On the offhand chance that you enjoy reading reviews from professional movie critics as I do, there’s something I’ve come to realize that you might find useful: Certain terms can take on new definitions when used in their reviews. At times, it’s best to consider a broader meaning of the term that more accurately conveys their reaction, so here, for your convenience, are several such terms redefined:

 

 Shallow: This movie is not a drama.

 

 

Offensive: This is a horror movie, a comedy, or both.

 

 

Plotless/Plot-lite: This movie has special effects.

 

 

Escapist: This movie has special effects. I liked it.

 

 

Gritty: This movie uses the shaky camera technique

 

 

Shaky cam: I’m sick of movies using the shaky camera technique

 

 

Pretentious: This movie thinks it’s smarter than I am.

 

 

Stupid: I believe I am older and/or more mature than the intended audience for this movie (see shallow).

 

 

Fanboys: I’m a bit insecure about being one of the people reviewing this movie.

 

 

Overrated/underrated: My opinion on this movie is outnumbered, and I don’t like that it’s outnumbered, so what I want you all to do is pretend that everyone else just… doesn’t count.

 

 

Agenda: This movie contradicts my political beliefs.

 

 

Preachy: This movie really contradicts my political beliefs.

 

 

Objectively: Stop saying it’s just my opinion. I’m right!

 

 

Unpretentious: This movie doesn’t make me feel bad for liking violence, swearing, and fart jokes.

 

 

Besotted: Hello, my name is Armond White. I am smarter than you are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…I must be in a cynical mood today.

 

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