(Scene fades into James & Eliza in ORAC’s chamber)

Eliza Dushku: Wow, that first review was very informative to your beginning. Swore like a sailor and had a bit of an anger problem, didn’t ya.

TLOTA: You don’t know the half of it, I’d been through a lot during that time. I buried my grandmother, I was heartbroken because this girl I wanted was getting married, hell everyone around me was in a relationship and I was and unfortunately I am still single I was in the mood more to rip something apart. Kickassia was the only thing that was so bad I felt I needed to go at it like a Tiger after an Antelope. Fortunately, between my review of Kickassia and my review Suburban Knights which is next I was more on Facebook than Myspace, befriended Chris Lee Moore “The Rowdy Reviewer” and I mellowed out and things while not exactly as great as it should be it’s getting better.

Eliza Dushku: Okay so that answers some questions, but where did the intro line and exit line come from again?

ORAC: A Wrestling Promoter named Jim Cornette as his shoot editorial promotions he did while employed to what is now called World Wrestling Entertainment became popular on Youtube.

TLOTA: ORAC, she was talking to me. But yeah that’s the long and short of it. Anything else you find interesting?

Eliza Dushku: Yeah, you have a Presidential Academic Achievement Award when you graduated. Awesome. Oh wait it was from George W. Bush.

TLOTA: He wasn’t that bad a President.

ORAC: Alert! The Second Review is about to begin!

Eliza Dushku: We’ll talk later, review first!

TLOTA: Okay ORAC. Play my review of “Suburban Knights”! (The two fade to black as we cut to overhead panning shots of Washington DC as “Drebin Hero!” Plays in the background until it goes to a still of the White House and inside a private office James sits with the President.)

President Obama: So you understand now don’t you? (Cut to James sitting regrettably close to Obama)

TLOTA: Yes Mr. President, you were just trying to force the Nostalgia Critic out of Molossia in order to make him pay for the treason. (Cut to President Obama)

President Obama: Now that has been cleared up… (Audio of “Go Go Power Rangers” is heard as it cuts to James)

TLOTA: One moment Mr. President. My Cell Phone. (James answers his phone) Yes! (Sped up audio is heard) Whoa, ho hey John Slow it down! (Sped Up Audio is heard) The Third Year Anniversary Special from ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com is up? (Sped up Audio is heard.) Okay, I’m on my way! (James walks out of the private office as he changes out of his fancy clothes and into his regular ones as “Mission Impossible” sound-alike plays in the background.) I.G., I.G. this is NY4Life, proceed with Operation “It’s Morphin’ Time”, repeat Operation “It’s Morphin’ Time” is a go!

Irate Gamer (Audio only): Roger that but AW SHEE-IT, how the hell do I operate this thing and which end of the gun… (A Silenced shot is heard then a dull thud)

TLOTA: God Damn it. Rowdy C, Rowdy C commence with Operation “It’s Morphin’ Time”, repeat We are good to go with Operation “It’s Morphin’ Time”

Rowdy (Audio only): Roger that, what happened to the Irate Gamer.

TLOTA: Knowing him, he blew his own brains out.

Rowdy (Audio only): DIDN’T I TELL YOU NOT TO HIRE HIM?!


(Cut to James walking out the front of the White House as he enters his ride and a gunshot is heard as “The Naked Gun Theme” plays in the background and the scene cuts to a rear projected car and James is behind the wheel passing famous moments in driving pop culture even driving in the “Return Of The Jedi” Death Star until James winds up home stepping out of his ride and his cell phone rings.)

TLOTA: Hey, how’s it going? (James nods and goes Mm-Hmm several times) So the President is safe and Insano has been shot through the head. Man I love it when a plan comes together. (James walks out of his ride before cutting to James in his room a half hour later.)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Well after seeing Kickassia last year, I thought I was right as to how bad it was and after seeing it a few more times, I can honestly say it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. (Cut to clips of “Kickassia” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): I mean granted it’s not Shakespeare but it could’ve been worse and trust me for their Dollar Store Budget it was fairly funny and at times more entertaining than it was when I saw it the first time and I decided to put my faith in the people from Channel Awesome and ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com on them doing better next time. How does The Summer of Summer Spectaculars continue? Find out here.

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3 thoughts on “The Big 3: Those long and lonely “Suburban Knights”

  1. Suburban Knights is probably the best of the Channel Awesome movies. It’s not as reliant on in-jokes as Kickassia (there are a lot of jokes that will be confusing to those who aren’t regular viewers of Nostalgia Critic, Spoony, and Atop The Fourth Wall), and unlike To Boldly Flee, it references and parodies a lot of familiar pop culture icons without outright ripping off scenes (don’t get me started on how the conclusion of the Cinema Snob’s subplot in To Boldly Flee was almost a complete remake of Return of the Jedi’s final confrontation). It’s genuinely funny at times, and it has a story that puts the heroes in a position where they have to be slightly less self-centered (but only slightly. Their motives for opposing the technology-hating Malachite’s goal of ending the age of technology is basically to save their own livelihoods, which are dependent on said technology).

    Of course like all the Channel Awesome crossovers, there are parts of it that haven’t aged well, but at the time the contributors still had enthusiasm for what they were doing. The same could not be said for To Boldly Flee, and I think it shows in the finished product.

    1. Yeah, I’m glad you enjoyed it, when the first one after their brawl came out, I went to town trashing it, this one felt like it had taken its time to set up everything. I’m glad at you enjoyed this review. My Inspiration for the opening of the three intros was from The Naked Gun Trilogy.so this was in part inspired by Leslie Nielson’s Lt. Frank Drebin Sgt, Det, from Police Squad

      1. I was surprised at the Naked Gun references. I haven’t really seen very many people reference The Naked Gun/Police Squad in over a decade (outside of sites like TV Tropes and its ‘forks’ All The Tropes and The True Tropes, which pretty much reference everything). Those, two, are movies with some parts that have aged better than some other parts.

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