Hello and welcome to “The Hitlist”, where I take on the songs I love to hate. I was going to talk about this song later–as in next year when no one gave a crap about it anymore–but I couldn’t wait to get it out of the way. I’ve never cared about Taylor Swift. She’s never been great, but for the most part, her music has been harmless. But then she started making songs about break-ups. It seems that every hit she’s released over the past few years have been break-up songs. So on paper, something like “Shake it Off” should be a decent change of pace.

Then you find out that it’s a song about her critics. Something that every musician ever has done. It’s not that original if you think about it. Plus, this is Taylor Swift we’re talking about. Since when has she needed to talk about “haters”? You know, besides Kanye?

thZU1KYEOI
No, she really didn’t.

So she spends the first verse explaining what critics say about her, including, of course, not being able to hold a steady relationship. Honestly, I think that’s a valid argument. I know Todd says that Taylor’s songs are more diverse that it seems, but let’s look at the hits.

“Teardrops on my Guitar”.

“We are Never  Ever Getting Back Together”.

“I Knew You Were Trouble”.

“22”.

“Mean”.

They’re all break-up songs! And I’m pretty sure her new hit “Blank Space” is another break-up song. These are the songs she wants you to hear. What the studio wants you to hear. Whether she wants to admit it or not, she’s a one-trick pony.

The second verse is all about how people don’t realize how good she is. …Remember in “You Belong With Me” where she says that she’s the average every girl compared to the high heel wearing cheer captains? Taylor apparently doesn’t.

But what kills me is the bridge, where she…well, let’s look at the lyrics.

My ex-man brought his new girlfriend
She’s like “oh my God”, but I’m just gonna shake it

…Another break-up reference?…Yeah, I’m done here.

I thought “Hello Kitty” was the most vapid and childish song I’ve ever heard, but this is even worse. It has a decent sound, but it’s unoriginal, it’s hypocritical, and it’s a prime example of Taylor’s inability to take criticism. If she could, this song wouldn’t exist. And more importantly, I wouldn’t have to review it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna listen to the next thing that comes on Pandora.

(“Want U Back” plays)

…Son of a nutcracker.

 

 

By Chilton

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