On the off chance that you have been watching the movie and reading my summaries at the same time, you might be wondering one thing: where is all the nudity that I promised? It has been forty-two minutes and there has been, at most, three minutes worth of nudity. And maybe half of that would require actual censorship. In fact, there were several times when Mayumi could have been naked and she was most definitely not. Before you label me a liar, I present to you the third installment in my…four part summary of Gun Woman.

Mayumi is cuffed and tied to the…sit-up platform. I have no idea if she agreed to this arrangement, but there she is. No, she is not naked. The Mastermind brings back the strung-out woman, who definitely did not agree to this. While the woman was scantily clad during the gun segment, she is buck naked now. So, there you go. The Mastermind pulls out a knife and tells Mayumi that he will hide the slide of the gun above her left breast. He then cuts above the woman’s left breast. She moans in shock and Mayumi grimaces in terror. The Mastermind says that he will hide the body of the gun inside her right torso…and then cuts into the right side of the woman’s midsection. She kind of shuffles around while crying and shaking. The Mastermind tells Mayumi that she has approximately the same amount of blood as the woman.

The Mastermind starts a timer and tells Mayumi to observe the woman as she bleeds to death. He warns her about the brain telling the body to shut down, the risk of passing out, decreasing physical capacity, the inability to distinguish delusion from reality, and compromised eyesight. He tells Mayumi that she must push through and stay resilient or she will fail. After twenty-two minutes (a comparatively merciful two minutes of movie time), the woman falls down dead.

The Mastermind uncuffs Mayumi and she promptly attacks him. The Mastermind eventually gets the upper hand by pinning her against a stack of tires with his cane. He shouts that he is fine with going to Hell and that he would kill both her and himself to carry out his vengeance. Mayumi eventually breaks free and knocks The Mastermind to the ground. She punches him a few more times before…uh…kissing him.

And then they have sex. Or maybe it is a dream sequence? I have no idea, but it ends with Mayumi inexplicably bleeding out of the cuts that had not been made yet and have lights shining from within. Maybe that was supposed to signify and orgasm, but I would not want to speculate.

Mayumi wakes up to find that The Mastermind is not there. She eventually finds him and sees the gun. She puts the barrel in her mouth before turning it around and pointing it at him. He says that she can kill him if she wants to. He will not be able to carry out his revenge, but he will be able to be with his wife again. He shows Mayumi a picture of his wife in her wedding dress, saying that she was the only woman whom he ever loved. He also says that the target (I don’t think that The Mastermind ever said the target’s name) would be in The Room tomorrow. Mayumi finally lowers the gun.

Mayumi is naked on a table, sedated, but still awake. The Mastermind…does the surgery, making the two cuts and inelegantly stuffing the gun parts inside. He then places the final piece into her vagina. I am guessing that that final piece was the magazine. You know, if a baby could make its way through there, couldn’t a second magazine have fit? Or maybe stick one in her anus? Well, whatever. The Mastermind stitches her back up and manages to cover them up. Then he once again tells her to kill everyone in The Room, puts her in a state of apparent death, and then gives her one last kiss.

Mayumi is inside The Room. She is lying on a table in small room. The Caretaker comes in to…examine her? Before he can check Mayumi’s vagina, he is informed that the guest of the day has arrived and he has to supervise the body check. So, the club has only one guest for the entire day. Do any of the club members interact within the club or do they merely take it on faith that other people have visited? Are there ways to find out? Do they have extra-club gatherings?

The Caretaker leaves and Mayumi wakes up not long after that. It would have been a little awkward had he stuck around for a few seconds. She coughs for several seconds and finally gets her bearings. She opens the door slightly. There is a guy standing in the middle of the room with his back to her. He is looking at…I don’t know what. She immediately runs at him and breaks a chair over his head. He pulls out his gun, but she takes it from him and pistol whips him until he shoves her. She tries to shoot him, but the fingerprint authentication prevents her. She then removes the bullets from the gun and engages in hand-to-hand combat with the guy. Eventually, she manages to snap his neck with her legs. This entire fight lasts around eighty seconds and it is probably my favorite part of the movie. It is actually a legitimate fight scene…featuring a naked woman.

The Caretaker is observing a woman performing the bodycheck on Hamazaki. He calls Number Three, but Number Three is not answering. That was probably the guy whom Mayumi killed. The Caretaker tells the woman to come over and he tells her that they may have been compromised. He guides Hamazaki to a room as the woman…erm… takes off her shirt and puts on a bulletproof vest. I am not sure why she had to take off that shirt or why she wore a shirt that would require its removal to put on a bulletproof vest, but here we are. Also, why does she need to check on Number Three? Isn’t there someone else who could do this? Wasn’t she supposed to perform the body check? In any case, she picks up a shotgun.

Mayumi drags the corpse of Number Three into the…sex room. Despite a few close calls during the fight, she had done a pretty good job of killing a guy much larger than her without resorting to shooting him. But, apparently, that is not something that is to be repeated, especially since she is a little hurt from the ordeal. She takes off Number Three’s wristwatch and adjusts it to act like a timer.

The Caretaker gives Hamazaki a knife and tells him to hold on to it just in case.

And…Mayumi has opened up the cut above her breast and takes that piece of the gun out. She then opens up the other cut and takes that piece out.

The Caretaker gives a call to someone while holding a shotgun. There is an intruder and they cannot assure the guest’s safety on their own. Really? Why not? Don’t tell me that this super-secret place for rich people with all of these rule has only three people staffing it. I know that I mocked the idea of going into this place without any idea of how many were inside, but three people? AGAIN?? Nevermind the nuke. What is to stop anyone from bursting through the door and attacking this place? What is the security on this thing? Surely a place that is funded by the wealthy and catered to the wealthy would require a little more security. But, okay, so he calls someone…maybe some security forces stationed outside? No. That is one of Hamazaki’s bodyguards. Are you kidding me?

Okay. So, I am not privy to the challenges of a low-budget movie and how it deals with actors and costumes and locations. But…couldn’t the actors who played the bodyguards have doubled for staff in The Room and vice versa? Just put masks on them. What about the trainer? What about The Driver and The Assassin? Could they not have done triple duty? That ups both the bodyguard count and the staff of The Room to nine. That may not be three dozen, but it is a much more believable number than three. Well, it’s too late now.

Mayumi pulls the body of the gun from her…body. She is bleeding profusely and squeaking quietly. The blood spilling on the floor sounds like rain. She remembers The Mastermind yelling at her to fight the shock and avoid passing out. She then pulls the magazine from her vagina…and I am puzzled as to why she did not do that first, as it seemed to be comparatively easy and painless to remove. I also don’t know why another magazine could not have fit in there. She then takes Number Three’s flask and pours the alcohol on her wounds…which probably did not do much. She puts on some gloves that Number Three had in his pocket and assembles the gun. Putting on the gloves is a good idea, as the front of her entire body from the chest downwards is covered in blood. She gives the gun a little kiss and grabs the watch.

Tomorrow, I will bring you the conclusion of my movie summary. Yeah, I have nothing to say right now.

By Some Jerk From Boston

I make words fall from my brain into your eye holes. I also make swear words with my mouth that attack your ears. I like me. Twitter: @SomeJerkFB

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