Bad Romance: A “Super” Bad Romance
(An eye is looking around trying to discover what is going on until an audible scream is heard. Before cutting to Team TLOTA as Olivia Horvath brandishes a Minigun, Paulo Fonseca has twin gold plated desert eagles, Rebecca Yaun has 50 Sai Daggers, Nick Yaun has a Recurve Bow and a quiver full of weaponized arrows, Eric Kurtzke has a Katana, John Santos has a Semi Auto 30-06 Rifle, Mike Santos has axes of all size, Renee Miller has a sword, Eliza Dushku is brandishing ten Kunai & Traci Hines has a Semi-Auto 12 Gauge Shotgun with deer slugs before cutting to see “Cupid” played by Ed Champion strapped to a wall screaming before cutting to see everyone walking in slow motion either firing or throwing their weapons forwards in a straight line towards “Cupid” as the scene cuts to see “Cupid” Screaming as they either do very little damage or miss entirely before Olivia, Paulo, Rebecca, Eric & John move to their right and Mike, Renee, Eliza & Traci to their left as James Faraci The Last Of The Americans is seen in the center as he is brandishing a Rocket Launcher before cutting to “Cupid” with a look on his face that screams “DIAPERS TO BE DARKENED” before cutting to James firing the Rocket Launcher and the Rocket locks onto “Cupid” before cutting to everyone turning their back as the explosion engulfs the back wall and everyone has a look on their face that shows they’re not a happy bunch and the words “Bad Romance” is Stamped in Steel as 4:11-4:54 of Bad Romance plays in the background throughout the entire intro before cutting to James sitting in his office looking at the audience with an look of “Why Me?” on his face.)
TLOTA: Excuse me for a moment. (James walks to the main lobby)
TLOTA: Hey Guys, I’ve got to ask something. Is there a sign over my head saying “I’ve done something wrong and I deserve this punishment!” or “I’m a sadist’s submissive please torture me!” or anything that says I enjoy being tortured?
(Cut to everyone either saying No or nodding as to say no before cutting to James looking at the audience)
TLOTA: SO WHY THE HELL AM I DEALING WITH THIS CRAP FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS?! (Cut to Clips of Romantic Comedies as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): OH…MY…GOD! I am going to be dealing with a genre of movies that I already said should die or at least needs someone to give the genre a huge dose of intelligence and when I mean a huge dose of intelligence I mean enough intelligence to rival Carl Sagan, Steven Hawkins & Albert Einstein combined. I am of course talking about the Romantic Comedy Genre. A Genre that might be the bane of the existence of everyone with an I.Q. larger than the height of the Himalayas and Kilimanjaro, Matterhorn, Mont Blanc and the Rest of the ALPS! (Cut to James in his office)
TLOTA: But maybe if I start off with something not as bad then maybe the next two months after this one maybe just maaaaaay be tolerable. With that said, let’s start this madness parade with something I can tolerate, barely.