Mr. Peanut Butter’s House-Season 3 episode 5: Crushing Thanksgiving

Normally, Mr. Peanut Butter’s House is just bad. But sometimes it decides to outright rip off an already bad show, Horsin’ Around, by literally lifting jokes and ENTIRE PLOT LINES from that show! And, of all the plot lines to steal, maybe the Donald Trump/child crushing on an adult episode was the last plot to steal in hindsight. Let’s just get this over with…

Intro: Andre is having breakfast with his aunt, whose played by Character Actress Loretta Devine. Well I guess she is the closest thing they could find to a black equivalent to Character Actress Edie McClurg.

Mr. Peanut Butter, Zoey, Zelda, and Zachary walk in to find that, uh oh, Andre and his Aunt are having breakfast at THEIR house! Gee, did they just take the script of The Thanksgiving We’ll Never Forget, cross out names, and replace them with new names?! Because that’s what it seems like!

Mr. Peanut Butter asks them why their eating at their house and bla bla bla Andre says his cousin is also here and bla bla bla Zachary thinks it’s his hot cousin (the one that was played by Jada Pinkett Smith a couple seasons ago) and bla bla bla it turns out to be Devon Hollsworth in a dress. Just. Like. That. Other. Episode!

Mr. Peanut Butter is at the office when the phone starts ringing. Suddenly he gets really nervous and starts barking. Get it, ’cause he’s a dog! Though how is he ever able to answer the phone if he keeps barking at it?

He stops, breathes, and answers the phone. As it turns out, it’s his parents, who are calling to tell him that they’ll be hella busy and can’t come during Thanksgiving. Well, at least they got out of this episode!

Mr. Peanut Butter is sad because his parents won’t come for Thanksgiving and he’s not sure what to do. Suddenly, his boss comes in and, let me guess, an employee’s house burned down and Mr. Peanut Butter decides to let him in for Thanksgiving.

Mr. Buss: Attention team, I have an important announcement.

Yeah yeah, get on with it, we all know what’s coming up.

Mr. Buss: Donald Trump wants to buy our company and wants to have Thanksgiving with one of the employees to get a feel for what it’s like working here.

Huh…their skipping the whole “employee needs a place to stay” plot and skipping over to the Donald Trump plot. Well, kudos to them for that, even if it’s still a big fat rip off!

Anyway, unlike real life (unless you live in the deep south), the employees get hella excited to have dinner with Donald Trump but Mr. Buss chooses Mr. Peanut Butter to host Donald Trump for Thanksgiving because of course he does.

Can I just say how contrived this all is? Why would Trump care about some random employee and want to have Thanksgiving Dinner with them? Is this some self-promotion thing to make it look like he’s all for the little people or something? I mean, why would having dinner with ONE EMPLOYEE see “what it’s like working here”?

Mr. Peanut Butter gets hella happy (considering he married uber-liberal blogger Diane Nguyen in real life, god is that ironic) and can’t wait to tell the children. And then all the employees circle around him, congratulating him, ignorant to the fact that they’ll probably hate him decades later.

At the house, Mr. Peanut Butter calls for a family meeting and Zoey, Zelda, and Zachary come down. He tells them the exciting news that Donald Trump is coming and not only are Zelda and Zachary excited (which makes sense) but ZOEY is excited as well! Zoey! Super liberal, snarky, cynical Zoey!

I know this came out in the 90’s and all but, even with that in mind, wouldn’t Zoey hate Trump for, like, being famous only for being rich or something? But no, she’s excited too!

Then Zelda says “Oh Donald Trump, he’s so dreamy, I can’t believe he’s coming here!” and Zoey says “I know, right?!” only for her to catch herself and say “I mean, I really like his business practices!”

Wait.

Wait.

So not only does Zoey LIKE Trump but she thinks he’s cute?

First of all, what teenage girl ever thought Donald Trump was cute, 90’s or not? Well maybe Melania in the few months she was 19 in 1990 but, besides that, WHO?!

Second of all, ZOEY THINKS DONALD TRUMP IS CUTE?! ZOEY?! What’s next, is Bill Hicks gonna be attracted to Paris Hilton?

At the school, Zelda talks to her friends about how dreamy Donald Trump is. Why are these girls acting like Donald Trump is one of The Coreys?

Zoey looks at her from her locker and gets nervous. After Zelda’s friends leave, Zoey walks up to her and does that whole “so I have a friend (that’s obviously them) whose in love with bla bla bla” shtick.

Wait, who is Zoey in love wi—no. No. Please tell me the whole plot line ISN’T GOING TO REVOLVE AROUND SOMEONE WHO HAS A CRUSH ON DONALD TRUMP!

Seriously, this is not only making the episode it’s ripping off look sincere by comparison but it’s making Lisa Goes Gaga look sincere by comparison!

Zelda gets hella excited that Zoey is into boys and Zoey keeps reminding her by saying “her friend”. As Zelda keeps sarcastically saying “her friend”, while knowing it’s Zoey who wants to fuck Donald Trump, she tells her she has to change her appearance and Zoey thinks Zelda knows what she’s talking about.

Mr. Peanut Butter is in the kitchen, preparing for thanksgiving dinner and Zachary comes in with a big turkey. But, hurdy hur, the turkey is too heavy. He asks Mr. Peanut Butter for some help but Mr. Peanut Butter is humming and too stupid to hear Zachary’s cries for help. Zachary can’t take it anymore and drops the turkey, which finally gets Mr. Peanut Butter’s attention and he starts freaking out about Zachary dropping the turkey.

Zoey and Zelda are hanging out in Zoey’s room and Zelda gets Zoey made up like a slut with a bunch of eye shadow and rather slutty dresses, which is kinda creepy considering she’s, like, 13. Zelda asks Zoey what she thinks and she says:

Zoey: I look like the reason boys think they can kiss girls without consent.

I know you’re TV-G and all, Mr. Peanut Butter’s House, but are you sure you don’t want to replace kiss with something else?

Zelda tells Zoey that she looks fuckable so Zoey decides to go along with it because she wants to bone Donald Trump. Y’know, I don’t think Zoey even really loves Donald Trump, I just think she wants to fuck him so she can get his money. How else do you explain her behavior here? On a side note, didn’t Zoey lie to Zelda it was someone else who was in love with a boy? Why is Zelda giving Zoey a makeover? Was there a scene I missed?

Also, on another side note, did they wait a day for Zoey to have a makeover? I mean, it is supposed to be Thanksgiving Day, right? Isn’t that why Peanut Butter and Zachary are preparing the turkey? Why did they wait an entire day, then, for Zoey to get a makeover?

Mr. Peanut Butter and Zachary are freaking out because they dropped the turkey and say, I swear to god:

Zachary: I can’t believe I dropped the turkey! What is our highness Donald Trump going to think? (He actually says this)

Mr. Peanut Butter: I dunno, Donald Trump can’t eat a turkey that’s been dropped on the floor! He’s Donald Trump!

Can the writers stop kissing Trump’s ass for one minute?

Zachary gets the idea that, duh, just pick the turkey up and wash it but Mr. Peanut Butter points out the sink is a little small for a turkey. Zachary gets an idea and in the next shot, the turkey is in a bath tub getting hosed down by Mr. Peanut Butter. Then the following exchange happens:

Mr. Peanut Butter: Glad we cleaned out the entire bath tub! Our lord and savior Donald Trump deserves way better than a dirty turkey!

Zachary: Way better!

My god, this episode would make a 2017-era liberal scream with agony at how much they kiss Trump’s ass! They haven’t gone one scene without mentioning Trump! It’s almost like propaganda!

Mr. Peanut Butter and Zachary go in the kitchen, holding the turkey, and get really nervous about dropping it on the floor. Mr. Peanut Butter then sneezes and, like a useless piece of shit, drops it on the floor.

Oh, are they going to quarantine Mr. Peanut Butter because Donald Trump doesn’t deserve to have someone with a cold preparing a meal for him?

No, they freak out again for dropping it and quickly pick it up.

Then we cut to them cleaning the turkey AGAIN in the bathtub.

Okay, is this filler or what?

Zoey and Zelda are in the hallway and Zelda is teaching Zoey “how to walk”. Uhh…what? Zelda tells her that, in order to get boys, she has to walk all slutty and slinky and Zoey does just that. Zachary and Mr. Peanut Butter walk in with the turkey and ask Zoey what she’s doing. Zoey tells her Zelda’s trying to teach her how to be with boys but Mr. Peanut Butter tells her to just be herself and Zoey is like, “really? Do you know who I am, dumbass?”

Then Mr. Peanut Butter trips on a shoe causing him to fall down and drop the turkey, which causes Zachary to fall down and the turkey goes on the floor. Mr. Peanut Butter and Zachary freak out while Zoey rolls her eyes and she and Zelda pick up the turkey.

Then they wash it, again, and put it in the oven. They look at Mr. Peanut Butter and Zachary and Zoey asks, “was that really that hard?” You go girl?

The doorbell rings and Mr. Peanut Butter barks at it (get it?’ Cause he’s a dog!) Zoey rolls her eyes and goes to answer it to see that it’s Donald Trump. Immediately, she starts freaking out and getting all horny for Trump. Yeah, the only Trump anyone should be horny for is Melania.

The family walk in and get all hella excited that Donald Trump is going to be having Thanksgiving with them. Then he has two servants come in with his own turkey. Why did I see that joke coming a mile away?

Mr. Peanut Butter and Zachary look at each other and decide to have two turkeys. Zoey then walks up to Trump in an uncomfortably erotic, slutty way and starts hitting on him. Zelda sees this and gets hella jealous.

The family and Trump are at the table. Zoey walks up to Trump and offers him a turkey leg. Zelda sees what’s going on and she offers him a turkey leg. Trump calms them down and, being the fat ass he is, decides to take both turkey legs.

Zoey and Zelda are hella horny for Trump though and Zoey offers him bread while Zelda offers him stuffing. But, again, Trump decides to take both.

Zoey, in a desparate state, literally takes a fork, drops it on the floor, and turns around to show Trump her undeveloped ass but, unlike real life, it doesn’t phase Trump at all. But it is phasing me because this is freaking weird!

Zelda is also hella desperate to get that Trump schlong so she leans her 13 year old boobs in Trump’s face and then gets them out of his face and says she “saw a spot on his face and was cleaning it up”. Yeah, this is really starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

Mr. Peanut Butter asks them to sit down but Trump says he doesn’t mind it probably because he’s getting a boner from it. Remember this is the same man who thought Paris Hilton was hot when she was 12.

Zoey walks up to him and asks him, when dinner is done, if he’d like to go to her room. Zelda, wanting to fuck Trump so much, then tells him not to go to Zoey’s room but instead go to her room. Trump says he’s not interested in either (’cause you definitely know he’d say that!)

Suddenly Zoey and Zelda get angry that Trump is ignoring their advances and run into their room, saying they hate Thanksgiving. After they leave, Zachary says, “Is it something I said?”

Wait.

Ethan said the exact same thing in Sabrina’s Christmas Wish! So not only are they ripping off a plot, with the exact same guest star to boot, of The Thanksgiving We’ll Never Forget but they ripped off a joke from a completely different episode of Horsin’ Around! What is this show?

Zoey and Zelda are in their room, staring into space. Trump knocks and asks if he can come in and they begrudgingly let him, even though they know they won’t be fucking him. Trump asks if they both had crushes on him and they say they did. Then Trump goes into a long speech about how it wouldn’t work out because he’s too old but that, when they turn 18, maybe they’ll find the right man and bla bla bla, it’s the same speech Trump gave in the Horsin’ Around episode and I didn’t believe him there either.

Zoey, Zelda, an Donald Trump go back to the table and Zoey and Zelda apologize to Mr. Peanut Butter for letting their hormones ruin Thanksgiving. Mr. Peanut Butter tells them it’s a-okay and they all eat together. Then Donald notices that Mr. Peanut Butter’s turkey has dirt in it and the episode finally comes to a close.

Wow. Just wow. I’ve seen some bad vanity projects in the past but that is taking it to a new level. I mean my god! What else is there more to say? Fuck you, Mr. Peanut Butter’s House. Just…fuck you.

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