STOP THE HATE CLASSIC: Happy Holidays
Happy Holidays…is what terrorists say. Merry Christmas.
That little gem was from an episode of 30 Rock, scrawled on a greeting card. As they say, its funny because its true. What the hell happened to the phrase happy holidays? When I was a kid it was a perfectly acceptable term. Now…holy fuck!
You’re trying to take Jesus out of Christmas! This is all a part of the liberal agenda to turn our Christian based society into a secular, godless Sodom! Today its happy holidays and no nativity scenes, next thing you know they’ll be taking God off money, out of the pledge, and out of classic Amy Grant albums!
Calm down! I say “happy holidays” for multiple reasons. First off, I’m an agnostic who doesn’t really care anything about Christmas. You know why? Its a Christian holiday! …Well, Christian and Pagan. So Christians, Pagans, December 25 is your day. And yes atheists, you can celebrate it too if you want, but its not a secular holiday, its a religious one, which is why I don’t care about it. Our family does a “holiday” celebration, not always on the 25th. We do the tree, the dinner, all that fun shit, but for us its not really “Christmas”.
Also, when I say “happy holidays,” I’m being politically correct. Hold up! I can already hear you all typing angrily on at me. “Politically correct! Politically correct!” Yes, politically correct, but not in the out of control, can’t-say-anything kind of way. This is classic political correctness, or to use a better term, modern day common sense.
You see, not everyone celebrates Christmas. There are people like me, who have no faith, but there are others who have a different faith. Yes Christians, you own December 25, but you don’t own the entire month of December. Around the same time you guys are celebrating the birth of your savior, the Jews have a little thing called Hanukkah going on. On December 5, the Muslims celebrated the Day of Ashura. We also have Kwanza to think about. So when I say “happy holidays,” I say it because I don’t know what you might believe, and I don’t want to assume that “merry Christmas” applies to everyone.
You see, we non-believers have accepted a lot. We accept that there will never be an atheist in the White House, and that God is asked to protect our courts before a judge takes the bench. We accept that churches don’t have to pay taxes, and that we’ll never be able to buy a Darwin fish at Wal-Mart to put on the back of our cars. Hell, those of us that haven’t lost our damn minds will even accept that Christmas belongs to Christians, and that our kids will be asked to sing about Jesus if they participate in even a public school choir. Yes, we non-believers have accepted all this and more. You know what the trade off is?
Happy Holidays! And if you don’t like happy holidays, than as our beloved Nerd would say, “Happy shut the fuck up.”