Hello and welcome to In Too Deep, where I over-analyse a certain section of pop culture.

Now when Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull first came out I found it… well I didn’t hate it as much as I should, and I still have a soft spot for it (since it’s what my childhood self always wanted, aka a fourth Indiana Jones movie), but on the whole yeah it’s a bad film. Or is it? Is there in fact a brilliant secret hiding within the film that makes it the best of the all? Well lets find out.

First off lets address the spaceship in the pyramid: This film has aliens in it. In a film series that has mostly dealt with Christian and Hinduism themes and concepts to go science-fiction is very jarring. I mean it’s not like they’ve foreshadowed up to this point that aliens have been involved with the franchise… or have they? We make the presumption that just because the Ark of the Covenant and the Holy Grail are the McGuffins of the film that they must have supernatural origins. Why though? As the second film proves, not everything revolves around Christianity. Hinduism too has a way of proving its beliefs, so to speak, with evidence that proves that some sort of higher power exists. So we have two conflicting accounts of religion that, if I’m not mistaken (though hold the right to be), are contrary to each other. Now there’s a few ways of looking at this: Either the Christian God is hiding behind Hinduism, Shiva is hiding behind Christianity… or aliens are in fact the cause of both of them. It’s demonstrated in the film that the aliens do have incredible powers. Why wouldn’t they be mistaken for gods amongst the people of the time? Hell even now seeing something of that much power you’re just as rational to think ‘angel’ over ‘alien’ if you don’t have time to stop and look. So perhaps these alien beings came down to Earth and influenced mankind in many ways. A subtle prod here, an ancient relic there. Maybe they just arrived by mistake and left their stuff lying around. We’ve done that on the moon after all, perhaps the same is true here? Now I know what you’re thinking: Wow it sure is a coincidence that we made objects that happened looked like those holy relics? Not so. What if it’s the other way round? What if we made those objects because they were inspired by those holy relics? Our culture was built off what we found. But, I hear you cry, that’s only three objects. You’d need more proof for your theory. Like a whole warehouse full of proof…

… Which leads us nicely to Area 51. Whose to say that the Government hasn’t been secretly collecting all this stuff and storing it in a safe place? This could be a conspiracy going on for years. Take the relic, put it in the most heavily guarded place in the middle of nowhere, study it at leisure. Come the Cold War and the increase of this sort of stuff and suddenly it makes sense that the Soviets will want to take over it. Sure they may only know about the Crystal Skull, but if that and the Ark of the Covenant are being stored there then whose to say that not other important stuff isn’t also being kept there for safe keeping? What is in those other boxes, hmm?

But those are background details. Lets address the fridge in the fallout zone: It is fundamentally impossible that Indiana Jones survived a nuclear explosion hiding out in the fridge. I mean he’d have to be, what, practically immortal or something? How absurd is that?

… Until you remember the ending of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Indy rushes into the place to get the Grail to save his father and, to prove its worth, takes a sip of it. Now if it’s true the Grail gifts the power of immortality onto people, does that not then make Indiana Jones immortal? I don’t see why not. After all, he took a drink from it, ergo he is now an immortal man. And suddenly everything he does in the fourth movie makes so much more sense. The fact that he can seemingly survive anything that gets thrown at him is more comprehensible due to the fact that he is literally immortal. Indestructible… eh, that’s debatable. But he can never die at any rate, so whose to say that some sort of advancing healing isn’t in effect? But he ages, ergo it must not be true, correct? Well, no, when you consider the knight standing guard of the Grail. He is a very old man, so clearly the Grail doesn’t stop the progress of ageing. At the very most it just makes someone unable to die. So then if this is true, how do we explain how Indy’s father died? Well there are two ways of looking at it: One, the immortality is by choice, if only a subconscious one. When those that are immortal choose to die, they will die. The knight chooses to die at the end of Last Crusade because his mission has been fulfilled. Likewise Indy Senior chooses to die since he has finally found the Grail and reconnected with his son. Ergo Indiana Jones will die when he is consciously or subconsciously ready to die. But that’s one theory. What if, instead of dying, Indy Senior decided instead to go guard the Grail? He fakes his death, goes back to the Grail’s location and stands guard with the old Knight. Then, when Indiana comes of age, he too rejoins the Knight and his father to stand guard like the three Knights in the original tale. Oh sure, the Grail was lost down a crack, so this is unlikely… but whose to say that’s not the ultimate fate of Indiana Jones? Destined to forever safeguard one of the most dangerous items known to man as an ironic fate for his years of taking stuff to put in the museum? It would be ironic now, wouldn’t it?

So there you have it. Two theories that help solve some of the bigger problems of the fourth film and make it better in my eyes. If you disagree with anything, or have anything to add, feel free to leave a comment. Till next time.

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