August 15, 2022

(Scene begins with an overhead shot of the Catskills and the “Xena” theme song plays in the foreground before cutting to a clip of the n.W.o 2002 WWE run as an announcer played by DukeCT says “In a time of returning ancient tribes.”, Brock Lesnar brutalizing everyone as an announcer played by DukeCT says “Monsters” and Triple H holding both the World Heavyweight and WWE Championship as an announcer played by DukeCT says “And men who would be kings!” and the WWE brand splitting for the first time as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A company divided cries out for a hero” as more matches play scenes of two different men getting prepared one with a pair of Jean Shorts the other a pair of contractor jeans. The First man preparing a colored shirt, the other putting on an American Flag shirt before cutting to the first man entering a ring who just so happens to be John Cena before cutting to an image of John Cena as he holds a championship and the words “Cena: Warrior Actor” an announcer played by DukeCT says, “He was Cena!” before cutting to a clip of John Cena running at full steam as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A mighty warrior forged in the challenge of competition!” before seeing John hit an AA on Edge and The Big Show before cutting to James Faraci as it cuts to James Faraci getting to his seat as the credit reads “Starring James Faraci The Last Of The Americans” before cutting to a clip of John Cena hits Edge with an AA at Unforgiven as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The intensity” before cutting to an image of Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun & Nick Yaun, John & Mike Santos, Ed Champion & Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath and Renee Miller as they see their names before cutting to James on the horseshoe couch as he plays a movie before cutting to John Cena’s Acting Repertoire as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The Actor” as more clips of John Cena’s Acting Repertoire before cutting to John Cena as he takes a butt bong of beer before cutting to James gets ready for another review as an announcer played by DukeCT says “His Reviews will change the internet forever!” before cutting to a blurred black and white image of John Cena holding the WWE Championship and the words “The Last Of The Americans” shimmer in before fading to James at his desk)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. John Felix Anthony Cena Jr, otherwise known on the internet as… (Cut to the JOHN CENA sign before hearing his “You Can’t See Me” theme as it blares before cutting to clips of John Cena’s achievements as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yes! I know he’s very well respected in the world of Professional Wrestling especially when it comes to his time in the WWE. He’s won multiple titles, earned the respect of so many legends and newcomers and has solidly cemented his reputation. But even though he has some history of burying a lot of talent but when you look at his IMDB he’s been doing some acting as of late and has gotten a little cred in the acting world you have to wonder if he’s getting buried in schlock. Do I think he’ll earn any award for acting? Not really but he may just have enough of a career not to be forgotten. (Cut to Paulo and Brenda Fonseca at James’ door)
Paulo Fonseca:
James, you’ve got a problem!
Brenda Fonseca:
It’s Renee and John (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
If they’re not feeling well, I can get someone to help. (Cut to James, Mike Santos, Ed Champion, Andrew Beach, Brenda and Paulo Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun and Olivia Horvath)
TLOTA:
You’ve got to be kidding me!

What fresh hell awaits me while I deal with John Cena’s first movie outing? Find out here

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