When I think about jashykins, I think about Animorphs. I know that’s not all she talks about, but she’s the only person I know who still reads the fucking things. Originally, my plan for this article, as I did in past years, was to emulate her style, covering a book she hadn’t done (which I’m sure is the whole point to the whole April Fools Day swap thing). One thing kept me back, however.
This seemed like a lot of work and I’m a lazy piece of shit.
With that, I present you, jashykins, with this: what follows is an Animorphs fan fiction. Your job is to tell me if a child wrote it or if I wrote it. No Google!
Animorphs: The Beginning of the Dragon!
By Keith Smith
There was this kid and his name was Daveone (like Dave and one put together, itâ€™s a cool naem) but everyone calld him Steve. Daveone is an awesome name, but Daveone hads to look normal because he had a secret that everyone wouldsoonknow but not yet because Daveone needed to keep it a secret.
His secret was that he could turn into a dragon! He knew that other people could turn into other animals, like Davy in Ms. Jones class, but they couldnâ€™t turn into a Dragon! That made him sepecial and cool.
One day, while doing math, one of Daveoneâ€™s friends told him that Mary-Sue liked him. He was liek â€œNah uh!â€ But Adam said â€œyeah she doesâ€,. Daveone being as cool as he was decided to day hi and be a gwentleman.
â€œHeyâ€ steve said to Mary-Sue
â€œHeyâ€ Mary-sue said to Steve.
â€œI heard you like me.â€ Steve said.
â€œI doâ€ Mary-Sue said.
â€œWant to be my boyfriend?â€ she asked.
â€œI guessâ€ Steve said not caring (but caring a ltille0
Thatâ€™s when Johhny, thwe biggest jer in the class turned into t bear! He was an Animorph too! He though he was the strongest cause he was a bear, but he didnâ€™t know anything yet. He jumped onto the teachers desk asndf tried to paw her face! Ms. Jones ducked and screamed and cried. He roared ferociously!
I told Mary-Sue to wait there and i cooly walked over to the teachers desk. â€œHey dumb jerk!â€ I yelled cooly. Take this!
Thatâ€™s when Daveone punched Johnny in the face! He flew threw the air and landed on his big stupid dumb bear face! Then he turned into a dragon and laughed!
â€œStupid Johnny!â€ I laughed. â€œI didnâ€™t even have to turn into a dragon to beat you up! Now get our of here before I kick your butt more!â€
Johnny cried and flew to the moon.
â€œYour so amazingf Daveone!â€ Mary Sue said to me
â€œUItâ€™s no big dealâ€ Steve said.
Thatâ€™s when everyone know how awesome it was to have a friend who was a dragon and Davone went on to have more awsome adventures.