Hypnotic and on someone who is confident about flaunting it.

Image Source: Billboard

Okay, this might be probably one of the strangest subjects I’m going to ever cover on COH and probably the most perverted, so if there was ever going to be a shark-jumping moment for me this might very well be it. I am currently on the skis right now, waiting for a boat to take me out in the middle of the ocean, no turning back now.

In the words of one Space Dandy: “It’s time to give booty the respect it deserves!” Or at the very least one that acknowledges respect that has come before, but people seem to keep forgetting.

I mentioned briefly in my blog on Bayonetta, that while in the process of writing it I was overtired and had butts a lot on the mind. That seriously was not an exaggeration, somewhere in my state of restless hell I became all about the booty. A rather notable part of our lower anatomies (Aside from the one we reproduce with) that whilst has the primary function of excreting waste of whatever we’ve eaten has time and again been the fascination of pop culture and sexual expression. People commonly like to compare them to breasts, in which aside from desire is only comparable in producing some sort of fluid or waste. We like to love them, like to kick them, we like to shove them, we like to lick them, love to flaunt them, love to watch them, we love to pick them, and love to kick them, for we’re an ass man (or women just not to discriminate).

There seems to be especially a fascination with booties when they are big and plump, especially on a female. Some people think having a big butt as a sign of fertility, that it makes for some great child bearing hips tied into our origins with primates and, I’m not kidding, has been scientifically proven to produce healthier and smarter women. Queen says they make the rocking world go round, ZZ Top wants you to take them downtown to look for them, Spinal Tap say they are cushions more for a pushing, and Sir Mix A Lot said that he wouldn’t deceive you in saying he likes them. Certain foreign countries like Brazil and within the continent Africa value greatly the size of a woman’s posterior as a sign of beauty, at least from my basic understanding, don’t hold that as an absolute fact. Brazil is a well-known cosmetic surgery capital of the world especially when it comes to butts, hold a competition called Miss Bumbum to determine the best one and there is a dancer named Mulher Melancia (the “Watermelon Woman”, also known as Andressa Soares) whose popularity is commonly attributed to her endowed butt dances. Even ancient civilizations such as Greece have art attributed to behinds, and a lot of dances like samba and belly dancing have long history that show people have been loving butts for centuries. Or maybe people simply just love the way the move and feel.

But for some reason people in America seem a little surprised when big booties continues to get mainstream attention. The latest thing seems to be butts being used as a symbol for feminine empowerment. I mentioned before Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” which samples “Baby Got Back” as a framework to flip the gender switch on how big butts are seen, and it’s hardly the only song that has a close connection with her rather robust derriere, “Super Bass” has a different meaning when you put the b at the end of the first word and more explicitly a song simply called “Ass” that she makes a brief appearance in. Then there is Jennifer Lopez after years of being noted for her backside, decided to finally devote a song called “Booty” collaborating with not only her husband Pitbull but another artist who is coasting off of her culo Iggy Azalea. Then there is Meghan Trainor who is “All About That Bass”, as in all about big butt pride, and thinks people who are skinny shouldn’t be threatened by it. Other people who have been made note of because of their butts and in some form of another have had an embracement of it: Shakira, Christina Aguilera (Specifically when she gained some weight post pregnancy), Beyoncé Knowles, Rihanna, Kelly Clarkson, Nelly Furtado post-“Loose”, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson, and for better or worse Kim Kardashian and Miley Cyrus. It seems the popular thing to have a donk.

Of course with popular things come consequences, and this worship of booty crosses the line when it becomes the sole standard of beauty. That everything else about a woman is less important if she doesn’t have nice buns. The sentiment is nice enough when it’s just complimenting another way that makes a woman great, to go along with personality and other areas of her body like if she has an overall curvy figure akin to Christina Hendricks, but keep in mind not everyone is going to take the compliment. Some people don’t like it when their butt is given attention and called out especially from complete strangers. Not to mention there are creepers who like to candidly photograph or videotape women’s butts without expressed permission or grope them when they pass by. Sexual harassment is not okay no matter what the size.

When you approach someone about their butt, it’s best to really know that person would be okay with it first, it’s something that friends, intimate partners and people looking to “have a good time” at clubs or public functions would likely do, but it shouldn’t be the call for people who have no real connection with one another. Butt compliments have to be earned, not forced.

That goes for our shallow media too, whose standards for beauty seem to take precedence over whether or not they are good people. Fame through cheeks always doesn’t mean that the person itself can always be pleasant. Kim Kardashian is an example of a socially shallow heiress who has been complimented more on her butt than contributing anything that positive to society. Miley Cyrus’ whole twerking shtick doesn’t come across as natural, more seeing what others have done and cynically copy it to gain attention, and use people of color with bigger butts than hers more as objects. Same with Iggy Azalea who may have the donk but stylistically seems to copy closely to what others have done, not even getting into the fact both her and Miley have been accused of cultural appropriation with how they’ve been gloating. It’s really dumb when twerking itself is considered something new as it isn’t that far removed from how people have been shaking what their momma gave them for centuries through different dance moves. Singers like Lily Allen and Taylor Swift have tried to parody this sudden uptrend of singers overtly sexualizing themselves but have gotten criticism for falling into the same traps themselves, especially the whole “background dancers as mere objects” thing.

To move on to a more personal perspective, I will shamelessly admit to having a weird attraction to a woman’s butt. A woman who can shake a mean rump is one that can immediately catch my eye, the sort of thing is very hard to look away from. Certainly there are other, more important factors to take into consideration with a woman’s beauty, booty is not an absolute deciding factor, and I always like a woman who can be confident, in control in her dancing so rather than one who seems to just be forced into doing it. I’m also trying hard to distance myself from creeper behavior, as I’m not exactly the most social person. I always try be careful in where my eyes go and I never compliment if the woman isn’t asking for it. I am very sheepish when it comes to confronting women who have shown even a small bit of sexual energy towards me being a self-admitted 28-year-old virgin: my 2012 college graduation party involved quite a few women who have decided to use me as someone to grind off of, including one who was intoxicated enough that she outright sexually harassed me, so for a long while has turned me off from hitting the club, and being that close with someone who has impaired judgment is never alright.

Regardless though, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to appreciate booty, but you must really remember that there is a person attached to it. As well anyone who loves to flaunt it shouldn’t be shamed for doing so. Anyone who hates a woman who is confident in their booty, I hope a lot of farts are pointed in your general direction.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a shark tank with my name on it.

End of Rant

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