(Camera turns on)
TLOTA:
James Faraci, Last Of The Americans, my opinions, possibly yours and those still out there. (James shows his handmade title card of a Nuclear explosion and the words “The End Of The World,” and James puts it on the desk.) YEAH! I’ve reached the end of the rope. Power is so limited that I must make this the quickest review I’ve ever done! In the nineteen sixties, there were enough Anti-Nuclear War and Post-Apocalyptic movies; the best one was “Planet Of The Apes,” which also happened to be a Sci-Fi movie. The audience and Producers wanted a sequel; the main star outside of the apes wanted nothing to do with it, compromises were made, a crazy plot, and the perfect ending for this type of movie. Let’s not waste time; this is “Beneath The Planet Of The Apes” (James puts the camera on the screen. James hits the play button.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens with the ending and twist, moves on to another ship that crash landed as we meet with Taylor knock off Brent, played by James Franciscus. He meets with Nova as we see that Charleton Heston’s Taylor and Nova are traversing in the forbidden zone; as Taylor investigates some rocks that came out of nowhere, he disappears. Brent asks Nova to take him to Taylor. Instead, they go to Ape City as Gorilla General Ursus tells the crowd that the only good human is a dead one, and yes, the budget cuts are shown in most of the shots. One change that worked in the movie’s budget’s favor was that Roddy McDowall was unavailable to return as Cornelius; thus, they could hire a soundalike to play Cornelius. Cornelius and Zira find Brent and Nova and help Brent blend in. However, things go south as Gorillas and labeled Target Practice capture them. Escaping thanks to Zira. Brent and Nova make it to a cave where Brent realizes the same thing Taylor did, THIS IS EARTH, POST NUKES, AND POSTHUMAN STUPIDITY! As they go further, they discover the ultimate Doomsday Bomb and people that have mutated into skinless psychics that can control Brent to do anything they want. Soon after that, The Gorillas decide it’s time to make the humans in the Forbidden Zone extinct. Joining them for some odd reason is Dr. Zaius, who is an Orangutan. After some mind fuckery from the mutants, Brent finally meets Taylor; one of the mutants tries to use his mind controls to have Taylor and Brent slaughter one another. Nova surprisingly shouts Taylor’s name, breaking the mutant’s hold long enough to have Taylor and Brent kill the Mutant. Meanwhile, the Apes have found Mutant City, and they’re going on a slaughter that would make most of the massacres that used to happen when humans were around look meager in comparison. The head mutant raises the bomb as a Gorilla murders Nova; Brent and Taylor decide that today is the end of the world, and they’ll do it! Taylor is shot down; Brent murders Gorillas as Taylor begs Zaius to help end it all but decides to press the button as Brent is slaughtered, and BOOM! Earth has finally died! (James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA:
PERFECT ENDING TO WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING! WE KILLED EACH OTHER; WE DESERVE THOSE WHO WOULD SUCCEED US TO BE KILLED BY THE NEANDERTHAL! If I had more time to discuss the bizarre and crazy story, the topical moments about the young are trying to say “STOP! We must do better, bring out the truth, and end the madness! If you’re a fan of the Apes movies, you’ll enjoy this classic and this movie (Power Flickers again). GOD DAMN IT! THAT’S IT!
If this is the review, find out what happens afterwards!
