(An eye is looking around trying to discover what is going on until an audible scream is heard. Before cutting to Team TLOTA as Olivia Horvath brandishes a Minigun, Paulo Fonseca has twin gold plated desert eagles, Rebecca Yaun has 50 Sai Daggers, Nick Yaun has a Recurve Bow and a quiver full of weaponized arrows, Eric Kurtzke has a Katana, John Santos has a Semi Auto 30-06 Rifle, Mike Santos has axes of all size, Renee Miller has a sword, Eliza Dushku is brandishing ten Kunai & Traci Hines has a Semi-Auto 12 Gauge Shotgun with deer slugs before cutting to see “Cupid” played by Ed Champion strapped to a wall screaming before cutting to see everyone walking in slow motion either firing or throwing their weapons forwards in a straight line towards “Cupid” as the scene cuts to see “Cupid” Screaming as they either do very little damage or miss entirely before Olivia, Paulo, Rebecca, Eric & John move to their right and Mike, Renee, Eliza & Traci to their left as James Faraci The Last Of The Americans is seen in the center as he is brandishing a Rocket Launcher before cutting to “Cupid” with a look on his face that screams “DIAPERS TO BE DARKENED” before cutting to James firing the Rocket Launcher and the Rocket locks onto “Cupid” before cutting to everyone turning their back as the explosion engulfs the back wall and everyone has a look on their face that shows they’re not a happy bunch and the words “Bad Romance” is Stamped in Steel as 4:11-4:54 of Bad Romance plays in the background throughout the entire intro before cutting to James in his office)
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. We’re all aware of the Fifty Shades Of Grey books and the first movie that happened two years ago and the next movie coming out in a few weeks and next year the finale of this movie series that are a step below Z-Grade Soft Core Adult Movies. (Cut to clips of the first movie based on these books and clips from the “Fifty Shades Darker” trailer as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): And yes, I WHOLLY AGREE with The Nostalgia Kid and every Internet reviewer who despise these as the Soft Core Schlock. But as I checked out the books and the clips from the first movie, I noticed certain themes, motifs and even certain truths that are prevalent in our society. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: So before I see even ONE angry mob listen to why I ask this question Is “The Fifty Shades Of Grey” series secretly smarter than we give it credit for?
Hear me out before I see one angry mob! Please!
