Hello and welcome to In Too Deep, where I over-analyse a certain section of pop culture.

Hufflepuff. My God they suck, don’t they? The only thing they’re famous for is having characters die (and later come back as sparkly vampires). Seriously, what the hell is a Hufflepuff? Besides good finders, that is. But what if Hufflepuff wasn’t the house where you stuck all those characters not important enough to contribute to the story? What if your lead had got into it? Well join me as I work out what would have happened if Harry had gotten into the other 3 houses instead.

Hufflepuff

Lawful Good: “HUFFLEPUFF” yells the hat as Harry goes takes his seat. In this universe Harry’s heard nothing about houses, he hasn’t been influenced. But he hasn’t been totally resentful of living with the Durseys. He put a smile on his face and optimism in his heart. As such, he is hard-working and loyal. He also has a strong sense of justice and believes in following the rules.

In this case Harry doesn’t visit the third floor corridor, causing Voldermort to be trapped in it. Second year he doesn’t get involved with the plot all the much, but tells Dumbledore about the talking in the walls (since that’s the right thing to do). As such Dumbledore works out that it’s a Basilisk and hunts it down. With that gone the diary is also quickly discovered. Since Harry never gets the Marauder’s Map (he’s too much of a goody-good) he never rescues Sirius, who kidnaps Ron with no trouble and kills Peter before disappearing (remember, without the map, Lupin and Snape wouldn’t know where to go). In the fourth year he competes in the Triwizard Tournament with Cedric (and doesn’t get any insults for it) and manages to just escape Voldermort. In his fifth year people believe him since he’s been so Lawful Good up to this point (he hasn’t told any lies or done anything dangerous) and hunt Voldermort faster, stopping his rise to power in Year 7. Also Umbridge can’t punish Harry, since Harry never sets up DA to combat her. Meanwhile Dumbledore finds the Horocruxes faster and doesn’t leave it all to Harry, so Voldermort is eventually defeated in a duel with Dumbledore. The End.

Neutral Good: Harry doesn’t do a bloody thing because Hufflepuffs are useless. Or, more specifically, he isn’t as reckless. He is a nice, sweet kid who makes many friends and no one hates. He works hard and gets good grades, but other then that the plot goes on as normal. However, by being such a loyal hard-worker, more people are willing to believe him about not being the Heir of Slytherin (cos he’s a Hufflepuff, who are bland and uninteresting). The story plays out mostly the same as before, except without the hunt for Horocruxes (since Dumbledore knows how useless a Hufflepuff is and does it all himself). Also Neville Longbottom turns out to be the Chosen One and goes to defeat evil because he’s that badass. The End.

Chaotic Good: This is where Harry is much more of a rebel against authority. In fact, this is probably the most closest he gets to how he is in the books. He does the right thing, but rebels against authority when he thinks they’re in the wrong. The only difference in this universe is that he befriends Justin and Susan instead of Hermione and Ron; and ends up marrying a nice Hufflepuff girl. Despite the different characters the plots of this are basically the same, with a slightly easier time in Year 4 thanks to the joint Hufflepuff team. The End.

Ravenclaw

Lawful Neutral: “RAVENCLAW” yells the hat as Harry goes takes his seat. In this universe Harry’s heard nothing about houses, he hasn’t been influenced. He has had a love of books from an early age, dealing with all the bullying by reading in the library. Best way to escape bullies. As such he’s a bit more like Hermione then Harry, but he’s still the same character. Just more of an emphasis on his brains.

With a strong sense of Justice it’s really in the third year he takes off (the other two going down the similar sort of paths, with Harry doing what he does because he thinks that’s the right thing to do). He successfully manages to repel Buckbeak’s sentence and sets the creature free. While he’s at it he manages to get Black a proper trial (since he’d have found out and made convincing arguments). It’s there we learn about Peter Pettigrew and he’s subsequently arrested. With Black free legally Harry goes lives with him. He never competes in the Triwizard Tournament, since he points out how stupid it is for him to do it and how unfair it is. Instead he gets to get out of it by just not competing that well. Voldermort’s return isn’t as powerful, at which point he is subdued and brought in for a trial. He gets sent to Azkaban, with Harry going on to be Minister of Magic. He also marries Cho Chang. The End.

True Neutral: Here is a Harry that just does not give a $#@^. He’s just there to study. Qurriell gets caught at the mirror because Harry doesn’t care about trying to find out any more, he just wants to study. The second year Hermione stumbles across the diary and gives it to Dumbledore, who goes and destroys the rest of the Horocruxes. In the third year Peter is caught and Black is freed, to Harry’s indifference. In the fourth year Harry just reads instead of competing and thus isn’t captured. Instead Voldermort is destroyed, allowing Harry go back to his studies.

Funnily enough there’s already a brilliant fan fic that explores the idea of Harry not going to Hogwarts, you really must check it out: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4670484/1/No_Thank_You

Chaotic Neutral: Now I could write out a detailed account of the character…

… or you could just read Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. It’s pretty much the same thing. The only difference being that later on the character solves a lot of the other problems a hell of a lot quicker.

Seriously, just go read the fan fic, it’s better then canon.

Slytherin

Lawful Evil: “SLYTHERIN” yells the hat as Harry goes takes his seat. In this universe Harry’s heard nothing about houses, he hasn’t been influenced. And the reason I kept saying that it because the only reason Harry didn’t want to be in Slytherin was because of what Hagrid said. This Harry is almost exactly like his canon counterpart, the only difference being that he isn’t as reckless and more cunning. He prefers to manipulate his foes and use them to get his way.

In this version Harry stays pretty close to canon, the only difference is that he’s in Slytherin. That and he doesn’t allow himself to be bullied. He is sly and cunning, tricking his opponents into doing his bidding. He freely breaks the rules (for example, coming up with creative ways of winning the Triwizard Tournament by Accrio-ing the egg into his hands) and disregards authority. Dumbledore doesn’t trust him in this universe, since Harry is slowly turning dark. Snape also treats him a bit better in this universe, since Harry manages to worm his way into his Snape’s heart. He also finds the Horocruxes faster by himself (since he doesn’t waste so much time caring about friends) thanks to his connections. Harry ends the story having defeated Voldermort, but being apathetic to those who died around him. Instead of dying because of love he dies because he’s just that much more powerful. The End.

Neutral Evil: Harry got bullied a lot before he left Privet Drive, who’s to say it’d be any different if he went to Hogwarts. Ron shuns him because he can’t be friends with a Slytherin, leaving him only with Slytherin friends… who mocked and bully him because he’s The Boy Who Lived. In this universe you could say that Harry is full of angst, but that’s because he really does have no friends. He gets bullied daily, to the point where he just stops trying with his grades as he slips into depression as a teenager. He doesn’t stop Qurriell or the Basilisk, doesn’t care about Black, doesn’t compete in the Triwizard Tournament, has no problem being shunned in the fifth year, isn’t take under Dumbledore’s wing, nor does he go hunt the Horocruxes. In this universe Harry does none of that due to his depression from constant bullying, allowing Voldermort to take over. This is why putting The Boy Who Lived in a house that hates him by default would be a bad idea. The End.

Chaotic Evil: Harry becomes a Death Eater. Okay at first he’s swayed by Draco due to the fact that he’s in such close proximity to him. As such, he believes in pureblood and insults all the Muggle-borns. He becomes truly evil, taking up Voldermort’s offer for the stone (but when Harry finds out he can kill Voldermort he does). He eggs on the Basilisk and doesn’t care about Black. He wins at the Triwizard Tournament and takes up Voldermort’s offer to join him. Together they manage to defeat Dumbledore and rule the world (before Harry stabs him in the back and becomes the true Dark Lord). The End.

So there you have it. 9 alternative versions of the character that could have gone different ways. And no, I’m not gonna stop talking about Harry Potter any time soon, not while it’s still on my mind. If you disagree with anything, or have anything to add, feel free to leave a comment. Till next time.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.