Happy Holidays…is what terrorists say. Merry Christmas.
That little gem was from an episode of 30 Rock, scrawled on a greeting card. As they say, its funny because its true. What the hell happened to the phrase happy holidays? When I was a kid it was a perfectly acceptable term. Now…holy fuck!
You’re trying to take Jesus out of Christmas! This is all a part of the liberal agenda to turn our Christian based society into a secular, godless Sodom! Today its happy holidays and no nativity scenes, next thing you know theyâ€™ll be taking God off money, out of the pledge, and out of classic Amy Grant albums!â€
Calm down! I say â€œhappy holidaysâ€ for multiple reasons. First off, Iâ€™m an agnostic who doesnâ€™t really care anything about Christmas. You know why? Its a Christian holiday! …Well, Christian and Pagan. So Christians, Pagans, December 25 is your day. And yes atheists, you can celebrate it too if you want, but its not a secular holiday, its a religious one, which is why I donâ€™t care about it. Our family does a â€œholidayâ€ celebration, not always on the 25th. We do the tree, the dinner, all that fun shit, but for us its not really â€œChristmas.â€
Also, when I say â€œhappy holidays,â€ Iâ€™m being politically correct. Hold up! I can already hear you all typing angrily on at me. â€œPolitically correct! Politically correct!â€ Yes, politically correct, but not in the out of control, canâ€™t-say-anything kind of way. This is classic political correctness, or to use a better term, modern day common sense.
You see, not everyone celebrates Christmas. There are people like me, who have no faith, but there are others who have a different faith. Yes Christians, you own December 25, but you donâ€™t own the entire month of December. Around the same time you guys are celebrating the birth of your savior, the Jews have a little thing called Hanukkah going on. On December 5, the Muslims celebrated the Day of Ashura. We also have Kwanza to think about. So when I say â€œhappy holidays,â€ I say it because I donâ€™t know what you might believe, and I donâ€™t want to assume that â€œmerry Christmasâ€ applies to everyone.
You see, we non-believers have accepted a lot. We accept that there will never be an atheist in the White House, and that God is asked to protect our courts before a judge takes the bench. We accept that churches donâ€™t have to pay taxes, and that weâ€™ll never be able to buy a Darwin fish at Wal-Mart to put on the back of our cars. Hell, those of us that havenâ€™t lost our damn minds will even accept that Christmas belongs to Christians, and that our kids will be asked to sing about Jesus if they participate in even a public school choir. Yes, we non-believers have accepted all this and more. You know what the trade off is?
Happy Holidays! And if you donâ€™t like happy holidays, than as our beloved Nerd would say, â€œHappy shut the fuck up.â€