(Scene begins with TMZ intro and TMZ announcer shouts)
TMZ announcer: IT’S TMZ! YOU WATCH IT, WE’RE COOL AS HARVEY LEVIN AND OUR TEAM OF REPORTERS GIVE ALL THE NEWS TO YOU!
(Scene cuts to Harvey Levin who oddly looks like Matthew Morrison comes in to the shaky frame of the camera)
Harvey Levin: Okay, what do you have for us have, C.J.?
(Camera zooms to a fifth of an inch away from C.J.’s face and C.J. looks like Mark Salling oddly)
C.J.: I’ve got Kim Kardashian, Kanye West & Baby North at the pediatrician’s office! (Camera cuts back to Harvey)
Harvey Levin: They’re being good parents? Bigger than the discovery of fire! Run it as the main headline! (Scene cuts to TMZ cutaway and announcer)
TMZ announcer: TMZ! WE’RE EDGY AND THAT MAKES US COOL! (Scene cuts back to Harvey)
Harvey Levin: Kim, Kit what do you got for me? (Camera zooms to a fifth of an inch away from Kit’s face who looks oddly like Dianna Agron)
Kit: I’ve got Tom Cruise throwing a Molotov cocktail at a church ranting how their alien ways won’t save them from his lord L. Ron Hubbard!
(Camera zooms back to Harvey)
Harvey Levin: Oh that wacky Tommy, He’s so silly!
(Camera zooms to a fifth of an inch away from Kim’s Face who oddly looks like Heather Morris)
Kim: Apparently Lea Michele has found a new man but he calls himself, “The Last Of The Americans”. So much for what’s his name right!?(Everyone in the bullpen laughs uproariously)
Harvey Levin: “The Last Of The Americans”? Seriously?! How much attention are you looking for yourself to call yourself that? (Everyone laughs uproariously again.) Okay, Uh? How do you pronounce your name? (Camera zooms to James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans ignoring everyone listening to music until Harvey tossed his shoe at James to get his attention.)
TLOTA: I’m sorry, what were you saying? (Camera cuts to Harvey)
Harvey Levin: How do we pronounce your name? (Camera cuts back to James)
TLOTA: Say DaVinci. (Camera cuts to everyone else)
Everyone else: DaVinci! (Camera back to James)
TLOTA: Now spell it. (Camera cuts away to Ralph who looks like Darren Criss)
Ralph: I know, I have the Tom Hanks movie DaVinci!
TLOTA: Good for you Ralphie! Now instead of Da & Vin. Put in Far and an A that makes an Ah sound to the ci that sounds like Chi and that’s how you say my name. (Camera cuts back to Harvey)
Harvey Levin: Cool, why are you ignoring us when we have to do this. (Camera cuts to James)
TLOTA: I don’t mean to ignore you guys but this drowns out the screams of “Oh Satan! Please get your cock out of my ass!” (Camera cuts to everyone else as crickets chirp then cuts to C.J.)
C.J.: Who is saying that? (Camera cuts to James)
TLOTA: Edward R. Murrow!