Hello and welcome to In Too Deep, where I over-analyse a certain section of pop culture.

American McGee’s Alice. Take a simple children’s tale like Alice in Wonderland and turn it into one of the creepy and most disturbing video games ever made. I haven’t played it, but I can really appreciate the dark Gothic imagery that it produced. But why limit it to just one children’s story, when there are so many out there. So lets count down the top six franchises that need a dark and gritty reboot.

6)Wizard of Oz: Dorothy and Toto arrive back in Oz to find it torn apart from war. With the witches dead the kind fairies (well, they weren’t really that kind) decided that it’s high time to take over. They battle against the Wizard, who has been sending wave after wave of munchkins to their deaths. Meanwhile the Scarecrow has become the brilliant strategist, designing the ‘ultimate weapon’ to end all life in the land: The Emerald Bomb. Meanwhile the Tin Man has become a prisoner of the fairies, who tore out his heart and turned him into a heartless invincible killer. Meanwhile the brave Lion has become the general who orders soldiers to their deaths, fighting against the various beasts the fairies command. Dorothy has to help the Scarecrow finish the Emerald Bomb before the fairies take over and enslave everything. However when the bomb is complete it really does do what it claimed to do, killing off everyone as they slowly die from radiation poisoning.

5)Scooby-Doo: http://media.threadless.com//imgs/products/2094/636x460design_01.jpg This picture says all really. A zombie invasion hits and the gang have to do what they can to survive. Gone are the days of pulling off the masks to see the bad guys underneath. No now they have to pull the heads off zombies and avoid being bitten. Standard zombie stuff, with just a few extra ‘Yoinks’ and ‘Jinkies’. And blood. Enough blood to put Braindead to shame (e.g. the bloodiest film ever made, made by the kiwi Peter Jackson). Need I go on?

4)Pokemon: Okay this one is kinda cheating because of how easy it’d be to make it dark and gritty. It’s a bunch of monstrous creatures walking around being controlled by humans. You can start off with what is essentially a baby dragon. But why does this need a dark and gritty version? Mostly because it’d be fun. The same amount of fun one gets playing GTA when they mow down some computer sprite. There are plenty of fan fics based around the idea of Pokemon being evil, but I still think it’d be an interesting game to play. Taking Pokemon to the logical extreme and putting it in the real world. Or perhaps I’m just sadistic enough to want to sick my Pokemon on people.

3)Twilight: The vampires don’t sparkle. There, it’s already darker (because the lack of glitter means there’s less light you see). More then that, they actually eat people. Now wouldn’t that be an interesting book series. Edward says how he wants to kill Bella and drink her delicious blood (boys, all the same aren’t they), but we all know he’s too much of a wuss to go through with it. So what if he actually did kill people. Could Bella love a serial killer? Naturally she’d need to become less perfect, give her a horrible family, clinical emoness etc. And when she tries to run away from Edward, she has to confront the fact that Jacob too kills and eats people (only he tends to be a bit messier about it). Seriously why wasn’t this written instead?

2)Hannah Montana: While any Disney Children Sitcom could go here (and believe me, they should), I can have the most fun with Hannah Montana. We all know the story of how she’s a pop singer with a secret idea. Honestly how stupid is that, that people won’t recognise her with a different hair colour. That’s like saying Superman is Clark Kent without glasses. It’s preposterous. So in this gritty reboot she’s actually an insane asylum patient (compared to the sane ones that are in there to do some good deed) who has delusions of being a pop star. Her father, a famous singer, goes out of his way to help convince her of this fantasy. Letting her ride around in his limos, that sort of thing. However she’s completely out of touch with reality, instead preferring to cling to the delusion. You could get a dark and complex story exploring the characters and how they interact with the madness. It just probably wouldn’t air on the Disney channel.

1)Winnie The Pooh: Christopher Robin returns after a devastating war where all his friends were killed to find that the 100 Acre Woods has split itself in 2. Owl commands on one side of the war, Rabbit commands the other. To make matters worst, Owl has teamed up with the Heffalumps while Rabbit is working with the Woozles. They have armies of owls and rabbits because, well, they bred like rabbits. Winnie the Pooh helps guide you on your journey as you take on the grief-stricken Kanga (who lost Roo in the first fight of the war), the crazed Tigger (who’s suffering from PTSD), the cyborg Eeyore (who chose to upgrade his body since he had so little to believe in to begin with) and the cowardly Piglet (who naturally just runs away). After defeating both Rabbit and Owl it turns out that Pooh was actually the grand schemer, having manipulated you from the moment you arrived so he could rule over the 100 Acre Woods. Thus you are forced to fight your crazed friend stabbing your weapon into him and ripping out the stuff of fluff as you fight to the bitter end…



Yeah, some things aren’t meant to be dark and gritty. If you have anything to add, or anything you disagree with, feel free to leave a comment. Till next time.

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