Hello and welcome to “The Hitlist”, where I…am way in over my head on this one. I’ve looked at songs that were nonsensical, repetitive, and shallow. And trust me when I say, they had issues. And yet this is the song that music critics are quick to defend? This vapid, pandering, downright annoying trash that Avril Lavigne and her hubby, Chad Kroeger, has decided to call “music”? Well, there’s no point in hiding it any longer. It’s “Hello Kitty.”

Let’s get this out of the way right now: I don’t think the song is “racist”, as others seem to call it. I totally understand why Avril would want to make a song displaying her love for Japanese culture. I don’t have an issue with her filming the video in Tokyo, or using Japanese dancers, or hiring a Japanese dance coordinator. So let’s ignore all of that, because the music video doesn’t have much to do with the quality of the song.

Of course, it would’ve helped if the song had any quality to begin with. Like I said before, it’s annoying. Apparently, instead of using her punk rock background, she has decided to use…dubstep. Avril Lavigne is using dubstep. Now, anyone who knows me from the pre-Manic period might know that I can tolerate dubstep. I don’t know exactly why this is possible, but I’d rather not question it. But if an artist is going to use dubstep, they had better know how to use it in a way that doesn’t immediately make your ears bleed…*ahem*…Taylor. Not only does this not seem like anything Avril would ever consider doing, but it’s completely overbearing.

Also, paired with the horrible beat is this stupid…talk-singing? I don’t know. It’s not really rapping, more like talking in rhythm. But either way, why? Just…just why? Again, it contradicts anything Avril has done in the past, but instead of being “experimental”, it’s just jarring. It’s almost like…

thGM5CWWQD

Yeah, like that.

But my main issue is, again, the lyrics. What is up with me and choosing songs with asinine lyrical choices? Ok, it doesn’t exactly have to do with the lyrics. Rather, it’s what she’s singing about. She basically sings about slumber parties and…that’s it. She wants to have a slumber party with friends, have a pillow fight, play “spin the bottle”, the works. So what’s the issue? Well, it may have something to do with the fact that she’s 29 flipping years old! She’s been married twice, and it won’t be long until she ends up having kids. To put it simply, she’s way too old to be singing about this. Here and in another recent hit, “Here’s to Never Growing Up”, it’s made abundantly clear that she’s trying too hard to be a teenager again. Newsflash, Avril: You’re an adult! GROW UP!

So yeah, I don’t like this song, but not for the reasons others hate it. Had she made a song about wanting to hold on to her childhood but accepting adulthood, it probably wouldn’t be that bad. But she doesn’t wanna grow up. She’s a Toys-R-Us kid. …Alright, probably not that, but again, she’s too old for crap like this. Then again, she is married to Nickelback’s frontman, and he helped with the song, so should I really expect anything from her from here on out?

Title card by Kane Fletcher (Jarvisrama99 on Deviantart)

 

By Chilton

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