Nine years and “The Quest” continues

Linkara: Okay James, let’s do this! Now the people who produced this movie were not the Salkinds even though they were credited as the creators, that was it. As you said best in your Jay & Silent Bob Reboot review I have more involvement in the Power Rangers Franchise than Saban does and Alexander and Ilya Salkind had about as much to do with Superman IV The Quest For Peace! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Linkara.(Cut to Linkara)

Linkara: And Christopher Reeve’s involvement had to come with an assurance that Golan-Globus’ Cannon films, the people who actually made this movie, would finance a project he wanted to do which was called Street Smart which was Morgan Freeman’s big break! The only reason Margot Kidder and the rest of the cast returned including Gene Hackman was because the relationship was so bitter and contentious between the cast and the Salkinds over the firing of Richard Donner during Superman II’s Production that they’d rather have done a Superman movie produced by Uwe Boll than with the Salkinds again! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Linkara! (Cut to Linkara)

Linkara: And after the disappointments that happened with Superman III and Supergirl The Movie Alexander and Ilya Salkind were tired and sold the movie rights for an option to Cannon Films who slashed the budget from Thirty-Seven Million Dollars to about half of it and most of what was left went into settling lawsuits and the other half went into making the Masters Of The Universe movie. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: LINKARA! (Cut to a surprised Linkara)

Linkara: What?! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: What are you doing? (Cut to Linkara) Linkara: I’m giving the pertinent information about Superman IV: The Quest For Peace! I have been the go-to guy for this type of information! I have been the go-to guy for a team-up review on Superman IV: The Quest For Peace for a long time! So, with that in mind, let me do what I need to do before we talk about this turkey! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I appreciate the help, I truly do! However, I already know every single detail about this movie! I did not say I was doing this as a team-up review! I am going to take Superman IV: The Quest For Peace on as a movie that I know a lot about! I am going to talk about this movie on my own! Besides who asked you to come on and review this movie with me. (Cut to Linkara) Linkara: Well, I got an E-Mail from Chad Narducci who had seen me and Allison Pregler review this movie for her series Movie Nights and my Atop The Fourth Wall episode on the Comic Book Adaptation and told me to come on board! (Cut to James) TLOTA: Oy, I have avoided telling anyone this but it’s backstory time. Last year, after the fallout from the events at the end of my Wonder Woman 1984 review, Chad took majority ownership of my production company, First Choice Productions as retribution for the years he lost! This explains the God-awful Daytime Internet Talk Show idea which died a quick and painful death on YouTube. And he has more that he wants to do and I cannot stop him. I can run my series no problem, however, anything I want to do has to be approved by him! Meaning the planned event, I had with you and your associates formerly from that site, is now on hold, indefinitely! (Cut to Linkara) Linkara: So this means I don’t have to work with you or go to your little Pissant Podunk county? Well then, SCREW YOU! I’M FREE! I’M FREE! (Linkara runs off-screen as clothes are tossed onto the futon!) Linkara (O.S.): I’M FREE! I’M FREE! I’M FREE! I AM NUDE AND BEAUTIFUL AND I AM FREE!

Jon Cryer: Hi, who is this and how can I be of assistance! (Cut to a very surprised James)

TLOTA: Ladies and gentlemen, the man himself, Jon Cryer! (Cut to Jon Cryer as he accepts applause from everyone. Cut to James)

TLOTA: Glad you could be here, I am an internet reviewer, James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and I am reviewing a movie that features you and the first publicly known usage of a Nintendo Entertainment System on film. (Cut to Jon Cryer)

Jon Cryer: I am in a movie that has the first known usage of a Nintendo on film! How about that? Which movie of mine was that? (Cut to a very nervous James)

TLOTA: You know! That movie! (Cut to a slowly getting angry Jon Cryer.)

Jon Cryer: Which movie, James? (Cut to the nervous James who is sweating Kryptonite Bullets)

TLOTA: You remember (James blubs the title of the movie. Cut to a confused Jon Cryer.)

Jon Cryer: What did you say the movie’s title was? (Cut to James as he prepares to crap Kryptonite Bricks and blubs the title.)

TLOTA: You remember, the movie where (James blubs and speaks in tongues trying to avoid saying the movie’s plot and characters, and tosses in him doing the Bundy “Honk-Honk”, “Caa-Caa, Doo-Doo, Poo-Poo!” & “PEE-PEE!” and chuckling idiotically. Cut to a very confused Jon Cryer)

Jon Cryer: Okay, I am according to the signal tracker app on my phone I am near where you are, I will be there momentarily, and maybe you will be able to tell me what it is you’re reviewing. (Jon Cryer walks away. Cut to a very relieved James)

TLOTA: Phew! If he knew I was reviewing Superman IV: The Quest For Peace… (Cut to Jon Cryer who overheard James say the movie’s title.)

Jon Cryer (Angered): HA! I knew you’d slip up! God FUCKING DAMN IT! Every single time I think it’s dead, Boom! Another one of you internet reviewers is harping on my performance as Lenny! Always making me the butt of the joke! ALWAYS MAKING ME SUFFER THE SLINGS AND ARROWS OF YOUR VENOM! I HAVE HAD MORE OF A CAREER THAN ANY OF YOU NUMBNUTS EVER HAD! I CARRIED CHARLIE SHEEN AND ASHTON FRICKING KUTCHER FOR A TOTAL OF TWELVE YEARS ON TWO AND A HALF MEN! I’VE BEEN IN SO MANY MOVIES AND TV SHOWS! I WAS LEX GOD DAMNED LUTHOR ON Melissa Benoist’s SUPERGIRL SERIES. BUT WHAT DOES EVERYONE GO BACK TO? EITHER DUCKIE FROM PRETTY IN PINK, which I don’t mind. OR THE ETERNALLY FLAMING TURD THAT CAN NEVER GO AWAY THAT YOU AND EVERYONE OF YOUR BRETHREN SEEM TO JUST NEVER WANT TO FORGET! And if that is the case, I am going to find you, and as Lenny said best “YOU’RE GONNA GET IT!”