TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. When you look into the faces of say Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Vin Diesel, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone,Jet Li, Jean Claude Van Damme, Jackie Chan, Danny Trejo, Bruce Lee and of course Chuck Norris (Cut to a fireworks display as an image of Chuck Norris is shown in front of it as a Chorus sings “A CHUCK NORRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!” before cutting to James physically) Okay that was weird but regardless when you look at them you know one thing. (Cut to clips of them blowing everything up and being bad ass heroes as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): These people are gonna kick ass blow everything up around them and save the day! When they see their own blood, they’re like “PFFFFT, Whatever, I’ve got a few hundred necks to snap, a bomb to waste the bad guys with and a town of people to adore over me as I go on a rampage that Real Law officials would NOT approve of and have me arrested for.” (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: But you know what? If I were to show you a few images of people who aren’t as Bad Ass as those guys I’m willing to bet you would say the following (Show images of Rory Williams from “Doctor Who”, Bob Ross, Lieutenant Olivia Benson from “Law & Order SVU”, Carter Grayson from “Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue”, Katara from “Avatar The Last Airbender” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): “Pfft, look at these white bread, boring, dull, lifeless Mary Sues and Gary Stews they’re dumbasses in distress and they’re gonna need the bad asses to save their sorry backsides.” (Cut to “Superman Returns” clip of Lex Luthor shouting “WRONG!” before cutting to James)
TLOTA: Well Put “Superman Returns” Clip! These guys are the real bad asses! (Cut to clips of some unexpected bad assery done by these unsuspecting bad asses as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (Voiceover): If I was in a dark alleyway and I saw Rory Williams coming my way, I’d head back in the opposite direction in tears crying for my mommy! If Carter Grayson were to kick my sorry backside I knew I’d have it coming! If Katara got her hands on me, I’d be a friggin pretzel!
So to salute them I’m counting down the top ten Unexpectedly Bad Ass Characters in TV and in Films. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: Grab a first aid kit, make out your will and pray these people never find you these are the Top Ten Unexpectedly Bad Ass Characters!