights into the villain’s character, and help make the villain even more interesting. They’re among the most memorable songs in a musical, and help to make the villain memorable. The songs here, however, don’t quite succeed the way good Villain Songs do.
Keep in mind, of course, that all this is subjective. You might rank these songs differently, or even feel some shouldn’t even be on this list. In any case, feel free to leave your comments below.
by Chris Lang
Chris Lang’s Biggest Media Turkeys, Volume One
November 21, 2021 in Blogs, Chris Lang's Commentaries, Lists
In honor of Turkey Day, I’m going to list some of the greatest ‘turkeys’ I’ve encountered in movies, television, and comic books.
I’m referring to ‘turkeys’ in the sense of a media that was a failure in some way, was poorly received, or just wasn’t that great. For some reason, turkeys are a bird that have the misfortune of sharing their name with a term meaning ‘failure’. It’s believed to originate from theatre, where an unsuccessful theatrical production was called a ‘turkey’ (the song “There’s No Business Like Show Business”, written by Irving Berlin, has the line “Even with a turkey that you know will fold”). Mystery Science Theater 3000 used to have its annual Turkey Day Marathons showing plenty of fan-favorite episodes with plenty of ‘cheesy’ movies, and people still use the term ‘turkey’ in this manner today, so this use of the word ‘turkey’ isn’t going away any time soon.
Of course, movies and theatrical flops aren’t the only things that can be labelled ‘turkeys’. Television shows, comic books, and games can be called that as well. So without further ado, here’s my list of Biggest Media Turkeys – Volume One. (I might do another list in the future if I come up with more items).
Animals United
This 2010 CG animated movie is one that doesn’t seem to know what it wants to be. Does it want to be a lighthearted animal buddy comedy like Dreamworks’ Madagascar movies? Does it want to be a more serious film about animals fighting back against the environmental damage humans create, like Once Upon a Forest? Does it want to depict some of the harsher realities of animals facing both natural and man-made disasters, such as the deaths of some animal characters, as seen in films and shows such as Bambi, Watership Down, and The Animals of Farthing Wood?
This film tries to do all of the above, and ends up being a complete mess because of it. There’s a lot of A-list actors cast as the voices, such as James Corden as Billy the Meerkat, Stephen Fry as Socrates the Lion, Vanessa Redgrave and Jim Broadbent as the old turtles, Dawn French as Angie the elephant, and Joanna Lumley as Giselle the giraffe, but many of them aren’t given much to do as the film has too huge a cast of characters. Even killing off or sidelining at least a small few doesn’t help much in that regard (and in fact only calls further attention to the fact that the film has more characters than the writers know what to do with). There’s too many tonal shifts causing the wrong kind of Mood Whiplash, and the ending is so over the top that it’d make Captain Planet and the cast of Ferngully blush.
I’m considering doing a full blog post about this one, if I can find the time to watch the movie again and take notes all through it. It really deserves a full analysis of all the ways it tried at being so many things, and failed at all of them.
Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice
What’s there to say about this one that hasn’t already been said? So many things have been said about this movie over and over again on the Internet, but it doesn’t make them any less true. Zack Snyder’s ‘dark and brooding’ distant alien loner approach to Superman doesn’t fit the character, Jesse Eisenberg’s Luthor suffers by comparison to far better Luthors (from Gene Hackman’s in the classic Christopher Reeve Superman movies to Jon Cryer’s in the Arrowverse’s Supergirl series), and the idea that Batman and Superman have these philosophical differences that cause them to fight each other only to put all that aside just because their mothers share the same first name is so ridiculous it’s been mercilessly mocked everywhere (including in the movie Deadpool 2).
But what really bothers me about this movie is that it copies and pastes elements of far better comic book stories in manners that makes those elements feel unearned. Ben Affleck’s Batman is an older version of the character who’s lost a Robin and is more violent, much like the Batman depicted in Frank Miller’s classic graphic novel The Dark Knight Returns. It doesn’t really work for a Batman who’s meeting a Superman who’s still so early in his career the world doesn’t know what to make of him.
And that last part also hurts its shoehorning in elements from 1992’s ‘The Death of Superman’ comic book storyline. That storyline only works if we have a Superman who’s been around for a while and is loved and respected by most of the people. The Superman of this movie is none of the above – in fact, the whole plot is set in motion because people don’t know what to make of him and some are afraid of him, much like the protagonists of the X-Men. Honestly, it should have been saved for a later movie, where it would have felt more earned.
The Dark Knight Returns also had Batman and Superman fighting, but in the universe THAT story is set in, both had been around for a long time and had been forced to react in different ways to the changing politics around superheroics. There, they are two friends forced to reluctantly fight each other, as opposed to two strangers who put aside their differences for a ridiculous reason.
The only good part of the movie was the introduction of Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman, who has gone on to appear in two solo movies, Wonder Woman (2017) and Wonder Woman 1984 (released in 2020, sometimes referred to as WW 84), both of which are far better movies which I highly recommend you see.
The Dark Knight Strikes Again
I mentioned Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns as a far better story that Batman V Superman copies and pastes from. Some parts of it have aged better than others, but it’s still far better than the sequel Frank Miller made several years later.
While most people remember TDKR for its aging Batman called out of retirement to fight alongside new Robin Carrie Kelly, its take on the final confrontation with the Joker, and the fight with Superman at the end (which is handled better than Batman v. Superman for reasons stated above), there was also a lot of very unsubtle political satire in its segments depicting the media. By the time The Dark Knight Strikes Again came out, it was the year 2000, and Frank Miller was already starting to degenerate into self-parody.
So the unsubtle satire (which had been under control in TDKR) becomes seriously distracting in The Dark Knight Strikes Again, with ridiculous and over the top media parodies. Just about every superhero other than Batman is pretty much a helpless pawn of the government and/or supervillains such as Luthor and Brainiac, and Wonder Woman is reduced to being Superman’s love interest (don’t get me started on that). It’s pretty similar to the notoriously bad Elseworlds graphic novel JLA: Act of God in how it elevates Batman at the expense of other DC heroes.
I pretty much quit after the first chapter of it. Others, such as Linkara of Atop the Fourth Wall, have mercilessly trashed it, and it deserved it. As does the next item on this list.
All-Star Batman and Robin
In the mid 2000s, DC invited creators to do their own stories featuring established characters set outside the main DC reality at the time. Grant Morrison did All-Star Superman, which is very highly regarded, and Frank Miller did All-Star Batman and Robin, which is NOT highly regarded and quickly became an Internet joke not long after its release.
At this point, Frank Miller had degenerated completely into self-parody, with characters being greatly exaggerated, repetitive dialogue, the whole pseudo-noir lines sounding cartoonish, and the artist on the work being explicitly told by Frank Miller to over-sexualize Vicki Vale to make the heterosexual male readers drool. Worst of all is its depiction of Batman, who comes across as (at best) a ridiculously exaggerated parody of Millers’ previous depictions whose dialogue was co-written by some immature middle schooler who Frank Miller asked to help with the dialogue. No decently written version of Batman would ever use the word ‘re***ded’ as an insult, yet here we have one who says the infamous line “Are you dense? Are you re***ded or something? I’m the goddamn Batman!”
Sounds more like something an immature tween kid (who was likely the school or neighborhood bully) playing Batman on a school or neighborhood playground would say, rather than something ANY version of Batman prior to this would ever say. It’s no wonder the line got mercilessly mocked in Internet memes, earning a place in Internet fan culture alongside Darth Vader’s Big No in Revenge of the Sith for lines that were not meant to be funny but were just so ridiculous that no one could take them seriously. At this point, I was one of the sensible people who stopped reading this insane waste of paper, so I was spared the later insanity of its version of Wonder Woman, the whole Green Lantern scene, and Robin being forced to eat rats.
Linkara on Atop the Fourth Wall stopped calling this comic’s protagonist ‘Batman’ and instead referred to him as ‘Crazy Steve’ in all of his reviews of the series, and he was right to do so, as this Batman is such a distorted exaggeration we can’t consider him the ‘real’ Batman. In any case, this series deserves all the bad reviews Linkara and other comic book reviewers have given it over the years.
The Legend of the Titanic
I already did a whole series of blogs about the animated Titanic movies, focusing on Titanic: The Legend Goes On and The Legend of the Titanic. Of the two animated knockoffs of James Cameron’s Titanic, I have to say that The Legend of the Titanic is the worse one.
As I say in the articles, even if you took out the Titanic and replaced it with a completely fictional ship invented for the movie, it would be a ridiculous nonsensical mess about an evil whaler who somehow forms an alliance with an evil gang of sharks to sink a ship to secure whaling rights from a Duke who refuses to give him those rights. But when you make the ship in question the Titanic, thus working in an actual disaster that REALLY happened in which 1500 people died – and then have everyone saved by a giant octopus – then it becomes a LOT worse.
I don’t really have much more to say that I haven’t already said in my ‘Titanic Turkeys’ series of blogs. Starting with my review of Titanic: The Legend Goes On, continuing with my review of The Legend of the Titanic, and finishing up with my list of the Top 12 Most Ridiculous Moments in the Animated Titanic Movies.
Tentacolino, aka the Search for the Titanic
Can you believe The Legend of the Titanic had a sequel? This sequel actually doesn’t have much to do with the Titanic, so at least it isn’t as insulting to history and to the people who died in the actual disaster.
But it’s still insane, nonetheless. The film begins with a bizarre rap song sung by the leader of the evil shark gang from the previous movie, and only gets weirder from there.
After this bizarre scene with the rap song and its chorus of clams, we get the protagonists of the first movie (Elizabeth, Don Juan, the dog Smiley, and the mice Top Connors and Ronnie) in a diving bell searching for the Titanic, when they have an accident. Their old friend Tentacles the octopus (who saved them AND everyone on the Titanic in the previous movie) tries to help, and then they’re taken to a very bizarre version of Atlantis with animate toys. Oh, and Maltravers (the evil whaler from the previous movie) is somehow still active though he’s under a different name this time.
Things get even crazier, culminating in a bizarre battle with the sharks in which Smiley (previously a normal dog) suddenly gets the ability to fire a laser gun and drive a chariot. I honestly don’t know where to begin describing this movie, as it’s just so insane. I probably won’t be giving it its own blog feature any time soon. But in any case, the existence of this movie is incredibly baffling. Were there audiences REALLY demanding to see more adventures of Top Connors, Ronnie, Tentacles, and the rest?
Spider-Man: The Gathering of Five/The Final Chapter (1998)
I’d say I saved the worst for last, but when All-Star Batman and Robin is also on the list, some might argue. But this IS, however, the worst Spider-Man story I have ever read, and the precursor to the infamous One More Day.
Now, as many may know, the infamous Clone Saga of the Spider-Man comic books in the mid-90s ended with Norman Osborn, the original Green Goblin, being revealed as the mastermind behind it all. This was due to editorial decree, as editor Bob Harras insisted on Norman Osborn being the mastermind since he had the resources to pull it off and an understandable motive. Of course, since the writers jumped through a bunch of continuity-related hoops to bring Norman Osborn back in the present-day Spider-Man books, they had to keep using him, and so they did, in an ongoing storyline where Norman Osborn bought the Daily Bugle and became a Villain With Good Publicity.
However, Norman Osborn couldn’t remain the books’ Big Bad forever, even if they weren’t planning on relaunching Amazing Spider-Man and Peter Parker: Spider-Man with new number ones (which they were – that’s a rant for a whole other blog). So they had to bring the storyline to a close.
Unfortunately, they did it in the most ridiculous, insane, and half-assed way possible. Linkara said the thing that bothered him the most about One More Day was the complete rejection of effort, and said even the infamous ‘deal with the devil’ could have been made to work if they’d put more thought and effort into it. There’s even LESS effort in ‘Gathering of Five/The Final Chapter’, involving Norman Osborn and four other individuals meeting each other for a ceremony in which mystical artifacts will grant each of them one gift: Power, Immortality, Intelligence, Madness, or Death.
First off, the ‘Gathering’ doesn’t even happen in the actual part titled ‘Gathering of Five’, which is mostly filled with a lot of pointless filler that doesn’t advance the story. Some plot elements (such as where Spider-Man finds the artifact he gives to Madame Web) are kept off-panel, and aside from some setup, very little actually happens. But when ‘The Final Chapter’ four-parter rolls about, that’s where things get really bad, and insulting.
We get lots of horrible dialogue and terrible characterization, some bizarre WTH moments (why does a henchman think Norman Osborn thinking of himself as a god could be a good thing? Why encourage a megalomaniac to be an even bigger megalomaniac?), and a bait-and-switch resulting in the worst explanation for a character’s return from the dead since Bobby Ewing stepped out of the shower on Dallas. (And no, I never watched Dallas, but that moment is so infamous it’s been the subject of mockery even decades after the fact). Many characters regress to their two-dimensional Silver Age roots, and it ends up being a nonsensical mess that insults the reader’s intelligence.
I actually HAD a series of blog posts about it prepared, and ready to post once I’d written blog posts about the stories prior to it, but sadly I didn’t save them anywhere else and they were lost with Manic Expression 2.0 (don’t ask – you don’t want to know). Meaning I’ll have to re-read the worst comic books I’ve ever read once again, and re-type the articles from scratch, if I want to post them on the current site or elsewhere. And that’s something I am NOT looking forward to.
Anyway, ‘The Final Chapter’ paved the way for ‘One More Day’ in the sense that it’s Spider-Man comics at their absolute worst: When editors force certain goals on the writers and don’t care if the stories are ridiculous or insulting to people’s intelligence, as long as it gets the editors what they want, which in both cases is a reversion to a prior status quo. Spider-Man comics have had their great moments, but when it comes to Spider-Turkeys, ‘One More Day’ and ‘The Gathering of Five/Final Chapter’ are the greatest Spider-Turkeys of all.
Anyway, this is my 2021 list of the greatest movie and comic book ‘turkeys’ I’ve run across in media. If I can think of any other really bad ones that’ll make another list, I’ll probably do another one in later Thanksgiving seasons.
by Chris Lang
Fanfic Subgenres: They Read The Fanfics Based On Them
August 23, 2021 in Blogs, Chris Lang's Commentaries
Hello and welcome to Fanfic Subgenres, where I discuss various subgenres and tropes commonly associated with fan fiction, and then give a few examples of those tropes in professionally published fiction.
This time, I’ll be talking about a trope common in ‘answer’ fanfics (fanfics that are written in response to another fan fiction). It’s ‘They Read the Fanfics Based on Them’.
It’s no secret that fan fiction can be very weird sometimes. Sometimes, they take characters in very strange and bizarre directions the source material probably wouldn’t go in. (Unless, of course, the creators run out of ideas and decide to just use whatever crazy ideas they can think of, which has happened in a few series as they begin to wind down, and maybe one or two that the creators thought were in the process of winding down but kept going anyway *coughSimpsonscough*. But I’m digressing).
Fanfics can be places where characters can sometimes go to bizarre places, or engage in bizarre behavior that might seem to be a weirdly exaggerated version of their canonical selves, if not wildly out of character. So it’s only natural that some fanfic writers write ‘answer’ fics where the characters read the fanfics and comment on them.
The infamous My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfic “Cupcakes” has received a few such “answer” fics where the Mane Six ponies read the fic and laugh at how weird and out of character it is. Other fandoms have these types of fics, too. Comics, anime, and various popular franchises have fanfics about the characters reading their fanfics. And when they do so, they usually make comments on what the writer got right about them, and the weird ideas the writer seemed to have about them, and of course will make comments on the weird ‘shipping’ that goes on (‘crack pairing’, a ‘shipping’ of characters together that makes no sense in canon, is a natural for this sort of commentary).
This isn’t always by one writer commenting on another writer’s fanfiction. Every now and then, the writer of the original fic will write a story of this type talking about their earlier fanfic. When that happens, it’s often full of self-deprecating humor. Perhaps the writer is being honest with their readers about that previous fic, or maybe they’re looking back on their earlier fic from a distance and feeling a bit embarrassed by it.
Anyway, fan fiction has come within wider visibility in the last twenty plus years, thanks to the Internet, so its existence has been acknowledged in professionally produced works as well. And sometimes, there will be occasions in actual episodes of a TV series where the characters might read fan fics based on them.
One notable example is the episode of Supernatural titled “The Monster at the End of This Book”, from Season 4 of the series. The main characters Sam and Dean discover that someone has been writing books based on them. This leads them to further discover the existence of an online fandom where they encounter plenty of ‘Sam’ girls and ‘Dean’ girls, as well as ‘Slash’ fics.
Chicago Fire has a similar variant of characters encountering fan fics based on them in the season opener of the fifth season, titled “The Hose or the Animal”. In the comic relief subplot, paramedic Sylvie Brett tells her friends at Firehouse 51 that she’s discovered a site online featuring “firehouse fiction” of the erotic kind. She reads one such work aloud, and it’s not long before Joe Cruz and Brian ‘Otis’ Zvonecek figure out that the descriptions of the characters in the fiction seem familiar, and the names Genevieve Lawson and Melissa Jay seem like variations of Gabriela Dawson and Leslie Shay, two other paramedics who worked as a team in previous seasons. It becomes clear to them that the author of the fic must be someone who works at the firehouse. And indeed, it’s not long before Brett discovers that Randall ‘Mouch’ Muholland, one of the older firefighters at Firehouse 51, has been writing such fics under a pen name.
I’m sure if I were to look at Tropedia’s ‘Oh Crap, There are Fanfics of Us’ page, I’d find some more examples.
In any case, the presence of this fan fiction trope in actual television shows, regardless of the form it takes, is an indication of how far fanfiction has come in influencing our culture.
If you have any more examples (in either fan fiction or in TV, movies, comics, or whatever) of characters reading fanfics based on them, feel free to mention them in the comments.
by Chris Lang
WIJDW: Hunchback of Notre Dame’s Anachronistic Gargoyles
August 22, 2021 in Blogs, Chris Lang's Commentaries
Hello and welcome to Why It Just Doesn’t Work (or WIJDW), where I take a look at scenes from various media and discuss why they might be illogical, nonsensical, and/or just … don’t work.
This time, I’ll be taking a look at Disney’s Hunchback of Notre Dame. More specifically, I’ll be talking about the gargoyle trio of Victor, Hugo, and Laverne and certain things they do at certain points in the film.
by Chris Lang
Fanfic Subgenres: Making Heroes Villains aka Ron the Death Eater
August 2, 2022 in Blogs, Chris Lang's Commentaries
Welcome to Fanfic Subgenres, where I take a look at tropes in fan fiction and mention where those tropes can be found in professionally-produced works.
Today, I’ll be looking at a trope known by some, including Tropedia, as Ron the Death Eater. This is where the writer of a fan fiction takes a character who is not really a bad person in canon, and then twists them until they’re a villain and/or terrible person.
The trope name, of course, comes from Harry Potter fan fics where Ron Weasley turns evil and/or joins the Death Eaters, or otherwise falls to the Dark Side of the Force (oops, wrong franchise unless it’s a crossover with Star Wars … and I’m sure there are a few of those somewhere out there in fanfic land. But I’m digressing). For some reason, Ron Weasley seems to get the short end of the stick a lot in fanfic land.
Of course, this trope applies to more than just Ron Weasley. A lot of characters in a lot of fandoms are put through this in fanfics. At times, all their worst qualities are blown out of proportion, and the writers define them by those qualities, taking them so far they become a horribly monstrous person. And sometimes the writers just make stuff up about characters for one reason or another, and just plain write them out of character with little or no canonical evidence to support this interpretation of the character.
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Tags: Batman, Elseworlds, Fanfic, Fanfic Subgenres, fanfiction, Into the Woods, Once Upon A Time, Peter Pan, Ron Weasley, Stephen Sondheim, Wonder Woman 2 Comments »