BigBlackHatMan

A quick video this week thanking everyone for my 100 subscribers and a book review of John Baxter’s Disney During World War II.

How to Be a Stud with the Ladies or Lies I Like to Tell

As I established in a recent blog, I am very manly, so naturally, that translates to having the ladies lined up around the block just waiting for me to take them out on the town. Did you believe that? Come on. Surely, it is true. It is written right there, on the internet no less. No. Christ, you skeptical bastard. Fine, that may not be exactly how my life has gone from a dating stand point up to this point. Honestly, I have kind of a complicated history with dating. Mostly, it doesn’t exist. Let me give you a quick rundown.

When I was in junior high, I asked a girl out to a dance for the first time. She laughed. Yeah, she thought that I was joking. I couldn’t possibly be serious about wanting to go out with her. It was a bit devastating. The second girl I considered asking out was warned before I went to her, so she hid from me for two days. Awesome. So, I gave up on all that shit all through high school. Let me repeat that, I didn’t go on a real date the entire time I was in high school. I did go on one friend date to junior prom which actually kind of sucked because it turned out we weren’t all that friendly. I was better friends with her brother.

College! For future reference, college is fucking great. High school is a clique infused place that seeks to exclude and belittle the people that attend this prison like institution. College destroys the vast majority of that. However, I continued to avoid dating. I was just so damned shy back in those days. I finally did go out on a few dates my last couple years in undergraduate school, but nothing lasted beyond that. In graduate school, I was going to school and working thirty plus hours a week, so it wasn’t even an issue.

After college, I finally began dating a little. I never went beyond a month in a relationship however. Last year, things changed a bit. I met a girl I liked. We got pretty close. We had a nice six months dating and broke up on amiable terms. And, it kind of ruined me. Yep, I am god damned ruined. Most of my life, I have been satisfied to be single. It is how I am used to getting by, but being in a healthy enjoyable romance was actually pleasant. Now, I would kind of like to experience that again sometime. Shit. My life actually needs something now.

Oh, well. But now that I am actively seeking a possible girlfriend, I have to unleash all this manliness on all of female kind. It should be a matter of time…. Okay, more time than that. The point is that the all the women of the world don’t stand a chance. I mean, here I am. I have a solid job, smart, intelligent, handsome as can be, and a great sense of humor. (If you don’t believe that sense of humor thing, read that list again.) Let the good times roll.

The problem with this is that dating really sucks. Damn, have you ever done anything more awkward? You go out with someone you may or may not know to watch them participate in socially unstable conversation, all the while wondering if this worth either of hers or your time. If you are friends going in, you suffer through the fear of losing what you had. If it is someone you don’t know, what the hell do you say? There is nothing so strange as trying to forge a deep bond with someone you don’t even freaking know. I guess the key is be yourself, be polite, and don’t pass out in your dessert or commit some travesty in your own pants out of fear.

No matter what, I definitely don’t think of myself as a stud. That is just the kind of thing my ego couldn’t support. Nope, I’m just guy. I do my best. Regardless of what happens in the future, I will be content with it. I may stay single, get married, or have a series of white hot romances ending in broken furniture. (For the record, I don’t think that last one happens in real life.) Whatever it is, I like to think I will be good with it.

Also, my chances of landing a date are still good because I don’t have a soul patch.

How to Be a Stud with the Ladies or Lies I Like to Tell

As I established in a recent blog, I am very manly, so naturally, that translates to having the ladies lined up around the block just waiting for me to take them out on the town. Did you believe that? Come on. Surely, it is true. It is written right there, on the internet no less. No. Christ, you skeptical bastard. Fine, that may not be exactly how my life has gone from a dating stand point up to this point. Honestly, I have kind of a complicated history with dating. Mostly, it doesn’t exist. Let me give you a quick rundown.

When I was in junior high, I asked a girl out to a dance for the first time. She laughed. Yeah, she thought that I was joking. I couldn’t possibly be serious about wanting to go out with her. It was a bit devastating. The second girl I considered asking out was warned before I went to her, so she hid from me for two days. Awesome. So, I gave up on all that shit all through high school. Let me repeat that, I didn’t go on a real date the entire time I was in high school. I did go on one friend date to junior prom which actually kind of sucked because it turned out we weren’t all that friendly. I was better friends with her brother.

College! For future reference, college is fucking great. High school is a clique infused place that seeks to exclude and belittle the people that attend this prison like institution. College destroys the vast majority of that. However, I continued to avoid dating. I was just so damned shy back in those days. I finally did go out on a few dates my last couple years in undergraduate school, but nothing lasted beyond that. In graduate school, I was going to school and working thirty plus hours a week, so it wasn’t even an issue.

After college, I finally began dating a little. I never went beyond a month in a relationship however. Last year, things changed a bit. I met a girl I liked. We got pretty close. We had a nice six months dating and broke up on amiable terms. And, it kind of ruined me. Yep, I am god damned ruined. Most of my life, I have been satisfied to be single. It is how I am used to getting by, but being in a healthy enjoyable romance was actually pleasant. Now, I would kind of like to experience that again sometime. Shit. My life actually needs something now.

Oh, well. But now that I am actively seeking a possible girlfriend, I have to unleash all this manliness on all of female kind. It should be a matter of time…. Okay, more time than that. The point is that the all the women of the world don’t stand a chance. I mean, here I am. I have a solid job, smart, intelligent, handsome as can be, and a great sense of humor. (If you don’t believe that sense of humor thing, read that list again.) Let the good times roll.

The problem with this is that dating really sucks. Damn, have you ever done anything more awkward? You go out with someone you may or may not know to watch them participate in socially unstable conversation, all the while wondering if this worth either of hers or your time. If you are friends going in, you suffer through the fear of losing what you had. If it is someone you don’t know, what the hell do you say? There is nothing so strange as trying to forge a deep bond with someone you don’t even freaking know. I guess the key is be yourself, be polite, and don’t pass out in your dessert or commit some travesty in your own pants out of fear.

No matter what, I definitely don’t think of myself as a stud. That is just the kind of thing my ego couldn’t support. Nope, I’m just guy. I do my best. Regardless of what happens in the future, I will be content with it. I may stay single, get married, or have a series of white hot romances ending in broken furniture. (For the record, I don’t think that last one happens in real life.) Whatever it is, I like to think I will be good with it.

Also, my chances of landing a date are still good because I don’t have a soul patch.

A look at the presidents before George Washington and trivia’s role in history.

Have You Found Jesus or Did You Know He Was Missing?

Religion… Feel free to run for the hills as someone has the audacity to satirize this while trying to make cogent points and be fair, but will no doubt be seen as the biggest jerk on Earth for just bringing up the subject. Let me start by saying that I am agnostic. What does that mean? Some would say it means that I don’t want to be religious, but am too big a pussy to be a full on atheist. I disagree with that. It means that I try to keep my mind open while having my serious doubts about spirituality and strongly disliking dogmatic practices that sometimes don’t follow any version of logic. Imagine a box… Never mind. That analogy is great, but it takes too damn long to type out, so trust me when I say it is a really solid one. Read the rest of this entry →

A look at John Quincy Adams’ Presidency and how it has parallels to today.

On the Edge of Arrogance

I can be described as what may be so boldly called “one lucky bastard.” One of the luckiest things that ever happened to me was that I was born to terrific parents. Kent and Carol Nicholson tried really hard to raise two solid children, and I hate to form opinions without basis, but I think they did okay. (My sister may have a different opinion on the first child they had, but who cares what that little snot thinks.) My parents taught me many things that I have found of infinite value through my life thus far. One of the most important things that I have imparted to people who read my drivel is to be yourself. However, I feel like I have beaten that horse to death, so I want to talk about something else they tried to teach me. Read the rest of this entry →

This week, a requested view of the World War II bombing of the German city, Dresden.

How to Be Manly: A Guide from One Manly Bastard


As you can tell, I am incredibly manly. I have a cowboy image, I work a blue collar job, I grew up on a farm, and overall I am a hell of a tough guy. (At least, you should believe this because I have told you so.) I worry that other men out there feel inadequate in their manliness. It keeps me up at night. I hate the idea that men out there aren’t living up to their potential as men’s men. (Don’t worry. I don’t really think about this, but it works for this bullshit blog.) To this end, I plan to give all the men out there tips on how to be much more manly and tough. So, take notes. There will be a test later. Don’t worry though, it isn’t graded. Just pass or fail.

Tip Number One: Grow some awesome facial hair. It doesn’t really matter if it is a beard, goatee, or mustache. It does matter if it is a soul patch though. Those are really stupid and I must make this abundantly clear. People who grow a soul patch are typically douche bags. However, sideburns are hit or miss. There is a fine line between bitchin’ chops and tool bag, pretentious hipster-burns. Personally, I go back and forth between the goatee, the full beard, and the chin strap beard. (I occasionally do the bitchin’ chops just to show how it is done.) Some of you may be thinking, I can’t grow much facial hair. My beard looks like crap when I grow it out. How does this god damn stupid tip help, you idiot?! Jesus, tone it down psycho. Don’t worry. This is only the first tip. There are more items that can make you manly. Oh, I should make it clear that you don’t need to follow all or any of these steps. Once again, it is bullshit.

Tip Number Two: Do something physical. I realize in the modern era it is hard to find a vocation where a man uses his muscles and shows off his skill with his hands, so I don’t necessarily expect everyone to go get a job at the local steel smelter or lumber mill. However, in your free time, build a fence. Chop some logs. Mow your lawn. Whatever. Just use your body to accomplish something. (By the way, if you wear a floppy hat and flower gloves while mowing, you have negated the point.) Though mostly these tips are a bit of silliness on my part written out of boredom one fine morning, I do actually think it is nice to go out and engage in physical activity on a regular basis. I find it highly therapeutic. Even if it is just hiking for a few miles, stretch your body and achieve something with it. I think you will like the results.

Tip Number Three: Be prepared to flip someone off. What I advocating here is not meanness or necessarily aggressiveness, but merely the idea that people in this world can be kind of assholes. Call them out. “Hey man, stop being an asshole.” Of course, if they continue being an asshole once you have verbally or literally given them the finger for this behavior, you ignore them. They are clearly an idiot not worth your time. Also, this one is a fine line to walk. In calling out assholes, you have to be careful not to become one yourself. When I said flip someone off, I should be clear that is figurative, not literal because often this action doesn’t come with enough explanation. Okay, this whole tip is falling apart a little bit. Shit. Ummm… Okay, fuck it. Forget this tip. Just try to get along the best you can and let things get to you as little as possible. Does that sound better? I don’t know. I am too manly to care. Yeah, that sounds good.

Tip Number Four: Eat meat and drink beer. I eat a lot of meat, but I don’t drink beer. (See, I told you that you don’t have to do all of them.) This is more a perception thing. People see you doing this and make a snap judgment that you are manly. It isn’t true, but what written here has been?
Tip Number Five: Don’t worry about any of it and be yourself. Seriously, this is the only one that actually matters. I wrote this mostly to try and be a little bit funny, but I have also been thinking about how we see ourselves and others see us. It is typically a bit of a façade. So, no matter what attribute you see as positive, being manly or whatever, the only way to really achieve that thing is to be yourself. If you have some degree of confidence in yourself, work towards goals that make you happy, and treat people like you would like to be treated, you will quickly become very manly. (I also recommend this behavior for any ladies reading. Also, I am single. Sorry, weird thing to thrown in there. Jesus, this aside is getting long. You think I would stop typing it at some point. Okay, done.) It is hard to be a person, to find happiness, and find a place in our civilization. The only thing I can really say is to your best. As we all know, that shit isn’t easy, but I think we all can do it. It is the most optimistic thing about me. So, from one manly bastard to you, good luck and I know you can.

Also, seriously, who the fuck thought a soul patch was good idea? Damn, that’s stupid.

Wallace returns with his Uncle Herb in tow to answer more of your questions.