How to Be a Stud with the Ladies or Lies I Like to Tell

As I established in a recent blog, I am very manly, so naturally, that translates to having the ladies lined up around the block just waiting for me to take them out on the town. Did you believe that? Come on. Surely, it is true. It is written right there, on the internet no less. No. Christ, you skeptical bastard. Fine, that may not be exactly how my life has gone from a dating stand point up to this point. Honestly, I have kind of a complicated history with dating. Mostly, it doesn’t exist. Let me give you a quick rundown.

When I was in junior high, I asked a girl out to a dance for the first time. She laughed. Yeah, she thought that I was joking. I couldn’t possibly be serious about wanting to go out with her. It was a bit devastating. The second girl I considered asking out was warned before I went to her, so she hid from me for two days. Awesome. So, I gave up on all that shit all through high school. Let me repeat that, I didn’t go on a real date the entire time I was in high school. I did go on one friend date to junior prom which actually kind of sucked because it turned out we weren’t all that friendly. I was better friends with her brother.

College! For future reference, college is fucking great. High school is a clique infused place that seeks to exclude and belittle the people that attend this prison like institution. College destroys the vast majority of that. However, I continued to avoid dating. I was just so damned shy back in those days. I finally did go out on a few dates my last couple years in undergraduate school, but nothing lasted beyond that. In graduate school, I was going to school and working thirty plus hours a week, so it wasn’t even an issue.

After college, I finally began dating a little. I never went beyond a month in a relationship however. Last year, things changed a bit. I met a girl I liked. We got pretty close. We had a nice six months dating and broke up on amiable terms. And, it kind of ruined me. Yep, I am god damned ruined. Most of my life, I have been satisfied to be single. It is how I am used to getting by, but being in a healthy enjoyable romance was actually pleasant. Now, I would kind of like to experience that again sometime. Shit. My life actually needs something now.

Oh, well. But now that I am actively seeking a possible girlfriend, I have to unleash all this manliness on all of female kind. It should be a matter of time…. Okay, more time than that. The point is that the all the women of the world don’t stand a chance. I mean, here I am. I have a solid job, smart, intelligent, handsome as can be, and a great sense of humor. (If you don’t believe that sense of humor thing, read that list again.) Let the good times roll.

The problem with this is that dating really sucks. Damn, have you ever done anything more awkward? You go out with someone you may or may not know to watch them participate in socially unstable conversation, all the while wondering if this worth either of hers or your time. If you are friends going in, you suffer through the fear of losing what you had. If it is someone you don’t know, what the hell do you say? There is nothing so strange as trying to forge a deep bond with someone you don’t even freaking know. I guess the key is be yourself, be polite, and don’t pass out in your dessert or commit some travesty in your own pants out of fear.

No matter what, I definitely don’t think of myself as a stud. That is just the kind of thing my ego couldn’t support. Nope, I’m just guy. I do my best. Regardless of what happens in the future, I will be content with it. I may stay single, get married, or have a series of white hot romances ending in broken furniture. (For the record, I don’t think that last one happens in real life.) Whatever it is, I like to think I will be good with it.

Also, my chances of landing a date are still good because I don’t have a soul patch.

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