Monster-tober: “Ren” & Jimmy!

(Opening begins outside of a trailer as bluegrass country music is heard, and on a screen is the logo as James Faraci The Last Of The Americans in Halloween Mode pops out of the trailer.)

You know a lot of people e-mail me and say, “Hey James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, just what is Monster-tober?” (Swipe cut to James in a lab coat and Julia Alexa Miller is sitting at a school desk)

TLOTA (Singing):
We won’t need some special glasses or an English dub! (Cut to images of scary movies James has reviewed on a screen and James and Julia Alexa Miller look) Just a healthy love of film and disrespect for the dumb! (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller, Olivia Horvath, Brenda Fonseca, and Rebecca Yaun as they sit on the horseshoe couch) We’ll talk about some movies on these sites! (Julia Alexa Miller and Olivia Horvath point up to and Rebecca Yaun and Brenda Fonseca point down to as it cuts to James popping up behind them as they cover their eyes) And when you get a creepy feeling creeping up inside, well then you’re in “Monster-tober” (The four of them reveal they’ve got cat’s eyes) it’s a heck of a ride! (Cut to James and the four of them dressed in Leopard print with different musical instruments) We’re setting the scares up for Halloween night! (Cut to images of James fighting off Michael Myers then cut to James dressed in his Halloween mode and faux animal fur pounding on a drum with two turkey leg bones) These monster movie reviews serve the primitive drive, that watching people die will make you feel alive! (Cut to James as he sets up the review to be seen by the four) Quit looking for the porn now, the review’s begun. Because there’s only so much we can do until the rise of the sun as watching reviews of monster movies on these sites. (James points up to and points down to it looks like a monster is about to attack James as James Donkey kicks it down a chute.) We’re setting the scares up for Halloween night! (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller, Olivia Horvath, Rebecca Yaun and Brenda Fonseca sounding masculine as they sing “Setting the Scares up for Halloween night” as it cuts to everyone in the reviewerverse fighting the Cullens, the Werewolves and Volturi, then cuts to James relaxing on a gaming chair with a bottle of water in the cup holder) Setting the scares up for Halloween night. (Cut to an image of the word “Monster-tober” on the screen then cut to black then cut to James in Halloween mode in his office.)

I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and (A mystical voice played by Eliza Hanson saying, “Don’t forget I’m here”) The Maven of The Eventide is back one more time to irritate me. At the same time, as I work on “Monster-tober!” Yeah, it took me a decade to finally give my October workload a name, but yes, Welcome to “Monster-tober.” (James does a Staccato laugh before static cuts to The Maven Of The Eventide.)

The Maven Of The Eventide:
Seriously? “Monster-tober?” I thought you would’ve gone with something more American-based like “Ameri-ween.” (Cut to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

Believe it or not, I had tested that, and apparently, people liked “Monster-tober” better. And I’m not against the idea of me asking for help when I need it. Now, that being said, let’s talk about Renfield! (Cut to images of “Renfield” from popular culture as James does a voiceover)

For many people, when they think of Horror Sidekicks, you generally have your Fritzs, your Igors, and the like. For me, there’s only one Renfield. He started off just sane and determined to get Carfax Abbey into the hands of Transylvanian Count Dracula. He ultimately winds up serving Dracula, living off insects and acting as his familiar. Basically, serving people to Dracula like a smorgasbord until Dracula leaves him crumpled up like a used piece of Toilet Paper. (Cut to The Maven Of The Eventide)

The Maven Of The Eventide:
So, of course, he’d make a great character to make a movie about! (Cut to James physically)

Hey, That’s My Line!

Monster-tober kick starts with the Servant of Nicholas Cage’s Dracula. Check out the madness here

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