(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run and the words Ben to the Ben to the Ben AFFLECK is heard in the background. At the 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators Ben to the Ben is repeated while the image shows Ben Affleck’s face on James Faraci’s body morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with a Black Tee-Shirt with Ben Affleck’s face from “Pearl Harbor” on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher and Ben Affleck’s face in “Daredevil” is on the coin, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers with Ben Affleck’s faces showing Different emotions from different films, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James taking on all of popular culture until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it.)
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views (Aflac duck quacks “Aflac” off screen) I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The (Aflac duck quacks “Aflac” off screen and James gets slightly angry and says quickly I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours as Aflac duck quacks “Aflac” off screen and James gets up walks off to the right comes back holding 12 gauge semi-auto shotgun and fires three shots and an eight bit duck from “Duck Hunt” falls from the sky and the dog & duck from “Duck Hunt” comes up only for James to shoot the dog with a load of bird shot to the back of the dog’s head.) I guess I know who I’m going to be talking about for the next three months. (Cut to pics and clips of Ben Affleck while James does a voice over.)
TLOTA (Voice Over): Because what can be said that hasn’t been said about Ben Affleck. He became a Paparazzi magnet and a double Academy Award winner. He can flourish in movies and can write, direct & act in them and he’s been in so many clunkers it’s a surprise Hollywood hasn’t sent him back to Boston to flip Whoppers at Burger King. He’s beloved and hated by so many and me personally, I’ve got nothing against him but since the advent of the internet a certain motif in his method of acting and I think I’ve got it down to the following: 5% saying his lines with snark and a smile, 5% trying to be charming 20% screaming like Shia LaBeouf when he has a bad day, 30% talking with his jaw jutted down and a whopping 40% being so close to his teeth you feel he’s more likely to eat you with a side of the scenery. But despite that there is nothing like a Ben Affleck performance to make people smile. (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA: And where do some people start their taste for Affleck? Why with his first movie that became a cult classic, I am a course talking about “Mallrats”
See the review of the movie that introduced me to Kevin Smith and Ben Affleck here
