A Random Mind on a Rampage
So, I haven’t written anything for a few weeks. Why you ask? Because, that is why. I keep a very active social schedule with several dinner parties, lavish ballroom events, and high teas upon large finely manicured lawns. (That’s all bullshit. I don’t do any of that.) In truth, I have had a lot of work and personal commitments that don’t involve weird rich people events. Will I be telling you about my personal life that has kept me busy for the last few weeks? No. It is none of your business, so stop asking. (You didn’t ask. I know. It just seems like a thing to say.)

My mind has been working still. I came up with a conspiracy theory that is totally fictional, but I feel I should put it on the internet to see which crazy people bite. Area 51 was actually a clone farm. Franklin D. Roosevelt was so important to America in the 1930s and 40s that Wild Bill Donovan and OSS started the clone farm to ensure the future of the US government. The Roswell incident was in fact some of these clones that came out a bit “irregular” trying to escape via experimental craft. Naturally, making all the clones look like FDR would have been far too obvious, so genetic variations were introduced to keep the program secret. The biological fathers of our last two Democratic presidents were “out of the picture.” Neither the father of Bill Clinton or Barak Obama is someone seen in public, and the reason for this is that they are these variated clones. That is right people. Our last two Democrats to serve as president our probably clones of FDR. Like I said, none of what I said was true. Absolutely none of it, but given what passes for believable conspiracies on the internet, I am guessing that this one could gain some traction.

I have been cleaning up my diet the last month or so. I work out, try to be healthy, and believe I may live past sixty at this rate. (I will if the eternal Wild Bill and the underground OSS don’t come after me for exposing their plans.) With that said, I was still harboring a decent belly and wanted to get after it. I dropped another fifteen pounds fairly quickly by cutting out pop, some processed food, and eating out a little smarter. With these positive results, I should be thrilled. However, healthy eating kind of sucks. Food high in terrible things like high fructose corn syrup, saturated fat, and other miracle chemicals taste great. I know it is because they get us addicted just like a drug and coming down off them sucks just like giving up a drug. Caffeine, an actual drug, was something else I quit. I only drank one pop per day, so it wasn’t extensive, but it was something my body relied on every day at the same time. No more. Fuck you body! Let me tell you, body doesn’t take that shit. It fights back. You throw all that stuff out, and it takes a while to get used to it. After a month, I think I have adapted, so hopefully this new better me will stick around. (It probably won’t. I will have bad stretches still.)

Let me close this random insanity by saying that you should never fight happiness. I have been feeling pretty good lately. I don’t know if it is the peace that comes with knowing FDR is still president, losing a little weight, or spending time with certain good people, but I have been. As someone who has had depression issues for a lot of years, it is easy to be suspicious of feeling a bit of elation. I am trying to roll with it and dig the vibe. So far, so good. I will let you know unless Wild Bill finds me first. He is kind of been a bitch the last couple decades, but he may have a right given the disaster that was his 132nd birthday party. (Honestly, what can you get a man that has lived that long. Nothing will do, trust me.)

Also, Wild Bill agrees with me on the stupidity of the soul patch.

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