For some people, a hometown is just the place they grew up. For me, Long Beach, California, is a central part of my identity. It’s the beating heart of Manic Expression—the backdrop for most of the fifty stories in the collection. From the beginning, I wanted to do for Long Beach what Woody Allen did for New York: make the city itself a living, breathing character.
Nowhere is that truer than in Pine Avenue: A Manic Expression Story, a coming-of-age drama set in three different time periods—2015, 2005, and 1995. We follow a man staring down the barrel of middle age as he reflects on the dreams that now seem out of reach, as well as the childhood love that still haunts him. The title of the story takes its name from Long Beach’s premier party street, a stretch of several blocks that captured my imagination at a young age and never let go.
What Pine Avenue is about: Peter Collins is 35 years old and rotting away in Bakersfield, California. A stay-at-home dad who once dreamed of rock stardom, Peter now spends his days taking care of a partner and their three daughters, none of whom seem to notice he exists anymore.
One day while dropping his kids off at school, Peter notices a girl that looks impossibly like his first love—the one who got away. Overwhelmed by the news that he’s about to become a grandfather, Peter makes the reckless decision to reach out to this mysterious girl, putting everything at risk in a desperate bid to reclaim the person he once was, and the dream of who he might become.
The long, strange road to this release: I began work on Pine Avenue in 2003. Intending to write the whole thing chronologically, I stalled out after finishing the high school section set in 1995. I returned to the concept in 2007 as I assembled what would become Manic Expression: A Collection. At the time, 2015 was still many years away, so I had to guess at where I would be in life and what the world would be like. I missed the mark, embarrassingly so.
When discussing my story Lapdog Destiny, I said that I never edit my younger self’s feelings, even if I don’t agree with them anymore. I don’t feel it’s right to censor young James and tell him he was wrong. However, when I re-released Manic Expression in 2017, I allowed myself carte blanche to make updates to the 2015 section of Pine Avenue to reflect what 35 actually felt like. Peter’s behavior, especially his bitterness at his first love, now felt like the immature rantings of a 27 year old who needed to grow up—and did, eventually.
While I won’t get into spoilers, I will say that Pine Avenue takes a turn toward the end that many audience members may not be able to forgive. I have Peter edge right up to a pretty clear moral line, and then take a single step over it. While much of Pine Avenue is autobiographical, this element is entirely fiction. I always saw it as a metaphor for making peace with one’s past. For those of you who feel the story goes too far… I agree with you. I’m not saying you have to sympathize with Peter Collins, or even like him. My hope is that you will, if nothing else, understand him.
At its core, Pine Avenue is my attempt to capture what it felt like to be 15, 25, and 35. It’s a meditation on how we become who we are, and how the people and places we love shape us forever. Even though I no longer live in Long Beach, it will always be home.
Grab your copy today!
Hit reply and tell me—does your hometown hold fond memories, or is it a place you had to escape? I’d love to hear your thoughts once you start reading.
See you next week for the final installment of Phase One of Manic Expression.
James Daniel Walsh
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