BigBlackHatMan

Mike and Mark wanted to destroy the moon, but the ray to do so was a little expensive, so they brought in special guest Chris Cox from oneofus.net to talk about Star Trek.

It’s comedy and tragedy, as well as comedy from tragedy, from the MEDS group this week. If it’s about old school comedy teams inventing slapstick, or the behind the scenes lives of how they hated each other, we’re all about it!  Also, stuff about Rick and Morty, the future of cartoons, and chick flicks.

Starring Martin, Jim, Patricia, Kyle and Ryan.

Random Things Said Randomly

I was debating about what personal and potentially embarrassing topic I should write my blog about this week. I couldn’t think of anything. That’s right. You people know everything there is to know about me and have nothing else to learn. (Yes, it is bullshit, but it sounds good.) So instead, I thought I would talk about some things I have noticed lately. You know. It is a bunch of crap you probably don’t care about, but here it is.

I was buying yogurt at the grocery store. I like to have one with my lunch at work every night, and one of my favorite flavors is Boston cream pie. It tastes great with a little granola. However, my strange mind focused on something the container said. “Artificially flavored.” Really? No shit. How would something that tastes like a Boston cream pie be naturally flavored. Have you seen a lot of Boston cream pie trees? That actually sounds kind of awesome. (Like I said, weird mind.) In the fall, when that shit bloomed, you would be the most popular person on your block. Horticulture classes at the local college would change a lot too. It would no longer be a bunch of hippies looking to grow cucumbers and kale, but a lot of fat asses wanting to start a whole grove of Boston cream pie trees. I can’t imagine it qualifying as a vegetable though.

I also purchased orange juice. Do you buy liquids? Water, milk, soda, and so forth? How do most of them come? They come in glass or plastic containers. Orange juice comes in a cardboard box. What the fuck? Have you tried to pour water in a cardboard box and keep it there? It isn’t going to work. That shit will break down fast. I can just imagine the meetings of the orange juice growers clear back when. The big man stood up and said, “Okay boys, we have this super awesome natural drink. How do we send it to the people?” Hiram (I am just throwing that name out there. It doesn’t matter.) stood up and said, “Cardboard boxes.” The big boss immediately retorted, “Shit Hiram, won’t that be hard?” Hiram replied, “Yeah, but no one else does it.” A man in the back stood up and screamed, “Because it is fucking stupid.” The big boss had already decided he liked the idea, so he advocated and ran with it. The perfectly reasonable man who called it stupid was drug out, killed, and used to fertilize the orange grove. That, dear children, is how orange juice ended up in cardboard boxes.

I have my pick-up serviced the other day. Oil changed, tires kicked, and change stolen. My pick-up is eighteen years old. The lady who took my money for the service pointed out that many things on the vehicle are starting to wear down. Holy shit! An eighteen year old vehicle is in bad shape. Who knew? Luckily, I kept all these thoughts to myself. I have no problem with being a smart ass, but even I have my limits. I mean, god damn, the lady was just trying to be nice, and I have just received a fine service from the business. Why be an ass? The moral of the story, keep it to yourself sometimes. Every thought we have isn’t clever. Sometimes it just being a dick.

I need to stop watching Pawn Stars. I don’t like much reality TV, but I sure do like junk and antiques. To this point in life, I have managed to avoid buying much crap that would just take up space in my house, but the more I watch this show, the more I want some of this shit. Especially, the antique books. They had a first addition Mark Twain on here one day, with a signature. Holy shit would that be cool, but I know I don’t need to waste the money or the space.

Also, soul patches are still stupid. I don’t feel like I can stress this point enough. Clearly, people who have been reading these know that I can.

Wallace has returned with his cousin, August or Sequoya depending on who you ask, to answer more questions.

Sequoya Sea-breeze – Russ Wright

Mike and Mark wanted to assassinate the UN General Secretary, but it was lightly raining, so instead, they decided to talk about CGI versus practical effects with Shibby aka Chris.

The MEDS team of Martin, Chris, Kyle, Jim, and Ryan discuss…whatever. We didn’t have a plan and we have no idea what we’re doing. We need an adult.

Working Out and Eating Right or How I Have My Limitations

I work out six days a week or so. That statement seems to lend itself to the conception that I may be a healthy individual. That is sort of right. I have committed myself to a thorough workout regime where I lift weights, indulge in cardio, and stretch with regularity. I have also recently employed a chiropractor (a word I can’t spell to save my ass for some reason) to ensure that I don’t put myself too far out of wack while doing all this exercise. Once again, these facts would imply that I have a very healthy body. However, there is a catch, but let me come back to that.

Working out is one of those things. It is really good for you, but that is a hard thing to realize while you are doing it. I hate fucking lunges. Put two weights in your hands, take a big step out with a knee going to the ground, and repeat. It is horrible the entire time. However, I am aware of how it aids my legs and conditioning and does all these positive things and blah, fucking, blah. Knowing this does not make it any less shitty. All I can really do is suck it up (I would say stop being a pussy, but I have seen plenty of women be much better at lunges than me), do the work, and know that it is for my own good.

I know we all come up against this. Some people have the unmitigated gall to tell you that they really like it. They can’t get through their day without it because of how much they love to exercise. Bullshit! We do it because we know how good it is for us. Some people can stick with it, some people can’t, and others go back and forth. We all have days where we loathe it or are okay with it at best. Honestly, I used to be a back and forth type, but I have become consistent over the last three years. Good for me or the hell with me, however you see it. I really don’t care. I didn’t do it for you bastards. I did it for this bastard.

Here is where I can’t get this shit right. Eating right, fuck that. Now, I have tried and made several changes to my diet over the years. I stopped eating chips, reduced my sweets, soda, and other food that is good. I eat more fresh vegetables and fruit. I also try very hard not to binge though it does happen every once in a great while. However, that shit isn’t enough. Recently, the gym I go to had a clean eating challenge. No dairy, no sugar, no processed food, no friggin’ way. I couldn’t do it. I found my limit. I really don’t mind eating better. I won’t dip a stick of butter in sugar and go to town on that bad boy. I don’t feel the need to deep fry everything, but I just wasn’t willing to deny myself milk. I love milk. I have a glass of chocolate milk every day and it is one of the few things keeping me from going on a murderous rampage wherein every person who has pushed my bad temper over the edge would be in serious danger. (God damn, that got dark.)

I guess when it comes down to it, I fell short. I couldn’t step up to one more challenge after three years of taking big strides forward. Here is an example. My dental hygienist hates me. In fairness, that isn’t true, but it feels that way. When I first went to my current dentist, I was told to floss more. I did. Then, I was told to use mouthwash with fluoride. I did. Then I was told to improve my brushing technique. I fucking did! The last time I went, I was told that my toothpaste wasn’t good enough. Oh, HOLY SHIT! Okay, I changed, but I have to admit that if the hygienist isn’t happy when I go back in a few weeks, I may burst. I don’t mind making changes for my health, but I know I can’t be perfect and there is just a point where this one thing is a complete burden.

Regardless of all that shit, I like to live a little. I like to do things that I know I will enjoy. I work out because it makes my quality of life better. I eat a little better because I feel stronger when I do, but I have to admit that I have a breaking point. So, I’ll never have six pack abs or massive pythons for arms (though that sounds weird enough that I don’t think I want to), but I can live with that. Overall, I am content, and that is the only way to be in my estimation. (Not that you asked or cared. I just felt like saying it.)

Also, when people tell you how good tuna is for you, laugh at them. It can’t be good for me if I die trying to choke that shit down.

This week, I present some anecdotes about US presidents.

TheOthereDude92 and BigBlackHatMan were going to steal a large amount of plutonium and hold the world hostage, but it was too hard, so they did a podcast instead. Along with guest, Jim Bevan, they talked about flash animation rather than tempting the fate of nuclear holocaust.

Do I Really Have 321 Friends?

I’m hip. I’m with it. I am down with the funky cats in the jazziest of places. (Clearly not, but the good news is that I don’t care that I am not.) Given this clearly stated fact not contradicted by immediate ellipses statement, I know that social media is the way to fit in with all the rest of the cool kids. However, I just can’t get on board with all this stuff. Every one of these social websites has its own quirks and style. They are like a car salesman trying to get us to spend an extra four grand for the “moon roof.” (What is the difference between a moon roof and sun roof? Are they both just a damned hole in the roof of your car?) Either way, this is how I seem the majority of social media sites.

Myspace-No, I am screwing with. No one remembers Myspace.

Facebook-Here we have the top salesmen of the bunch. This guy is portly, aging, and doesn’t seem like much at first glance, but he can sell to anybody. He is charming and can be a bit overbearing, but is usually smart enough to pull it back. His time as the top dog is clearly close to over because Facebook, but internet standards, is the old man. This fat fuck has no problem reminding all his competitors that he is the best. He tries to be clever, but just comes off as a bully with all the power and an obnoxious way of reminding everyone.

Honestly, I do have a couple Facebook accounts. I have my main one and an entertainment one for BigBlackHatMan. However, I confess to rarely pacing through the various topics and posts that people feel the need to share with the whole world such as how various things are fun, shitty or… That may be all the options. I do wish friends happy birthday and play games that I attempt to invite no one too unless I know for fact they play the game. I have Facebook, but I try not to let it dominate my life.

Twitter-This salesman is also solid, but it is a quick hitter. This guy runs up to you and tries to sell you fast. If he doesn’t right off the bat, the bastard will change directions or walk away all together. He has a lot of energy, but never says anything of substance. He only says the occasional wild thing that will get people talking, but it goes away just as fast. Really, his strategy is to hit up as many customers as possible and reel in a few by sheer odds.

I do have a Twitter account. I don’t use it anymore. I have often thought I should go back and see what the various celebrities and other folks have fun thoughts about it, but I just can’t get myself to give a shit. It amuses me for five minutes or so and then I can forget about it for a week or better. (Or better has been about three months lately.) I still communicate with friends here and there, but that is it for this media site.
Tumbler-This one has skill. She can sell and convince you something is cool, but there is just something about her. Not everyone is going to like her. (See me use both genders to prove how fair I am. I am so god damned nice.) People who are on her side will not waste any time telling you how great she is and the only one to go to for all your sales needs. Than you meet the other side who use pointless insults to expression irritation with someone they just don’t like. Moderation never seems to be the opinion here.

This is where I drew the line. I couldn’t think of posting anything there that would improve my life in any way, shape or form. I blog, I do videos, and that seems like more than enough. Does anyone really need more Mark Nicholson? Jesus, even I don’t.

Instagram/Snapchat-This is the flashiest of the group. The first is more solid than the latter, but both are really to serve the ADD crowd who don’t really feel the need to find out about the car they are buying. It looks good. Who cares if there is no engine under the hood? This salesman never gets an office because they just aren’t that good. They sit outside where everyone can see them and pass them by hoping not to make eye contact.

I take pictures some times. Does everyone need to see those pictures? Hell no. Sometimes, maybe, but overall, it seems like a waste. Also, let’s be honest. Snapchat was designed for people to share naked photos they don’t think will be shared with the rest of the world. (They are wrong of course. People figured that shit out fast.) I just can’t see anyone wanting a picture of me naked, so I’m out.

What else is there? Google+. That is something that just pops up on my computer when I am checking my Gmail. I am sure there are others that a rudimentary Google search would bring to my attention that I could talk about, but this blog is going long and I just don’t care. I have a lot of internet friends and I will communicate with them in ways that work for us, but I don’t need this gratification of being connected to everyone all the time. I like to be alone at times. I like to meet people here in the real world. Regardless, fuck it. That is all I really have to say about social media. I will do some of it, but I really hope to never get so caught up in that it is all I do.

Also, I heard social media makes people grow soul patches, and you all know how I feel about that shit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7aQm0y2RF0

TheOtherDude92 and BigBlackHatMan have teamed up to conquer Vatican City, but given that seems to be more of a long term goal, they are doing a podcast. Up first, the duo talks about spin-offs.

A quick video this week thanking everyone for my 100 subscribers and a book review of John Baxter’s Disney During World War II.