When I think about jashykins, I think about Animorphs. I know that’s not all she talks about, but she’s the only person I know who still reads the fucking things. Originally, my plan for this article, as I did in past years, was to emulate her style, covering a book she hadn’t done (which I’m sure is the whole point to the whole April Fools Day swap thing). One thing kept me back, however.

This seemed like a lot of work and I’m a lazy piece of shit.

With that, I present you, jashykins, with this: what follows is an Animorphs fan fiction. Your job is to tell me if a child wrote it or if I wrote it. No Google!


Animorphs: The Beginning of the Dragon!


By Keith Smith


Age 9


There was this kid and his name was Daveone (like Dave and one put together, it’s a cool naem) but everyone calld him Steve. Daveone is an awesome name, but Daveone hads to look normal because he had a secret that everyone wouldsoonknow but not yet because Daveone needed to keep it a secret.


His secret was that he could turn into a dragon! He knew that other people could turn into other animals, like Davy in Ms. Jones class, but they couldn’t turn into a Dragon! That made him sepecial and cool.


One day, while doing math, one of Daveone’s friends told him that Mary-Sue liked him. He was liek “Nah uh!” But Adam said “yeah she does”,. Daveone being as cool as he was decided to day hi and be a gwentleman.


“Hey” steve said to Mary-Sue


“Hey” Mary-sue said to Steve.


“I heard you like me.” Steve said.


“I do” Mary-Sue said.


“Want to be my boyfriend?” she asked.


“I guess” Steve said not caring (but caring a ltille0


That’s when Johhny, thwe biggest jer in the class turned into t bear! He was an Animorph too! He though he was the strongest cause he was a bear, but he didn’t know anything yet. He jumped onto the teachers desk asndf tried to paw her face! Ms. Jones ducked and screamed and cried. He roared ferociously!


I told Mary-Sue to wait there and i cooly walked over to the teachers desk. “Hey dumb jerk!” I yelled cooly. Take this!


That’s when Daveone punched Johnny in the face! He flew threw the air and landed on his big stupid dumb bear face! Then he turned into a dragon and laughed!


“Stupid Johnny!” I laughed. “I didn’t even have to turn into a dragon to beat you up! Now get our of here before I kick your butt more!”


Johnny cried and flew to the moon.


“Your so amazingf Daveone!” Mary Sue said to me


“UIt’s no big deal” Steve said.


That’s when everyone know how awesome it was to have a friend who was a dragon and Davone went on to have more awsome adventures.

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