Curiosity Inc.

Back in the early 1970s, the Japanese toy company Takara purchased a license from Hasbro to produce G.I. Joe toys in the Far East. This proved to be an especially bone-headed business move, as WWII was still a sore subject in Japan for obvious reasons. Things got even worse with the Oil Crisis of 1973, which raised the cost of plastics.

To try and salvage this terrible investment, Takara shrunk their G.I. Joe molds down into 12″ figures. Then they went a step further and redesigned the G.I. Joe weapons and vehicles so they could transform into different toys. This became known as the “Microman” line, complete with its own lore and fleet of machines that could transform into robots. Of particular interest among the Microman toys was a certain transforming Walther PPK, at the time known only by the Takara ID# 16.

The success of Microman led directly to “Diaclone”, a full-scale line of toy robots that could turn into vehicles and weapons. Takara kept on developing the concept of transforming robots up into the early ’80s, when the newly-elected POTUS Ronald Fucking Reagan promised to make vertical integration and international commerce much easier for massive corporations.

Hasbro went back to Takara in search of new IP to prep for the freshly-fertilized American market and immediately saw the potential in these transforming robot toys. To develop characters and lore for this new line, Hasbro went to Marvel — specifically, Jim Shooter, Marvel’s editor-in-chief at the time. Shooter then turned to Bob Budiansky — commonly revered by fans as the founding father of Transformers — who in turn conceived of names and personalities for two dozen of the earliest and most iconic Transformers, in addition to the plot of the Marvel Comics run.

This is the origin story of the Transformers franchise. But it’s not the origin story that big-budget blockbuster spectaculars are made of.

If you’re looking for an origin story within the context of Transformers lore, good luck. While the ’80s cartoon is commonly regarded as the gold standard of Transformers canon, it was running concurrently with the Marvel comics, which operated within its own totally separate continuity. Ever since then, the Transformers canon has been rebooted countless times, with all manner of comics, movies, cartoons, and video games all running on their own rules and backstories. The “Beast Machines” animated show tried to bring together the cartoons and comics into a single unified continuity, and the result was an incomprehensible disgrace.

Put another way, imagine trying to sort out a single definitive continuity out of all the different iterations of Spider-Man. Including the Japanese one.

Speaking of multiple conflicting continuities, Paramount and Hasbro have spent the past few years flailing about in transparent desperation, throwing EVERYTHING at the wall to see what will get their toy franchises onto the big screen in a consistently sustainable way. Thus we have an ongoing series of live-action Transformers films made by people who don’t have the courage to make a clean committed break from the Michael Bay tenure. Even though there’s no possible way they could exist in the same continuity. Goddamn spineless clods.

And while that live-action series is still playing out, we now have Transformers One, the first fully animated Transformers movie since 1986. This one was made and marketed as an origin story for Optimus Prime (here voiced by Chris Hemsworth), who’s always been consistently referred to as “Orion Pax” before he got promoted to a Prime. But details vary so wildly between media, that’s pretty much the only consistency in the origin story.

To be entirely honest, I was not looking forward to this. I don’t have a problem with Chris Hemsworth as a proto-Optimus, but I’ve seen Brian Tyree Henry try to play a villain and that’s not a card in his deck. ScarJo is an uninspired choice to play the token female lead, though I do appreciate how she’s playing Elita-1 (true to the G1 cartoon) instead of falling back on Arcee as the token female Autobot for the umpteenth time. And Keegan Michael-Key bringing his hyperactive comic relief schtick to proto-Bumblebee? No thanks.

I know this whole franchise has always been a glorified toy commercial, but everything about this movie looked shallow and flashy and obnoxious. This looked like everything I hate about Illumination, but then I looked closer and found that the film was directed by Josh Cooley, a Pixar alumnus. Who made his feature directing debut with the unnecessary yet serviceable Toy Story 4. And the reviews have been surprisingly positive.

Okay, let’s give it a shot.

The film opens with Orion Pax (Hemsworth) breaking into classified archives to try and find more information on our MacGuffin for the film. Thus our opening expository prologue is nested as a diegetic action of the protagonist. So far, so clever.

Anyway, we lay our scene on Cybertron. In this iteration, the Transformer deity Primus sacrificed his life force to turn himself into Cybertron and seed the planet with robotic life. In the process, he created the Primes, thirteen robots tasked with protecting the world. Then came the war with the invading Quintessons, in which the Primes were pretty much all destroyed. What’s worse, the Matrix of Leadership — our MacGuffin for the movie — was lost. As a direct result, the Cybertronians lost their access to life-sustaining Energon.

I know that’s a lot of gibberish right out of the gate, so let’s pause a moment.

First of all, let’s backtrack to 1986, when Hasbro decreed that Optimus Prime should be retired so that a newer and younger character more hip and relatable to the kids could become the face of the franchise. Screenwriter Ron Friedman astutely judged this to be a bad idea and correctly predicted that fans would revolt. Thus Friedman invented the Matrix of Leadership, which served absolutely no other purpose except to symbolically pass the torch and hopefully soften the blow. (It didn’t work.) In the following 35+ years, numerous writers across various media have devised all manner of contradictory and convoluted attempts at defining the Matrix and retroactively justifying its existence.

In this movie, the Matrix is what somehow allows free and easy access to Energon. Which means that without it, the Cybertronians have to risk life and limb mining for whatever Energon might still be left deep underground. And the Matrix has to be recovered so the put-upon miners can be free and all Cybertronians can be equal. Okay. That works. We don’t even need an explanation as to how exactly it works. It fits the narrative and the Matrix has always been a source of ill-defined magic, so we’ll go with it.

Anyway, Cybertron is now divided between two social strata. There are those below the surface who can’t transform, thus severely limiting their mobility and power. They’re forced to burrow deep underground, risking cave-ins and explosions, putting up with all manner of abuse and denigration in the task of unearthing whatever precious Energon might still be left. Those who can transform go above the surface, to continue the war with the Quintessons and search for the Matrix.

Those up above are led by the charismatic Sentinel Prime, voiced by Jon Hamm. And the film telegraphs pretty much immediately that this guy is a two-faced dictator lying to everyone for his own profit. That said, in a franchise built on four-color depictions of one-dimensional characters who are unambiguously good or evil, even this basic level of nuance in Sentinel’s depiction is a welcome change of pace.

Even better, this deceitful tyrant is a compelling new spin on the franchise’s basic theme of disguises and deception. Even better, “more than meets the eye” is also used as a clever and empowering expression of breaking the mold, becoming more than anyone assumed possible. The very concept of “transformation” is parlayed into powerful themes of personal growth and changing the world. It’s not exactly great cinema, but it’s still intelligent and heartfelt in ways I didn’t think the franchise was capable of.

Which leads us to our protagonists: Orion Pax and his best friend, D-16 (Brian Tyree Henry). Note that D-16 is named after the proto-Megatron toy I alluded to at the start of the review. These two are best friends working together in the mines, though Orion keeps insisting on bending the rules and pushing against boundaries while D-16 puts up with the unenviable task of keeping Orion safe. The plot begins in earnest when a laughably contrived incident drops a map to the Matrix right into their laps. They go to the surface to try and find it and we’re off to the races.

It’s genuinely fascinating to watch these two characters develop over the course of the movie. Hemsworth and Henry totally sell the effortless chemistry between the young characters. More importantly, they sell the characters’ divergent arcs as they grow apart and grow up into the iconic rivals we all know and love.

These filmmakers — most especially Hemsworth — get Optimus Prime. They superbly deliver a character who would always rather do something than do nothing in the face of injustice, even if it takes him a while to become less reckless and more wise about it. It is immensely satisfying to watch this iteration of the character grow into the kind of optimistic and charismatic leader who could inspire an army to be stronger individuals and even stronger together.

As for D-16, Brian Tyree Henry knocked me flat on my ass with my own expectations. Gods above, where was this level of intensity and ferocity when he was in Bullet Train?! That said, as sinister and terrifying as this Megatron turned out to be, the journey with D-16 was even more compelling to watch.

Sure, D-16 is a loyal and unassuming best friend to Orion Pax, but there are little hints here and there. Yes, it’s rather on-the-nose that D-16 worships “Megatronus Prime”, but that’s solely because Megatronus was supposedly the most powerful Prime of them all, and that raises a few red flags. Additionally, D-16 is a perpetual worrywart, preoccupied with rules and protocols to a concerning degree. D-16 is deathly afraid of punishments and demotions, which means he wants the extra security that comes with promotions and commendations. There’s even one point when Orion gets D-16’s cooperation by appealing to his ambition, a move dripping with dramatic irony.

Most importantly, when the two of them inevitably learn what’s really going on, the both of them are understandably shaken by the scale of Sentinel Prime’s treachery and they take it personally. But Orion believes that the truth will set Cybertron free and everyone will work together to make the world a better place once Sentinel is gone. Compare that to D-16, who refuses to bow to anyone else ever again and firmly believes that Sentinel can’t be stopped until he’s good and dead. The film makes it easy to understand where the nascent Megatron is coming from, while also clearly depicting how destructive and counter-productive that all-consuming rage truly is.

Put simply, Optimus leads with hope while Megatron leads with hatred. To repeat, the filmmakers get these characters.

Unfortunately, the rest of the voice cast is uneven. Yes, Jon Hamm is ideally suited to play a Machiavellian tyrant, and Laurence Fishburne sells so much whackadoo lore and world-building like the champion he is. Steve Buscemi only shows up for a brief time as Starscream, but that was such a treat.

But then we have Scarlett Johansson as Elita-1. This franchise has always had a problem with its female characters, and the very notion of gender-coded extraterrestrial robots remains a thorny topic nobody is willing or able to address. Alas, Elita-1 definitely comes off as the product of writers who sincerely wanted to make a strong female character, but with no idea how to write for women. It’s sadly transparent how the character’s competence, agency, and motivation all wildly fluctuate according to the needs of the plot. Even worse how she doesn’t really have a vital function except for berating and/or encouraging Orion.

And Keegan Michael-Key’s portrayal of Bee is worse than I ever could’ve expected. Ever since the Bayformer films, Bumblebee has been firmly established as the friendly Autobot, more relatable and approachable than the larger-than-life Optimus. For that reason, Bumblebee has become a central icon of the franchise, at least as important as Optimus himself.

And these filmmakers turned Bee into an unfunny, obnoxious, incompetent, loud-mouthed pain in the ass who can never shut the fuck up, even when his life literally depends on it. A terrible use of the character, and a terrible use of Keegan Michael-Key. Fuck off.

Oh, and there’s also Airachnid (Vanessa Liguori), the heavy for Sentinel Prime. She contributes nothing. Like I said, this franchise has a serious problem with its female characters.

Yes, it gets rather unnerving how some characters get proper names and some get alphanumeric serial numbers, without any kind of internal logic. That minor annoyance aside, I’m sincerely impressed with how the filmmakers were able to weave in so many references and inside jokes in an seamless way. Elita-1 got my favorite example with a Stan Bush reference, funny and clever and effortless in its delivery.

Then we have the action scenes. They’re awesome. The chase scenes are bursting with energy and the fight scenes feel appropriately epic. The pacing and build are nicely satisfying throughout. And quite a few action sequences are built on surprisingly creative premises.

Transformers One is hardly great cinema. The plot is visibly rushed, half the supporting cast is useless, and there’s a predictability issue innate to any prequel. Then again, we never needed this to be a masterpiece, we only needed a movie good enough to work as something besides a toy commercial. On those grounds, this is remarkably solid.

I’m genuinely impressed with how the filmmakers spun the basic premise of the franchise into themes of personal growth, the responsible use of power, and questioning authority. In terms of nuanced character development and empowering themes, this movie is way more heartfelt than it had any right to be. As an entry to a nostalgic ’80s property, it’s astounding how much effort and creativity went into making the film new and relevant for modern audiences while referencing the past in new and clever ways-. Though of course I’m sure it helped that the canon was always dangerously loose to begin with.

On the whole, this is a colorful and energetic film with heart and effort in abundance, even if the comedy falls short more often than not. This movie is way better than anyone could’ve expected. Definitely give it a look.

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