The Big 3: “Kick” Nostalgia Critic’s “Assia”!
(Scene begins in the deserts outside of the borders of Nevada and Molossia as the song “Beirut Vacation” from The Naked Gun plays in the background before the camera moves to the outside of the Government House before zooming to the door before cutting to the inside of the government house where everyone is talking indistinctly as it cuts to The Nostalgia Critic slamming his mallet and shouting order)
Nostalgia Critic: ORDER! ORDER! WE SHALL HAVE ORDER! (Cut to Benzaie & Marzgurl)
Benzaie: You know Nietzsche said “From Chaos comes Order”
Marzgurl: Blow it out your ass Benzaie! (Cut to the Nostalgia Critic)
Nostalgia Critic: My Fellow Kickassians, I would like to thank you all for your patience as we stabilize our… (Nostalgia Critic continues to pontificate as one figure fully covered walks in the background around the place and answers the door as a man covered in a cloak walks in as Linkara and Cinema Snob look at what’s going on.)
Cinema Snob: Hey Linkara, who’s the guy in the cloak?
Linkara: No clue, who’s the guy without the face.
Cinema Snob: From what I heard he was here when Baugh ran this place. (Cut to The Nostalgia Critic continuing his pontification!)
Nostalgia Critic: And it is with that in mind we take over the United States! (Cut to Paw)
Paw: And their President will just let you that? (Cut to the Nostalgia Critic turning with his back towards the camera and turns to the camera)
Nostalgia Critic: OF COURSE! (Cut to everyone looking)
Nostalgia Critic (Audio only): Who do you think financed this little invasion? Behold the true mastermind! (Cut to the man in the cloak revealing himself to be President Barack Obama)
Barack Obama: My friends, the time has come for my country to fall and you will lead the invasion and you will have backing from some of America’s enemies! (Cut to The Nostalgia Critic)
Nostalgia Critic: And we shall be victorious! TO THE DOWNFALL OF AMERICA! (Cut to Film Brain)
Film Brain: THREE CHEERS TO THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC! HIP! HIP! (Everyone else unenthusiastically audibly says “Hurray”. The audio of Film brain enthusiastically saying Hip! Hip! & everyone else unenthusiastically audibly saying “Hurray” is heard as The Nostalgia Critic and President Obama raise their hands united in victory as the fully covered figure pulls out a dagger in the background and walks towards President Obama and The Nostalgia Critic as The audio of Film brain enthusiastically saying Hip! Hip! & Everyone else is in mid unenthusiastic “Hurray” as The fully clothed figure stabs the hands of the united Nostalgia Critic and Barack Obama and as the two scream in blood curdling agony the fully covered figure knocks the two of them out and starts to run to the door as the camera cuts to Everyone else)
Phelous (In his usual sarcastic tone): Go After him? (Everyone runs to the fully cloaked figure as he stops, turns around and disrobes his outer clothing to reveal himself to be James Faraci The Last Of The Americans! As “Drebin Hero!” plays in the background James Kicks Phelous knocking him out smashing the table in the process and then proceeding to punch and kick his way through the Channel Awesome lineup as Angry Joe tries his Martial Arts James grabs him by his po-pos and his jacket and throws him onto JewWario, Handsome Tom & 8-Bit Mickey, Spoony, Cinema Snob and LordKat. Linkara tosses James over to the stove where Linkara has him pinned up against the stove and James’ right hand searches for something.)
Linkara (Audio only): I don’t know who you are but you are a fool for taking me and my friends on. Because I AM… (James grabs a Double Boiler pot and clocks Linkara on the right side then his left side of his face then on the top of his head slamming his hat onto his head to the NBC tone)
Linkara: Unconscious! (Linkara falls like a tree as audio of Film Brain Gibbering like madman as the crack of a piece of wood smacking him and rendering Film Brain unconscious as James sees the unconscious Film Brain and no one else as The Nostalgia Chick dressed as Sarah Palin comes into the fracas)
Nostalgia Chick: Hey there what’s with all the Ra… (Nostalgia Chick screams as James grabs her and slams her head into the oven door repeatedly until the 0:44 mark when The Nostalgia Critic pulls the dagger out of his and Barack Obama’s hand and tries to attack only for James to hit a Stone Cold Stunner on the Nostalgia Critic and a fireman’s carry and toss to Barack Obama as President Baugh of Molossia walks in to see everyone broken and beaten except for James who sees President Baugh of Molossia and in a fit of adrenaline fueled insanity tosses President Baugh into the oven then starts to walk away passing a barely conscious Spoony)
Spoony: Who are you? Are you crazy? (Cut to James at the front door turning towards the Camera.)
TLOTA: I’m not crazy! I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans! (Cut to everyone trying to get up only for Film Brain to take a half step before falling down then cut to James at the front door)
TLOTA: And for all of you from Thatguywiththeglasses.com, Quit overstepping your boundaries and losing scope and for everyone else Don’t Let Me Catch You in America!
Well folks, The Summer of Summer Spectaculars begins with this