Welcome to the second part of my summary of Gun Woman. Yeah, that’s all I have for this. If you missed the first part, here it is.

The Mastermind chose The Room as the place to attack Hamazaki, as it was free from his high-level security (HA!) bodyguards. The Driver figures out that The Mastermind planned to make Mayumi appear to be dead and have her sent The Room, where she will kill Hamazaki. But how will they sneak a weapon in? The Assassin urges patience, as he is a little more eager to tell the story now, getting into the nitty gritty of the training program to turn her into the perfect killer.

By this point, Mayumi has cleaned up and is no longer chained to the support beam. She is just sitting around when The Mastermind walks up to her and smacks her in the face. He says that he saved her life (she had attempted suicide during her captivity) only so that she could become his tool for vengeance. He does not care for her as a human being and will replace her if she fails the training. She is not in control of her life or her death; only he decides when she will die.

I had kind of skirted over the fact that this movie has a lot of montages. Previous were of driving or raping or getting drugged up or going through withdrawal. Now the movie introduces the training montage…after cutting back to The Assassin in the car for no reason. Well, here is a training montage. Mayumi walks up a desert hill pulling a pair of tires attached to a rope while The Mastermind times her. He makes her do sit-ups while pressing his cane against her stomach. He makes her do sit-ups by pulling her hair. He hits her with his cane. He makes her…duck under a rope that is pretty much at her nose level. He has her punch a stack of tires. He has her carry a tire up the hill…or throw it over her head. He brings in another Japanese man to his lair and tells Mayumi to hit him in the face. The man dodges her several times, before throwing her to the ground, punching her in the stomach, and tapping her on the face. Mayumi is climbing up a cliff with the help of a rope. She is ducking under that nose-height rope and hitting it with her elbows. She is doing sit-ups while dodging The Mastermind’s cane. She is running through the desert dragging four tires on a rope. More sit-ups. She is punching the tires faster. And she is punching the tires some more, and kicking them. The Mastermind attacks he with the cane and she deftly avoids it. She carries a tire up the hill and throws it off. This montage lasts over 3 ½ minutes.

Mayumi is sparring with her fighting trainer. She is getting good, though he still has the upper hand. She manages to bite his leg (or his groin) and is finally able to punch him in the face. In the next scene, The Mastermind and the trainer are standing in the hallway of that storage locker facility. The Mastermind hands the trainer some money and the trainer walks away. The Mastermind follows him for a bit, and then the trainer suddenly realizes that something is wrong. He starts to run, but The Mastermind pulls out a gun. Oddly enough, it is the same gun that The Assassin used. Coincidence? A clue? Budgetary restrictions? In any case, The Mastermind shoots the trainer and the money goes flying. It is unclear why he gave the money to the trainer before killing him, but this is hardly the most insane thing that he has done or will do. Case in point, the next scene.

Now, if you had not already known the title of this movie, you may have assumed that Mayumi would enter the club without a weapon and fight her way to Hamazaki simply using unarmed combat. If you did, this next scene would be the first hint that you were wrong. Mayumi is chained up in front of a bunch of tires and has little room for movement. The Mastermind has brought some woman who is really strung out on something or other. He gives her a gun (a different gun) and has her point it at Mayumi. He tells the woman that he will set her free if she can shoot Mayumi. She shoots three times and misses. Mayumi flinches and gasps. The Mastermind takes the gun in one hand and wraps his arm around the woman’s throat with the other. He tells Mayumi that most bullets will miss the intended target, so she should not fear a gun that is used by anyone who is not highly trained. And even those who are highly trained may have trouble hitting a moving target. She will have to be able to make sharp decisions at gunpoint in order to survive a gunfight. The Mastermind says that this is the first lesson in gun training.

Starting with an extreme close-up of the automatic pistol that was pointed at Mayumi, the movie spends a minute having The Mastermind explain the ins and outs of this particular gun before. He then makes Mayumi take the gun apart in ten seconds and put it back together in ten seconds. And she does it. The next minute is spent on her learning to hold the gun and shoot, with The Mastermind occasional moving her around for some reason.

The Mastermind presents Mayumi with a piece of raw meat that is about the size of her head. He tells her to cut the meat in three areas and stick the gun parts (wrapped up in plastic) into the cuts. He tells her to take the gun parts back out, assemble them, and empty all thirteen bullets into a target within 20 seconds. And she does it…I guess. It takes 19 seconds, but there are so many cuts that I don’t know if this is supposed to represent multiple tries or if the actress could not actually do it.

The Mastermind finally tells Mayumi who the target is. Well, he shows her a photograph of him and does not say that it is Hamazaki or give any other details about him. The Mastermind says that Mayumi’s reward for killing him will be her life. He will give her a new identity and she will be able to live freely in America. If she fails, he will kill her. The Mastermind tells her about The Room and says that he has a contact who can inform him when the target will be there. He will then put Mayumi in a state of apparent death and have her sent to The Room, supposedly just in time for Hamazaki’s arrival somehow. When Mayumi awakens, she is to kill everyone inside.

Despite having a contact who can arrange for all of this, The Mastermind knows only a little bit about The Room. He has a photograph of the caretaker, but that is basically it. He does not know how many people work for him or what weapons they have. Now, one might point out that this seems a little odd. He probably has a pretty good idea of how many bodyguards Hamazaki actually has and could very well work with that. Why would he choose instead to make a plan based around so many variables and unknowns? Even if Hamazaki did have three dozen bodyguards, those are still bodyguards whom The Mastermind knows about. Instead, he is sending ONE person with, at most, a year of training into a place that could have hundreds of armed guards inside and even tighter security than Hamazaki’s fortress. The only real solution here would be to nuke the place. After all, it is inside a nuclear waste disposal facility. But, this movie is not called Nuke Woman.

The Mastermind claims that the only blind spot is the corpse body check, which is outsourced to the body provide. He can bribe the provider to look the other way in terms of hidden weapons in the body. So…why not hide a small nuke in the corpse? Maybe have the detonator in a place where…well, it doesn’t matter, because that is not The Mastermind’s plan. At this point, I am guessing that you have figured out the plan, but I will summarize it anyways.

The Mastermind will cut two holes into Mayumi’s body, hide the gun parts inside her, and then stitch her back up. When she wakes up inside The Room, she will open up her stitches, reassemble the gun, and kill everyone. Because of…something…the surgery does not allow for an extra magazine, meaning that she will have only thirteen bullets…to kill an unknown number of enemies. She will also have only twenty-two minutes to complete her mission before she completely bleeds out or gets a blood transfusion. There will be someone outside who will be able to perform the transfusion when she completes her mission, but only if she makes it out on time. Even though we have never seen them together, The Mastermind claims that this person is his best friend and is trustworthy. And then, for no reason that I can think of that is not incredibly disturbing, The Mastermind claims that a man will die after losing a third of his blood, but a woman can survive even after having lost two thirds of her blood. The Mastermind claims that this is proof that God created women superior to men. I shudder in disgust. Finally, he asks Mayumi if she will do this.

Up until this point, I was willing to treat this movie as just another cheap and barely-competent exploitation schlock that was even more boring than it was laughably bad. Around here, however, it seemed to be daring to veer into pretentious and pseudo-psychological European extreme horror. It doesn’t, of course. However, it did leave a bad taste in my mouth that only continued as the movie went on.

It has been a while since the movie has shown The Assassin and the Driver, so here they are again. The Driver interjects that this is crazy…like a Japanese Manga…This is maybe the third time that he has mentioned Japanese Manga. Now, I had mentioned the nuclear option, but The Driver asks why Mayumi could not simply knock out one of the guards and take his gun. Unfortunately, the Caretaker had installed fingerprint authentication on all of the firearms. And…then we cut to a little figurine of a bloodied crucified Jesus in the back of the car. And then we cut back to…you know what? We are around halfway through the movie, so I will take the time to stop right here.

By Some Jerk From Boston

I make words fall from my brain into your eye holes. I also make swear words with my mouth that attack your ears. I like me. Twitter: @SomeJerkFB

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