Having covered a number of mythical and legendary creatures, I’ve decided to tell the tale of one of the most elusive mythical creature of all:


The Foclatane


A carnivorous creature native to Great Britain, this mischievous beast is relatively small averaging from 1/8 meter to 1/2 a meter tall. Physically, they are spherical with 2 eyes and sharp clawed hands. Their shrill voices are creepy and a bit scary considering they like to taunt and tease their intended prey.


Though rarely seen, when they show themselves, they like to hunt in vast packs numbering anywhere from 5-500 Foclatane at a time. Very tough, they are susceptible to electrical charges and can be incapacitated with electrical shocks.


Extremely fast, they have been clocked at 35 KPH and use pack strategy to run down victims to satisfy their bloodlust. When satiated, Foclatane hide and hibernate for periods of time that are completely random(Anywhere from 2 Months to 20 Years). This, among other reasons, are why the Foclatane are so rarely seen. The other reason is that those who’ve seen them are usually caught and eaten, so few reports are ever made.


The first Foclatane spotted was chronicled by noted biologist


Dr. Terpwee


in 1970 when he sighted one in Lancashire. Over the next 12 years, additional sighting were made by Professor of Botany


Dr. Beaker


Physical therapist,


Dr. Davidsen


Industrial Chemist


Dr. Barker


and Orthodontist,


Dr. McAvoy


The next one wasn’t seen for 14 years. Then, in 1996, a herd attacked Physicist


Dr. McGuinn


who survived using a garden hose and a live power cable. They were thought to be extinct until another sighting was made by Philosopher


Dr. Eggelston in 2004


They are believed to be responsible for numerous missing persons reported in 2005-2011, where they were spotted by criminologists


Dr. Sennant


and Dr. Smythe


No new sightings have been made, but an expedition is underway to attempt to locate their nesting ground for further study. Famed biologist


Dr. Calpetti


and his team are attempting to track down this highly elusive and dangerous creature.


If you should see one of these beasts, relax….


They don’t really exist.


I made the whole thing up LOL!




And thanks to Jim Bevan for indulging me the traditional April 1st blog swap with the hopes that he recognized and got a kick out of the generous homages to Doctor Who that dwell throughout the account of the Toclafane* clones I created. And I hope the rest of you were amused too, my friends. Peace.


PS.  Those really are pictures of actors Jon Pertwee(3rd Doctor), Tom Baker(4th Doctor), Peter Davison(5th Doctor), Colin Baker(6th Doctor), Sylvester McCoy(7th Doctor), Paul McGann(8th Doctor), Christopher Eccleston(9th Doctor), David Tennant(10th Doctor), Matt Smith(11th Doctor) and Peter Capaldi(12th Doctor). 🙂

*(See Series 3 episodes “Utopia,” “The Sound of Drums” and “Last of the Time Lords” 3-parter involving the Master to see the original Toclafane)

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