(Guitar music like “American Idiot” plays as James Faraci and Paulo Fonseca on guitars, Andrew Beach on Bass Guitar, and Nick Lopez on the Drums and the set is like the set of “American Idiot” except the colors are Patriotically Red, White, and Blue)
James Faraci (Singing):
All year we’re cheering American Icons! (Guitars play the tune for three seconds.) Twelve months of heroes of Cinema! (Guitars play the tune for three seconds.) From John Wayne to Rocky Balboa (Guitars play the tune for three seconds.) Oh, hell yeah, we’re talking about them all! (The tune continues) [Chorus] Welcome to the two hundred and fiftieth, hoping we’ll see two fifty-one! And we can finally be Okay! Humans dream of a better tomorrow, knowing it won’t be hollow! For me that’s good enough! (Drums play and the music continues.) We’re going to show off the hard work! (Guitars play the tune for three seconds.) Even if it makes me look like a real jerk. (Guitars play the tune for three seconds.) Now everyone get ready to celebrate with us! (Guitars play the tune for three seconds.) And make sure you have a dose of common sense. (The tune continues) [Chorus] Welcome to the two hundred and fiftieth, hoping we’ll see two fifty-one! And we can finally be Okay! Humans dream of a better tomorrow, knowing it won’t be hollow! For me that’s good enough! (Drums play and the music continues with a guitar solo.) All year we’re cheering American Icons! Twelve months of heroes of Cinema! Information about them will be a lot, you’re going to know whether you like or not [Chorus] Welcome to the two hundred and fiftieth, hoping we’ll see two fifty-one! And we can finally be Okay! Humans dream of a better tomorrow, knowing it won’t be hollow! For me that’s good enough! (Drums play, and the music continues and concludes, and the words “American Icons” are put up in different styles of text. The scene cuts to James in his office, who seems giddy with excitement.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans. The views that I’m about to express are those of my own and some of yours. Today, we are honored and blessed by the presence of the one, the only, THE DUKE HIMSELF, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MISTER JOHN WAYNE! (Cut to the door to James’ office as John Wayne, played by James Faraci, walks out and takes a seat next to James.)
John Wayne:
Well, thank you for letting me back on your show, James.
TLOTA:
I am honored to be in your presence again, Mr. Wayne! (A Crowd of People say in unison, “AGAIN?!” Cut to the team as they start to protest John Wayne. Cut to James and John Wayne)
John Wayne:
One moment! (John stands up and pulls out his gun)
TLOTA:
Put the gun away! Guys, whatever you have against The Duke, let’s get it out right now. (Cut to Jessica Lopez-Barkl as she confronts John Wayne)
Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
Okay, let’s get the fact that you are a sexist, racist, and narcissist! I don’t know how you are considered an Icon by James, let alone anyone without a sense of real cinematic taste that sees you for what you are…
John Wayne:
Back off, you call me a sexist, then tell that to many of the women who talked to me as best as I could on their levels. I have four daughters, and as much as their mothers have been a good influence on them, when I was around to teach them discipline, they learned it, and they have had the discipline to stand on their own two feet and defend themselves. You call me a Narcissist, whatever that is, but I gave more to my co-stars than many others would have. When it comes to movies Batjac made, yeah, I wanted to make for me, but I knew I couldn’t take the lion’s share of attention. I knew I had to have Story and Character development, whatever happens to me, well, Que Sera, Sera! (Cut to Nick Lopez as he looks towards Paulo Fonseca and Rebecca Yaun as he says in Spanish, “Oh my god, he actually CAN speak our language!” And John Wayne replies to the two of them in Spanish, “Proficiently, my friend!” Cut to Jessica Lopez-Barkl and John Wayne.) Now, as for those comments about me being racist, if that were true, then I suggest you find me someone I worked with who was of a different race or Religious Creedence, and I can tell you that I treated them just the same. Hell, none of my wives were white; I married my fair share of senioritas. It’s just that they didn’t work out until the last one. Now, just because you focus on Westerns and what I did in them, well, they’re my bread and butter, they’re what kept my family and me in steak and put the clothes on their backs, and they were grateful when everything worked. I had to make movies to support my family. And I can tell you that you and your husband work hard for your family. I like that. And as the rest of you, James treats you better than you deserve; you should be a little more thankful for him putting up with your nonsense. If it were me, I would’ve cussed you, then given you the heave-ho at the first sign of you giving me more than what you do! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Can you continue the conversation outside of the office? I would like to do this review the way I didn’t want to. (Cut to the team.)
Andrew Beach:
What do you mean? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
I wanted to talk to the producer and director of the movie about his cinematic opus. John Wayne can speak about his work better than Tommy Wiseau can speak about “The Room” on Tommy Wiseau’s best days. (Cut to John Wayne and the team)
John Wayne:
Tommy Wiseau? Who’s Tommy Wiseau?
Team TLOTA (In Unison):
Follow us! (Everyone walks out of the office. Cut to James.)
TLOTA:
Well, here we go.
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