Ladies and gentlemen, The Media Blitz is back. And just in time for…

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I know I’m late getting this out, but better late than never, I guess. Usually for something like this, people would review horror movies and games and whatnot. But I wanted to look at something different–commercials.

It’s hard to explain why commercials have such an appeal, but they do. Let’s be honest, most people watch the Super Bowl for the commercials anyway. But sometimes, we get commercials that are confusing, insane, and just plain disturbing. And in honor of the spookiest time of the year, I thought I’d share with you thirteen commercials that creep me the crap out. So turn off the lights and don’t touch that dial because we’re counting down…

The Top 13 Disturbing Commercials.

13. “Touch the Rainbow”–We all know the story of King Midas, right? The man who can turn anything he touches into gold. Well, this commercial shows a man who can turn anything he touches into a pile of Skittles. Sounds cool, doesn’t it? It would…if it weren’t for the fact that he killed a guy on the bus when he shook his hand. On the surface, though, it doesn’t seem like a creepy commercial. But the implications say otherwise. Although, now I want to see who would win in a fight between this guy and that one character from Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.

12. “Real Children Don’t Bounce Back”–Our friends from across the pond might recognize this one. The premise is basic: an abusive father tortures a cartoon boy by beating him up, throwing him around, and burning him with a cigarette. But when the kid is thrown down a flight of stairs, the cartoon is revealed to be a regular boy. It’s a neat commercial, and it makes good use of cartoon physics in order to tell an anti-abuse moral in a unique fashion. Just like the last one, though, implications are key.

11. “This is a Special Time”–Another basic commercial from Philadelphia-based Little Baby’s Ice Cream. It’s a guy…made out of ice cream…eating himself while someone narrates about how Little Baby’s Ice Cream has improved his life. He’s also the guy on the title card. The commercial has gone viral, even appearing on “YouTubers React”. It’s low on the list because while it is weird, especially for an American commercial, it’s not all that creepy to me. Granted, I’ve seen it a few times so I’m probably desensitized by it, but still. However, I’ll say this: This is arguably the greatest thing ever. It’s just so out-there that I can’t help but love it. Check it out if you haven’t, and it will truly be a special time.

10. “Missing Our Deals Will Haunt You”–This is actually a collection of ads from Phones 4u, and I’m putting all of them here since they’re all basically the same. A person is being chased by a cliché horror monster (ghost girl, zombie, etc.) and are caught, only for the monster to explain how Phones 4u’s deals are so good that “missing (them) will haunt you”. Since these commercials aired in England, I’m not sure whether they aired regularly or during October, but it’s still a pretty neat way to advertise cheap phone prices.

9. “Monster Girl”–This Eggo Waffles commercial from 2001 scared the crap out of me when I was younger. A girl is eating waffles with her doll, and her brother is mocking her. He looks at his plate and realizes that it’s clean. So he tries to sneak a piece from the sister’s plate, and he reacts by turning into a possessed version of Angelica Pickle’s doll, Cynthia, and screams in a deep voice to “Get away from my Eggos!” And then she goes back to normal and talks to her doll again. And all of a sudden, my pants felt about five pounds heavier. Eventually, a second version aired, this time with a less creepy monster girl, but the damage had already been done. It’s not that bad now, but back then, it was a different story.

8. “Fears”–Apparently, Herbaria is a brand of tea that has calming effects, and this commercial displays that in a…special way. Tea bags that drown more cliché horror monsters. And one of those is Pennywise. I am not kidding. Pennywise the Clown drowned by a giant tea bag. Yeah, forget what I said about Little Baby’s. This is the greatest thing ever. I guess they don’t all float after all.

7. PS3 Baby–We can’t have a creepy commercial list without including this gem. Back when the PS3 came out, they came up with unique ways of advertising it. One of which was having a creepy baby doll react to the console as if it was the meaning of life. It’s hard to explain, really, so you’ll just have to see it for yourself.

6. “You Cannot Beat Us”–I actually found a video game commercial more disturbing than the PS3 Baby, this time made from Nintendo. We all remember the Nintendo Entertainment System. And chances are, we all owned one. I remember playing with my dad’s console when I was younger. But one of the advertisements, which included old-school CG to create Bowser, the Duck Hunt Dog, and other characters and distorted voices, was probably enough to keep kids from buying it. Then again, I wasn’t around in the late 80s, so what do I know?

5. Japanese McDonalds–A Japanese Ronald McDonald stalks a girl. Enough said.

4. Autoway Tires–For most people, this would top most lists. But while it’s creepy, it’s just a jump scare. Some guys are just driving on an icy road and run into a ghost girl, who then appears right in front of their windshield. Nothing much to it. And like I said, just a jump scare. Not really as scary as most people make it out to be, at least in my opinion.

3. “Bathtub”–Now here’s a creepy commercial. From the Montana Meth Project (do they really have that big a meth problem, by the way?) comes an PSA in which a girl is about to go to a party but has to take a shower first. She does her normal thing, but sees blood in the tub. She then turns around to see a version of herself suffering the consequences of meth warning her not to do it. Of all the MMP ads, this is the one that clearly had the most impact, and I can see why. It’s simple, it’s short, and it’s to the point. And yet, the image will be forever burned into our minds. So don’t do meth, kids, or you’ll see a methed-out version of yourself when you shower….Wait…

2. “Monsters”–This PSA from Finland’s “Fragile Childhood” campaign is…something. It shows adults from a kid’s point of view, and what do these kids see? A creepy bunny, a zombie, and an evil Santa Claus, among others. …Okay…Apparently, Finland has a drinking issue, because the point of the commercial is to remind adults with kids to not drink too much. Of course, Finland’s not the only country. I mean, remember what Bart Simpson imagined Homer was in the episode “Brother From Another Planet”? Come to think of it, I don’t even like alcoholic drinks, so what do I know. The point is, if you drink too much around your kids, you’ll turn into Evil Santa, and you don’t want that. Think about it.

And my number one most disturbing commercial is…”It Rarely Stops”–Another really simple PSA, this time involving domestic abuse. It shows a woman with bruises, black eyes, and even bloody noses appearing, and it’s all set to a somber song. Yes, it sounds like an animal adoption commercial, but hear me out. Why is this the top spot? Easy: Because even though the other twelve were disturbing at first, I didn’t have a problem watching them. Even “Monsters”. But this one is literally hard for me to look at. And I can handle blood, but my eyes water everytime I see this one. That being said, it gets its point across. And it does it in the most unsettling way possible.

Again, sorry this didn’t come out the other day. But I hope you enjoyed it anyway. If you’ve seen a creepy commercial that I missed, tell me about it in the comments. I’m Chilton, and I’ll see you next time.

 

By Chilton

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